staca the deft's MindSay Blog

This space for rent.

velvetTurtle — 2004-03-22T08:03:00-05:00

If I had something to say.....this space would not be blank.

03/19 - As everything I need, is denied me....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-02T08:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: =\/\/=eezer’s ‘Pinkerton’ album. The track playing is ‘The Good Life.’

This is my horoscope for today:

You may have some trouble emerging from bed today, due to a powerful wish to allow the world to carry on without your help for a while. Today, you can yield to that lazy urge, for the aspects are quite likely to assist you in fulfilling your goals. So take advantage of some time off to rest, or perhaps tidy your nest. You might want to make that bed before you lie back down in it.

And I’m sure there’s a reason I couldn’t have seen that yesterday, so I would have known to play hooky today. Cos, so far, it’s right on. I had a rotten day yesterday, and would rather curl up into bed, with a bad movie playing, a cat and an afghan on my lap. However, life is rarely what I want it to be, so I don’t know why I’m surprised.

I was going to write up the results for last week’s review, but I forgot my book. I don’t know what’s up with me lately, but I just can’t seem to focus for more than a few moments. I’m glad I’ve got those two vacation days next week. I need them.

I am also hereby declaring today ‘be nice to stacy day.’ If you cannot be nice to Julia, please do not say anything to her.

Drea had heard a rumor that Orlando married stupid Kate Bosworth. I can’t find anything on Yahoo! or MSN. So I’m thinking it’s a rumor.

Okay, I just got a nosebleed.

Though lately, I can't blame you....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-02T08:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘room for squares’
I have seen the world//And sometimes wish your room had room for two

Today is Monday. Which usually means that I’ve dreaded the day, but not today. The weather is beautiful, my hair loves being shorter, and it’s just a good day.

Oh yes, I forgot – I cut off all my hair. It went from just touching my breasts to barely touching my chin. I really like the way it feels on the back of my neck. It’s saucy. 

Let’s see, what else is going on over heah? Well, nothing. I still haven’t had sex, my gay boyfriend is god-knows-where, but other than that, things are goot.

I would like a boyfriend soon though or, barring that, a someone to nibble on my neck and earlobe, and run a finger on my spine. I had better not go into this….

Drea and I have determined that we are going to hell. Once there though, the plan is to seduce Satan and take over control of hell. Josh wanted to know what we would do if Satan was woman, I told him that the plan remained the same. 

D’oh!! It’s hard to lurk on someone stupid’s blog when you are logged into the site. Oh well. Life is a bee-yotch.

The plans for our birthday party are coming along nicely. It’s going to have a pirate theme. I’m going to be the pirate saying ‘avast!’ after everything, and Drea’s going to be the one giving me dirty looks.

Yesterday was a wonderful day – spent the day with Josh and Drea, went to see Kill Bill vol. 2, dined al fresco, and drove around in Rebber. If there’s anything more perfect and joyous than riding around in a convertible on a beautiful spring day, I have yet to experience it.

Blissful, that’s what I feel!!!

04/21/04 - I'm so tired of being alone....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-02T08:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘room for squares.’ Yes, again.

Today, I am wearing: my black velvet top that is patterned with pink paisleys, black pants that are too long, and my shoes that conduct a lot of static electricity. (I just remembered that since I don’t have to wear a uniform anymore, I can put this back in.)

So hurry up and get here//So tired of being alone//So hurry up and get here//Get here..

That quote is for the man that my horoscope keeps telling me is going to pop into my life soon…….where ever he might be…….

04/26/04 - There's a hole in the cup...

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-02T08:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s “Heavier Things.” Yes, again, or still, or whatever.

And you love like your hand's on the horn, baby//I adore you but there's a hole in the cup that should hold your love//If you let me leave//I swear I never will.

Things I should not do: drink tequila. I don’t know how I coulda forgotten this, but tequila makes me cry. One shot, and I’m a bad drunk.

04/27/04 - For your own good....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-02T08:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Pet Shop Boys ‘nightlife.’

For your own good//call me tonight//Don't you think you should//call me tonight?//Life isn't easy//so why don't you stay//with the lover you need//and not the devil you pay?//For your own good//call me tonight

So, I’ve see the Punisher twice now. I don’t get it. Thomas Jane (as the Punisher) is so hot that I would hit that twice. As an actor, I don’t care one lick about him. Must be the testosterone.

04/30/04 - You think everything's okay....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-02T08:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Ani’s ‘dilate’

some people wear their smile like a disguise//those people who smile a lot watch the eyes//I know cause I'm like that a lot//you think everything's okay//it is till it's not

The ending of things always ends up with people taking sides. (side note – I kinda feel like Sarah Jessica Parker with my new keyboard.) Anyway, anytime there’s an ending, someone has to be the bad guy. I’d like to remind everyone that you weren’t there. You don’t know how he felt, or how she felt. And that both are still cool people, just cool people who couldn’t be together anymore. For whatever reason. No one wins these types of things.

But I think that Tiffany has done the right thing, at least for her. And what’s the point in making someone else happy if you aren’t happy with it yourself?

Anyway.

So, I’m fairly certain that Aaron now knows about whatever feelings I have for him. Whatever that might be. Which I don’t really know what they are, but I’m planning on doing something about it. If I don’t chicken out first – which is likely to happen.

Something borrowed, something blue.....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-02T09:05:00-05:00

I took this from gewgaw, who prolly took it from someone else...but I’ve tweaked it to make it my own.

!!! INSTRUCTIONS: !!!
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Change the others to something about you.

01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I am glad summer is getting here.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I have loads of books.
06. I like to sleep on the floor if I’m not feeling well.
07. I love playing video games.
08. I have a big orange stripey kitty..
09. I like to mock porn movies.
10. I am obsessed with names.
11. I like to eat outdoors.
12. I work in the dark.
13. I type with my fingers on the right keys.
14. I am ashamed of George Bush.
15. People are cool.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I like my car.
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I don’t like weapons.
20. I'm really really smart. (Though it’s really only one ‘really’ for me.)
21. I've never broken anyone's bones.
22. I’ve shared everything with at least one person.
23. I hate snow.
24. I like to drink hot tea.
25. I think a lot of things are overrated.
26. I don’t know Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food.
28. I want to marry a famous person.
29. I can’t sleep as late as I’d like to.
30. I buy my sunglasses at the dollar store.
31. I drive too fast.
32. I have potential.
33. My gay boyfriend is Korean.
34. I’m short.
35. I have friends that are twins, that other people can’t tell apart, but I can.
36. I hate wearing a bra!
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing.
38. I'm left-handed.
39. I’m easily startled.
40. I like trailers at the movies.
41. I make my own clothes.
42. People hate me usually.
43. I love pop music.
44. I don’t sleep very well.
45. I hate parking.
46. I wish I were outside.
47. I like swirly things.
48. I talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk.
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window.
50. I live on a ground floor.
51. I am particular about how my food is prepared..
52. I dance when there’s no music.
53. I've lied.
54. I don’t have a favorite bird.
55. I want to conquer the world.
56. I wonder what happens when you die.
57. I've read all 5 Harry Potter books.
58. I wish I were at yoga.
59. I love to exercise (especially yoga.)
60. I wish somethings in my life were different.
61. I love to write.
62. I like changes.
63. I want to be riding in a convertible.
64. I’m afraid of dying alone.
65. I hate vacuuming.
66. My hair is short, going grey, and needs to be dyed.
67. My nails are unpolished.
68. My favorite color is purple.
69. I sometimes answers questions in the same manner (like the one above) without thinking if the answer is still true.
70. I’ve lived in another country.
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little.
72. I should be doing something else rather than writing this.
73. I can’t wait for Hallowe’en.
74. I hate government.
75. I don't have a girlfriend. (Nor a boyfriend)
76. I'm too nice for my own good.
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can.
78. I like to read the comics.
79. I like to act.
80. I want to marry someone I’ve never met.
81. I like to sleep in a freshly made bed.
82. I want things I can’t have.
83. I’m trying to be a not-bad person.
84. I like the smell of fresh air.
85. I don't trust any religion.
86. I have been inspired by someone.
87. I want to get laid.
88. I like listening to Depeche Mode.
89. I repeat things.
90. I repeat things.
91. I have good friends.
92. I can’t handle tequila.
93. I keep a diary.
94. I can do cartwheels.
95. I like turtles.
96. I'm sarcastic.
97. I have fifteen tattoos.
98. I'm sensitive.
99. I love being "ab-normal".
100. I have a fear of balloons, clowns, and mimes.

So don't make me say it.......

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-02T11:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Bjork’s ep ‘best mixes from Debut for people who don’t buy white labels.’ This disk reminds me of Roy. I’ve been listening to it a lot lately, and I’m not so sure it’s a good thing.

I am wearing: my static shoes, my black and burgundy comfy pants, and a black top. I have a sweater to throw on if I should need to go out to the public areas.

Well, it’s Sunday, the day I was supposed to go talk to Aaron. Unfortunately, he is not here, which means I have to wait for tomorrow. (Hopefully, he will be here then.) I hate waiting. Once I make up my mind, I’d like to just do it, y’know?

Yesterday was spent hanging out with Tiffany. She has become my new muse. She can take a bed sheet, and make it into an awesome blouse. I do not have such abilities. I can make things out of yarn, but that’s it right now. I will be inspired by her, and my wardrobe will thank me for it.

I also got to hang out with Chiara, which I love. We had chicken wings, and then frozen custard, and then episodes of teen titans. I loves me some hangin’ out with Kay.

I have work to do, but I don’t want to do it. There’s something about the weekends, that just make me……well, lazy. I should be yoga buzzed right now. Instead, I’m sitting in a dark room, staring at a rooming list that I don’t want to deal with….life isn’t fair.

Okay, enough whining. I guess I’ll post this and then go to work.

But stop acting like a child....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-03T04:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: the purple ‘best of’ from New Order. I was in a New Order frame of mind after watching 24 Hour Party People.

I am wearing: my black static shoes, the skirt Xtna gave me, and my red sleeveless mock turtleneck. The weather is lovely, so I regret to say that I also have a sweater to put on for when I go out in public. But I can not wait for another hour until I can take off my tights and put on flip flops.

Today is my long day – waiting around for yoga after work. Mondays always tire me out. I have a tutu to finish too, when I get home.

Jae just called with a great idea – a fashion show in which I kinda design the clothes, and then keep some of the profits. I would love that, and Tiff would get a chance to model.

I am having a good day though….I can’t wait to go outside.

Okay, post and then audi.

But I'm as free as a bird....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-05T02:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Kasey Chamber’s ‘Barricades and Brickwalls’

On my body: my brown loafers, my brown pants that have that funky print on them, and a black top. Very boring, I know, but I don’t care.

Um, what’s going on here? Nothing really. It’s Wednesday, which means only two more days to go. I’m hoping to take a half day tomorrow.

I’m busy, and really that’s about it. No dates, no new tattoos, nothing worth noting.

I had Panda Express last night.

I know she's out there waiting....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-07T04:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: ‘love songs, ha!!’ This is a compilation that I made of songs that have the word ‘love’ in the title, but aren’t exactly love songs.

I am wearing: my black tux pants, my static shoes, and my cool velvet top.

Today has been…..a roller coaster of days. I came in and immediately had to tackle a huge project. This woman can’t seem to get her act together, but I’m supposed to know that what she sent me wasn’t what she wanted to send me. Yeah, sorry – my mind reading abilities aren’t what they used to be, what with the radiation in the atmosphere and everything. Sheesh.

I am glad that it is Friday and that I don’t have to come into work this weekend. I am looking forward to a nice day of doing nothing. My room needs to be cleaned, I need to change my sheets, and laundry is begging to be done. I just had an epiphany about opening some space in my room to move my sewing machine in there. I think I’ll do that tomorrow.

I am very excited for camping next week.

I don’t know what Drea and I are going to do tonight. I have the problem of I don’t want to spend a lot of money, so that narrows our options down a lot. I guess I’ll see when I get to the house.

I had a dream that my hair was mostly grey, and I was looking in the mirror at it saying ‘it’s really time to dye my hair…’

I hate it when CDs skip.

I bought a new backpack to use for camping. I also bought a new pair of pants and a cap to wear too. I’m way too much of a dork.

Tattoos

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-07T08:05:00-05:00

I love my tattoos. I should - they are a permanent part of me.

It started simply, a month and a half after I was married. His mom had sent us money, 'let's get inked' was the first suggestion. Sadly enough, my first art came off the wall (I quickly learned that was not the way to go.)

A little turtle calls my ankle home now, cementing my fondness for them over frogs. Then, a butterfly, followed by an abstract art design on my left thigh.

After this, I kinda lost track of what came next. I think it was the sun and moon on the back of my neck.

I also have a big iris on my left calf, a dragonfly on my inner left ankle, a ladybug on the inner right ankle, a snail on the outer right ankle (which is as close to being our family crest as anything else might be), a comet with a rainbow tail on my outer right calf, Cyra (a pin-up) on my outer right thigh, three stars with swirlies on my right hip, a beautiful swirly butterfly on my left hip, four stars on my left shoulder, the infinity symbol between my breasts, and the Leo symbol on my lower back.

I keep saying I'm almost done, but really - what's the point in stopping now?

I want to get something on my feet, but I can design it just right. I'm thinking of a vine maybe, with flowers. When it's right, I'll get it.

Tattoos are addictive, but they do in fact hurt like hell. Someone's poking a needle into very rapidly, if that doesn't hurt you, nothing prolly will.

Music sounds better with you....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-07T09:05:00-05:00

On Josh's Winamp player: a cool mix of Daft Punk's 'music sounds better with you.' Side note - are there any other lyrics to this song?

I'm wearing: my comfy black short pants and this t-shirt that I forgot I had. It has a screwed up cadeceus on it. I cut the neckline off of it to make it more comfy. I'm so happy that summer is here. I have all these clothes that I haven't been able to wear cos it was too cold. Stupid winter.

Okay, the reason I'm at the house. I was supposed to meet Drea (and maybe Chiara) at the movies to see Van Helsing. I'm there at 7, cos I hate to have crappy seats, and I love previews more than the movies. I wait and wait and wait and wait (do you sense a pattern here??), my girls ain't showed. So I sit through the previews and then bail, cos I'm seeing the movie tomorrow with Brandy anyway. I only went cos I wanted to hang with them, and that's what Drea wanted to do. They are so fired, and un-invited to my wedding that it's not even funny. So I spent money on my ticket, money on a fast dinner so I could get us good seats, and now I'm sitting in the house, with Darwin at my feet.

Good ole Darwin - I haven't seen her in a while, but she's still like 'hey, pet me!!! Petttttttt meeeeeee!!' You have to love animals for the fact that they just love you too.

Anyway, I don't really feel better, but maybe I'll watch some movie trailers and then fall asleep in Josh's bed.

Lousy night.

I can't control my brain...

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-10T02:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: a surprise comp for Stacy – vol. 1. The track playing is =\/\/=eezer’s ‘island in the sun.’ This is such a happy song. It makes me wish I had an umbrella drink in my hand and bare legs.

I am wearing: my brown loafers, my brown and blue patterned skirt that came from Express, and this cool blue top.

I decided that, as hurt as I was by Chiara and Drea on Friday, the idea of being mad at them hurt even more, so I made up with them. I can be such a grown up sometimes, nicely balancing out the times that I act like a spoiled three year old.

So, today’s actually not a bad day. I’m mostly caught up with things that people want me to do.

Oooo!!! I found my soulmate. Or a kindred spirit. Or something. Whatever. I met a man who I connected with immediately. Now, as soon as he realizes that he’s not gay, we are going to hit it off splendidly.

Episodes of Zim have been released on DVD. I am a happy Stacy. But now I have to decide whether to order it, or get it in town and pay more to have it now. I hate decisions like this.

Anyway…I don’t have too much else to say, but all in all – things are okay now.

All we do is circle it.....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-11T04:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Tori’s ‘to Venus and back.’ I haven’t actually listened to this a lot, so I decided to bring along for this week.

I am wearing: my brown loafers, my brown pants and a top that shows off my butterfly tattoo. I also have a sweater, which is good, cos the office is freezing.

Woo hoo! I get to go camping in four days! Woot!!!

I have to find Zim episodes!!

I went and bought another bag of ties last night. I’m close to being done with my dress. I had a great idea for the sleeves, so I’ll see how that actually works out.

I’m hungry!!!

I wish I had some juice to wash down my dry cereal.

Um, well that’s really all that’s going on. Which is to say, nothing at all is going on.

I want to be outside….

Uck…..Troy is almost 3 hours long….great.

Ain’t nobody right in this world I’d rather see....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-13T03:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: William Topley’s ‘mixed blessing’

On my body: black pants and a white t-shirt. You can’t get more bland than that. Not that I give a rat’s ass right now.

Can anyone tell me why I thought today was going to be a good day? Cos I was wrong. My period started in the middle of the night, I didn’t have anything to wear today, so I’m wearing something that’s barely okay. I have a pre-con at 2, and I’m working with one of the dumbest women I’ve ever worked with in my short time in my position. Guh!

Just to let everyone know: 700 room nights is not nearly large enough for me to be as stressed as I am. If this were *2000* room nights, I’d totally understand the wiggage that I am experiencing. But 700 is really nothing. The 2900 that were shoved at me in January were nothing compared to this. I’d take Genentech again if this woman would leave me alone.

Okay, enough ranting about things that no one else understands.

Today has just been a wonderfully fun roller coaster of days..........

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-14T02:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘heavier things.’ I know that it doesn’t really make sense for me to like John Mayer, but who am I to argue with what I like?

On my body: my black shoes, my long black checked skirt, and a black top.

I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design//I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.//For loneliness like this.

Don’t take the lyrics to mean anything, I’m actually feeling oaky today.

I hate wearing a bra. I think it’s cos one is bigger than the other, so I spill. It’s lame.

Anyway, I get to leave in less than two hours, go to a Wal-mart I’ve never been to before, and go camping. This is going to be a great weekend.

Next weekend is going to be awesome too. I get paid on Friday, Drea and I are planning to go up to Denver, and then Jae and I might go back up on Saturday. Loads of fun....

Anyway, I’m really just marking time until it’s time to go....one more hour to go, one more hour to go, Stacy’s only got, one more hour to go!!

There's a battle ahead....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-17T02:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: ‘herro kitty’ ‘meow mix’ This random comp I had Josh make for me. The track playing is Sixpence None the Richer’s cover of ‘don’t dream it’s over.’

On my body: my black static shoes, lilac silk pants, and a black top. I put my hair in pin curls last night, so it’s all over the place.

My new fascination: http://grouphug.us/ Online confessions. It’s kind of addictive.

So, the weekend was good. I went camping for the first time in eight years. The last time was with Brad. We went to somewhere near Salida, this place called Cotopaxi. The weather was gorgeous, out site was great. I saw a wild turkey, and some longhorn goats, or sheep. Something. They were animals with long horns that I had never before seen.

My mother still doesn’t have a job. I don’t know what to do. I can’t give her anymore than I’ve already given her. I can’t take this much longer. Brandy keeps insinuating that she’d be okay with me moving in with her, but I have yet to touch that one. I could conceivably afford to pay her $250 a month. I don’t want to leave my mother in the lurch, but I don’t want to feel responsible for her. This is tearing me up. She doesn’t even need to make that much money, seeing as how my father’s retirement check pays her mortgage. Eight dollars an hour would suffice. I just feel like I can’t live my life because I have to worry about her. I love her, I do, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I’ve been worrying about her for all of my adult life. It’s not fair. Yes, I am aware that life itself isn’t fair, but dammit – don’t I ever get fairness? I feel bad for feeling the way that I do, but I’m 25 years old, she’s supposed to be taking care of herself, so I can take care of myself. I just hate being home right now.

Ever have one of those days that you think is going to be wonderful, but then it turns out it sucks? Yeah, I'm having one of those right now. I’d prefer to be alone, curled up in bed, with my cat next to me, covers over my head, and a cup of strong Darjeeling tea. Alas, I get to stay here at my desk, awaiting a rooming list that might come and try not to cry.

I’m hungry. I’m sick of hearing people complaining. Do I ever get to complain? Noooooo.......I have to be the good girl, the rock, the calm. Fuck this weak shit. I need a vacation.

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that I was rolling, in a hospital, with John the Brit, Josh, and the twins. Except we got it into our system by injecting it as opposed to ingesting it. The roll wasn’t that good either. It was really weird.

Thank goodness it’s almost time for lunch. I’d like to go home, is what I’d like to do.

Okay, I’m back from lunch. Talking things over with Chris usually makes me feel better, even if he’s telling me things that I already know...

Tiff and I are going to see Troy tonight. I am very excited about it.

My check is going to be pretty good sized on Friday. For which I am grateful. Drea and I (and hopefully Chiara) are going up to Denver on Friday. W()()t. Jae and I have tentative plans to go up to Denver on Saturday night as well. I’ll have to see how I feel when that day comes around.

Three times three is thirty-three

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-18T03:05:00-05:00

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME: mimes/clowns, the dark, being hit on the head

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND: why I don’t have a boyfriend, but stupid Amber does; how people can be so mean; my car’s engine

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN: another language, how to make bath products, how good a kisser Jae really is

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW: my brown loafers, my Buddha necklace, my starlet underpants

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK: my cd player, my Two Towers calendar, a stuffed ostrich

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE: visit Japan, bungee jump, find out how bisexual I am

THREE GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY: I’m generous, I’m happy, I’m friendly

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY: I’m crabby, I’m cocky, I’m grumpy

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: German, Native American, and I dunno what else….I’m American

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY: my neck, my hips, my calves

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY: not really applicable, unless I can list three scars

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME: I cry very easily, I have Orlando Bloom posters on my wall, I am left handed
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST: I know! My bad. Thank you for calling.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO: The Church!!!!!, Jae’s house, Japan

THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY: velvet turtle, purple rabbi, saucy

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE: velvet_turtle, purplerabbi, onevelvetturtle

THREE NAMES FOR BOYS / GIRLS: Gillian Blue and Darien Gaetan (if I have kids, these will be their names); Margaret Ann and William Grey; Alianna and John

I'm bored, sue me.

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-18T04:05:00-05:00

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: ‘Suddenly my house was full of people murmuring platitudes about the child, the child I would have to comfort me in my untimely bereavement.’ From Susan Kay’s ‘Phantom’

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? Nothing. But if it was longer, I could touch a picture of Legolas.

3) What is the last thing you watched on TV? Law and Order.

4) WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is. 1:45

5) Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? 1:51

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Ryan Adam’s cover of ‘wonderwall.’

7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing? This morning, when I was going to my car.

8) Before you came to this website, what did you look at? E-mail

9) What are you wearing? My black shoes that create a lot of static electricity, my lucky socks, my black and burgundy striped pants, my undies with the stars and moons on them, a hot pink bra, a black top, and a mood star necklace.

10) Did you dream last night? I was going to say I’m sure I did, but can’t remember, but then I had a flash of something. I dreamed about someone I knew, but I wasn’t in it. I can’t recall the details.

11) When did you last laugh? Sometime today – Anita’s working.

12) What is on the walls of the room you are in? Awards and a few paintings.

13) Seen anything weird lately? I’m sure I have

14) Last movie you saw? Walking Tall

15) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? A convertible New Beetle, and I’d hire Kathleen to teach me yoga.

16) Tell me something about you that I don't know. I have a headache.

17) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? I would make it mandatory for people in power to have to do two hours of yoga before making any decisions that would affect more than three people.

18) Do you like to dance? Ooo yes.

19) George Bush: um, a dancing monkey?

20) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Gillian Blue

21) Same question for a boy. Darien Gaeten

I keep thinking someday I will make this all up to you....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-18T04:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Ani’s ‘living in clip’

On my body: black tights, the skirt Xtna gave me, and my red sleeveless top. I’m getting tired of wearing the same things all the time, so I’m going shopping on Saturday.

Okay, I’m going crazy with this rooming list, so I needed to take a break from it. I can’t really tell what this woman wants, so I’ll put everything in, and then check it and send it on.

Oy.

I went to see Troy last night. It was good. Orli gets shirtless. Rawr. Plus, Brad Pitt is hot, how did that happen? He was also very graceful, which was lovely to watch.

I can’t wait until all shows that were ever made are released on DVD. Okay, that will prolly never happen, but I can hold out for Vengeance Unlimited, can’t I?

Okay, back to work, for a bit.

I may be a freak, but men in skirts are so hot.

Okay, bad Kay just sent me a link with shirtless Orli pictures. Like I could concentrate on matching a rooming list after that.

Okay, there I’m mostly caught up. Just little stuff to do for the rest of the day.

I keep planning to start going to the gym more regularly, but that just hasn’t happened.

I see a vision that would bring me luck...

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-19T04:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Stacy’s car mix volume 3. This is one of the first comps I made/had made. The track playing is New Order’s ‘leave me alone.’ I meant to bring the album that this is on, but forgot it. Oh well.

On my body: brown shoes, a brown cord skirt, and the shirt that keeps coming undone. I really need to either replace this, or repair it. But the chances are good that I’ll forget about it and complain about it again when I wear it the next time.

Sometimes I wonder who designs the menu for the caf. The food offered is just nasty sometimes.

I went through my dresser and got rid of a lot of clothes last night. It’s like I like to say: from the DAV, return to the DAV.

Today will be a fairly good day, I am predicting. I think I prolly just jinxed myself though.

Yay!! Now I can work!!!

Okay, done with that.

We need to get cracking on our birthday party. The fools at Capitol One gave me another credit card (fools!) so I might use that for part of the party supplies.

Now that my hair is short, I can’t do anything with it. I have a plan for Friday night, but I don’t know how well it will work. I can’t wait to go up to the Church though. I don’t think Chiara will be able to make it (which makes me saaaaaaad.)

Well, I just got another rooming list which needs to get inputted, and then I can hopefully cut this stupid stupid group. Guh, I really hate stupid people. If the guy needs a reservation, it’s not a cancel, is it? Stupid fucking cunt. (This should show how angry I am at this stupid woman.)

And it's hard for me to take a stand....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-20T03:05:00-05:00

I can't be her angel now//You know it's not my place to hold her down//And it's hard for me to take a stand//When I would take her anyway I can

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘room for squares’

On my body: the skirt I got from Ross real cheep, a white t-shirt, and my static shoes. I have a pre-con this morning, so I have to look relatively presentable.

I am not feeling so well today. I come in, and the counts for June are all mucked up. Then I do something that I wasn’t supposed to do, or maybe I was and it was supposed to end up differently. In any case, I wish that I were curled up in bed. Stupid......something.

I was re-reading my past entries, and man – I don’t come off very well. Oh well, these are really for me, and it’s what I think at the exact time that I write it.

W()()t – my mother got a job!! Happiness ensues!!

Okay, I kinda told myself that I would be happy to not have sex for the rest of the year if my mother didn’t get a job. Now that she has one, do I get to go out and screw random man?

Wish I had you back now....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-21T02:05:00-05:00

now baby who do I gotta shag to get outta here//and then when it all seemed clear//just then you go and disappear//sure you're out there orbiting around//wish I had you back now

On my cd player: Tori’s ‘to Venus and back’

On my body: my comfy striped pants, and a black top.

I am so glad that it is Friday. My plan for my day goes like this: do whatever needs to be done here, leave at like 4:30, go to the mall, have a look at Hot Pocket, see if I can find a birthday present for my cousin, and then to the house to get ready to go dizz-ancing!! I haven’t been out with my Drea for so long, it might as well be that we’ve never gone out.

I think it would be cool if light bulbs and lamps had standardized coding. Like batteries do. That way, I wouldn’t spend 20 minutes in the bulb aisle at wally world. When I rule the world, that’s what’s going to happen.

I had a moment of snicker last night while watching CSI. Cath was complaining that she hadn’t had sex in six, no wait, seven!! months. Yeah, I got you beat by two baby.

I want to go dancing now! I am going to look so cute tonight.

I haven’t talked to Jae since Sunday. I don’t know if he wants to go up to Denver tomorrow or not.

I’m going to have Chick-Fil-A for brekkie in the morning.

Heh, I made my dictionary recognize the word ‘brekkie.’ I am such a dork.

So, Monday I am going to go to yoga, I’m going to swim on Tuesday, bike on Wednesday, rest on Thursday and then yoga on Friday and Sunday. I need to get back in the habit of going to the gym regularly.

Dagumit!! I can’t leave until this stupid site visit!!! D’oh, that sucks.

I (right now, at this very moment in time) fucking hate my life. Yes, I’ve made a mistake. Yes, you are all perfect and have never made mistakes. Fuck off. It’s not the end of the fucking world. No matter how much they think it might be. And guess what: no matter how many things I anticipate, I will not be able to anticipate everything. So fuck off!! I’m doing the best that I fucking can.

/end rant.

Ha just kidding. The rant is still on going. I’m afraid that I don’t know what I’m doing and won’t be given the opportunity to make mistakes. Not that I won’t be able to do what I have to, but that I won’t be given the chance.

I guess I’ll go to lunch now and try not to fuck anything up while I’m there. Okay, I’ll take ‘yeah right, don’t even bother’ for $400 Alex.

I want to start a drug habit. That way, I can have something to blame my stupidity on.

When I get in a phase like this, I find it’s hard to make eye contact.

I’m going to try to take a personal day on Monday.

I guess I'm kinda lost in space....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-24T05:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Ryan Adams’ ‘love is hell vol. 1’

On my body: my new shoes, a cute pair of black pants, and an obnoxiously bright yellow/green sweater.

I went shopping on Saturday, so I have new clothes to wear. I really like Old Navy’s clothes. Of course, I don’t like to say that, cos then I’m in danger of being labeled an “old navy whore.”

They say that the first step in ridding yourself of an addiction is admitting that you actually have an addiction. So, here goes: “hi, my name is stacy, I’m addicted to Orlando Bloom.” I went to Claire’s on Friday, to buy my cousin a birthday present. They had these wristbands. One said “I love Brad”, one said “I love Ashton” and one said “I love Justin.” I said ‘hey lady, do you have any of these that say “I love Orlando”?’ She said no, but then said “I have this” and held up a sleep mask that said “I love Orlando.” So I bought it. I am aware that everyone else knew that I was addicted, but this was the first time that I admitted it myself.

Friday night was good. I got to the house around 5:30. Josh had to leave soon after to get his sister. So I’m sitting in Josh’s computer chair, wrapped in a towel, when I hear a ruckus coming from the back. I get up and who might it be – a nice looking John (whom I’m now going to call the Brit, just for easier reference for myself.) So, the Brit is there, and we start talking about what’s going on with him and then he’s basically just hanging out with me till Drea gets there. When she does, he and I have ended up on Josh’s bed, lounging, talking about nothing. Yeah, I really need to find a boyfriend, or at least get some breadsticks, cos he was looking good that night.

Oy, what a long day. I am going to go home now. Or at least leave property.

Bored, schmored......

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-25T11:05:00-05:00

First screen name: swallace2012
First self-purchased album: um.....something lame I’m sure
First funeral: I have yet to go to a funeral.
First pet: A cat who’s descendants are still living with my aunt.
First piercing: ears
First big trip: when we moved to Turkey
Last big car ride: when Joe and I drove from Texas to Illinois in 1999.
Where would you want your first kiss to be: on a beach, at night, in late spring.
Last kiss: I kissed Jae, at the end of April
Last good cry: Friday
Last movie seen: Shrek 2
Last Beverage had: water
Last food consumed: chili cheese fritos. Mmmm
Last phone call: my mom
Last TV show watched: the Simpsons
Last shoes worn: black static shoes
Last CD played: ‘now for something completely the same’
Last item bought: LOTR: ROTK
Last disappointment: the vending machine didn’t have anything that I really wanted.
Last ice cream eaten: uh, I think Leah and I had ice cream like two weeks ago. Not a big ice cream fan.
Last shirt worn: this black top I have on now.

[The Vitals]
Full name: Stacy Diane
Nickname/s: stace, staca, saucy, feather, lucy
Location: Colorado Springs
Natural Hair color: dark blonde
Present Hair color: dark blonde
Eye color: blue/grey/green
Religion: none
Sexual Preference: Men, mostly.

[The Nosey]
What color is your underwear? dark blue-green
Girls, is your bra padded/do you stuff it? No
Do you have a crush on someone? yes
Who do you have a crush on? Orlando Bloom
Does anyone have a crush on you? I can’t say, not that I know of.
What turns you on? Dark eyes, hands in my hair, and a brain
What turns you off? Intolerance, and ignorance
Which celebrities do you find attractive? Orli, Brad Pitt (right now) and Julianne Moore.
Which celebrities would you make out with given the chance? Hmm....gee, that’s a hard one. I mean: Orli.
Which of your friends do you find attractive? Jae

[The Ending]
What is the time? 11:44 am
How long did this take you? Quite a while, as I had to keep getting up.....
Did you enjoy this? Okie....
What did you do most during this survey? Type?

Look at your life before you start on mine....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-25T03:05:00-05:00

I’m not the kind of person that you need//I’m sick of trying//I mean that it’s over.

On my cd player: comp that has songs that no other stacy comp has, vol. III. The track playing is New Order’s ‘special.’

On my body: my new pants that look like my brown pants, my static shoes, and a black top.

I’m hungry.

I don’t really have too much to say today. I’m ready to get out of here.

I am going over to Dre’s after work, to make sure she can get through the evening with a minimal of pain.

Today seems to be a better day. I picked up LOTR on my way into work today. Woo-hoo!!

I dreamt that I went to go see =\/\/=eezer last night. It was with Josh, so that’s how I knew it was a dream.

I have a site visit at 1430, but that’s all that’s really on my calendar for the rest of the day.

I used to have this feeling that I was on the verge of grasping a very important piece of knowledge, but lately, that feeling has gone away. I don’t know what the knowledge was/is, or how to get the almost-have-it feeling back.

I went to buy Harry Potter tickets last night. I can’t wait to see this movie. I was excited for ROTK, but this is my favorite (so far) Harry Potter book.

This summer is going to be scary. These counts are just so out of whack. I can’t understand how the hotel got oversold by so many rooms.

I really need to get crackin’ with the supplies for the birthday party, as well as my Hallowe’en costume.

I hate it when people type in all capital letters.

I sewed more of my dress last night. I should be able to work more on it tomorrow night. I don’t have too much more to do on it, just sew the panel to the ties. I have to put the finishing trim on it, but that won’t take very long. I’m still undecided if I’m going to have sleeves, or what, but I can burn that bridge when I come to it.

And maybe I could live forever....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-26T02:05:00-05:00

If not ever I had known//that you'd be waiting here whenever I am all alone....

On my cd player: Stacy poo’s music-wusic 2. I love Josh. The track playing is Something Corporate’s “I woke up in a car.”

On my body: my new black shoes, the skirt Xtna gave me, and my red sleeveless top.

I went over to Drea’s last night. It was cool, cos Leah was there, and Chiara ended up coming over too. It’s been so long since the four of us were together. It made for a happy Stacy. I showed them the things I’m going to order from Oriental Trading, and it was agreed that the stuff was kewl.

I worked on my dress a little more last night. I ended up handsewing the fabric between the D rings. I’ll go back and reinforce it with the machine. I think I’ll have to take the back in a little bit, but it should be rarin’ to go by the weekend. I am still undecided on the sleeve issue though.

Leah was invited to a party, and I invited myself along as well. She needs someone to go with her, and hey, I’m always up for rich boy action. Yeah right.

Cool, the phones just went down. W()()t. Aw, now they are back up. Boo.

I have to go by the post office today.

This is the free will horoscope for this week for us Leos:

“The puzzle is not as difficult as you imagine. In fact, it has only seven pieces -- far fewer than you've assumed. Perhaps you got thrown off by its simplicity; it does have a superficial resemblance to a more complicated puzzle from your past. The ironic thing is that you'll never figure it out as long as you're so serious and stressed about it. To create the conditions that will lead to a solution, relax, have as much fun as possible, and assume that the puzzle will soon solve itself.”

Now, what the fuck does that mean? Usually, this horoscope is pretty right on. I know what it means, and how to use it. But this has me stymied.

I called Perry yesterday. I haven’t seen him since Thanksgiving of 2002. Wow. I knew it had been that long, but seeing it in writing makes it more real. I hope to see him this weekend.

I am now sitting here listening to Ryan Adams’ cover of Oasis’ ‘wonderwall.’ I love this song. Ryan Adams took a whiny song and made it a beautiful love song. If/when I have a boyfriend again, this will be ‘our’ song. Assuming, of course, that I feel that it won’t be a waste on him. Ha, that’s kinda funny – I don’t even have a boyfriend, and I’m assuming that he will be lousy. That’s funny in the not-really way.

Then I'm sure that that makes sense.....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-27T01:05:00-05:00

I know I left too much mess//And destruction to come back again//And I caused but nothing but trouble//I understand if you can't talk to me again//And if you live by the rules of 'It's over'//Then I'm sure that that makes sense

On my cd player: this comp I had Josh made me called ‘gowry gee...Josh must really love me.’ The finishing thought being: to download all this crap. The track playing is Dido’s ‘white flag.’ Appropriate enough for what I’m planning on writing.

I don’t think that I’ve ever been in love. Leah thinks this a cop out – denying what I felt then because of what I feel now. Looking at if from an outsider’s point of view though, I’ve always been very quick to take what I was feeling and label it love. If I’ve actually been in love all the times that I thought I was, then I’ve spent most of my life in love. However, as I grow older, I grow vaguely wiser, and know that love is a rare thing. So, in my childish nature, what I thought of as ‘love’ was merely lust, and very strong like. Am I, as I fear, incapable of love? Incapable of being in love, I mean. Or just looking in the wrong places? My friends would agree: I’m never going to find love if I spend my free time at a gay bar. I rationalize it by saying ‘I must not really want a boyfriend right now.’

My great fear is dying alone. In my heart alone, I mean. I’m sure I’ll be with people when I die, but I have no desire to die with an empty heart. I guess I’m a little young to be feeling like this, but it’s hard not to. I was married for a two and a half years, and engaged to another man for a year. Now I can’t believe that I ever thought that spending the rest of my life with either of these men was a good idea. I’m just not sure it was love if it was so easy to get over. Not that I want to be pining for anyone that used to be in my life, but shouldn’t it take more than a month to get over love? I keep thinking of what the Oracle said in the Matrix: “being the one is like being in love.” Shouldn’t it be true for not being in love as well? I feel gypped though, as I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone the way I trusted the two big exes in my life. I want to shout at them: ‘dammit!! It’s not fair!!’ It’s not fair that they’ve moved on, re-married, reproduced, and I’m stuck. I know that we make our own way through this life, and no one is responsible for the way I feel except for me, but it still sucks. I guess I’d like some closure, some explanation, beyond ‘it just didn’t work out, sorry ‘bout that.’ Maybe that’s hoping for too much, maybe I just need to accept the closure that I have and move on from there.

I mucked up my dress. I cut before I measured, and it’s too small. So I destroyed and tossed it. I am a little sad about this, but I have scores of ties, what’s 10? Oh well.

I’m now waiting on this rooming list full of corrections and changes. It is going to be time consuming, and I’d like to get started on it. Alas, I can only start when my meeting planner sends me the list.

I’m really going to the gym after work. No, really, I am. I am going to swim for a bit, and then go visit with Drea, and then home to rest up for this rich boy party.

I wish I had a John Mayer album or two.

I really wish I could get out of here now, but I don’t think I’ll be able to.

I’ve been thinking about my next tattoo. I haven’t gotten it yet because I haven’t been able to design it properly. I want to get them on the tops of my feet. I can’t decide if I want to get something mirrored, or get something that represents male and female. I guess I’ll just wait and see, and when I find it, I’ll know.

Tee hee...

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-27T05:05:00-05:00

Who is in your celebrity family? by cerulean_dreams
User Name
Mom	Charlize Theron
Dad	Anthony Hopkins
Brother	Carrot top
Sister	Milla Jovovich
Dog	Shilo
Boyfriend	Orlando Bloom
Best friend	Hillary Duff

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

And their wishes all come true....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-28T01:05:00-05:00

In a perfect world//Lovers wake up with a kiss//And their wishes all come true

On my cd player: a new comp called: “I’m really sorry Josh, for all the crap I have you download.” For every cool thing I find/have him download, there are three more things that are crappy. But Josh weathers it all. He is so cool. The track playing is Alias’ ‘perfect world.’ This song comes from the soundtrack to ‘don’t tell Mom the babysitter’s dead.’

I went to that party with Leah last night. It was basically just an excuse for kids to get together and drink. Needless to say, we weren’t there for very long. But we can say that we did something that we hadn’t done before, and I pretty much figured out the rest of my tattoos.

I am going to get a symbol for male on my right foot, and a symbol for female on my left. I’m also going to get this Chinese symbol, if it really means what I think it means (no need to pull a Britney Spears.) and then something else. I decided that 19 was a good stopping point, as I was 19 when I got my first.

I guess that’s about all for today.......

I am such a dork.....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-28T04:05:00-05:00

What do the LOTR men think of you? by ladyearwentari
Name (LJ or Real)
Viggo said your	exciting
Orlando says the sex was	hot
Elijah imagined	you on your knees, taking him in deep
Sean B could not	wait to get away from you
Karl freaked out when	you deep throated him
Dom thinks you look	horrible
Billy noticed	you have big boobs

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Yeah, I'm lame....

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-30T06:05:00-05:00

Which Guy From The Lord Of The Rings Will You Marry? by I¢¾Orlando&Dom
Name:
With Whom:	Orlando Bloom
When:	April 22, 2023
Where:	City Hall
How Many People Will Attend:	54
How Much:	$0

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

On the oak tree, I hope we feel like this forever...

velvetTurtle — 2004-05-31T07:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: a really old comp called ‘eh, just some stuff on one CD.’ I really like this comp cos it has some mixes of songs I don’t have anywhere else, but I’ve listened to it so much that it scratches. :) The track playing is OutKast’s ‘Ms. Jackson.’

Let’s see. I don’t have anything to write about today.

The weekend was good, I hung out with Chiara on Saturday, and the Josh and the girls last night.

Today is really slow. I am (and have been) waiting for a rooming list that is going to have hella changes. But it was supposed to be here on Thursday.

We are ourselves, despite ourselves....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-01T03:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: another Josh comp called ‘gowry gee...’ That Josh, he is so cool. The track playing is this song that was played in the trailer for Underworld, but I can’t seem to find the lyrics for that, so I’ll just quote the Josh Joplin Group’s “I am not the only cowboy” lyrics.

Happy first of June!! This means that there is not very much time left to prepare for our birthday party. The favors are on order though, so basically, all we have to worry about is food. I should see about making a mock up of an invite too...

I went to see ‘the Day After Tomorrow’ yesterday. The movie was good, a lot better than I thought it would be. Not that I was expecting crap, but I wasn’t expecting nail biting good fun. I really can’t wait for Thursday though, Harry Potter day!!

I’m going to see if I can hang out with Perry tonight, as I forgot my gym gear. I really need to get back in the habit of going to the gym more than not.

Brandy and I are planning on going down to the Royal Gorge on Friday. That is, if she can fit her knee into the brace. If not, there is no way that I am going to let her do a lot of walking on it.

I was having weird dreams last night. It started with me and my brother robbing this house, and then I went to a screening of a movie at some guys house. I don’t know what I ate last night, but I really shouldn’t eat it again.

Spider-man 2 opens at the end of the month – woo hoo!! I realized yesterday that it had been a while since I had been to the movies, as most of the commercials were new.

I always feel kind of weird when someone says ‘god bless you’ to me. I know what to say, as ‘thank you’ is something that I don’t really feel, and ‘I don’t believe in your god’ is something that’s too rude to say to someone who is happy with me. So I don’t usually say anything.

I must be, the Bahamas are islands.

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-02T02:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: a Josh comp (of course, right?) The track playing is ‘bitchin’ Camaro’ by the Dead Milkmen. This song makes me think of Eric.

My side hurts, where I scratched it on Rebber. I hope I’m not getting any kind of infection or anything. That would suck.

Woo hoo!! Another thing has gone right today!! That, along with the thing that went wrong that wasn’t my fault, makes this a not bad day.

I ended up not going out with Perry last night. I slept instead. I just couldn’t get out of bed.

I am feeling the urge to make something, but I don’t know what it is, or how to go about it.

I am feeling very murderous right now. I wish I had access to a batting cage, or something where I could tear at the walls.

It's raining, I can see it outside...Woo hoo!!

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-03T02:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: Ryan Adams’ ‘love is hell’ ep vol. I.

Woo hoo!! I only need to make it through today, and then.....coast city. I have to work on Sunday, but Sundays are never bad.

This is an excerpt from my horoscope today: “Entertaining someone with a marvelous accent, perhaps?” Yeah, don’t I smeggin’ wish??!! Why does my horoscope tease me so?

I think I’m going to try to crochet something from really really thin yarn. I hope to make a top, I’m going to try to find a pattern soon. I wish that I could just think of something, and *poof* it would appear in front of me, just how I imagined.

I’m out of things to say. :P

Nothing I do is good enough for you...I’ve been a

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-06T01:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: Tori’s ‘tales from a librarian.’

I’ve been away from a computer for a few days, so I should have some stuff to write. Let’s see how well that theory goes.

Note to self: never say that a day is going to be easy. Cos it’s not.

I was one of the first people in Colorado Springs to see the third Harry Potter movie. It was good, not as good as it could’ve been, but not bad. I like Gary Oldman now (I figgered I would.) It had some good lines, but it wasn’t as faithful to the book as it should’ve/could’ve been.

I took Friday off in order to get some sleep, but I spent the first thirty minutes of my day dealing with work stuff. I don’t think that’s really fair, I should get a whole day where I don’t think about work.

Friday night was spent watching most of LOTR:ROTK with Drea. I say ‘most’ cos we skipped the annoying hobbit/Gollum scenes. About midway through, I decided I wanted some kettle korn, so I called up Josh and spun him a yarn to get him to offer me his. (Yeah, going to the store was *not* an option.) So I hop in the car, thinking this will be a quick trip to the house and back. Why do I never learn? First, I spend a few minutes talking with Leah, then a few minutes talking with the Brit. Then a few more minutes with Leah, and a few more with the Brit. Finally, back to Drea’s. The trip took about twenty minutes. Then, settling back for the best part of ROTK. Y’know, the Legolas/olleyphaunt (sp?) scene??

After her mom got home, I was going to leave, but then Drea said she was going to hang out with the Boy for a bit, and that sounded good, so I went along for that. Get back to the house, and Josh’s almost 13 year old cousin was there. Yeah, I forgot how annoying teenagers were. She was very....excitable. Nice enough, but way too much energy. So, what was there to do on a Friday night with a yowwen? Nothing, so we walked around downtown for an hour or so. That was fun, and a vague workout.

Saturday, I got to hang out with Tiffany. That was nice. We went shopping for a little bit and then I went to the gym. I get home and pretty much crash out. I am awoken by a ringing phone (bad) but the call was for me (good.) It was Jae, who was in town for a bit and after going back and forth with ‘what are you doing tonight?’ ‘I dunno, what are you doing tonight?’, we ended up going to dinner. That was nice. Then to a few clubs (where I had a coupla drinks – bad thing with me having to get up early.) and then home.

Flashes from the past: my very first boyfriend ever called me on Thursday. And I ran into Brian on Friday. Weird stuff.

Huh. This: ‘fermi woodbury corona acorn tanh alec cesare adsorption assemblage neuter carmichael deuterium solon mitre bouquet imbalance serendipitous chemistry spector absorb dodson dye ireland bubble carbuncle inconstant burt bayonne steroid nelson strom comatose leafy’ just came to me in a piece of spam. This was the subject line, which intrigued me enough to open it.

The more I give to you, the more I die.....I come along

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-07T03:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: the ‘Lost Highway’ soundtrack.

I come along but I don't know where you're taking me//I shouldn't go but you reaching back and shaking me//turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky//the more I give to you the more I die

I was driving along yesterday, listening to this, and I was actually thinking of these words, instead of just singing along with them blindly.

Oy vey. Why do people not understand that if they do things the hard way, I will hate them?

I am grumpy today.

I had dinner with the Brit and Josh last night. The Brit can be very cocky sometimes. Okay, a lot of the times. He was trying to argue that he was smarter than me. I’m like ‘okay John, you’re smarter than me.’ But he wanted to keep arguing. I told him, you can’t argue with someone who is agreeing with you. But he kept on.

Then the girls got home, and Leah wanted to see Harry Potter, so we did that. With the second viewing, I realized how much I would have done differently. I’m now re-reading the book. The movie in my mind is much better anyway. :) I read that Ewan McGregor had been slated to play Lupin. I think he would have done a good job, but he’s just a tad bit too young.

This is actually somewhat accurate....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-08T10:06:00-05:00

S	Shocking
T	Talented
A	Amazing
C	Charismatic
Y	Yummy

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

The people thought they were just being rewarded....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-08T01:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: ‘I’m really sorry Josh, for all the crap I make you download.’ The track playing is called ‘sleeping in’ by The Postal Service.

I went to yoga last night, which kicked my tush – just like I thought it would. Kathleen is teaching the 10 am/Tuesday class now. I might see if I can start attending that, after summer. That would be awesome. Yoga four days a week. I could conceivably take yoga six days a week, but I don’t like going to other teacher’s classes.

This woman who used to be my friend is leaving the hotel, on not so good terms. I’m not really going to miss her at all. She was not nice to me. I feel kinda bad that I don’t feel worse.

I have to send my father’s birthday/father’s day card out soon.

I hate people sometimes. Okay, scratch that. Often, I hate them. I don’t know if that makes me a bad person, or just a realistic one. People suck.

I kinda wish that I could get a pixie haircut, but then it would show off the tattoo on the back of my neck, and I can’t have that at work. Lousy no tattoo rule.

I can’t wait till I can leave work today.

Uh, I guess that’s all....

Illusions rule the mind your soul is never gonna end...

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-09T01:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: a comp called ‘hits post modern syndrome.’ This is a promo only comp which has really cool ‘modern rock’ tracks. I got it when I worked at Camelot a million years ago. The track playing is called ‘midnight in a perfect world.’

I am having a weird day. I feel good, but things are going bad here. But I didn’t cause them to go bad, so it’s not making me feel bad.

I’m leaving early today, to help my mom with her car, then I’m going to the gym. I am still all achy from yoga.

I like excel.

I get to leave in a bit to help my mom with her car.

Uh, that’s really it today. Not too much to bitch/brag about.

In the sky just for you....On my cd p

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-10T02:06:00-05:00

and the beautifullest//fireworks are burning//in the sky just for you

On my cd player: a Bjork ep from ‘debut.’ This cd reminds me of senior year, and Roy. Bittersweet memories.

It’s Thursday, woo hoo!! This means only 19 more hours of being here and then I don’t have to come here for a whole day.

Am I the only one who is tired of hearing about Ronald Regan? And the marriage or non-marriage of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony?

Men in skirts are really hot.

I went to eat with Josh and Drea last night. We went to Jack Quinn’s, and I had the strawberry shortcake. It was really good. I can’t often find desserts that I like when I‘m out to eat.

I read an entry a few days ago (the bloggers name escapes my mind, of course) that was pretty cool. The entry was things that she was thankful for. It was a whole entry of little random things that she had encountered through the day that made her happy. I thought that was a really neat idea, so I might do that one day.

Sometimes, when I’m typing, and I change thoughts mid-typing, I have to start over, even if what I’ve typed already can be changed to fit what I now want to say. I know that doesn’t really make sense, so let me see if I can make it better. For instance, earlier, I was going to type the word ‘entire.’ I had typed the ‘e’ when I decided on the word ‘entry’ instead. I had to erase the ‘e’, even though it fit my new thought. I have weird thoughts sometimes, and it’s good for me to write them down.

When I was younger, I thought it would be so cool to have streaks of grey hair. Now that I’m older and actually have them, I realize it’s not so cool. I should dye my hair this payday.

I just got a strong feeling of ‘I miss you’ for my friend Luke. I haven't talked to him in three years, and haven’t seen him for three and a half. I wonder what he’s doing now...

I called Andrew last night, to see if he wanted to hang out on Saturday. But, I had to leave a message, which I hate. If he calls back, cool; if not – I’m sure I’ll see him again anyway. It’s like something keeps throwing him in my life. I would say fate, but after the debacle with my marriage, I no longer believe in fate.

I really hate it when people say they’re going to get me something for doing something for them, and then never follow through. A sincere thank you is more than enough, you don’t need to tell me you are going to do something for me and then not do it. That’s enough to make me never want to help anyone again.

Promises me I'm as safe as houses....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-11T02:06:00-05:00

As long as I remember who’s wearing the trousers...

On my cd player: the best of Depeche Mode (I think it’s 86-97, something like that.)

Let’s see here, let’s open with the standard rants about sex and the price of gas. Okay, that’s done, no need to whine about that anymore.

Josh called me last night at 10:30. I’m not really sure how the first few minutes of the conversation went, but he didn’t know it was me.

Pop Quiz: the best times to do get me to do things are:
a) when I’m falling asleep
b) when I’m asleep
c) right after yoga
d) all of the above

The answer is d) all of the above. I’m very agreeable to anything at those times.

I really need to get over these little mini-crushes I keep getting on guys at work.

I hope Drea’s identification arrives sometime in the next week so we can go up to Denver next Friday.

I would not want to be Nancy Regan right now. Okay, I wouldn’t want to be her at all, but especially not now. To have your grief played out on national TV, just seems so invasive. I hope I never have to be in that position.

I want to go home now. I’m not having fun right now. Stupid car dealers.

I'm a big dorky loser.

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-11T08:06:00-05:00

Which LOTR actor will be yours?
Username
Age
Color of socks
Your boy	Orlando
How you meet	From a mutual friend
Your date	A long walk down the beach
The next morning	Lots of morning-after cuddling
Will it last?	(8) - Better not tell you. - (8)

This quiz by humiliatedgrape - Taken 1385 Times.

New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

There's something wrong you could say...

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-12T10:06:00-05:00

Listen//I may be wrong but you'll listen//there's something wrong you could say//Ruined in a day

On my cd player: the rest of from New Order

Or, as it’s called: the story of my life. That’s right, nothing can be well for more than a few weeks in my life. It’s always something. This time (as it has been for so many times) it’s my mother losing her job. Again. I’m so tired of this shit. It’s really not funny, for anyone who was keeping score and thought that it was. It really and truly fucking sucks.

Otherwise, most everything is peachy keen. But this big thing tends to weigh on me.

Josh picked up his 8 foot scrotum, I mean Love Sac (tm.) last night. He and I beat on the sacks for about half an hour. That is hard work.

Then, me, Josh, Drea, and Leah tried to find a place to hang out that would accept Drea’s temp id as proof of the fact that she is indeed over 21. We couldn’t find anywhere, so we went to Bennigan’s for food. I think I’m over any desire to eat at that place again.

Back to the house, where Josh put on his new super fly pajamas. The rest of the night was spent almost like Hallowe’en, only without the extra fun goodies. Lots of cuddling and petting and the like. (I really need to find a boyfriend.)

I’m exhausted. I need to get some sleep and not be at this hotel for 48 hours straight.

And then pack up your eyes and run away....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-14T04:06:00-05:00

How could you beg me to stay//reach out your hands and plead//and then pack up your eyes and run away//as soon as I agreed

On my cd player: Ani’s ‘dilate.’

This was my first exposure to Ani. I heard it while driving my then-boyfriend to the airport, when he was moving away from me.

I wish that I could have a stable period in my life. A period where the only chaos was created by my own stupidity. Alas, due to the fact that I am a semi-functioning human being and have relationships with other semi-functioning human beings, the chaos in my life is not controlled by me. (Heh, there’s an oxymoron – controlled chaos.)

I know what my friend Chris would say. He would say ‘stacy, you are in control of your life. If you want to be. If not, then you’re not.’ He’s can always be counted on to say the thing that I know is true, but I don’t want to think about.

I just made a meeting planner happy. I like making people happy.

Anyway, happy Flag Day.

All I have is all you gave to me....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-15T03:06:00-05:00

Is it any wonder I can't sleep?//All I have is all you gave to me//Is it any wonder I found these//Through you

On my cd player: the Lost Highway soundtrack.

Ooo, what a better day. I cleared a seemingly impossible waiting list, I’m not nearly as achy from yoga, and I worked on my scrapbook last night. I’m going swimming after work, and then hopefully being taken out to dinner by Jae.

Now, if my mom could just get (and keep) a job, I would be on cloud 11. This is a higher cloud than cloud 9.

I’m feeling silly today. My silliness is infectious, much like the rage in ’28 Days Later.’ I’m a silly monkey!

I should start working on my Hallowe’en costume. This paycheck is going to be okay sized, and I don’t have to do too much with it. I’m thinking of an empire waist gown. It’s gonna be purdy.

I can’t wait to go up to the Church again. The plan is to go Friday after next. I’m going to need it after that Friday too, I just know it.

Today has been a roller coaster day, I was up, I was down, and now I’m just kinda level. Some things were mucked up, but not because of anything I did.

It smells of rain in the hall.

Dammit, I hate it when people suck.

I went to yoga last night, and I felt better than I did the previous Monday. I’m going swimming tonight and tomorrow. I like seeing all the black dots on my calendar as opposed to none. So I’m going to be a good stacy.

I’m now listening to this really cool mix of the DJ Sammy version of ‘boys of summer.’ I really like this track and could listen to it over and over if I wasn’t afraid of ruining my copy. I need to keep this track in mind for the next party. I should make a comp called the soundtrack of my life. This would definitely be on it, even though I’ve only known of it since the end of April.

Sometimes things are like that. It will only take a short while for something to become important or meaningful to me. Take Jae for instance. I met him at the beginning of November, but by March, I was ready to leave all I know to move to Chicago with him.

I guess that sometimes you just meet someone that you click with firmly and quickly. It was like that with Jae. I usually take a while to warm up to people, if I ever warm up to them at all.

Anyway, I guess that’s all I have for today....

Wow, this is like, so true....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-16T07:06:00-05:00

How to make a stacy

Ingredients:

5 parts pride

5 parts arrogance

1 part

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of emotion and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How are you so burned when you're barely on fire?

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-16T12:06:00-05:00

Please don't go any higher//How are you so burned when you're barely on fire?//Cry to the angels//I'm gonna rescue you

On my cd player: women who rock vol. V – one track mind. This is a really old comp series, it is made up of single tracks from women artists. The track playing is Malibu by Hole. It bugged my ex-boyfriend when I only used one Hole track. He really liked them (and Courteney Love in particular.)

So, there was some drama at the house last night. One of my younger brother’s friend (whom he used to sleep with) has a daughter who is seven. Now, everyone has always said that the daughter (Jade) resembles my brother but no blood test has ever been done. So now the mother (Gina) gets it into her head that she has to know for sure who the father of her daughter is – my brother (Jason) or her husband (Tim.) Gina made the mistake of telling Tim this, who freaked out, took Jade and left. Gina ends up at our house, crying, not knowing what to do. Half an hour passed when Tim shows up, with Jade in the backseat of his car, crying and scared to death. Tim starts screaming at my mother that he’s going to ‘fucking kill her’ and that we aren’t getting his daughter. Then he turns on the charm for Gina, who’s only concern is for the safety of her daughter. At one point, Jade was trying to get out of the car, so Tim tapped on the gas. I’ve never met this guy, but already I don’t like him. I understand that this is a bad situation for him to be in, but what he’s fighting for – Jade – is being traumatized. He doesn’t seem to understand that we aren’t trying to take Jade away, we don’t even really care. Gina finally got back in her car and they went home, and who only knows what happened then.

I don’t know really how to feel about this situation. We’ve always said that Luna is the first grandbaby, but that wouldn’t really change if Jade does turn out to be fathered by Jason. It’s just a sperm, it wouldn’t make him her Daddy. Hmm, that sounds a little heartless. What I mean is: it wouldn’t change any relationships. Not between Gina and Tim, Tim and Jade, Gina and Jason, or Jason and Jade.

This week’s ‘free will’ horoscope:
Lions and jaguars can roar, but they can't purr. Cheetahs and snow leopards can purr, but can't roar. Now and then a tiger in captivity learns how to produce a sputtering imitation of a purr in addition to its characteristic roar. But as a rule, every species of feline does one or the other but not both. To meet your dates with destiny in the coming week, you'll have to be like a kind of cat that doesn't exist in nature: one that purrs with sublime contentment and roars with fierce authority.

I can get on board with that.

Jae is taking me out to dinner tonight. I swear, a gay boyfriend is the best idea I ever came up with. So I get to get all gussied up, and go have sparkling conversation with a hot man. Woo hoo!! The best thing about having a gay boyfriend: when a skeezy guy tries to pick me up, I can say (with all honesty) ‘I don’t think my boyfriend would like that.’ Cos he honestly wouldn’t.

Now I’m just waiting for a planner to call me so we can go over her room block. I’ve been waiting since last Friday though, d’ya think I should give it up?

This is a headline from msn.com “Bloom leads poll for sexiest actor.” Hmm, that’s almost a no-brainer there.

Summer days can lead to the bad times....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-17T02:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack.

Ooo, how true. It’s been a crappy day. I got to come in, get right to work on this horrid rooming list. I mucked something up, and I don’t know if/how it will get resolved. I’m sick of taking the blame for things that happen that aren’t my doing though, I can tell you that much for certain.

I should focus on good things for a bit. Calm me down, make me less homicidal. Wait that’s not working.

I went out to dinner with Jae last night. Man, if he ever gets a boyfriend, I am so screwed. We went to this really nice place downtown. Then we ended up going to Club Q for a few drinks and to watch the strippers. It’s funny how three and a half hours can be summed up in a few lines. I always have a good time with him, and we tend to have some strange conversations, and a lot of mocking the stupid people around us.

Why do people always want more and more and more from me?

Okay, I feel better, as Aaron just made me laugh super hard core. I’m not really crushing on him anymore, but he can still make me laugh.

Anyway, I am really really going to the gym after work, and then maybe a little shopping is in order....

So she says.....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-18T02:06:00-05:00

Using band names, spell out your first name:

S – sex pistols
T - Tori
A - ABBA
C – Cibo Matto
Y – Yaz

(okay, so some of those were singers, but what the hey.)

Have you ever had a song written about you? Yes, actually.

What song makes you cry? Ryan Adam’s cover of ‘wonderwall’

What song makes you happy? Right now, Battleflag, just cos I associate it with being at the Church, which makes me happy.

What do you like to listen to before bed? I like to listen to Max purr, or settle down.

Name a song by Coal Chamber: ummm, I give up?

Who was your idol when you were younger? I didn’t really have one, unless you count my mom.

First album you ever bought? A Wilson Phillips album, I think.

Name a song that reminds you of someone and why: ‘Du hast’ by Rammstein will always make me think of Drea (and smile at the same time.)

appearance
HEIGHT: 5’ 2” (according to the military)
HAIR COLOR: brown fading to blonde
SKIN COLOR: I’m a pale white girl.
EYE COLOR: blue/grey/green
PIERCINGS: 7
TATTOOS: 15

r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: well, if the Brit were here and heard me answer ‘I’m wearing a skirt’ he would have a cow. So I’m wearing the pants that have the two cute ducks on the front and the goose on the back.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Madonna’s ‘like a prayer.’ I don’t really like this song, and now that I realize I’m listening to it, I’m going to skip it.
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: water
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: rainy (oooo, we need it too!)
HOW ARE YOU?: I’ve been loads worse, but I’ve been better too.

do you
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: nope
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: yep
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: mostly
LIKE TO DRIVE?: most of the time. But if Rebber is involved, I’m all over that.

favorites
TV SHOW: The Simpsons, CSI, CSI:Miami, Scrubs
CONDITIONER: Whatever
BOOK: Harry Potter and the POA, Talisman
MAGAZINE: Cosmo, or Jane
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: really good sweet ice tea.
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: raspberry kamikaze
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: sleep, and nothing.
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Tori, =\/\/=eezer, New Order

have you
BROKEN THE LAW: yep
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: once, I got to the end of the driveway.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Nope, I never had a curfew, so this wasn’t an issue.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: not yet. I should do that this summer.
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: yes
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: no
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: yep
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: yep
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: yep
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: yep
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: oh yes.

love
BOYFRIEND: I wish
GIRLFRIEND: nope
SEXUALITY: I don’t like to label myself in any direction.
CHILDREN: I have a cat, and I can barely take care of me.
CURRENT CRUSH: Orli
BEEN IN LOVE?: nope
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yep
BEEN HURT?: duh
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Gary
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: I can top Mary’s. I slept with a guy three hours after I met him, then went to my non-boyfriend/bed buddy’s place, where we had sex.

random
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yep
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Madonna’s ‘immaculate collection’
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: royal purple or wild strawberry
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Drea, Max, the rain, Panda Express, *loads* of things.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: me
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: Well, there’s nothing I really want...
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: Drea, Josh, the girls, Jae, Brad
when /what was the last
TIME YOU CRIED?: um, a few weeks ago
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: last week, a letter from my cousin that I need to reply to.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: 20 seconds ago.
THING YOU PURCHASED: a new pair of jimmies.
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: episodes of the X-Files on DVD
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: *takes out altoids tin where she keeps her movie stubs* Shrek 2, last Saturday.

your thoughts on
ABORTION: not for me, thanks.
TEENAGE SMOKING: I’m not for this
SPICE GIRLS: what kind of question is this?
DREAMS: weird, you can’t really put too much stock in them.

I haven’t time to sympathize....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-18T04:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: New Order’s ‘Republic’

Let’s see here. It’s Friday, so that’s a good thing. I am going to yoga tonight, and then out for a drink with a coworker who is leaving, and then to the house for sewing crafting in preparation for Fair tomorrow.

I have so much work to do, but I don’t really want to do it. I’ve been waiting and waiting for the information to get here, and now it’s finally here, but I don’t have the desire to do it. Though, thinking now, if I do it, and it’s not what she wants, I’ll have to do it all again. So I’ll just wait til Wednesday.

I can’t wait to go up to Denver next week though.

Last night, the Pride, as well as Josh and his visitor Dayna, went to Jack Quinn’s. The food was okay, but I had to leave when the sing along started. I have issues with large groups of people making lots of noise and carrying on.

Baby come and get it on....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-19T06:06:00-05:00

On Josh's Winamp player: Def Leppard's 'pour some sugar on me.' Note to self: get laid.

I'm at the house (duh.) Leah is here, but not feeling well, so I'm writing this.

I think the Brit bruised me. No one else touches me hard enough to harm me. Stupid boy.

I don't have any plans for the night, so I might just hang until the rest of the Scooby Gang gets back....

Weeee...

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-20T12:06:00-05:00

Welp, been here..haven't seized the computer till now. Won't even do much with it. Having a great time, will crumble when I leave. Three more days..its like a dose of paradise then sent back to hell.

I'm aware what the rules are....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-21T04:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: Tori’s ‘to Venus and back.’

Happy Monday.

I saw Micah on Saturday night. He was at a restaurant, cozied up to a frizzy haired girl. It got me to thinking about relationships that I have had that I still think about. There are some people that I was involved with that I still think about, wonder ‘what happened to you?’ ‘what happened to us?’ It is mainly people that I feel I have no closure with. Micah was one, Eric too, Roy, and Paul. I just think about these guys occasionally, and wonder where I would be if things had turned out different.

Anyway, enough of that.

It’s been raining for the past week. We really need the moisture, and it’s not hard enough to flood or anything like that, but I am sick of the rain. I need some sunshine. It was sunny enough for me to wear short pants yesterday, but then turned to hail in the mid-afternoon. It’s like schizo weather...

I am sore from yoga. I guess that’s what I get for taking a month off. Had I known, I would not have slacked. Oh well, I know for next time.

I always have this plan of things I’m going to write about, but then I always forget them when I get here...

Okay, I'm not really sure what this means, save for the fact that I am horny....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-22T09:06:00-05:00

Hee! You are Jack's "You have to find
yourself a girl, mate ... you're not a eunuch,
are you?" speech. You're quite a bit
sex-crazed, and you assume that everyone else
is as horny as you are. Get it on as soon as
possible so that you can join the rest of us on
Planet Earth ... I'm sure you'll have a good
time doing so.

Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The wisdom of the fool won't set you free....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-22T01:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: New Order’s ‘ultra rare trax.’

It’s funny how things can go from okay to downright horrid in just a few minutes. (Revision – they can also go from god-awful to pretty good in the blink of an eye too.) I went to yoga last night, then had Panda. I get home to find I only got half of what I asked for from Panda, about 2/3 the food, and CSI didn’t come from netflix. Okay, I figure ‘no big whoop.’ I’ll watch my new movie, eat, and work on my dress. I get into my room, where my bed is wet. I think ‘okay, I must’ve been more wet from my shower than I thought and my robe was just so soaked that it got my bed wet.’ Nope, the roof had a leak. Right over my bed. Max kept stepping in it and looking at me like ‘why did you let me do that?’ I don’t know what I’m going to do, so I don’t really do anything.

Then the phone rings. I hear Jae’s voice: ‘what’re you doin’?’ ‘Freakin’ out. What’re you doin’?’ I answer. ‘I guess I’m freakin’ out too’ was his reply. Finally, after a few minutes of ‘woe is me’ from me, Jae says ‘meet me at Home Depot and we’ll get the stuff to fix it.’ So I haul ass to Home Depot where Jae is waiting. We are just about to get in my car to drive back home when he realizes he locked his keys in the car. Honestly, could this be any worse?

We drive over to my house, where I get to crawl around in the attic until we spy this huge hole in the roof. This sucker was big. We crawled out of the attic, then on to the roof (where I learned that Jae has a fear of heights.) Four layers of roof tar later, we are good to go.

After calling for roadside assistance to get his keys out, and then hauling tushy back *to* Home Depot, we decided that drinks were in order. We go to the H&S, where it’s karaoke night. I get us a couple of drinks and basically just try to get rid of the ickiness in my head. We play a game of pool with this guy who couldn’t keep his mind on the game. Just as we were saying good-bye at our cars, who pulls up but Daniel. Of course, there was no discussion, as I hadn’t seen Daniel for so long, we went back inside. So I got to see Daniel, which was awesome; and a hero came to my rescue. :) I’m such a goon.

Anyway, that’s my story for the day. I’m hoping that I can go home tonight, pop in a movie, and crochet.

I will happily be called by this......

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-23T11:06:00-05:00

My japanese name is 猿渡 Saruwatari (monkey on a crossing bridge) 千秋 Chiaki (very fine in autumn).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

My superhero identity would be 'easily-amused girl.'

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-23T01:06:00-05:00

My Unfortunate Name is Stacy Rect.
Take The Dirty-Sounding Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

I worry, I throw my fears around....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-23T01:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘heavier things’

Ah, what a happy day I’m having. A meeting planner said she was grateful for what I had done for her, and then I got a compliment from one of my co-workers. Happiness abounds!

I am going to go swim for a bit after work and then to the library. I am in the middle of a movie at home, but it’s not really catching my interest. I hope more episodes of CSI have come.

My dress is coming along quite well. It’s a neat pattern, I found the book at a thrift store for cheep. The pattern kinda looks like this:

--------------
| | | | |
______________

for the length of the pattern. My plan is weave black ribbon in the some of the holes. The dress itself is baby pink. This will be the fourth dress I’ve made like this.

I am ready to go home.

I’ve got a new hat – an airborne express envelope. It takes so little to amuse me.

Now there will always be some grit in my fist...

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-24T03:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: the best of the Blessing.

I have been as busy as a bee, running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off, and basically worn today. I can’t seem to want to get up in the morning anymore. No surprise, eh? But still, a tad bit disturbing.

I worked a little on my dress last night, but fell asleep rather early. I just meant to close my eyes for a second, but the next thing I knew my mom was talking to me and turning off my light.

Max has been very affectionate lately. Not that he’s not usually, but he’s been curling up closer to me lately. I think he may be trying to tell me that he’s sick of me being away so often.

I received a Tiffany crystal bowl from a group as a thank you. I’m not really sure what I’m going to go with it, as I’m not really a fan of crystal.

My system is stupid.

I have a rooming list to input, so I will finish this up for now.

Forget what you told me, it's what didn't get said....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-25T04:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: Donna Lewis’ first? only? album.

It has been a long day, and the weekend isn’t going to be much relief. I’m going to be out all hours tonight, and then out all hours tomorrow. Luckily, I’m going up to Denver with Jae on Wednesday to go to an amusement park.

I haven’t been at my desk for more than 15 minutes today. I miss my desk, and the office is now quiet. It’s not going to be quiet tomorrow.

I have loads of work to do tomorrow, so I’m kinda glad that I’m working.

Stuff that I can't do else where....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-25T05:06:00-05:00

My Your pathetic name is ( even though Bradley Boescher still doesnt want to be your friend...)is... is Zebragirl Schlotsgy.
Take What your name would be if you were friends with Bradley Boescher today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

My Troy name is Cassandra, Prophet, Princess of Troy.
Take Troy Name generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

I'm bored, prove your love.

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-26T01:06:00-05:00

1. Pick one thing from my interests list that you like, and explain why

2. Pick one thing from my interests list that you don't like, and explain why.

3. Pick one thing from my interests list that surprises you, and explain why.

4. Pick one thing from my interests list that you don't understand, and I'll tell you about it.

5. Tell me one thing that's not on my interests list that should be.

Drea, will you be joining me soon?

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-26T02:06:00-05:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Damn right, it's better than yours....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-26T02:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: “I’m really sorry Josh, for all the crap I make you download.” The track playing is ‘milkshake.’

We went up to the Heartthrob last night. I was not impressed. The DJ was apparently on some kind of not-good crack, the kind that made him play awful mixes. It would’ve been okay if it wasn’t in Denver, if it was just a few minutes drive. But, luckily, we ended up going to the Church for a bit afterwards. Church happiness abounds. I love that club. It rocks beyond all others.

Note to self: get laid, soon. Love, you.

I don’t understand people who flaunt things, any things about themselves. I guess I’m guilty of the same thing, because I have the Leo symbol tattooed on me for pete’s sake. But people who identify themselves as one thing or another vehemently, kind of disturb me. Like Christians or gays who let that one segment determine who they are. I know a woman who is ‘proud’ to be bisexual. To me, these are just things about you, they don’t make you who you are. I don’t (or hope I don’t) let any *one* thing determine me.

Huh, where did that rant come from?

I did not get enough sleep last night. I will get more tonight, but then it’s back to work on Monday.

Things that I cannot wait for: Spidey 2, our birthday party, seeing Brad again, ‘Batman Begins’, party at Russ and John’s, the theatrical version of ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”, and to put on flip flops today.

So true, so be 'ware....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-28T07:06:00-05:00

stacy may explode without warning

M
EXPLOSIVE

From Go-Quiz.com

So I run or I fight and I crawl...

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-28T03:06:00-05:00

And there are some who say there are so many things I need//So I run or I fight and I crawl or I scream and I bleed//I bleed, I bleed

On my cd player :’now for something completely the same.’ The track playing is Duncan Sheik’s ‘on a high.’

I haven’t done much at all since I last wrote. I went to yoga yesterday, and then went home and watched loads of CSI eps. I’m mostly done with the third season, and then I can move on to another tv show. I need to finish the X-Files, so maybe I’ll do that.

There’s no yoga on Friday or Sunday, so I have to go today.

I am feeling very crafty lately. I’ve taken a few pages out of Tiffany’s book and started crafty-ness with boxes. Pretty storage areas are nice.

I’ve discovered another way to get me to do things: surprise me. I received a big letter from the St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital with a ‘free gift for you’ in it. There was a flag on the front, so I opened it, thinking I would just throw whatever was in there away. However, I was happily surprised when I found several designs of address labels. They looked like they were designed by children. I was so pleased at being surprised that I wrote them a donation check.

So easily amused I am....

velvetTurtle — 2004-06-29T04:06:00-05:00

I know it's wrong, but this made me laugh.

frazzle, fraggle, frammle, frapple

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-01T02:07:00-05:00

What makes you laugh?:	Drea, Max
Who is your hero?:	Tori
Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?:	Um....Orlando Bloom
How many pairs of shoes do you own?:	20
Seriously... Where does the other sock end up?:	I unno
Who do you blame for your mood today?:	me
If the Internet were sex... I would:	be bored with it too....
Have you ever seen a dead body?:	no
What is something scientists need to invent?:	matter transporters
What should we do with stupid people?:	kill em, kill em all. Though we are all stupid, on rare occasions...
Have you ever broken a bone?:	no
Do you watch local news? Why?:	no
What happens after you die?:	I'm hoping for reincarnation
How big is your bed? Big enough?:	a twin, not big enough.
How long do you think you will live?:	I don't think I'm going to live to be very old.

Random Thought Provokers brought to you by BZOINK!

You don't really want anymore from me....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-01T02:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: the newest comp in my collection. It’s called ‘the freakiest thing I’ve done in a car (to date.)” The track playing is Marilyn Manson’s cover of Tainted Love.

I had a fun time yesterday. Jae picked me up, we went to chick-fil-a for breakfast, and then up to Denver. As we were driving, Jae had some random cd in the player, and I was mocking it (but of course.) So he says ‘grab my laptop, you are going to make a disk.’ So that’s where the cd title came from – burning a disk is the kinkiest thing I’ve done in a car (to date.)

The park was semi-crowded. The longest line we waited in was for the newest ride, and that was only about an hour. We went on most of the roller coasters (and none of the water rides.) A cute foreign ride-operator gave Jae a wink and a smile.

The rain started at 4, and then we finally left at quarter till 5. The rest of the afternoon was spent driving around Denver, just looking and talking. I know that I’ve said this a gagillion times, but Jae really is the best boyfriend.

I don’t really want another boyfriend, as the one I have is simply grand. If, however, I found a make-out buddy, that would be okay...

I didn’t get home until somewhat late, and it was only then that I realized that I didn’t have anything to wear to work today. I have to do laundry tonight, seeing as how I’m not going to be home for much of the weekend either.

Sometimes, these things are so right on, it's scary....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-02T07:07:00-05:00

stacy Highway

Confusion Lane	9
Study Hall	22
County Jail	39
Dumpsville	113
Valley of Depression	550
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

You've got me almost melting away....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-02T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: Donna Lewis’ album again.

Sometimes, I hate technology. Other times, I don’t like it at all. Then, there are times when I like it, but those times are few.

I volunteered to work tomorrow, and due to my in-house groups, I’m not able to have a day off till *next* Saturday. Oh well, I’m sure I can use the money.

I don’t know what I’m going to get Jae for his birthday. Any suggestions what to get a turning-28 gay Asian man who is rich and can get anything he wants/needs?

It should be against the rules for boys to smell nice if you can’t nibble on his neck....

She don't even ask what time it is anymore...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-03T01:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: Ryan Adams’ first ‘love is hell ep.’

It’s official. I think I have a case of raccoon syndrome. I wonder if there’s anything I can take for it. Or maybe it’s just this. In any case, I hope it clears up soon.

I thought I had some irrational fears, until I read this.

It’s Saturday, I thought it would be a nice lazy day, but I was so wrong!!!

I watched Spartan and Secretary last night. Both were weird movies, and weird in different ways. I liked them both though.

I’m up to book four in the series of unfortunate events. Sometimes, I go through these phases where I’m in the middle of six different books. That time is now.

My horoscope for today:
Remember the last time you felt this way? Of course you don't. Your lucky companion won't, either -- or anything other than this moment, for that matter.

Does this mean I’m going to get laid?

Sometimes, I look at the things that I’ve done, and just can’t believe that I’ve done them.

I’m always kind of put off when people identify themselves based on other people. It just feels weird to me, relying on others to define who you are.

plop

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-04T10:07:00-05:00

This or That
Orlando Bloom/Johnny Depp:	Duh - Orli
3 Doors Down/3 Days Grace:	3 doors down
Bob Marley/Shaggy:	Bob Marley
Usher/Farell:	Eminem
Jessica Simpson/Mandy Moore:	neither
Horror/Comedy:	both
Lake/Beach:	lake
Vhs/Dvds:	dvds (what is the VHS of which you speak?)
Sweet/Sour:	both
Italian/German:	Italian
Yankees/Braves:	neither
Monkeys/Dolphins:	rage monkeys
Pinapple/coconut:	pineapple
beer/whiskey:	beer
gatoraid/poweraid:	neither
water/propel:	water
gloria jeans/star bucks:	neither
sandels/tennis shoes:	both
hair up/hair down:	up
messy/organized:	both
quiet/talkitive:	talkative
icecream/milk shake:	neither
cash/check:	cash
whip cream/cool whip:	whipped cream
The Opposite Sex
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend:	no
Do you LOVE them:	no
Describe them:	no
What attracked you to them:	Heh, this looked like 'attacked'
If you could change one thing about them what would it be:	no
How long have you known him/her:	no
Could you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him/her:	no
If single what do you look for in a guy/girl:	He has to be smart, funny, be interested in me, and dark dark eyes are a massive plus
Does he/she have any tatoos:	If he wants
Does he/she have any peircings:	If he wants
About You
Tall/Short:	short
Innie belly button/Outie belly button:	innie
green/blue/or brown eyes:	blue/grey/green
white/tan:	I'm a white girl
Would you take a bullet for your bestfriend:	yes
Name a personality trait of yours:	I'm generous
What are your nationalities:	I'm a mutt
Do you want to be successful in life:	No, I'd like to be a massive failure.
What do you want to be when you grow up:	happy
Do you want to have a family:	maybe
What is your dream car:	a blue Mini Cooper, and a baby blue VW new beetle convertible
Do you regret your past:	no
Fallen in love:	no
Been depressed:	no
Missed someone so much you'd do anything to see them:	yes
Do you believe in God:	not the Christian god
Thankful for what you have:	yes
Friends:	yes, I have some
Who have you known the longest:	Brad
Do you trust your them:	duh
Would you lie just so you could fit in:	no
What do you love about them:	How easily I was accepted into the group.
Do you see yourself in them:	yes
Have they been there for you when you needed them the most:	yes
Would you change anything about them:	no
Who's honest:	all of us
Who's naughty:	me and Drea
Who's hyper:	me
Who's shy:	Chiara
Who's smart:	all of us
Would they take this survey:	I unno
Name A Song
Linkin Park:	In the End
P.O.D.:	Youth of the Nation
Eminem:	Stan
Usher:	??
3 Doors Down:	When I'm Gone
Tim McGraw:	??
Michael Jackson:	??
Boys II Men:	??
Kid Rock:	that cowboy song
Simple Plan:	??
Mandy Moore:	??
Bon Jovi:	It's my life
Lynard Skynard:	Sweet Home Alabama
311:	Amber
Pink Floyd:	Time
Billy Idol:	Eyes Without a Face
Madonna:	Into the Groove
Kenny Chesney:	??
Martina McBride:	??
Nirvana:	blech
Sir Mix Alot:	Baby got back!!
Do You Like:	No
Football:	No
Nascar:	No
Basketball:	No
Baseball:	No
Surfing:	No
Dancing:	yes
Poetry:	yes
Drawing:	yes
Partiing:	yes
Boys/girls:	yes
Snakes:	no
Sponge Bob:	no
Taking bubble baths:	yes
Writing Lyrics:	no
The 5 W\'s and H
Who are you:	Stacy
Why did you take this survey:	I thought it would be cool.....
When did you start this:	1035?
What\\\'s LJ username:	None
Where are you going after this:	finish a letter to my cousin
How long did this take you:	10 minutes?
Uhmm
Did this entertain you:	not so much
Will you put this in your LJ:	don't have one
Will you tell your friends about this:	no
Tired yet:	yes
Are you going to get off the computer:	yes
Going to get out of the house today:	Already there...

this is different from the rest long but cool brought to you by BZOINK!

Awww...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-04T02:07:00-05:00

Take the quiz: "Who is your famous soul mate? (For Girls)"

Orlando Bloom
Gwrrr...you've gotten Orlando Bloom! A romantic English man that loves to recite poems..how lucky can you get? (Just so you know, Orlando's mine!!)

If I were her I'd paint my body...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-04T02:07:00-05:00

I met a girl who kept tattoos for homes//that she had loved//If I were her I'd paint my body//until all my skin was gone

On my cd player: Stacy poo’s music-wusic 2. The track playing is Something Corporate’s ‘I woke up in a car.’ I like this song. (Duh.)

I should really stop pretending like my body can take all the abuse that I want to give it. I went out last night, and meant to only be out until 1:30 or so. Of course, things never work out exactly how I think they will, so I didn’t get home until 3:15. I can’t help it though – Jae and Daniel were at the club, and I hadn’t seen Russ or John since they got back from their road trip. Side note – they brought some friends back with them, so a party will be happening soon. Woo hoo!! (Yes, I’m a loser, I don’t care – smeg off.) Jae would like to party as well, so I’m hoping that can happen.

I am going to DAV on Tuesday. I’m hoping to find a dress that I can mangle to make my Hallowe’en costume. Of course, my jewelry is going to be a bit harder to find. Damn my cocaine self!

I am going to the house after work, to crash until movie time.

Note to self: stop falling for gay men. Yeah, okay, self, if it were that easy, wouldn’t I just do what you say?

Jae surprised me with a CD of trance/techno songs last night. I know that others already knew this, but Paul Oakenfold is awesome.

Today has been a nice day, which is good cos I don’t really function that well on a lack of sleep.

It's a federal holiday, of course we're slow!

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-05T01:07:00-05:00

Credit where it’s due, I took this from starrydreams015.
Thirteen random things you like:
My cat Max, the smell of freshly cut grass, Drea, finding a good deal on fabric, my hair, crocheting, my stick joke, nice surprises, getting all green lights going home, dancing, movie trailers, flip flops, and sleep.

Twelve movies which you think are cool:
Dark City, American Beauty, Equilibrium, Pirates of the Caribbean, Super Troopers, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Punisher, The Italian Job, 28 Days Later, Hellboy, The Negotiator, and The Transporter.

Eleven good bands/artists:
New Order, Tori Amos, Ani DiFranco, =\/\/=eezer, Pet Shop Boys, William Topley, Ryan Adams, Kasey Chambers, Electronic, Dido, The Other Two.

Ten good friends:
Drea, Josh, Brad, Jae, Chiara, Leah, John, Tiffany, Daniel, Jacqi.

Nine things about you ... physically:
I’m short, I have short (*tear*) hair, small hands, 15 tattoos, scars, blue/grey/green eyes, great calves, I’m pale skinned, I have dimples.

Eight favorite foods/drinks:
Panda Express, Chick-Fil-A, Darjeeling tea, water, Pepsi, Vanilla Coke, beer, iced tea.

Seven things you wear daily:
underwear, deodorant, shoes, something on my bottom, something on my top, perfume, socks.

Six things that annoy you:
people who drive slow in front of me, people who identify themselves based on something outside of themselves, red lights, homophobics, my next-door neighbor’s neighbor, snow.

Five things you touch everyday:
my bed, my I love Orlando sleep mask, Max, my car, my toothbrush.

Four shows you watch:
The Simpson’s, Will and Grace, CSI, and Jeopardy.

Three celebrities you find attractive:
Orli, a younger Val Kilmer, Tobey Maguire.

Two people that you always want in your life:
Drea and Brad.

One person you could spend the rest of your life with:
Me (and only me).

Your love is so past tense....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-05T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: the new disk that Jae made for me. The track playing is called ‘Never’ by the Roc Project.

So, that whole ‘sleeping is good’ idea is pretty much all cracked up. Sleep isn’t nearly as important as ‘they’ make it out to be. Of course, if I have the proper amount of sleep, I’m less punchy, and therefore – less fun. A less fun stacy is no fun at all.

/end sarcasm

We (Leah, Chiara, Drea, and me) went to see Spidey two last night. Good movie. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes, here or there, but I got the gist of the plot. I just couldn’t help it – I meant to nap at the house but we went out to eat with Russell and Jason instead. I attempted to nap for a bit on the Love Sac™ but was bugged by the Brit. I swear, that boy’s need for attention rivals mine.

It was really hard to get out of bed this morning. I just wanted to stay curled up with my cat under the warm blanket.

Drea and I are going to the Church on Friday. I can also go to yoga on Friday, cos Kathleen will be back.

I am looking for a necklace for my Hallowe’en costume, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to find it. What I’m looking for is a necklace with a spoon as the pendant. I might just have to make something, which wouldn’t be that big of an issue, and then I could be pretty happy with it.

Woo hoo!! Brandy has agreed that it’s cool if I come in around noon tomorrow. Woo hoo!! Yoga, here I come!

One more hour to go, one more hour to go, Stacy’s only got, one more hour to go.

I'm not policing what you think and dream...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-06T04:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: Tori’s ‘to Venus and back.’

Well, it’s been a long, crazy, frantic day. Taking half a day means that things are nuts for the hours that you are here.

On Saturday night/early Sunday morning, when Jae and I were at Denny’s, for some reason, the topic lead to ‘love.’ Between the two of us, we haven’t been in love and we only kind of believe in soul mates. I was thinking that the only proof I have that romantic love exists is what Josh and Drea have. I guess it kinda gives me hope, that maybe, one day, I will find a Boy, all of my very own.

I’ve come to a realization: Jae is my 7th grade boyfriend. We go out to dinner and hold hands, but nothing else happens.

I started watching Office Space and then a little more this morning. Ron Livingston is *hawt* (and spelled like that cos damn!) I don’t know what it is about guys with dark hair and dark eyes, but oh yum.

I was thwarted today with yoga – Kathleen wasn’t the instructor. I’m kind of a yoga snob, so I just showered and came to work. A bit of a bummer, but what am I going to do?

(note to self – make out with someone soon.)

This could be the closest thing to love...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-07T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: Kylie Minogue’s ‘fever.’

I am kind of worried – I haven’t talked to Jae in four days. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but his machine isn’t picking up either.

If I were the Leo that I claim to be, I would go up to this guy, “A’ and say to him: ‘“A”, when I tell my friends about you (which I do) they suggest that I take you up on your offers and go out with you. Actually, they tell me to do something else, but if I said what that was, you might construe it as sexual harassment.’ However, I am chicken shit, so it is really no big surprise that I haven’t kissed a boy since the middle of November.

I love Drea, I really do. I know that I can count on her for the truth, a cheer-me-up, and a good laugh. She my Dre.

Okay, hour and a half before I can skidoo out of here. (sidenote – my dictionary knew the word ‘skidoo.’ Huh.)

I need to start working out, like hardcore. I’m going to go swim for at least an hour tomorrow. I am just not liking how I look/feel lately. So, I’m going to do something about it.

Guh, I am all stressed out. Blargh, eargh, other words of disgustment.

I'll know everything is all right....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-08T02:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: I’m really sorry Josh, for all the crap I make you download. The track playing is Michelle Branch’s ‘breathe.’

If I just breathe//let it fill the space between//I'll know everything is all right.//breathe//every little piece of me you'll see//everything is alright.//If I just breathe

For some reason, this quote came to my mind unbidden: "I did not want to come to the end of my life, only to find that I had never lived."

I love the smell of fresh baked bread.

It has been a crazy, crazy day. I’m ready to go to bed.

Drea can’t go up to Denver this weekend, or next weekend. So looks like we are down here in the Sprizz-ings until the first Friday in August. That’s okay though, I can catch up on sleep.

I just had a moment of freak out. I am going to be heading into my late 20’s in four weeks. I don’t know why it hit me, and hard at that, but I think I freaked out Josh. I guess I just kind of feel like my life is slipping away from me and that I haven’t accomplished too much.

Brandy and I went to see ‘the Prince and me’ last night. It was cute, nothing to change my life, but cute.

I wonder why more people don’t counterfeit stamps.

The hope I held inside...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-09T02:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: a single for New Order’s ‘here to stay.’

This open book//Yet to be read//This second look//This leap ahead//The hope I held inside//With you, was kept alive

I think this might be someone I dated.

I dyed my hair. It’s not too much of a change, but I can tell.

Drea and I are going to Club Q tonight. We can’t go to Denver cos she has to be home by midnight. That wouldn’t happen if we went to the Church.

I have been able to play loads of catch up today. Lots of little stuff, but I feel better now that my desk is slightly more clean.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m in a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. Guests are ‘rudus interuptus.’ It drives me nuts.

I made the cutest shirt to wear tonight. I just took a t-shirt and cut and re-sewed on it until it was adorable. I think I might like to do something like that for a possible career. I have good ideas sometimes, and that might be neat to do.

I knew I was right in trying to reach Drea when I was having a panic attack yesterday. I finally talked to her about it and she made me feel loads better.

Doot doot doot!!

Hint hint

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-09T03:07:00-05:00

Stacy might like this for her birthday, which is coming up soon....

no subject

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-09T03:07:00-05:00

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	warm
Your eyes...	sparkle like the stars
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	beautiful
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	one of a kind

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

I take all your big plans....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-12T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘room for squares’

Guh, I’m sick. I don’t know where this cold came from, but I am achy all over. Stupid....some word that means illness.

Other than that, things are well.

Friday night, we went to the Q. Jae showed up around 10, so that was nice. This girl that he knew came in, and man, was she a bitch. I was this * * close to getting into a rumble with her, but then Jae and I left instead. We then went to the H&S, where we hung out with John for a bit. I think/am hoping Jae will be able to party at the next party. When we left, I was concerned about Jae’s state, as he had had a few more drinks than me. He handed over his keys, but then let me know that he would not ride in a taxi. This presented a slight problem for me, as Jae had driven and I didn’t know how to drive a stick shift. So I got to shift from first to fifth about 8,000 times before he’d let me go. I then drove to Denny’s where we chilled for enough time that I felt comfy letting him drive.

My top went over very well. Jae said ‘it looks like you spent a lot of money on it at a real store.’ I love him.

Saturday, I went to see Spidey 2 with Brandy. I was awake for the whole thing this time, so there were a few things that I had missed. Not too much, nothing crucial.

When I got home, I was feeling crafty, so I drag out my fabric and a box and start to make the box prettier. A word of advice: they call it a hot glue gun for a reason. I got some glue on my finger and got first degree burns. That kinda cured my need for being crafty on Saturday.

Sunday, I went to yoga. I actually got into plow, so I was happy about that. I apparently pulled a muscle on Friday night cos it was hurting when I stretched or laughed.

After girl’s night on Sunday, I went home to rest. I read for about an hour, then tried to sleep. The phone woke me up, and I can never just fall right back to sleep. So I was up till about 11, I think. I had a hot water bottle on my side, and I think I was sleeping on it. I woke up around midnight, hot, sweaty, and confuzzled. These are never good feelings. So now I’m sick. I hope this bugger/bug goes away as quickly as it came.

The girls and I were working our party yesterday. I think we got everything almost squared away. We were working on the guest list, and Leah objected to me inviting Tiff, even though we were inviting people out of obligation, people I didn’t care for. I stuck to my guns though.

Today is a weird day. When I’m illin’, nothing seems right on. I had planned to go to yoga, but I think I’m going to sleep instead. I prolly could make it through the class, but what fun would it be falling out of every single pose, instead of just crow?

Brandy and I are going to get our bellies re-pierced. She had to take hers out when she had her surgery, and ever since I saw a picture of Keira Knightley’s piercing, I want one like it, so we are getting them re-pierced. I’m really looking forward to the healing time again. Ha. /end sarcasm

I got the cutest shirt at DAV last week. It’s a navy blue tee, and it reads:
"boys are cute*
*note this may not apply to you
I cut the neck off of it, so now it hang *very* low on my shoulders. It’s way cute. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to leave things the way they are.

Memories of an old flame....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-13T01:07:00-05:00

I wrote this in April of 2002, but wanted it here too...

When I was seventeen, I was in love (or as close as I've gotten) with a man that I still think about a lot. We dated briefly, but he has made such an impresssion on me that I still think of him six years later. This man was gorgeous and I know that he loved me. I wish I could talk to him...Roy is the only person that I've been with that I feel things are unfinished between us. I think that he and I could have been so much more, if only (those are the saddest words in the world I think) things hadn't been the way they were.

He used to live with his grandparents, who still live in Colorado Springs. They still have the same number and I'm halfway tempted to call them and say "Hey, I used to love your grandson. Can I give you my number to give to him?" But I am too chicken to do that. If it were somebody else wanting me to call their lost flame, I would have no problems with it. But me calling someone who could have an impact on my life is impossible.

Roy is my great "what if" relationship. My friend Brad postulates that everybody has one of these. "What if" we had worked out? How different would my life be if Roy and I were still together?

So, Roy, where ever you are, know that someone is thinking of you, very fondly....

No one can move you the way that you do...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-13T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: Cyndi Lauper’s ‘twelve deadly cyns...and then some.’

Happy Tuesday.

I’m feeling better than I did yesterday, but nowhere near my usual self. I dosed up with Nyquil™, Vicks VapoRub™ and sucked down lots of Halls™ last night. I didn’t eat too much, just cos nothing seemed appealing.

Drea wants me to help her make this. I’m pretty good at designing things, but this looks kinda hard. I guess we’ll just have to see. If we can find a pattern of some kind, it will be easy to manipulate to our needs.

My horoscope for today:
“You're the recipient of the attention of at least two wonderful admirers, both of whom you'll enjoy immensely. How terrible! Don't expect anyone to be too sympathetic about this plight.” These guys are kinda smarmy, especially since I’m not getting any.

I like looking at people’s interests, especially the ones that other people don’t share. I think it says something if people have uncommon interests.

Things that bug me: devoutly religious people, especially those who feel the need to over-share their choice of faith; people who wear a *lot* of overpowering cologne/perfume; people who don’t use a turn signal; being sick; and when I muck things up.

I’ve got more boxes to cover. :) I don’t know what I’m going to do with them when I’m done, but I am getting better at the actual covering aspect.

I'm a dorky loser, sue me.

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-14T09:07:00-05:00

Your celebrity threesome! by cerulean_dreams
user name
favorite color
age
It will take place...	in the jungle next to a lagoon
Number of times it will happen	45
First Partner	Sean Everette Scott
Second Partner	Orlando Bloom
Will it be fun?	Hell yes

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-14T02:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘bigger than my body.’

I hate being sick. I woke up another 80 times last night/this morning. I think I coughed a hole in my throat, that can’t be good, right?

I shouldn’t watch infomercials when I’m sick either. I want to buy everything that I see anyway, but when I’m sick, my resistance is lower. If I had been a little quicker to get to the phone, I’d be the proud owner of the Batter Pro™. But I couldn’t reach the head of the bed in time.

I was on the phone last night with Jae for over an hour. I feel totally justified calling him my boyfriend when things like this happen. I don’t know how we manage to talk for so long, but we do.

I couldn’t find the remote to my DVD player last night. I looked and looked and looked and couldn’t find it. I looked under my bed at least six times. I understood the meaning of this statement: ‘insanity can be defined as repeating the same actions and expecting different results.’ I thought I’d have to order another remote, and I’m happy to say that Pioneer offers that option.

I feel like I’ve gone through nine boxes of Kleenex™ and two bags of Halls™. It’s things like this that make me not like winter, I don’t want to not like summer too. Stupid illness that just magically appeared in my body.

It is exactly three weeks to my birthday.

I am feeling better than I did on Monday, but I apparently sound much worse. When Jae called last night he said “you sound like shit.” Yeah, thanks honey, love you too.

I am so glad I am no longer 14 years old. No matter how bad I feel about getting older, I will never be a gushy, overly-excited 14 year old again.

How to make Stacy happy: surprise her at her workplace with a bagel lunch. I love Jae.

My foot has fallen asleep.

I think the thing I like most about being sick is the amount of phlegm I can expel from my body. It’s just fabulous. I was sitting around the other day, wondering ‘how much phlegm can I blow out of me?’ And thankfully the Great Weird Illness of 2004 (as it’s just too weird not to have a name) came along to let me know the answer to my question.

This is an article about the gay marriage ‘debate.’ Quotes from the article: “ President Bush...the measure was needed to safeguard an institution that has flourished for thousands of years.” And ‘Sen. Rick Santorum, a leader in the fight to approve the measure. "Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?"’ Anyone know what the current divorce rate among heterosexuals is? According to this website, it’s safe to say that 40% of first time marriages end in divorce. And who knows how many marriages don’t end because people are afraid of the stigma of divorce? I think it’s ridiculous to state to marriage is an institution that has flourished for thousands of years. Bullshit, if you ask me. I don’t think anyone has the right to tell anyone else who they can love.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming....

I have a rooming list to input, but I’m waiting for the meeting planner to answer some questions I had. It’s like ‘hey, people, I don’t have all day.’

If I had a nickel for every tissue I’ve used in the past three days, I’d have...some money.

I watched ‘along came Polly’ last night. I don’t know if it was my mood, or the movie itself, but it wasn’t that good.

Time seems to be passing at an unbelievably slow rate today. I’ve been listening to this song for what feels like over an hour, but it’s not.

She said she's feeling lonely...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-15T02:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: the green =\/\/=eezer album.

I’m feeling....better, I guess. I sound worse, but I’m less achy and not coughing as much. Huh, this seems to be a pattern. I feel better, but sound worse...

I think the guys got together and had a party without me last night. I are sad. :( :( I’m going to call John later today and be sad and then he’ll feel bad.

I’m going to go to Wally World after work, do my grocery shopping early so my weekend is relatively free.

Ned Kelly is rated R for violence and brief nudity. Let’s hope it’s of the Orlando Bloom nature. Tee hee.

W()()t, the two books I requested from the library are available now. Yay!

Stuff, you know....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-16T12:07:00-05:00

I took this from tropicalroxy.
Star everything that applies to you, change the others to ones that do apply to you.

01. I don’t have a cell phone, nor do I feel the need for one.
02. I have lots of shoes, but I don’t like wearing them.
03. I have a sister who is 21 years younger than me.
04. I like finding things that no one else has.
05. I love trailers as much as I love movies.
06. I am a Leo.
07. I love beer.*
08. I rarely wear make-up.
09. I drive a white car.
10. I can't live without music.*
11. I lived in Iceland for a year.
12. I prefer to shop at thrift stores.
13. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my life, career-wise.
14. I've seen =\/\/=eezer twice.
15. I get annoyed easily.*
16. I don’t know if I want kids.
17. I still listen to New Kids on the Block.
18. I have more than a couple horrible memories.*
19. I don’t smoke anything.
20. I am a person.*
21. The last person I made out with was a woman.
22. I like the smell of rain.
23. I hate the way I look in pictures.
24. I hate girls who are fake.*
25. I can be mean when I want to.*
26. My dreams are bizarre.*
27. One of my best friends is gay.*
28. I have way too many purses.*
29. I've seen Fight Club at least 45 times.*
30. I have a pet cat.
31. I love Scrubs.
32. Sometimes I cry for almost no reason.*
33. I hate when people are late.*
34. I procrastinate.*
35. I *hate* winter!
36. I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.*
37. I love to sleep.*
38. I wish I wasn’t so smart.
39. I love to fly.
40. I hate drama.* (but not theatre drama!)
41. I love the show Scrubs.
42. I love my hair.*
43. I rarely fight with my mom.
44. I work at a desk.
45. I have a runny nose.
46. I'm excited for the future.*
47. I like to read.
48. I type with my fingers on the right keys.
49. I’ve never heard of the show 'Rich Girls'.
50. I love my friends.*
51. Hallowe’en my favorite holiday.
52. I can be very insecure sometimes.*
53. I have never broken a bone.*
54. I hate racist people.*
55. I don’t have a computer at home.
56. I love guys that play the guitar.*
57. I state the obvious.*
58. I'm a happy person.*
59. I love to dance.*
60. I love to sing.*
61. I hate cleaning my room. *
62. I smell strawberries.
63. I love cute underwear.*
64. I love John Mayer.*
65. I cry when I see animals/people getting hurt/abused.*
66. I want to visit Japan.
67. I don't like to study for tests.*
68. I don’t believe in the Christian god.
69. I’m a generous person (I think.)
70. I love riding in convertibles.
71. I have short hair (and miss my long hair.)
72. I love the color purple.
73. I’ve seen my father maybe five times in the past ten years.
74. I love kisses on the forehead.*
75. I prefer baths to showers.
76. I love to sew.*
77. I have blue/grey/green eyes.
78. I can’t stand the Olsen Twins.
79. I would love to travel the whole world.*
80. I become stressed easily.*
81. I hate liars.*
82. I like comfy sweatpants.*
83. Orlando Bloom is my dream man.
84. I love the smell of freshly cut grass.
85. I love my family.*
86. I have 15 tattoos.
87. I try not to think about things that bother me.
88. I always wanted to learn to play the piano.
89. I hate the feeling of failure.*
91. I would love to have my own fashion line.*
92. I can be quite selfish.*
93. I still act like a little kid.*
94. I write bad poetry.
95. I love pictures.*
96. I love music.*
97. I wish I could stop falling for the wrong guy.*
98. I love getting stuff in the mail.*
99. I have problems letting go of people.*
100. I hate the feeling of being alone*

And I don't know what it is about me...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-16T03:07:00-05:00

and I don't know what it is about you//I just know it's not what it was//I don't know why red fades before blue it just does//and I don't know what it is about me//that I just can't keep still//I keep thinking someday I will make this all up to you//and maybe someday I will

On my cd player: Ani’s living in clip, the first disk.

I keep reading grouphug. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. this made me laugh, and this made me hope.

I got a new Orli poster last night! I am so excited. I’m so easily amused, I don’t understand why I don’t have a straight boyfriend to make out with.
It was pouring the rain last night, when I left Wally World. All these people were gathered in the foyer, not venturing out in the rain. I was not having that, so I just hustled to my car.

I am going to get my belly re-pierced tonight. I am excited.

I’m feeling uninspired right now. I have several people e-mailing me about crap, and I don’t really want to deal with it right now. Blah, blah, blah....tis all I see....

more crap....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-16T08:07:00-05:00

Which LOTR Actor Will Keep You Up At Night? by Diamond
Name
Age
Who	Orlando Bloom
His Annoying Sleeping Habit	Karate chops you to the head
You Will Respond By	Hitting him with a pillow
How Many Times A Night	4

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

What makes you sexy? by Societysfinest
Name
Age
Your sexyness comes from..	Your Lips
Sexy till you are..	49
Who you attract..	Desperate people
Your trademark	Licking people

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Remember how you made me crazy?

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-19T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: ‘I’m really sorry Josh, for all the crap I make you download.’ The track playing is that really awesome mix of the ‘boys of summer’ cover.

We-hell, what a weekend. It feels like it’s been two weeks since I’ve been at work, not two days.

My horoscope for today: Here's a day you can live with -- finally. It won't just be you who's in the mood to discuss, detail and relive some recent exploits at lunch. Bring the snapshots.

Um, I don’t really think that my weekend exploits would really make for good sharing with my lunch companion.

Let’s start with Friday. Friday, Brandy and I went to get our navals re-pierced. Hers had closed and I wanted mine re-done. That was fun. Then, I had dinner at Applebees, then over to the house. I hung out for a bit til Leah got home and then we went to Meadow Muffins and met up with Josh. Drea was unable to get out of the house till later, so we stayed at Meadow Muffins until we realized it sucked (which was about twenty minutes.) It being Friday, no one wanted to go home at 10. So the idea comes to go to Club Q, which has no cover. So we drove there, but first I made a detour to the Hide and Seek. I picked up three men (Jae and two new friends from LA ) Then up to Club Q where I got trashed and almost got in a fight. It was Pride weekend, so the place was packed. I had an awesome time.

I expected Saturday to be different. I went to the DAV with my mom, spent $40, which is double what I usually spend. I get home, after running another few errands, then do some laundry. I then just bummed around till it was time to get ready to go out to karaoke with the front desk. I decided to curl my hair, and actually give a crap how I looked. I put on my new skirt (which is reversible!!!!) a black tank top, and just basically looked very cute. I get to the bar, and no one I know is there. I decide that I am going to drink my beer, and if no one I know has showed up, I get to boogie out. But then I made a new friend and Orshy from the front desk showed, so I stayed. Really, the only other people who were there were these two guys who are brothers. One guy is cute, and friendly, and his brother is...his brother. The friendly guy (Chris) is a massage therapist here at the hotel. I’m using my lame moves to try to determine if maybe he would be interested in me...

I sang a few songs, but the selection is kinda lame. I had to use my fallbacks. *But* two people did come up to me and told me that I had a great voice. I still like compliments. :)

It’s coming up on the end of the night, and I think to myself that when I leave, I’m going to go up to Chris and tell him ‘good night, I’ll be thinking of you later and wishing I had the balls to tell you how cute you were.’ But he comes up to me, and lets me know that he learned this technique in school that can make any woman orgasm in three minutes. I tell him ‘you shouldn’t tell me that.’ I then tell him ‘I’ll be thinking about you later.’ So, after a bit more, he says ‘you want to go make out?’ So I did. And I liked it, and he was cute, and I’d do it again.

When we, ahem, finished, he was kinda embarrassed, I guess. He kept saying ‘I’m shy, I’m shy.’ So when I see him again at the hotel, I’m going to ask him if he’s still shy. I would not be adverse to doing something of that nature again.

Sunday was greeted by a ringing phone, way too early. It’s Jae, calling to tell me that he is just now home from work (yes, at 9:15 on Sunday morning. I swear, he works too hard, and sleeps too little.) and he has to get a haircut and then we can meet. I still spilled the story of the previous hours and got a ‘woo hoo’, which, to be honest, was the only thing I expected. I assure him that I will be up and ready and rarin’ to go whenever he is. I hang up, and instead of going back to bed like I’d like to, I call Drea and give her the story too. She also told me how cool I am.

PrideFest was cool. There were protestors, which always amuse me. I went up to two of them and said ‘I think it’s cute how filled with hate your are.’ We then watched the parade, and ran into Daniel. I never get tired of seeing Daniel.

I then went to the house, to find a minor disaster. So I went home when Leah sent me there. I watched ‘cold case’, crocheted, and put my hair into curlers.

I come in this morning, and Aaron was like ‘why did you leave without saying good-bye on Saturday?’ I didn’t want to tell him, as that might seem like bragging, and I don’t have a desire to hurt him (not even really sure if it would). I dunno...

Anyway, I leave you with quiz results....

Lucky bastard. You're CAT crazy: you can do pretty
much anything you like, everyone still loves you.

Fucked up, any?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your secret Addiction by khaiptah
Name ?
Your Secret Addiction is ...	Leonard Nimoy
When you Discovered this	March 13, 2017
Where were you when you found out?	Jumping on a trampoline
How much it will cost you by the time you die ..	$1671.35
Treatment Options	Firing Squad

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Stacyitis
Cause:	bad alcohol
Symptoms:	mild listlessness, dislike of modern architecture, tongue forking
Cure:	acupuncture
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

Paranoia's all I got left....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-20T04:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: Linkin Parks’ ‘hybrid theory’

I rented Party Monster from Netflix. I laughed my tushy off. One of the funniest lines: (after being offered hot chocolate to make him feel better) Michael Alig: ‘can I have ecstasy in mine?’ I laughed so hard I thought I was going to wake my mom up.

I am back from Wally World. I got lotion to glitter up. I am so easily amused.

So many dreams on the shelf....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-21T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: Tori’s ‘tales of a librarian.’

Hair is grey and the fires are burning//So many dreams on the shelf//You say I wanted you to be PROUD of me//I always wanted that myself

I have a minor discussion with myself regarding those lines. Is she saying that she wanted to be proud of her, or that she wanted the other speaker to be proud of her? It’s a conundrum...

I am way too amused by grouphug. This, this, and this made me snicker today.

I talked to Jae last night and he postulated that I was excluded from the last party because of him. That ticks me off, cos nothing hurts more than being snubbed. Stupid them.

Hmm...apparently, I can only have 150 interests....I coulda swore I’d seen more. Lousy limitations.....

I seem angry today, but I’m not really.

Sugar from the top with the old school meat...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-22T02:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: the green =\/\/=eezer album.

My horoscope for the day: There's just no way to describe how charming and wonderful you'll be -- but you should see the effects of it soon. Hopefully, that will convince you.

Heh, it’s really funny that that would be my horoscope, as I just had a semi-fight with Aaron. Ah, the irony...

The plans for tonight include: going to the gym and then home to watch four episodes of Scrubs, along with more crocheting. I am making two baby blankets and have to make seven panels for each. I’m up to nine, so I should be finished
soon-ish. I’ve been working on them for just under a month, and not too seriously. My wrists are kinda hurting me today though, so maybe I’ll take it easy and only crochet through two episodes of Scrubs. It’s funny, it only hurts when I’m done, not during...

I’ve kinda got a good idea for my Hallowe’en costume. It’s going to be a very simple dress, something I could make in a day, if I had to. I’m also going to get some wings, cos it will go with the costume and I like to wear wings. I’m gonna get some bright blue ones. :)

I am exhausted today, all of a sudden. I didn’t get home till fairly late (for me anyway) last night. Brandy and I went to see ‘King Arthur’ and then I went to the house and ordered the shirt for our party. Then I went to Panda for dinner, so I didn’t end up at home until almost nine. It’s my own fault really, but I just didn’t really feel like going home...

I smell of a boy....he smells niiiiiiiiice.

Okay, that’s enough for today....

What Pattern Are You?

What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.
You may smile a little but sadness or
loneliness surround you and other can feel it
when they're near you. You have a dark or
unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and
you probably have a lot of secrets that you've
never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging
and unorthidox but the real thing that makes
you special is your eyes. Something in them
makes them like Diamonds in the Rough.

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

See what drug you are.

This amused me....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-23T03:07:00-05:00

YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (NAME OF FIRST PET + STREET YOU GREW UP ON)

Gandalf Perrin

YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (NAME OF YOUR FAVORITE SNACK FOOD + GRANDFATHERS FIRST NAME)

Chips Asa

YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (FIRST WORD YOU SEE ON YOUR LEFT + FAVORITE RESTAURANT)

Kinney Panda

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot)

Salt Germany

SOCIALITE ALIAS: (Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You Were Born)

Lucy Oklahoma City

"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name)

S. Wa (that’s kinda coo)

ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen)

Sugar Honey

DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Went to High School)

Kitten Colorado

BARFLY ALIAS: (Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Drink)

Jelly Bean Vodka

SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived)

Diane Perrin

And oh, how I miss//walking up to the edge and jumping in...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-23T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: the second disk of Ani’s ‘living in clip’

Oh, how I miss//substituting the conclusion to confrontation with a kiss//and oh, how I miss//walking up to the edge and jumping in//like I could feel the future on your skin

Um, happy Friday? Nothing is really going on, that I can think of. I am full from chick-fil-a (insert Homer drooling sounds here...)

Tee hee, it’s obvious that I don’t care if I’m a journal whore or not. :)

Oh, right on!!
Take the quiz: "Which famous actress are you?"

Drew Barrymore
PARTY HARD, BABY! I'm Drew Barrymore!

Hmmm...that fits too...
Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

Agnostic
You've probably studied loads of different religions, but you're just not sure if any of it is true. Evolution makes some sense to you, but it doesn't satisfy you. Lastly, your personality is one of question, but you won't go out of your way to find -The Truth- It's more of a hobby.

But the moon shines halfway sometimes too....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-26T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: ‘women who rock, volume IV.’ The track playing is Lisa Loeb’s ‘Lisa Listen.’

No, that's true as fiction, sometimes I do,//But the moon shines halfway sometimes too.

Happy Monday.

I am tired from the weekend. Next weekend, I don’t think I’ll be going out at all. I’ll be at the house on Friday night, prepping as much as I can for Saturday, which is our party. I’m thinking I won’t be able to get out of there before 10 or so, even if the party does end at 9.

Due to the fact that Lance won the Tour de France, I won the bet I had with Jae. Now I don’t have to go see Catwoman with him. :)

Quote from Will and Grace: Will: “He’s the first guy I felt this way about in a long while. I mean, who wasn’t an arrow-shooting elf from Lord of the Rings.’

I got the fabric to make my Hallowe’en costume. It wasn’t exactly what I thought I was looking for, but it was so perfect. It matches my wings, and it’s a really cool fabric.

I spent waaaay too much money this weekend. That’s all right though, it’s not like it wouldn’t get spent anyway...

I looked really cute on Saturday night. I was wearing one of the really simple tops that I made. Jae kept going on about how cute it was. He thinks it’s my destiny to design clothes. But, since my design are mostly stolen, just modified to make them stacy-worthy, I don’t know how far I could get.

Things stacy would like for her birthday (which will be here in 9 days):
1. Sex. Preferably with the boy from the spa, who has really nice arms, who kisses well, and who isn’t conventionally attractive but has this great smile which makes him so damn irresistible and he smiles most of the damn time! *ahem*
2. A thrift store shopping spree
3. A mini-vacay to Chicago to spend time with Brad
4. My voice back, and a really awesome karaoke selection
5. New tires for my car
6. Seasons 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 of the X-Files on DVD
7. A metallic blue Mini Cooper

Of these, it’s likely that I will get.......none of them.

Cut and paste, tra la la.....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-27T03:07:00-05:00

The Ultimate Kissing Survey

Age of first kiss: 12

Number of people you've kissed: umm......lots?

French kissing is: good

The worst kind of kiss is: sloppy, with no regards to my feelings.

The best kisser you know: umm.....I liked kissing Paul

The worst kisser you know: I hated kissing Tony

The celebrity you'd like to kiss: Orli

Friend you would like to kiss: Jae

Favorite movie kiss: is in the Princess Bride

Do you kiss on the first date? not usually

Eyes open or closed? closed

Average number of kisses you get a day: -4

Ever kissed a friend's boyfriend or girlfriend? no

The last person you kissed: Drea

Best placed to be kissed: on the back of my neck...mmmmm.....

Have you kissed someone of the same sex? yes

What about the opposite sex? yes

Do you consider kissing cheating? yes

The longest you've gone without a kiss: months

The kiss you regret most is: none

Kissing in public is: goood

Tongue rings are: fine

Two girls kissing is: fine

Two guys kissing is: fine

Take The Ultimate Kissing Survey

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Now all you've got to offer me's a fifth of gin....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-27T04:07:00-05:00

I fell for your jive and I took you in//Now all you offer me's a fifth of gin//Why don't you do right//Like some other men do?//Why don't you get out of here and//Bring me some money too.

On my cd player: Women who rock, vol. III. The track playing is Rasputina’s awesome cover of ‘why don’t you do right.’ I love this song, and love the way they do it.

I could’ve written this confession. Okay, /end sadness.

My horoscopes for today: Today is a terrific day for you, stacy, in which your dynamism and optimistic outlook will be quite appreciated. There is an intense boost to your ego that may not have been around yesterday or the day before. Use this opportunity to turn the stage lights up even brighter. Let your heart smile on the world. You have an incredible gift of laughter that you should feel free to share openly with the people around you.

And: If you thought you were charming yesterday, just you wait until you get a load of the effect you have on others now. Clear your calendar of anything but recreational duties.

Let’s see how well they turn out.

I went to yoga last night and was able to hold crow on my head for however long she wanted us to hold it. I was so proud of that. :D I was afraid that my glee would spill over and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate, but that was not the case.

Unhappiness is being oversold by 60 rooms when I need eight more. Sigh.

I know the feeling of alone...

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-28T03:07:00-05:00

I know that there's no where you can hide it.//I know the feeling of alone.//Trust me and don't keep that on the inside.//Soon you...you'll be locked out on your own

On my cd player: the City of Angels soundtrack.

I had a dream about rolling last night. Weird. I was in a house and everything had a light blue feel/look to it. Russ was there, but only cos I associate that with him.

I went to the gym last night and rode the bike for what felt like a week, but it was only half an hour.

If you reversed the words in this confession, it could be me.
I’m not having such a good day today. It seems like everything I do is causing tears to well up in my eyes. I want a mini-vacation. Three days where I don’t have to do anything.

I don’t know if Jae is back from Boston yet. Actually, I’m not ever sure if he’s in Boston. I haven’t heard from him since Sunday, but seeing as how he said he *might* go to Boston and he hasn’t called since then, I put two and two together and come up with ‘he’s in Boston.’ I miss him when he’s not around.
On Friday, when Drea and I were getting ready to go out, I was talking about Daniel. Then he was there at the Club so she got to meet him. I love Daniel, he is so cool.

The shirt that we are giving away as one of the prizes came in yesterday. I stuck my camera and an extra roll of film in the package so I could make sure to remember it. It seems like no one ever remembers to have a camera handy for our parties.

I think my hormones are running rampant today. I hope hope hope that explains my strange weepiness...

Empty dreams can only disappoint....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-29T03:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: the generically titled: ‘mix CD one.’ My brother was never big on creative titles like I am. The track playing is the very cool ‘send me an angel’ by Real Life. I love this song, I love listening to it, I love dancing to it.

Don’t you hate it when you want to spend money but can’t find what you want to buy? I went to three different music stores yesterday trying to find a copy of the soundtrack to Hackers. Alas, I came away empty-handed.

Amusing confessions of the day: naked DDR, paranoia, and drowning. Tee hee.

I hate being labeled. I really can’t stand it. There is not one facet of my personality that I would like to be known only for, if that makes any sense. Nothing that I could pick out and say, yes, I’m _________. Too much can be implied from just one thing. So I tend to refuse to label myself as one thing or another. I guess that can make me seem wishy-washy to some people, but I don’t really care. None of them make my car payment (which is the prerequisite if you’d like to diss/dog/burn me.) I know who I am, and I know who I am not. And I also know that all of it is subject to change.

Why interrupt me if you don’t want me to help you? Smeg off, then, eh?

I feel like writing a pome.

This was just too funny.

Generate your Anime Style by Jena-su
Name:
Hair:	Dark and cut short.
Clothes:	Simple, comfortable, everyday clothes.
Powers:	Elemental control
Special Features:	Fangs
Sidekick:	None, you have no need for a sidekick.
Attitude:	Sarcastic as hell.
Weapon:	Magic Staff

Quiz created with MemeGen!

A veddy cool, unusual survey.

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-30T10:07:00-05:00

I took this from mary, but I know she won’t mind.

1) Using your Current Initials, choose a different first and middle name for yourself. Selene Dorinda

2) If you were born outside of your era, when would you want to be born and why? I’m going to be odd and off-the-cuff and say that I would like to have been born in the mid 22nd century. Nothing about the past really calls out to me, I’m pretty happy in the now.

3) If you ran a store, what would you sell/have? I’ve said that if I opened a store, it would be called ‘Funderwear’ and I would sell fun underpants. I love to wear them, so selling them would be easy.

4) What part in a movie would you love to play? The role of Diane Court in ‘Say Anything.’ The man of my dreams is essentially Lloyd Dobler.

5) In your opinion, why do people suck? People are only looking out for number one.

6) If you had your own state, what would you put on your new quarter? Probably something abstract that would be unlike any of the other quarters. Something instantly identifiable with me.

7)What's the oldest article of clothing you own? Sadly, the oldest thing I have is probably on three or four years old, a crocheted dress that I made that I will probably be getting rid of soon. I tend to go through cycles, and get rid of clothes pretty easily. I tend to end up regretting it though.

8) What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? I guess that would have to be my bed, even though I haven’t replaced it very often. I’ve bought more than my fair share of DVD players...

9) What instrument do you wish you could be more than great at? I don’t really have a desire to play many instruments, but I guess piano, y’know to better emulate Tori. :)

10) Record, Tape or CD? CD

11) What do you think would be the best concert ever? A double billing of New Order and Tori.

12) What's the best part of your favorite movie? My favorite movie is Dark City, but my ‘best part of a movie’ isn’t from Dark City. I’ve occasionally popped in DVDs just to watch my favorite part of the movie. The first one that comes to mind is in the Princess Bride, when Westley and Buttercup are in the fire swamp and Westley has just killed the R.O.U.S. He turns to Buttercup and doesn’t say a word. But the look in his eyes says ‘I don’t care what it takes, I refuse to lose you.’ I want to be loved like that.

The best part of a movie I claim for a favorite would be the ending from American Beauty. It gets me every time. Guaranteed tears.

13) What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Good 'n' Plenty (I’m going to have leave Mary’s answer for this one.) You think they would be cool cos they’re pink and white, but it’s licorice! Nasty nasty licorice!!

14) If you were writing out your will, who would you give your CD collection to? My older brother Greg, cos even though his collection numbers at least three times mine, there are some CDs he would need.

15) If you could only debate two topics the rest of your life, what would they be? I’m gonna be a skeez and not answer this question, just cos there is nothing I really like debating, and certainly nothing that I could debate for the rest of my life.

16) Out of your friends, who would you say you are most jealous of, artistically? That would have to be Drea. Her voice is just (how can I put this so not to cause offense?)....eh, fuck it. Her voice is liquid arousal. When she sings, her whole heart is in that song, it’s really cool to watch.

17) Most jealous of....intellectually? That would have to be Jae. Until I meet his brother, that is. Apparently his brother can beat KenJen in Jeopardy.

18) What do you collect? Turtles, fortunes from cookies, and shiny things. :)

19) What is broken that you have, that you wish was fixed? My sex life, is really the only thing and that’s not really ‘broken.’ If something is broken, I tend to get it fixed pretty quickly.

20) What do you do when you're home sick? I lounge around in pajamas for the day, drink lots of hot strong Darjeeling tea, and crochet.

21) Why does this survey rock? better questions. (I’m leaving Mary’s answer for that too.)

22) Story behind your username? I like the touch of velvet and I like turtles. I was searching ebay one day for velvet turtle and found that their was a (now defunct) restaurant by that name. I have a few pieces of memorabilia from it, but thought it sounded cool together.

23) Current Favorite Article of Clothing? For work: black pants, a white t-shirt, and this really awesome white/pink/black plaid jacket. I get so many compliments on that jacket. For outside of work....I don’t think there’s anything that I don’t like.

24)Line from the last thing you wrote to someone? I wrote “I am a dork” to Chris.

25) A famous person you have met? Well, he’s not famous *yet* but he will be. My best friend Brad.

26) Favorite way to waste time? Crocheting, though it’s not really a waste.

27)Last thing you bought yourself? Granola for my yogurt.

Tell your heart, don't let me die....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-30T04:07:00-05:00

On my cd player: women who rock, volume I. The track playing is Julee Cruise’s ‘rockin’ back inside my heart.’ This is such a cute/cheesy song.

Tell your heart, you make me cry//Tell your heart, don’t let me die//I want you//Rockin’ back inside my heart//I want you//Rockin’ back inside my heart//Rockin’ back inside my heart.

I am excited because my ‘available balance’ is starting to overtake my ‘balance due’ on my credit cards. :D

I got a call last night from Jae. He is back from Boston. W()()t. :) We went for food and the to the Q, where I sang some karaoke, and basically got a little rowdy. I am so pleased that he is back. He is going to have to leave sooner than he thought though, for his middle east trip. Six months, this trip will be. I am going to die, in that sense that 14 year olds do when something like this happens. Sigh, must try not to think about it.

I sometimes think about how many people would be less lonely if someone just said something. But then I think: he wouldn’t want me anyway, so why bother saying anything if I know it’s going to end poorly?

I had all this stuff to write about, but can’t seem to remember what it all was....

I'm at the house, and felt like writing....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-30T10:07:00-05:00

I am feeling such a multitude of things, I thought I'd write about 'em.

Cold: Josh's window is open and there is a fan in there so I can't close it.

Amused: Rebber now has a four foot flagpole on her, with a 'surrender the booty' Jolly Roger flag on it. :)

Achy: sewing in bad light is never good.

Tired: sewing in bad light is never good.

Lazy: I've only made Drea's pants, I haven't cleaned/organized/decorated anything.

Horny: no 'splanation needed, I think.

Dancy: Wolfsheim makes me think of the Church, and I can't wait til we go up next week.

Dirty: my nail polish is chipped and it's kinda bugging me.

Thirsty: I want some water.

Okay, done. :)

It's now later.....

velvetTurtle — 2004-07-30T11:07:00-05:00

It's now later and I'm feeling other things (and really just needed a break.)

Good: common area looks pretty decent and Dre's pants are done.

Hungry: dinner was a while ago.

Bleary: there is practically no light in this house.

Dirty: I kinda cleaned the white board.

Trippy: Halcyon is good.

Freaked: what did I just hear outside?

I cannot be without you, matter of fact.....

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-02T04:08:00-05:00

If you'd accept surrender, I'll give up some more//Weren't you adored//I cannot be without you, matter of fact//I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

On my cd player: comp that has songs that no other stacy comp has, volume II. The track playing is the Foo Fighters ‘walking after you.’

Okie dokie. Happy Monday, such as it is. I had a good weekend, and then I did some embarrassing things too.

Friday night, I cleaned/decorated the house and then made Drea pants. Got home about 12:30 and then to bed. Saturday started nicely, woke up, got ready to go, had breakfast as Sonic ™ and then to the house. The girls weren’t ready to go yet, so we got to clean and decorate more as well. Finally, we get going. Start of at Chipotle ™ for lunch and then to Sam’s Club for grocery shopping. I remember now why I don’t like to go shopping at places when it’s daylight. Too many people, and a lot of them have screaming children. Not my idea of a good day.

Now for the party. Hardly anyone showed up, so that was kinda lame, but the people who did show up were awesome. We had a scavenger hunt and my team won!! It was so cool. Drea wrote the best clues. I bumped my knee on Rebber though, and have a big bruise on it.

Afterwards, I called Aaron and went over to his house for some drinks and then to Hatch Cover. I was kinda drunk and talked to Chris (the guy from the spa) for quite a while. I’m really not sure what I told him, but I kept talking anyway. I do remember him telling me: ‘now you can say to yourself “Chris knows how I feel.”’ So apparently, Chris knows how I feel. If he does anything with it, that’s a whole ‘nother story...so I guess the ball is in his court now.

Fuck a duck! I now have a pre-con on Sunday, which means I'm going to be at the hotel every day from now until next Thursday! And it's fucking at 11 o'clock, which means I can't go to yoga. And I'm not going to have any fucking overtime next week cos I'm taking a vacation day! Fuck!!!!! All right. /end pissiness. Sorta.

I am sore from yoga yesterday. Kathleen had us do 13 or so sun salutations. Ouch!!

I don’t understand boys. Or men for that matter.

The funniest thing happened on Malcolm in the Middle last night. Reese was back-tracking his day, y’know: first I did this, then I did this. He goes ‘then I saw something shiny, and I put it in my shiny box.’ And he had a box covered in aluminum foil!! It was the coolest thing. I’m going to make something like that.

A reason why I am confused by the opposite sex: I was talking to Chris and somehow (the vodka, I’m sure), I said that I had been turned down by the guys I had asked out recently. His reply was something to the effect of ‘who would turn you down?’ Now, does this mean he has any interest in me? Probably not - because that’s just the way my life is. So, confusion from men.

I got material to make a double layered skirt at Wally World yesterday. The bottom layer is going to be this really pretty turquoise color and the top layer is going to be white lace. It shouldn’t take more than half an hour to make. I’ll see if I have the energy to do that tonight.

I told Jae he had to take me out to dinner on Thursday for my birthday, so essentially, my whole week is booked.

Happiness = making Drea laugh.

Quizzy!!

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-02T04:08:00-05:00

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Same ole, same ole....(aber modified)

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-03T02:08:00-05:00

What was the last...

:x: movie you rented: episodes of CSI: Miami.

:x: song you listened to: Ani’s ‘willing to fight’

:x: person you called: I tried to call Jae, but his machine isn’t on

:x: person who called you: a meeting planner, one I just adore!

:x: TV show you watched: Will and Grace

:x: person you were thinking of: Chris, sadly.

Do....
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else: sorta, I’m pretty fond of the city in which I live, and all my friends are here; but I wish I could live closer to the hotel.

:x: you like cleaning: no, but I understand that it needs to be done.

:x: you like roller coasters: yeppers

:x: you write in cursive or print: I don’t actually write very often, I type more, but when I do, it’s a combination of print and cursive. Kind of a pursive, or a crint.

What is your favorite...
:x: food: chick-fil-a™ nuggets, and Fujiya salad....mmm....Fujiya
:x: thing to do: Hmmm....that’s kind of a loaded question, innit? I guess one thing I could do over and over is hang out with Drea. I love that, and don’t get enough..
:x: sport: love, it’s an indoor sport, innit?
:x: drink: water, sweetened iced jasmine tea, hot, strong Darjeeling tea
:x: movies: ‘dark city’, ‘american beauty’, ‘potc’
:x: holiday: dude, Hallowe’een, whenever it comes.

Number…
:x: of times I have been in love?: zero

:x: of times I have had my heart broken?: I stopped counting that one. A few anyway...

:x: of hearts I have broken?: I know of a couple, for sure...

:x: of girls I have kissed?: (for some reason, I didn't answer this). I have kissed......several girls. I've made out with one girl this year.

:x: of boys I have kissed?: umm, I stopped counting that one too. This month, none. Last month, one

:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?: seven

:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: none that I know of.

:x: of scars on my body?: I have scars everywhere. I was a tomboy. If I counted them all, I guess they would number in the low hundreds.

:x: of things in my past that I regret?: a few, but not many. What could I do if I regretted them? Nothing, except dwell, and what good would that do?

Favorite…

:x: Word: I don’t really have a favorite word to say, or a favorite word to hear, so none.
:x: Nickname: staca
:x: boy’s name: My son (should I have one) will be named Darien Gaetan
:x: girl’s name: Assuming I have a daughter, her name will be Gillian Blue
:x: Eye Color: green
:x: Flower: sterling roses

RANDOM…

:x: Spell your first name backwards: ycats

:x: The story behind your user name: It was a restaurant in California, and I love both turtles and velvet
:x: Are you straight?: I hate that question. I don’t like to define anything about myself, as everything about me is subject to change with no prior notification. I haven’t yet had sex with a woman, but I have been attracted to women and I don’t feel there is anything wrong with being attracted to a woman.

:x: Where do you live?: Colorado

DESCRIBE YOUR…

:x: Wallet: it is white and has a black lion on it and it reads ‘leo.’ I don’t like it cos it’s dirty, I need to get a new one.

:x: Hairbrush: a big green flat paddle brush.

:x: Toothbrush: purple, I think.

:x: Jewelry worn daily: none, actually.

:x: Pillow cover: it changes with each time I make my bed.

:x: Blanket: a handmade afghan. The pattern is called stained-glass stripes and it’s really colorful.

:x: Coffee cup: It’s huge, purple, and has an alligator on it. Veddy cool.

:x: Sunglasses: I have several pair, all have dark frames and colored lens. I have a pink pair, a purple pair, yellow and dark blue/green pair as well.

:x: Shoes: I don’t like shoes.

:x: Handbag: my current purse is in the shape of a woman’s bustier. It rocks!!

:x: CD in stereo right now: the second disk of Ani’s ‘living in clip’

:x: What you are wearing now?: black pants and a velvety top

:x: Hair: short (ack!!) and dyed blonde/brown
:x: Make up: none

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)…

:x: Talking to: I just finished talking to Monica

:x: Eating: nothing

:x: If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason? I wouldn’t. Cos even if I ‘got away with it’, my karma wouldn’t let me.

:x: Person you wish you could see right now: Bradley!!

:x: Is next to you?: an unfinished resume, and my electrical stapler

:x: Something you're looking forward to in this up coming month?: my birthday!!

:x: Something that you are deathly afraid of: Clowns, mimes, and balloons.

:x: Do you like candles: yes

:x: Do you like hot wax: Um....no.

:x: Do you like incense: yes
:x: Do you like the taste of blood: who frickin’ wrote this?

:x: Do you believe in love: yes

:x: Do you believe in soul mates: oh my, I hope so.

:x: Do you believe in love at first sight: No such thing. Lust at first sight, yes.

:x: Do you believe in forgiveness: yes

:x: What do you want done with your body when you die: I want to be cremated.

:x: Who is your worst enemy?: Old man Withers, he runs the haunted amusement park.

:x: If you could have any animal for a pet: a kitten that always stays a kitten.

:x: Ever been to Belgium?: nope

:x: Can you eat with chopsticks: I can, and did today.

:x: What's your favorite coin?: I don’t have one...

:x: Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?: Brad. I haven’t seen him all year!!

If I could only hear your voice I could put my jealous heart to rest...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-03T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: William Topley’s ‘black river.’
If I could only hear your voice I could put my jealous heart to rest//But you rule over an isle where the crackling wire don’t stretch//With my tail between my legs I bring oddities from far afield//I’ve sailed the doldrums, suffered lice and sunburn and sargasso weeds
I love William Topley. I missed my opportunity to see him December, but I can assure you, that won’t happen again.
My horoscope for today: ‘whoever is on your mind right now has absolutely no idea how far you'll go to make your presence known. Show them. Make it clear that you're not going anywhere.’ Hmm....does that mean I throw my heart (and caution) to the wind (again) and talk to Chris? No? Okay, whatever you say....

Okay, just back from lunch now. Chris was there. So I promptly lost my appetite and could only eat the fortune cookie. But I did sit down and talk to him, twice. :) At first, we just talked about nothing, and the second time, I apologized for whatever I said/did on Saturday. He said that I have nothing to apologize for, and he didn’t think any differently of me. Of course, I’m over-analyzing the situation. But I did talk to him, and that’s the important thing, right? Right? Ohmigod, I’m not right at all....

It’s funny, for a Leo, I’m sometimes not so confident...

As much as I definitely enjoy solitude....

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-05T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: Bjork’s ‘post’ album.
as much as I definitely enjoy solitude//I wouldn't mind perhaps//spending little time with you//sometimes//sometimes

Yesterday was my birthday. I didn’t write an entry cos I was only here for three hours yesterday. As my wallet was stolen and an unauthorized charge was placed against my debit card, I got to spend my birthday running around replacing things, filling out forms, speaking with the police – y’know: just your average everyday birthday.

The thing that sucks the most about my missing wallet: okay, there are really two. First, my new library number *isn’t* a palindrome, which I loved. Second, my pictures of me and Brad from high school, my pictures of Anna and Luna. These things are irreplaceable. Sigh...not lookin’ good for my 26th year.

I did get a new license though, that was pretty cool. I dyed a streak of my hair teal green with a bingo maker for the picture. :) So for the next ten years, my license will have a streak of green hair. W()()t.

I get to the office today and find that Jae left a dozen yellow roses on my desk. He also gave flowers to the other women in my office, asking that they ask me to forgive him for having to go back out of town. He is *so* the best boyfriend.

Jae and I were talking in the car last night, and I mentioned the survey that I took with the question ‘are you straight? I told him how ‘I hate that question. I don’t like to define anything about myself, as everything about me is subject to change with no prior notification. I haven’t yet had sex with a woman, but I have been attracted to women and I don’t feel there is anything wrong with being attracted to a woman.’ He said that he agreed.

I also got to see Daniel, a very nice birthday present. :)

This rocked!!

Oh black river, let me row back to you....

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-06T04:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: William Topley's 'black river'

I have been hella busy. I will have time to write tomorrow, and ooo boy, do I have loads to write about...

Tonight: yoga and Denver, I could only be happier if I were sleeping with Chris.....

Standing here on the shores of destiny....

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-07T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: comp that has songs that no other stacy comp has, volume II. The track playing is Wolfsheim’s ‘once in a lifetime.’

And when silence comes back to me//I find myself feeling lonely//Standing here on the shores of destiny//I find myself feeling lonely

So far, twenty-six has been....well, an awful year.

I get home on Thursday to find that the hoodrat has been in the house. Instead of taking his stuff, he takes my mom’s DVD player and fifteen or so of my dvd’s, including ‘dark city’ and ‘equilibrium’. So now I have only one brother and a sister, as I chose to not acknowledge someone who would steal from me so heartlessly.

I skipped yoga last night and went shopping instead.

I didn’t have too much fun last night, but I don’t feel like bitching about it more. Let’s just say that I need a break, and I’ll leave it at that.

You chose them bit by bit...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-09T04:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: ‘gowry gee....’ The track playing is Agent Provocateur’s Red Tape. Looking at the lyrics, this is kinda a lame song.

Happy Monday! And, oh, w()()t, it kinda is.

I am looking (with my hot little eyes) Chris’ phone number. I went up to him in the caf, and sat down next to him. I kind of leaned over and said ‘y’know, I’m just going to have to bite the bullet here. Would you like to go out with me sometime, dinner, perhaps a movie?’ And he says......(drum roll please) ‘yeah, definitely.’ So now I just have to work up the cojones to actually call him. :)

It’s just been a good day. I’m still coughing up a storm, but that’s all I’m doing pretty much. I don’t really have a runny nose and I don’t have a fever.

We got to hang out with Sandra last night, which just rocked my sox! She handed out birthday presents and it was awesome. We had dinner at Hops and had the best server. I love friendly/personable servers (that I don’t know to begin with.) I tipped him really well, but he definitely earned the money.

Woo hoo!! I just got off the phone with my brother. He told me to send him a list of my missing DVDs and he would replace what he could. The hoodrat has stolen from him as well, so he knows how it can be.

And I will waste no time...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-10T04:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘heavier things.’
And I will wait to find//If this will last forever//And I will wait to find//That it won't and it won't it won't//And I will pay no mind//worry about the way the weather//And I will waste no time//Remembering our life together

I hung out with Tiffany last night. We watched ’13 going on 30’ and played catch-up for a bit. It was good to see her. I don’t think I’ve really seen her since the beginning of May.

I have to work today and tomorrow, and then I’m off for four whole days! W()()t!! I am going shopping with my mom on Thursday, and then Drea and I are planning on lunch on Friday.

I don’t know where Jae is. He knows I hate it when I don’t know where he is. Gah, I sound just like a wife.

Drea got this really cool top. I really like it, and feel inspired to make one of my own. I think that’s a good thing, that I have a desire to make something instead of buying it. I love being crafty. :)

Aaron is out today and I miss him!! I am bored here without him. Lousy boys... :)

I only have one more day of work this week!! yay yay yay.

Hmm...bowling.

And maybe when your heart and soul are burning...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-11T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: ‘gowry gee...’ The track playing is David Gray’s ‘be mine.’ I love this song, I think it conveys such beautiful emotion.
If I had some influence girl//With the powers that be//I’d have them fire that arrow at you//Like they fired it right at me//And maybe when your heart and soul are burning//You might see//That every time I’m talking with you//It’s always over too soon//That everyday feels so incomplete//Till you walk into the room//Say the word now girl//I’ll jump that moon hey

Today is my last day of work before my long long weekend. I am really looking forward to it. I am going to clean out my closet and dresser to get rid of some stuff before I go shopping.

I am so excited!! My two credit cards came in yesterday, and my Mastercard is the same – it have Van Gogh’s ‘starry night’ on it. I love that painting, and it was the only reason I wanted the card. I saw a TV show once where a woman was wearing a shirt and the fabric was printed like the painting. It was very cool.

I talked to Chris last night. :) Hopefully, we can get together soon and I can figure out if this could be good.

I also talked to Jae last night, who had good news and bad news for me. The bad news is that he is flying out (again) today and that he might have to leave sooner than expected for his long long trip. The good news is that the trip might only be three months as opposed to the six he thought it would be. So I am happy and sad.

I have some ideas for Solkwanakdamnas gifts, but not too many. I’m pretty sure I know what I’m getting for my mom (a tattoo), Josh, Jae, Daniel, and Tiffany, but not really sure what to get the girls.

For every reason not to be here I can think of two...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-17T04:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: the second disk of the latter Depeche Mode greatest hits collection.
There’s a thousand reasons//Why I shouldn't spent my time with you//For every reason not to be here I can think of two//Keep me hanging on//Feeling nothing’s wrong//Inside your heaven

That’s right – the bitch is back. :)

So, my days off...Thursday I went shopping with my mom and then got new tires on my car. I then went home and spent the rest of the day lounging about. Friday, I...now what did I do on Friday? I had lunch with Drea and then we spent a bit of time at the mall. Then, in the evening at the house, dozing on the LoveSac™ while Chiara, Drea, and Russell watched Kill Bill 2. Saturday I got my oil changed and then came home to sleep. Spent the evening at the Hatch, drooling over a boy (who can’t seem to be free for me to take out ) Sunday I went to yoga and then came home and napped for a little bit. Then to the house for girl’s night. Hmm...written out like that, that doesn’t seem like four days. But that’s exactly what I wanted: some time to myself, with no obligations.

Coming back to work yesterday was a big shock. I had so much to do, it wasn’t even funny.

I got a tip from a group that I wasn’t expecting, so I replaced my mom’s dvd player. I can be such a good daughter sometimes.

I’ve been having the strangest dreams lately. Dreams about time-travel and bridges in foreign countries. Strange stuff...

Wow. I just got off the phone with my brother. He let me know that he narrowly avoided this disaster. Nature can be one scary bitch when she wants to...

You can have my absence of faith...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-19T04:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: Drea’s lust disk. The track playing is NIN’s ‘closer.’ That’s funny Trent, cos I’d like to *be* fucked like an animal.

Happy Thursday!! It is noon now, and I will be at work for another five hours, at least. I have a pre-con at quarter til five, and I hope hope hope that I won’t have to make a lot of changes to the group. I don’t think I will because the group has been pretty much on top of things and I’m meeting with a man who I haven’t met, so I don’t think he’ll have loads of changes.

Brandy and I went to see Godsend last night. It was pretty spooky, but I can’t really say why. Usually, if a movie freaks me out it’s because I can identify with it, but I don’t think that’s the case here.
I am getting close to finishing the two baby blankets I am making. Then I can get to work on holiday presents. Woo hoo!
Things that are lousy: boys that don’t call you back. Yes, ‘no’ sucks, but a faux yes is so much worse. Stupid boys...sorry, it looks like I’m back on the anti-boy bandwagon.

I dreamt that it was snowing last night. It didn’t bother me until I realized that it was still August. Then I dreamed that I was going to make lasagna for the gang. I need to stop eating what is causing these dreams.
It’s raining again today. I swear, it’s rained three out of four days since the middle of June. All this moisture is getting to me. I need sun, even if I’m not out in it.

I know just how you feel...sigh.

Now this is what I’m talking about...tee hee....

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	16

Quiz created with MemeGen!

A weird lil survey....

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-20T10:08:00-05:00

I was so amused by this, that I took it for my own. I hope angrycargo doesn’t mind....

Have you ever found yourself:

[ ] living in a shotgun shack
[X] in another part of the world
[X] behind the wheel of a large automobile
[X] in a beautiful house
[ ] with a beautiful wife

Have you ever asked yourself:

[X] Well, how did I get here?
[X] How do I work this?
[ ] Where IS that large automobile?
[ ] What is that beautiful house?
[ ] Where does that highway go to?
[X] Am I right?
[X] Am I wrong?

Have you ever told yourself:

[X] This is not my beautiful house.
[ ] This is not my beautiful wife.
[X] MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

blork!

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-20T02:08:00-05:00

First grade teacher's name: Ms. Baldwin?
Last phrase you said: can I switch out an Eastmoor for a Southlake?
Last thing you laughed at: something Aaron said
Last time you cried: at a movie, I think.

PRESENT
What's in your cd player: the first disk of Depeche Mode’s latter greatest hits collection.
What color socks are you wearing: black trouser socks
What's under your bed: my Simpson’s monopoly game, and old calendars
What time did you wake up today: quarter til seven! I slept in....

CURRENT
Current annoyance: a coworker.
Current smell: my perfume.
Current longing: touch, dammit!!!!
Current desktop picture: none.
Current book: I’m in the middle of the DaVinci Code, for probably the sixth time.
Current hate: um.....none really.
Story behind your username: for my blog: it’s a restaurant in California, and since I like both velvet and turtles, I stole it for my own. For yahoo!: it’s my first initial and last name, followed by my favorite ‘exaggeration’ number.
Favorite physical feature on a guy: eyes are good, and so are hands....
Line from the last thing you wrote to someone: I've asked him for it about a trillion times.....
I am happiest when: there is nothing I’m worried about.
I feel lonely when: it’s cold outside....
If you could live anywhere in the world, where: Australia.
Famous person you have met: um, none, actually. Though Brad and I did see Boyz II Men in the mall.
Do you have any regrets: yes.
Sex or love: both
Favorite coffee: none.
Favorite smell: freshly cut grass and falling summer rain.
What makes you mad: people who get away with things (especially if I couldn’t get away with it) and people who don’t use a turn signal.
Favorite way to waste time: sleep or crochet.
What is your best quality: I think I’m generous, and I know I’m creative.
Are currently in love/lust: duh.
What's the craziest thing you have ever done: I don’t really consider anything I do crazy. It all made sense at the time.
Any bad habits: I get mad about stupid things sometimes, and I can be a little too aggressive. (GAR!!!)
Do you find it hard to trust people: no.
Last thing you bought yourself: does lunch count? If not...I really can’t say.
Favorite season: fall.

FRIENDS
Do your friends know everything about you: no, but not because I’m hiding anything, there are things in the past that happened that don’t matter anymore, so no one really knows about them.
Can they count on you: yes.

LAST
Last book you read: last book I finished was the fifth Harry Potter book.
Last movie you saw: the Perfect Score, it was pretty good.
Last movie you saw on the big screen: Godsend.
Last show you watched on tv: Without a Trace.
Last song you heard: Depeche Mode’s ‘personal Jesus.’
Last thing you had to drink: water
Last thing you ate: lunch.
Last time you smiled: pretty recently, I’m sure.
Last person you hugged: Chris, I think, but only cos I haven’t seen Drea since.

DO YOU
Smoke: no
Sleep with stuffed animals: no, I have real animals, that love to cuddle up to me.
Have a dream that keeps coming back: not recently.
Play an instrument: I sing, does that count?
Believe there is life on other planets: yes.
Read the newspaper: not the actual paper.
Believe in miracles: no.
Consider yourself tolerant: to some things, but not to others.
Consider police a friend or foe: foe.
Like the taste of alcohol: sure.
Believe in astrology: yep.
Go or plan to attend college: no.
Talk to strangers: every day.
Have any piercings: four in my left ear, two in my right, and my belly.
Hate yourself: not as a rule.
Wish on stars: yep
Like your handwriting: yes.
Believe in Santa: no
Trust others easily: sorta

HAVE YOU EVER
Ever been so drunk you blacked out: not that I’m aware of....
Been hurt emotionally: this month? Yes.
Ever thought an animated character was hot?: Disney’s Robin Hood. He was a fox!! (in more than one way!!)
Been on stage: yep.

FAVORITES
Day/night: Night
summer/winter: Summer
Lace or satin: satin
Cartoon characters: Batman
Movie: Dark City, Say Anything, and Equilibrium (to be pronounced eck-will-ibrium.)
Subject: me?
'normal' drink: does this mean ‘not containing alcohol’? If so, then sweetened iced jasmine tea.
Persons to talk to online: none

This was kinda lame, what does that say about me????

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-20T03:08:00-05:00

Credit where it’s due...I stole this from rockerannah.

ABOUT ME
1. Piercings - four in my left ear, two in my right ear and my belly

(is this really all there is about me??!!)

FAVES
2. TV show - CSI, CSI: Miami, the Simpsons, Red Dwarf
3. Book - The Talisman, and HP: POA.
4. Color - purple
5. Bands - New Order, =\/\/=eezer
6. Song - I’ve been saying Ani’s ‘Adam and Eve’ for quite a while, but I think ‘fire door’ is creepin’ up there too...
7. Website - the ULRP and grouphug!

DO YOU
8. Like to sing? - duh!
9. Have any special talents/skills? - I crochet beautifully, I can sing, I have loads of special skills. :)
10. Like school? - it’s aight.

CAN YOU
11. Go a day without food? - why would I want to do that?

HAVE YOU EVER
12. Gotten lost in your city? - yes, actually. I got lost going to the house once, it was really pretty spooky.
13. Been to any other countries besides the United States? - yes
14. Solved a Rubik’s cube? - nope
15. Gone out in public in your pajamas? - all the time.
16. Kissed a random stranger? - well, I guess what I did with Chris....
17. Hugged a random stranger? - see above....
18. Done drugs? - yes
19. Had alcohol? - yes
20. Laughed and had milk come out of your nose? - milk, no. Other things, yes.
21. Pushed all the buttons on an elevator? - no, that’s awful.
22. Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc? - no
23. Had a waterballoon fight in winter? - no
24. Bitten someone? - more like a nibble....
PICK ONE
25. Hugs/kisses: both
26. Emo/goth - neither
27. Long sleeve/short sleeve - short sleeve
28. Pants/shorts - pants

FRIENDSHIPS
29. What’s an inside joke between you and a friend? - pizza; Micah, Micah, Micah; punisher mouse; vacuum; ‘as Ben Franklin once said’
30. What’s the dumbest thing you've done with a friend? - Uh......well, I don’t consider anything we do dumb, it’s all pretty cool.

LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
31. What is your idea of a great date? – It all depends. Is this a first date or I am fairly comfortable with the person? A great first date would be somewhere quiet where we could talk and get to know one another. If I’m comfy with the person, it could be anything....
32.What’s the best experience you’ve ever had with the opposite sex? - I think when Jae and I went to dinner and then to a club. Yes, I’m lame, I know.
33. What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done with the opposite sex? - I’ve gone all the way, baby. All the way, just not recently.
WORD ASSOCIATION
34. Slippers - purple
35. Hat - cap
36. Hard - soft
37. Free - bird
38. Space - ship
39. Taste - me
40. Good charlotte - guh
41. Red - stop
42. Deep - throat (sorry!)
43. Heart - stop
44. Cord - phone
45. Cheese - spooooon!
46. Rain - Spain
47. Work - out
48. Pedal - metal
49. Head - stand
50. Bed - time
51. Fluff - -y pillow
52. Hardcore - cool
53. Race - car
54. Knife - cut
55. Jump - up

I...
56. did - a bad bad thing. :)
57. miss - you, but I haven’t met you yet....
58. am annoyed by - stupidity and boys who don’t return phone calls!! Dammit, all you had to do was say ‘no’ but you couldn’t do that, you had to string me along.....you dumbass!! Ahem.

SILLY STUFF
59. What is your favorite genre of music? - whatever sounds good at the time. I don’t really have a favorite ‘genre.’

LASTLY
60. When’s the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex? - July 17th, 2004.

Lost your mind why don’t you think it’s time...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-20T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: Booth and the Bad Angel. I love this album.

Lost your mind why don’t you think it’s time//to swim away from the safety of these beaches.

I am of the opinion that most songs are just poetry paired with music.

I was driving in this morning and a strange thing happened. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I have a nasal hallucination: I can smell butterscotch, like someone in my car is eating butterscotch chips.

Hmm...I just invented a goody snack. Sliced bananana with peanut butter and honey. Nummy.

I’m thinking of designing my mom’s snail to look something like this.

I hate it when people expect you to drop everything when they need something, but then don’t return the courtesy if you need something from them. Piss off, will be my answer next time.

When the paper’s crumpled up it can’t be perfect again...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-23T04:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: Linkin Park’s ‘hybrid theory’

A little piece of paper with a picture drawn floats//On down the street till the wind is gone//The memory now is like the picture was then//When the paper’s crumpled up it can’t be perfect again

Happy Monday!! For all it’s worth...

Let’s see here....good things and bad things have happened since Friday. I’ll start with the good, cos it’s so much better to focus on the good thing. The really cool thing is: I got my DVDs back. Nicole told me where the hoodrat pawned them, I called the police and got them back. The only one that seems to still be missing is a View From the Top, but I can live with that. Also, my mother got some DVDs that the hoodrat had pawned out of hock, and gave them to me. So I added Super Troopers and Reservoir Dogs to my collection. Both are must haves. :) Now for the bad thing: the fucking hoodrat broke into the house (while my mother and I were there!!!), stole my credit cards (again) and some of my mail. I hope that some of these things are felonies and he can be put away for some time. I’m now pretty shaken at home, I didn’t want to leave the house over the weekend and I kept hearing noises. It doesn’t help that there are two very active cats in the house that like to make noise. The hoodrat called my mother this morning, saying he was going to kill himself. Now I know that he is too selfish to actually do such a thing, but a part of me (the majority of me) wishes he would actually do it. I feel horrid for saying such a thing, but I would feel so much safer if he were dead.

I went to the UG on Friday, sang some karaoke, it was fun. Then on Saturday, I went to the Hatch for a lil bit. Some drunk guy was trying to hit on me, but I was really not interested. I was then overwhelmed with missing Jae something fierce and left. All in all, I’m going to say this wasn’t a great weekend.

I rearranged my room yesterday. I spent most of the morning vacuuming and pushing furniture around. Loads of fun. I stuck my DVD case in the bathroom, but that didn’t really open as much space in the room as you would think. (And I just had a lightbulb go off as to why it didn’t – because of how I put my bed. – duh Stace, duh.) Anyway....

I’m almost done with those baby blankets. W()()t – then I can start on holiday stuff.

Okay, so Aaron has found my blog. So I’m faced with questions. Like, do I pretend he has no idea about it and just write what I would write anyway? I’m going to venture a guess and say.....yes. It’s mine, I can write what I want. Which brings me to: today, he says something along the lines of ‘you and I would hang out more if I wasn’t in this relationship.’ I’m like, um, okay. What can I say to something like that? Why must boys confuse so much?

I spent three hours at the DMV today, as the hoodrat also stole my new registration, so I got to shell out more money for that too. It’s an insult, how he keeps on stealing from me and I have to keep on replacing things. I swear, if I ever see him again, I don’t give a fluck what could happen, I’m gonna kill him. Okay, I’m not really going to kill him, but I would certainly like to.

Okay, I’m better now.....no, really I am.

And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-24T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: I’m really sorry Josh, for all the crap I make you download....The track playing is that really cool mix of ‘boys of summer’ that reminds me of Candy. Mmmm....Candy....

It’s Tuesday, and nothing monumental has happened. (I think.) I bought a lamp last night. It’s one of those paper ones that hangs from my ceiling. It’s more mood lighting than functional. I think I’m going to go get another shade for it so it can be functional as well.

This is the poem that I wrote whilst at the UG on Friday night. It hit me in the loo as I was washing my hands so I scribbled it on a paper towel. I get back to the table and was writing furiously. Leah was like ‘what are you writing?’ So I told her ‘oh, four lines of a poem just hit me and I need to get them down.’ As I kept writing, she was like ‘that’s a lot more that four lines Stace.’ But what can you do? If you don’t write it down, you lose it...anyway, it doesn’t have a title.

I don’t think about you anymore
at least...
that’s what I tell myself
late late late at night
when the walls close in
and I can’t seem to find air in a room full of it.
But still
I don’t think about you
That shows some promise, I think.
I hope.
I have to hope.
It’s all I have left,
The only thing I have that isn’t tainted with the scent of you.
So I have that
And it keeps me company,
Late late late at night
When I’m not thinking about you.

/end pome

And I can't handle this...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-25T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: the City of Angels soundtrack.

the news that truly shocks is the empty empty page//while the final rattle rocks its empty empty cage//and I can't handle this

This song was used in an episode of Alias.

Tonight, I am going to face defeat at the brain of Aaron. We are getting together to play Simpson’s trivia and I know he is going to whup my ass. But I am not going to make it easy for him. Nuh uh.

I found my diary from high school and was reading it last night. It was just awful. “Oh, a boy,” “oh I love him.” What a dork I was/am.

My mom and I went shopping last night and then ran a few errands. It’s nice to spend time with her, sometimes. I got this nightgown that I am going to wear someplace, maybe the next time we got up to Denver. It’s baby doll blue and has a Grecian feel to it. I’m going to make it shorter, wear a black slip under it and pair it with my new black-just-short-of-knee boots and call it a day.

We also went to the library, where it was movie night. The movie playing was Pirates, so I was a happy girl. I go in, watch until Orli comes on and then leave. Doesn’t take much to make me a happy girl. Thankfully. :P

Whoever this guy is, he’d better come introduce himself to me. :)

Ohmigod. I just came back from West. I had to go up and down the elevator six times, at least. I am so sick to my stomach. I really don’t like elevators.

Massive props to Megan for finding dooooodlebug. Pretty fun.....

More scurvy!!

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-26T12:08:00-05:00

1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. *star* the things that are true about you.
3. Change the others to things that are true about you.

*01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions. – I’ve made some bad ones in my older days too....
*02. I don't like many TV shows
*03. I love my music
*04. I love sleeping. – even though I don’t do it nearly enough!
*05. I have loads of books. – not enough room for them.
*06. I’m allowed to sleep at members of the opposite sex's house. – well, I don’t have to ask permission, I do what I want. :)
*07. I love playing video games. – but only on my Super NES.
*08. I’ve smoked marijuana. – but not recently.
*09. I watch porn movies. – again, not recently.
10. I’ve never seen any episode of Chapelle’s show.
*11. I hate how make up never goes on the same on both eyes.
*12. I hate spiders. – but I don’t kill them.
*13. I was born with blonde hair. – but it darkened a lot over the years.
*14. I don’t get into politics. – but I am so voting this year!
*15. People suck. – even me.
16. I have a cold.
17. I’ve never been to California.
***18. I have a lot to learn. – this is triply starred because it’s so true.
*19. I like to carry a knife with me anywhere. – I don’t like to carry a knife, but I do, so can I give this a half star? :)
*20. I’m smart but I don’t apply myself 100% of the time.
*21. I've never broken anyone’s bones.
22. There is not one thing that at least one person doesn’t know about me. (Make sense?)
23. I love rain.
*24. I kinda drink a lot of water.
*25. Punk rock is totally overrated.
26. I don’t know Bill Gates well enough to form an opinion about him.
***27. I love Panda Express. – an over amount of love, some might say.
28. I have no desire to be famous.
*29. I am not a morning person. – though I am forced to be.
30. I had semi-long hair, but cut it off. I can’t wait for it to grow back.
*31. I dye my hair. – and need to re-dye it soon.
*32. I have potential but don’t always show it.
*33. I’m not very tan. – really pale, some might say.
34. I have great legs.
35. I wish I had a sister who was closer to my age.
36. I hate wearing pantyhose!
37. I’m easily distracted.
*38. I like the way that I look
39. I love Japanese food.
*40. I know how to French braid.
41. I live to drive fast.
*42. I have a lot of mood swings.
*43. I don’t care to know how to skateboard/snowboard
44. I think things out of the ordinary are hot.
45. I haven’t been to church in so long, and I don’t care to go ever again.
*46. I have no talent playing the guitar.
*47. I'm generally a mellow person. – though I can have a temper.
48. I think I’m a good person.
49. I am always falling for the wrong guy (or so it seems.)
*50. I can swim.

I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-26T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: Jack Johnson’s ‘brushfire fairytales.’

It seems to me that maybe,//It pretty much always means no//So don't tell me you might just let it go//And often times we're lazy//It seems to stand in my way//Cause no one no not no one//Likes to be let down

Okay. I hung out with Aaron last night. Got pretty tipsy (ten shots of vodka, I think, in the span of a few hours.) I didn’t throw up, which is good; and didn’t do anything (I think) to worry about in the morning. We were at his house for a few hours, playing trivia games and talking. The talking (which I always think is important) was nice and flowy and easy. But then we get to the club and he doesn’t say a word to me until we are driving back to his house. I don’t get it. Things are okay at the house and then not so much at a bar.

However, last night did cement my ‘not going out to clubs/bars/place where a lot of loud people are’ for a while. I don’t know how long, but I don’t really have a desire to do that anymore. At least until Jae gets back, and maybe longer. I will make exceptions for the Church, at least for Hallowe’en, but that’s it. I’m going to stay in this Friday, catch up on sleep, and work on those afghans too.

I am feeling very confused by Aaron, and I don’t really understand my confusion.

I have to work on Sunday, and then on Saturday and Sunday of next week. Money money money, I eat it up.

When I get my credit cards back, I’m going to order Alias III and the Star Wars boxset. I hope they come soon....

I’m thinking about getting new checks. I just got the ones that I have, but since it takes me three months to go through 25 checks, I’m kinda bored with them. Plus, I got a flyer in the mail for Hello Kitty checks. :) I don’t know where this fondness for Hello Kitty came from, but she is just too cute.

I need two rooms!! I swear, that’s all I do, look for a tiny number of rooms for people who aren’t even appreciative of it!! Yargh.

Okay, should I feel guilt that I am feeling so much hate towards my stupid younger brother? He is in jail now, and I hope he stays there until I can afford to live in another place. I hope that while he is in jail, he experiences some very horrible, hurtful things. I honestly don’t care what happens to him. When my mother told me he had threatened to kill himself, my first thought was ‘good, I hope he does.’ My mother is struggling with this, saying he’s her child and she loves him. I’m not asking her to not love him, I’m asking her to let him go. I’m asking her to let him deal with the messes that he’s made. I’m asking her to think of me, and what this is doing to me. I’m asking her to let him be an adult. I just want to be able to sleep and not think about who could be coming into my house. Jason has hurt me more than any stranger ever has, and I feel secure and comfortable saying ‘no more.’ I refuse to acknowledge anyone who would do something like this to me. I hate him, more than I’ve ever hated anyone, even Gary. And this would mean nothing to him...

Find another place to feed your greed...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-27T02:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: Linkin Park’s ‘hybrid theory.’

I am so sick of the tension//sick of the hunger//sick of you acting like I owe you this//find another place to feed your greed//While I find a place to rest//I'm so sick of the tension//sick of the hunger//sick of you acting like I owe you this//find another place to feed your greed//While I find a place to rest.

The above is dedicated to my dead brother. I hate him, honestly I do.

Now, on to more happy things.

Woo hoo!!! The movies for the first two weeks of September here rock!! Troy, Mean Girls, and Harry Potter – honestly, could I be any happier?

I was going to go to yoga tonight, but I think I’m going to clean and organize the shed instead. All of my stuff is getting all dusty and getting bugs in it too. Maybe I can get rid of some of the stuff as well. It’s been so long since that thing has had a proper cleaning, so I know it’s going to be a long job.

I know this a standard rant, but I so need to get laid soon. I’m kinda going all antsy again....I don’t know why, but everything is making me feel randy lately. I need to get this out of my system...yargh!

Anyway, that’s all that’s really going on....

Another survey (what are you going to do, stop reading?) :)

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-27T02:08:00-05:00

IN THE LAST 30 DAYS, HAVE YOU
[x] made a wish
[x] tied your shoes
[x] eaten cake
[] signed a contract
[] made something explode
[] directly and knowingly supported the pornography industry
[x] sent something through the US mail
[x] been very angry
[] gone a day without eating
[] stolen something you considered "insignificant"
[x] watched more than three different television shows
[x] been intoxicated by any substance
[] thrown up
[x] gotten paid
[] gone a night without sleeping
[] broken something you like by accident
[] envied someone very strongly
[] finished an artistic project
[x] hated
[x] made very loud noise
[x] made noise that was too loud
[x] given a thumbs up
[]slept in a bed that is not, or has never been, your own
[] sampled (up to interpretation) at publix
[x] listened to Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield"
[x] been drunk
[] smoked pot
[]kissed a member of the opposite sex
[]rode in a taxi
[] been dumped
[] been fired
[] been in a fist fight
[] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[] snuck out of your parent's house
[] been arrested
[] made out with a stranger
[] stole something from your job
[] went on a blind date
[]lied to a friend
[]had a crush on a teacher
[] Been to Europe
[] skipped school
DO YOU
[] have a boyfriend
[]have a girlfriend
[x] have a crush?
[x] feel loved
[x] feel lonely
[x] feel happy
[] hate yourself
[x] think you're attractive
[]have a dog
[x] have your own room
[] listen to rap (rap/metal ex. Limp Bizkit)
[x] listen to rock
[] listen to soul
[x]listen to techno
[] listen to reggae
[] listen to metal
[x] have more than one best friend
[] get good grades
[] play an instrument
[x] have slippers
[x] wear boxers
[] wear black eyeliner
[x] like the color blue
[x] like the color yellow
[] cyber
[x] claim
[x] like to read
[x] like to write
[] have long hair
[] have short hair
[] have a cell phone
[] have a laptop
[] have a pager
ARE YOU
[] ugly
[x] pretty
[x] ok
[x] bored
[x] happy
[] bilingual
[] white
[] black
[] Asian
[] Mexican
[x] short
[] tall
[] grounded
[x] sick
[] a virgin
[x] lazy
[x] single
[] taken
[x] looking
[x] not looking
[] talking to someone
[] IMing someone
[] scared to die
[x] tired
[x] sleepy
[x] annoyed
[] hungry
[x] thirsty
[] on the phone
[] in your room
[x] drinking something
[] eating something
[] in your pjs
[] ticklish
[x] listening to music
[] homophobic
[] racist

Man, this is old...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-27T02:08:00-05:00

[x] they call me: Stacy
[x] also: staca, feather, love, honey, you
[x] sex: yes please. I mean: female
[x] my first breath of air: August 4
[x] occupation: glorified data entry clerk
[x] best friends: Brad, Jae, Drea, the girls

_______REWIND_______
[x] best memory?: Ooo, that day with Micah always starts my stomach rolling
[x] worst?: that thing with Gary
[x] first word uttered: Ma
[x] first best friend ever: Christine

_______FAST FORWARD_______
[x] college planning to go to: none
[x] future resident of: a small college town near a larger town.
[x] wedding: the final one will be on a tropical island somewhere.
[x] children: prolly not
[x] looking forward to: Friday!
[x] NOT looking forward to: the end of June

_______PLAY_______
[x] feeling: gooey, cos I was thinking about Micah.
[x] Listening: to Lisa Loeb
[x] Talking to: no one
[x] doing: typing, waiting for Mel to get off the phone
[x] thinking of: this survey
[x] craving: touch
[x] missing: Jae and Brad
[x] hating: these groups!

_______FAVORITES_______
[x] songs: Ani’s ‘Adam and Eve’
[x] radio station: none
[x] tv show: The Simpsons, both CSIs
[x] channel: Fox (they show reruns of the Simpsons)
[x] site: www.snopes.com
[x] movie: Dark City, American Beauty
[x] store: DAV
[x] mall: no thanks

_______LOVE?_______
[x] love is: something that I’ve seen, but never had in a romantic sense
[x] first love?: Not yet
[x] love or lust?: Right now, I’d like a little lust
[x] best love song: “In your eyes” by Peter Gabriel
[x] is it possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time?: no
[x] true or false- all you need is love: no
[x] is there such thing as love at first sight?: nope, that would be lust

_______MONOPOLY_______
[x] turn ons: a hand on my hip, hands in my hair, and kisses on my neck
[x] turn offs: rushing things, smokers, and stupidity
[x] does your parents opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: yes
[x] the sweetest thing a person can do for you: give me a bouquet of flowers that mean ‘I am lost without you.’

________PICKY PICKY_______
[x] short or long hair: on me, long hair; on him, short
[x] innie or outie: innie
[x] sunshine or rain: both
[x] moon or sun: moon
[x] basketball or football: pool
[x] starbucks or jamba juice: neither. Orange Julius
[x] written letters or e-mails: e-mails
[x] playstation or Nintendo: Nintendo
[x] disney or nickelodeon: nickelodeon
[x] car or motorcycle: car but a convertible
[x] house party or club: club
[x] sing or dance: both
[x] freak or slow dance: neither
[x] yahoo messenger or aim: neither
[x] google or ask jeeves: google

_______MISCELLANEOUS_______
[x] can you swim: yes
[x] what's your most embarrassing moment: the short version goes like this: in January, I went out with Jae and I bonked myself in the nose with a pool cue
[x] what's under your bed: my Simpson’s monopoly, old calendars, my tools
[x] what kind of roof is over your head?: shingled?
[x] do you like tomatoes?: not really
[x] internet connection: whatever I can find...
[x] how many phones?: two in the house
[x] how many residents?: two
[x] how many DVDs do you have?: 150? Maybe?
[x] last phone call: A co-worker, I’m sure.

But it ends up running down the middle of me...

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-29T02:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: Ani’s ‘living in clip.’

and I try//to draw the line//but it ends up running down the middle of me//most of the time

I got my wallet back. W()()t. So I got the stuff that I couldn’t replace. Now my wallet feels thick and bulky. I’m not complaining though. It’s nice to open my wallet and see me and Brad looking back. :)

I went to sleep last night at 8:30 and woke up a few times during the night. I think I woke up only cos my body was tired of sleeping, not cos I wasn’t sleeping well. One of the times I woke up with an urge to call Chris. Luckily, I lacked the urge to get out of bed, so just went back to sleep.

I dyed my hair on Friday night. It’s now this pretty gold/blonde color.

Uh.....that’s all.......

This is just so beeped up....

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-30T08:08:00-05:00


	I KNOW you're not getting any. Have you considered that god's trying to phase your line out?

Billy's Weird...cat...thing tells your fortune!

I can't stand the things that you do....

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-30T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: the Lost Highway soundtrack.

So, I have this conundrum running through my head. If I had something to say to someone, but couldn’t really say it, but knew he/she read this, I could say it here, couldn’t I? Like if I wanted to tell Drea that she really needs to dye her hair, I could tell her here. *****I don’t think that!!***** Unless, of course, it’s what you want my love. :) But say, hypothetically, if I wanted to tell Aaron, ‘I like hanging out with you, I love the way you make me laugh, and I miss you when you aren’t at work, but damn, you confuse me too much!’ I could write it here and be done with it. But that kinda goes against me thinking this is just for me. Oh well, tis written, tis done.

We watched Ella Enchanted last night. It was cute, and Anne Hathaway can sing like nobody’s business! Damn, that voice. She’s adorable as well.

I pre-ordered Alias season three and the Star Wars boxset last night. W()()t. I can’t wait for those to come!! Yee ha!!

Girl’s night was fun last night. Four of us girls (and Josh too) went to dinner at Red, Hot, and Blue. The food there is so good. We were being rowdy and having a good time. I felt like it was the first time I’d been able to be myself all week. Not that I’m not myself at any other time, but I can let go without fear of reprisal when I’m with my girls. :)

Word of the day: clandestine. And I was right: it does mean secret. W()()t for rightness.

Dear boys,
Stop being confusing.
Love, all girls

Mmmmm....cake for brekkie. Mmmmm......

Aw, this is beyond fucked up....

So my brother is in jail, and my mother is like ‘I don’t expect you to write him or anything.’ But I would love to write him. The letter would start out: ‘Dear Hoodrat, I hope this letter finds you with a size 12 arsehole’ and only get better from there. :) Now, I’m not normally a vindictive person, but honestly, it was my birthday! For smeg’s sake....

Tonight, I’m going to yoga. No, really I am. I haven’t been almost all month. I really need to stop slacking. This is getting silly.

I’m taking Wednesday off, w()()t. My plan is to get Chick-Fil-A for brekkie and then catch a movie. Just basically a nice day to recover before who knows how many days I’ll have to work.

Things that I am excited for: Batman Begins, A Series of Unfortunate Events, finally seeing all of Alias season 3, the Machinist (I’m really excited for this, and hope I don’t have to go up to Denver to see it).

Things that please me: that I can now see how cool Christian Bale and Gary Oldman are and that they are both in a movie that I can’t wait to see.

Ah, 2005 is going to be such a good year. Maybe it can be the year I have sex again.....grrr!!! :D

I am tired and ready for bed now.

a 'last' survey

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-31T01:08:00-05:00

*The \\*
Last Cigarette:	gosh, so long ago, it might as well be 'never.'
Last Alcoholic Drink:	Saturday
Last Car Ride:	this morning
Last Kiss:	I kissed Drea sometime in July, but can't say when.
Last Good Cry:	ah geesh....that time I drank tequila last.
Last Library Book:	'dress me up in your love'
Last book bought:	I think it was HP and the OOP
Last Book Read:	I'm in the middle of Stephen King's 'rose madder'
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:	Godsend
Last Movie Rented:	Ella Enchanted
Last Cuss Word Uttered:	fuck
Last Beverage Drank:	water
Last Food Consumed:	pizza
Last Crush:	Chris
Last Phone Call:	a fellow co-worker
Last TV Show Watched:	Two and a half men
Last Time Showered:	this morning
Last Shoes Worn:	my black ones with the velcro straps and cool soles.
Last CD Played:	the best of NKOTB.
Last Item Bought:	gas
Last Download:	none
Last Annoyance:	this stupid guest!!
Last Disappointment:	Chris
Last Soda Drank:	I had a root beer with lunch.
Last Thing Written:	Hmm...it reads like I’ve been drinking tequila, but I can assure you – that’s not the case.
Last Key Used:	house key?
Last Words Spoken:	"but I didn't do anything!"
Last Sleep:	last night
Last Ice Cream Eaten:	I had....a blizzard last week.
Last Chair Sat In:	in the office.
Last Webpage Visited:	http://brohkin.mindsay.com/
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Is it just destiny, destiny?

velvetTurtle — 2004-08-31T03:08:00-05:00

On my cd player: one of the ‘just can’t get enough’ disks. Umm...volume.....1. I’m only listening to ‘my Sharona.’ This song is so about sex.

Ooo, I saw a Smart Car today. It’s the first one I’ve seen in the states. It doesn’t take a lot to make my smile.

Today woulda been my seventh wedding anniversary, supposedly when the itch is supposed to hit. My husband, always the accelerated one, had his in year two. That’s all right though, I’m much better off. I think.

Hmmm...I should stop listening to music that makes me feel randy. Ha, the problem is *everything* is making me randy right now....

I’m a big stupid head sometimes. I had some movies sent to me through Netflix, and I thought they were ones that I hadn’t seen, but I have. So now I’m without movies for at least three days. Ooo, life is so tragic. :)

I think I’m going to get a small DVD case to hold my boxsets. I just have so many and they take up so much room. Yes, I know, my life is horrid.

With every relationship that starts or may start, you are faced with a question. The question is not ‘will this relationship work, yes or no’ cos all relationships end up eventually not working. The question is ‘will this relationship work out before it stops working.’ I feel vaguely sad at the number of relationships that I can count as over before they began. I know (or sorta know) that I’ve done what I could do in these could-have-been relationships, but that still doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the fact that they may have been much more if the fates had worked out in that manner.

The hopeless romantic in me holds out hope that somewhere, there is a knight in shining armor waiting to sweep me off my feet; but the cynic in me is fairly certain that I am going to die alone, or at least lonely.

Hmm...it reads like I’ve been drinking tequila, but I can assure you – that’s not the case.

I’d like to add a script to countdown to something, but that appears to be beyond my talents. I could prolly bug the Boy, but he would mock me and I don’t want that.

I saw Chris in the caf at lunch. I successfully resisted the urge to talk to him. My second virginity is waaaay too special to give up to him anyway. :P That’s right, keep telling yourself that....

I'll say I was blinded by your eyes...

velvetTurtle — 2004-09-02T03:09:00-05:00

On my cd player: Vertical Horizon’s ‘everything you want.’

I need to know if you were real//I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again//And as the vision fades//I'll say I was blinded by your eyes//I felt them burn

I am back at work, after a nice uneventful day off yesterday. I have 8 million things to do though. I don’t understand how one day off can accumulate so much work...

I went to see ‘suspect zero’ yesterday. It was....strange. It was well filmed though, and I really liked the director’s vision.

I still haven’t picked up the second Zim volume. I know Wally World will have it in a few days, so I guess I’ll just wait.

I got another shelf for my boxsets. It’s amazing how much space they took up.

Woo hoo!! The plan is to go up to the Church next Friday, w()()T.

I had a dream about Chris the other night. I woke up in the middle of the night, disoriented and upset. I don’t know if this means anything. I guess I can choose it to mean whatever I’d like and if I don’t want it to me anything, it doesn’t. Maybe it means I’m sick of doing what I ‘should’ be doing and getting the shaft anyway...

Sigh, time to quit mah bitchin’....

I have scratches all over my upper body. Max jumped on me when I got out of the shower. He is heavy!! So now I’ve got scratches behind my ears and other strange places.

I finished the baby blankets last night (yay!!) and now I’m working on my Hallowe’en costume. I’m not going to have to do a lot of work on it, so that’s good. I am going to try to find some other wings though. I’d like some little ones like I wore last year, but I’m not sure what I’ll be able to find. Hopefully, the costume stores will be opening soon. I know that cocaine is white, but my accents are going to be black, cos that’s what color my boots are. :) What’re they gonna do – throw me out of the ball? Shyeah...

I think I caught the season premier of Scrubs on Tuesday. I really like that show. It amuses me and apparently, the very lovely Heather Graham has been added to the cast.

I went to the DAV with my mom on Tuesday night. I got a lot of shtuff, most of which I didn’t need. I got a Hello Kitty shirt and a Pinky and the Brain shirt, both of which are too small. :( I are sad. I’m going to make the Hello Kitty shirt into a pillow and see if maybe Chiara would wear the Pinky and the Brain shirt. It’s a young boys medium/large and I’m pretty sure it would fit her.

All right, I am faced with a conundrum. What to do tomorrow. I don’t want to go out, cos I really don’t like anything there is to do down here that costs money. But Chiara is off, and since she’s hardly ever off on a Friday, I’m sure she’d like to do something. Maybe something could be done at the house? Hang out, I could sew or craft (which is all I really want to do), watch some movies, the like.

I keep thinking of this quote from the Village: Sometimes we don't do what we want to do because we're afraid that other people will know that we want to do them.

I haven’t heard from Jae since right before he left. I hope he’s well.

I can’t wait to get out of work today, take off these tights, take off the bra, and take down my hair. It’s amazing how different I feel without those things.

Kay just made me laugh. She says I’m ‘evil on the outside.’ I am so easily amuse-ed.

Avast!! Savvy...

velvetTurtle — 2004-09-03T09:09:00-05:00

I took this from Casey

I AM: stacy.
I WILL ALWAYS BE: stacy, no matter what.
I MISS: Jae, and Brad.
I HEAR: the Crow soundtrack
I SMELL: nothing, I think.
I CRAVE: touch. Preferably from a male, with nice hands who is very nice smelling. Ahem.
I WORRY: about my mom, mostly.
I REGRET: more than I should, prolly.
I LOVE: Orli. :)
I'M ALWAYS: moving.
I DANCE: a lot, but could always dance more.
I SING: well, and not enough.
I CANT STAND: stupidity.
I LOST: my copy of View from the Top, how could that happen?
I LIKE: little baby ducks, pick-up trucks, preeee-cons.
I LISTEN: better if there’s something that could distract me.
I CAN BE FOUND: if you know where to look.
I NEED: touch, dammit!!
I KNOW: enough to know that I really don’t know anything. If that makes sense...
I HOPE: that I can do the things I say I will.
I WANT: chick-fil-a for lunch....
I’M ALWAYS: thinking, and ooo, that gets me in trouble sometimes.
I WISH: I could understand more.
I CRY: all the smegging time!!
I FELL: for it, hook, line, and sinker.

Music/TV: music
Yellow/Orange: yellow, I guess.
Green/Blue: blue
Pink/Purple: purple (light urple, to be more exact)
Sleep/Stay Up: sleep
Summer/Winter: summer
Spring/Fall: hmmmm....fall
Night/Day: night
Cold/Warm: warm
Fast/Slow: both
New/Old: both
Sparkle/Shine: sparkle
Peach/Plum: pear
Apple/Orange: apple
Laundry/Dishes: laundry
Christina/Britney: Tori
Rock/Rap: rock

This or that
Nice smiles or nice eyes?: great eyes
Jeans or skirts? : both, but not a jean skirt
Boots or sneakers? : sneaks
Natural or make-up? : natural
Restaurants or fast food? : restaurants
Italian food or Chinese? : Chinese
Dark or light eyes? : dark
Streaked or dyed hair? : dyed, I guess.
Milk shakes or floats? : neither
Drugs or cigarettes? : drugs, if you’re forcing me to choose ;)
Football or cheerleading? : neither
Cake or pie? : mmmm....both

How
Do you want to die? : in my sleep
Do you brush your teeth? : with a toothbrush and toothpaste, whilst in the shower.
Do you like your life? : it’s just fine.
Well do most people know you? : pretty well, the basics at least.

Do you
Sing? : yes
Dance? : yes
Laugh a lot? : yes
Like spicy food? : yes, sorta
Prefer bagels over yogurt? : yes
Believe in fortune cookies? : believe in them, sure. Believe in what they say, no.
Believe in life after death? : I’d settle for a life in this one. :)
Believe that anything is possible? : no
Believe that everyone has a purpose in life? : yes
Know what yours is? : no

Are
You a comedian? yes
Your friends, true friends in your opinion? : yes
You bored? : no
You a true friend : yes

Describe
Your usual outfit : pants, a baby-doll tee, and flip flops
Your hair : pulled back. Now that it’s short(-er) I find there’s not too much that I can do with it.
Your eyes : blue/grey/green
What you'd like to change about yourself (physically and mentally) : I’d like to be taller, and I’m pretty happy with myself mentally.
Your perfect mate (physical features) : taller than me, dark hair, super dark eyes, kissable lips, nice hands, and sorta buff.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | clowns
02 | mimes
03 | balloons
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE THAT MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
01 | Drea
02 ] my mom
03 | Brad
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | when guys hold open doors for me
02 | movie trailers
03 | strong hot Darjeeling tea
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DISLIKE:
01 | people who don’t use a turn signal
02 | stupid people
03 | waiting
-----------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | boys
02 | more boys
03 | all the other boys in the world
(I’m having a mini-boy crisis, if you couldn’t tell)
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY COMPUTER DESK:
01 | my cd player
02 | GIR
03 | my Two Towers calendar
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | drinking tea
02 | listening to music
03 | watching the phones
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | sky-dive
02 | get married again (and again.) :)
03 | get a Mini
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | crochet
02 | sing
03 | up-sell
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | smart
02 | funny
03 | generous
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | know when to stop talking
02 | date a straight boy
03 | pee standing up
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | William Topley
02 | Tori Amos
03 | =\/\/=eezer
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | people who put you down
02 | Tool
03 | Nirvana

You’re everything to me....

velvetTurtle — 2004-09-03T03:09:00-05:00

On my cd player: the best of NKOTB. I like them....

Today’s confession to make you laugh.

It is Friday, not that it really matters. I am working over the weekend, and then Monday as well. I don’t know from there. I’m going to see if I can maybe take a half day on Tuesday, and go to the morning yoga class.

I think some of the gang might go up to Denver tonight as well. Not for me, thanks.

I had to take out most of the work that I did on my costume last night. So I’m going to try to get it mostly finished soon. My dress is baby blue, and my accessories are black. I know that cocaine is white, but since we are going up to the Church (read this as ‘there will be blacklights’) I thought black was the way to go. Dre thinks I should find a white wig. I hope I can find something that doesn’t make me look like a little old lady.

I still need to find a spoon necklace! It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, it’s not like it has to last forever. But I’m thinking this may be a fruitless search.

I am wearing new shoes and they are hurting my feet-sees.

My back is all achy.

It’s almost time for lunch, and I don’t know what I’m going to eat. I don’t really feel like eating anything.

Maybe I’m only confused because I think about it. Maybe if I stopped thinking, I’d stop being confused. Let’s see how that goes....

I’m always (mildly) shocked when I find someone with whom I share no interests. I don’t know why.

I hate it when the front desk calls and tells me the guests was quoted something other than what it says. Especially if I made the reservation myself. If it says $245, I quoted the guest $245. I don’t know what else to say.

I kinda want to go to Il Vicino’s for dinner. I also kinda want to call Eric, but I don’t think that would be good.

I wish.....that I were in bed right curled up against a warm comfy male body. (A strange thought just popped into my head – Daniel would fit that criteria nicely) I wish that episodes of Alias were playing and our toes were getting to know each other. I long for low discussions about everything, after lights out, in that short span of time when I’m just falling asleep that I always tell the truth. I want something I’m probably not going to have.

And, everyone who ever had a heart, oh....

velvetTurtle — 2004-09-04T03:09:00-05:00

On my cd player: herro kitty, meow mix. The track playing is ‘sweet Jane’

And, everyone who ever had a heart, oh,//That wouldn't turn around and break it.

Woo hooo!!!! Alias season three has shipped, I expect to have it on Tuesday, and I am off on Wednesday!!! I can watch Alias all day long, as I sing this song!!! *stacy does the cabbage patch around the office singing ‘do do do do’ under her breath*

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I’m a happy stacy, if you couldn’t tell.

I didn’t do too much last night. I skipped yoga, cos I’m a big huge slacker. I went over to the house, and hung out for a bit by myself. When everyone got back, it was decided that we would go up to Chapel Hill’s mall and I could eat dinner and pick up the second volume of Zim episodes. I saw my stupid ex-boyfriend Gary at Hot Pocket, where he works. I can’t believe I used to have sex with him. I can’t believe I was going to marry him. I can’t believe he’s raising a child on a salary from Hot Pocket!! Why, no I’m not a bitter woman, why do you ask?

I’m in the middle of a really good book called ‘the Time-Traveller’s Wife.’ I kept reading it last night, even though I knew I should be asleep.

Ohmagoh...I had to post this.
Take the quiz: "WHATS YOUR REAL NAME?"

LAUREN
YOU SHOULD BE CALLED LAUREN! You enjoy riding horses, singing, and sleeping with Orlando Bloom (you wish.) You have a fiery temper and get in strops easy but you are very ambitious.

But then I want to call you cause I don't want to crush you...

velvetTurtle — 2004-09-05T02:09:00-05:00

On my cd player: totally hits, volume 3!! RAwk!! The track playing is ‘deep inside of you’ by Third Eye Blind.

But then I want to call you cause I don't want to crush you,//But I feel like crushing you and it's true...

I have mostly finished my costume, massively huge w()()T. I need to get a few yards of tulle for the inner slip, but that won’t take very long at all to attach. I look so cute. :) I don’t know what to do about my hair though, I don’t think I could stand a wig for long, and especially not while dancing. I think everything will work out just fine.

I need to start on holiday presents. I’ll get some yarn next time I go to wally world.

Okay, that was so strange. Anita just asked me to call a guest back. When a person answers, I say ‘can I speak with ?’ The answer ‘no.’ Okay, I say, and hang up. Not much else I can do.

I want to go to sleep. Maybe I can curl up on the lovesac before everyone gets to the house.

no subject

velvetTurtle — 2004-09-20T11:09:21-05:00

Hi y'all, I'm slowing making the move to LiveJournal. Feel free to visit. stacy

Heh...

velvetTurtle — 2004-12-03T11:12:20-05:00

1. Go into your journal's archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence.
4. Post that sentence along with these instructions.

I hope I’m not getting any kind of infection or anything

Schmoo....

velvetTurtle — 2004-12-23T12:12:00-05:00

I thought I'd put this up so Drea could have other updates besides Dana's.

Oh, and Hannibal King is hawt.

to change, but approval also

velvetTurtle — 2004-12-28T05:12:08-05:00

I have found it's a good thing that I can be so easily distracted by Hannibal King. It helps take my mind off things.

Hmmm....

velvetTurtle — 2005-01-17T04:01:48-05:00

My back hurts and I wish I were in bed....

Everyone else is doing it.........

velvetTurtle — 2005-02-01T03:02:25-05:00

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

I wanna swim in the ocean....

velvetTurtle — 2005-02-10T04:02:28-05:00

On my cd player: the Stereophonic’s album ‘you gotta go there to come back.’ I wanna breeze and an open mind//I wanna swim in the ocean//Wanna take my time for me//All me My horoscope keeps telling me that I’m going to enter a relationship soon. Of course, this is the same horoscope that kept telling me I was going to meet a man with an accent last year, and that didn’t really happen.... I have recently developed this ‘thing’ about food. If I’m done eating, and there is food left on my plate, I have to cover it up. I can’t stand to look at food when I’m done eating. Other people’s food too, it just grosses me out. I can’t stand to watch other people eat either. I’m sorta feeling lightheaded right now. I don’t know why. I’ve given up soda for Lent, not a huge sacrifice, but I’m not Catholic so it’s not like it matters. Heh. I wish I could get a cute little kitten that would stay a kitten forever. Now, don’t get me wrong – I love the full grown kitties too. But there’s just something about a kitten that’s unsure of what to do with it’s feet or has a big loud rumbly purr that just can not have come out of that little tiny body. Kittens are way cute. I had a conversation with Drea about Eric. I don’t really still miss him, but I miss what we might have been, if he wasn’t a homophobic Christian who didn’t want a relationship. :) We went to the dollar movies last week, and when I was in the loo, I noticed a bit of graffiti that “Erica loves Scott” (or something along those lines.) Now, I’m fairly certain that I don’t know a lot about love, but I know that love isn’t to be written about in bathrooms. I wanna go up to Denver and listening to a nice remix of Silence doesn’t help. I always say that this song is as close to religion as I’m going to get.

I close my eyes and it falls again....

velvetTurtle — 2005-02-11T05:02:06-05:00

On my cd player: a weird comp I found at Wal-mart called ‘fired up 2!’ It’s weird cos it’s good. The track playing is Daniel Bedingfield’s ‘gotta get through this.’

When your love is pouring like the rain//I close my eyes and it falls again//When will I get the chance to say I love you?//I pretend that you're already mine//that my heart ain't breaking every time//I look into your eyes

Happiness is boyfriend calling to say he’s not in jail, he has his license and the Lexus. He also has a cold, but that doesn’t make me happy. I talked with him for a few minutes last night, catching him up with the little things I’ve done over the week, berating him for not calling me sooner. I then let him rest, cos he does not sound good. I hung up, called Drea and let her know that he was okay and then my phone rings again. It was Jae and he said ‘ Do you want to be my Valentine?’ Of course, I said yes. I have the best boyfriend ever.

My hair is doing this really cute Phoebe Buffay type thing. It’s really cute.

I am ready to go home now.

If I said I didn’t like it then you know I’d lied...

velvetTurtle — 2005-02-14T05:02:15-05:00

On my cd player: a Drea comp. The track playing is ‘why don’t you and I?’

Happy Valentine’s day/Monday. Ptthp....

I had a pretty good weekend. We had a slumber party for Sandra’s birthday on Friday night. We played truth or dare, then Pretty Pretty Princess (I won, go me!) We made Josh be pink. Josh is always a very good sport.

Saturday was spent at Danielle’s housewarming, and then at the club. I saw Matt again. I love Matt. He is such a doll. He came into the club and went straight to the DJ booth. Finally, we left, I went up to him and said ‘how is a girl supposed to flirt with you if you’re up in the booth all night?’ He gave me a big hug and we laughed. My resolution next year is to not fall in love with any gay men in 2006. Wish me luck. :)

I really dislike trying to make sure other people are happy. But then I feel bad for not making sure that they’re happy. I want me to be happy and try to please everyone else does not make me happy.

It’s a really good thing I don’t have to meet any clients today. My pants are wrinkled and my hair is still green. Blech.

I am going to Chicago next week, woo hoo!! I am looking forward to a vacay, even a miniature one.

I would really like to spend a planned amount of time with Jae. I know that his schedule doesn’t really allow for it, but that still doesn’t stop me from wanting it. I miss him. He’s been talking about going to Europe for a while at the end of this month.

It’s right about time to color my hair again. I’m toying with doing another color besides brown.

I walked into your dream.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-02-15T05:02:10-05:00

On my cd player: Tori’s ‘little earthquakes.’

I walked into your dream//And now I've forgotten how to dream my own dream

In spite of everything last night, the not-so-good service and the not-so-good food, I actually had a really good Valentine’s Day. I will take all the time I can get with Jae.

Ever have one of those days where people treat you like you haven’t brushed your teeth in three weeks and you’re giving off some horrid stench? Yeah, I’m having one of those days today. My co-workers can occasionally be very...um, what is word? Oh yes, snotty and randomly mean for no reason (or at least none that I know of.) For several weeks, they will be nice and friendly to me. Then, all of a sudden, they’re cranky and impolite again. I don’t know why I continuously let this bother me. I guess I’m of the opinion that (unless someone does something extraordinary) the way you feel about them is the way you feel about them. No teeter-tottering. I wonder what this says about me.

I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been thinking less and less about what other people think and more and more about what I think. I’ve always said that I don’t give a shit what other people think of me, but the last line of the previous paragraph is very indicative of what my thought processes have been lately. I think this is a very good and positive thing.

I was dreaming about the Queer as Folk boys last night. That’s what I get for falling asleep whilst watching it. :) I dreamt that it was raining and I was upset about the rain cos I had taken a lot of care with my hair-do and I thought the rain would spoil it. I was crying so, one of the guys (Emmett) was holding me in his arms, reassuring me. He wasn’t as tall in my dream as he as in real life, but I knew it was him none-the-less. After a moment, he opened a cupboard which had three mini umbrellas in it, still in the original plastic covers. He grabbed one which had a protective cover that looked like a Van Gogh painting. He took the cover off and the umbrella was a deep purple. That’s all I can remember.

According to a few dream dictionaries, the rain isn’t a bad omen, it’s actually a good one. One even went as far to mention a windfall of money, perhaps from an inheritance. I really prefer not to think about that, as there is only one person who I could possibly inherit something from and he’s supposed to live forever. Dammit.

And it's hard to say if they are happy.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-02-17T09:02:23-05:00

On my cd player: Ani’s ‘little plastic castles’

they say goldfish have no memory//I guess their lives are much like mine//the little plastic castle//is a surprise every time//it's hard to say if they are happy//but they don't seem much to mind

I’m kinda achy right now. I’m thinking it has a lot to do with the fact that I had to spend 12 minutes scraping ice off of my car this morning before I could leave my drive. Stupid Colorado weather. It’s like – make up your mind. Is it going to be 60 degrees and I can wear short pants? Or is it going to be 16 degrees and I have ice on my windows?

Yesterday, Brandy and I were going through a long list of things that we had ‘given up’ for Lent. I have given up: skiing, biking, okra, and para-sailing. That’s right, we’ve given up things that we never did. :) It makes the commitment a lot easier to keep. In all seriousness, I have been good this year. Soda is a lot easier than meat. I told Brandy I was going to give up sarcasm next year. Yeah, right.

I went to DAV last night with my mom. I didn’t find *anything* to buy. This is a very unusual occurrence for me. I might try to hit DAV again next Tuesday, as I fly out on Wednesday. :D

Move to the rhythm that is in my mind...

velvetTurtle — 2005-02-18T04:02:32-05:00

On my cd player: Kylie’s ‘fever.’

Well, Jae is leaving for Europe on the 28th. And since I’m leaving for Chicago on the 23rd, I might not see him after Tuesday. I hate to be melodramatic, but it’s certainly a possibility. I hate this. This sucks.

I made him swear that he would keep in contact with me, even if it’s just an e-mail once a week that reads ‘yeah, hi, I’m here. Love you.’

I can’t deal with this. Correction, I don’t want to deal with this.

I went shopping yesterday but couldn’t find anything I wanted to buy. It seems like this is always the way – if I’ve allowed myself to spend money, I can’t find anything to buy. I’m looking for a something pretty to wear to dinner with Bradley for next week.

I think it’s time to dye my hair. I’m not sure what color I’d like to do, but I think I’m ready to be light again. I also think it’s time for two boxes again.

I’m hungry.

This is the longest day in history.

I need to work on an agenda for these next few days:

Tonight – yoga and then to Kay’s going-away, and then to the house for the movie.

Tomorrow – work, then to the mall to return the earrings and hopefully find something to wear for Tuesday night and in Chicago. Saturday night – laundry, pack (maybe)

Sunday – yoga, then to the house. But not for too long

Monday – work, yoga, and then really finish packing. Really

Tuesday – work, DAV, dinner with Jae at 8, and really really finish any packing

Wednesday – brekkie at Chick-Fil-A, at the airport by 7:10 or so.

There are some things that I can do without...

velvetTurtle — 2005-03-04T03:03:28-05:00

On my cd player: Women who rock, volume IV. The track playing is the Lisa Loeb’s ‘how.’

and there are some things that I’d like to figure out//there are some things that I can do without //like you and your letters that go on forever//and you, and the people that were never friends.

I am back, not from the dead, but from Chicago.

It has been crazy busy here at work. It’s March, but feels like summer. Crazy-ness.

Chicago was loads of fun. I went out a lot, drank too much, made some new friends, got to know Mike better, and spent lots of time with Bradley.

I really like Mike, I was afraid that I wouldn’t, or that he would dislike me, but I’m pleased to say that my fears were unfounded. Mike is great and he and Brad seem to be very happy.

I took a yoga class at Brad’s gym. I’m glad that it’s not my normal yoga teacher, cos this guy was hot and it would make yoga hard. :)

I got to see Brad’s bar, which was cool. I made a new friend – Brian.

I got to ride the L, which lost it’s appeal after the first time I rode it.

Brad would love for me to move up there, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. The pros and cons list is just too unbalanced in the ‘con’ direction. Chicago doesn’t have enough to offer me.

I’m toying with the idea of taking fashion design classes. This is really the first time in my life that I’ve actually thought about college classes.

I am really happy today is Friday. I am feeling all out of whack and need some time to just be.

I got back to work on Tuesday and was greeted with some not-so-good news – Aaron is leaving the hotel. I am going to miss him.

Okay, this is enough rambling for one week...

How much of this can I type before Josh gets out of the shower???

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-03T04:04:08-05:00

I have a lot to talk about, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to write it all before it's time to leave.

I have a date with a straight boy next week. (I will pause for the collective gasps.) I'm not sure if I know how to date straight boys anymore. After spending so much time with gay men who have no problem telling me how cute I am, or how wonderful I am, I don't know if I can handle a straight boy who is not as open.

Which also led me to thinking: can I give up the gay men, if it comes to that? I went out last night, and Matt was there. Now, Matt is veddy adorable, and doesn't mind hearing it from me. He's also all right with me putting my hands pretty much anywhere I'd like. I don't know if a straight man would be okay with me touching other men. Even if nothing comes of it.

Relationships are complicated enough without me having to worry about giving up something that I love. Would I be able to give it up? Would I even want to? It is causing me distress, and there's still a week before the date....

Wish me luck.

This worthy cause of humankind...

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-05T03:04:00-05:00

On my cd player: the single to New Order’s ‘here to stay’ Hoo boy.... It was raining when I woke up this morning. I don’t the rain as much as I do the snow, so let’s hope the snow is done for the year. I am more nervous than I’ve said about Saturday. I haven’t really been eating these past couple days. I know that it’s silly, to be this nervous, but daggumit, straight boys scare me. I went to yoga last night, the first time in over a week. I really like yoga. I want to go buy the first four seasons of QAF, but I know I prolly shouldn’t do that. I have my outfit mostly planned out for Saturday, I only hope the weather cooperates. The way my luck is, he’ll end up being the man of my dreams, I’m going to fall madly in love with him and then have to make a choice between him and the rest of my life. Sigh... Work is crazy busy. It’s definitely getting to be summer here. Not that I mind being busy, but I’d rather be steady. I’m too jittery....

Little wonder you, you little wonder you...

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-06T04:04:14-05:00

On my cd player: the second soundtrack to Hackers. The track playing is Bowie’s ‘little wonder.’

This week’s Free Will Horoscope: There are a number of organizations whose specialty is dreaming up new holidays. With their inventions added to the old standards, you now have the chance to goof off as you celebrate something or other on every single day of the year. I'll mention a few upcoming festivals that are perfect for you and your astrological needs. First there's No Housework Day on April 7. Avoid all humdrum domestic chores during that 24-hour period, and don't feel a trace of guilt. April 8 brings Take a Wild Guess Day, when you should entertain sudden inspirations and out-of-the-blue hunches. April 9 is Rebel against Your Past Day. Refuse to be controlled by what you used to be. On April 10, observe Fantastic Fantasy Day, a time when you should let your imagination run wild. April 11 is Wear Someone Else's Clothes Day, and April 12 is Be Big and Loud Day.

I think I can handle most of that.

Today was curry day in the caf, which makes my stomach turn. My ex-hubby used to make curry two or three times a month, and the smell of it permeates the entire place. Plus, curry sauce leaves a lovely yellow stain if it is dropped somewhere. Loads of fun to clean up.

I am getting more nervous as the week goes on, though I actually ate all of my lunch today. What if I don’t like him? What if he smells funny (something I will notice and will drive me nuts.) What if he doesn’t like me? Or worse, what if he’s perfect? That would be the worst of all.....

Gah, my stupid sheep’s whining is bugging even me....

I’ve been dying just to feel you by my side...

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-07T05:04:08-05:00

On my cd player: the soundtrack to Romeo and Juliet. The track playing is Garbage’s ‘#1 Crush.’

The governor of my state has vetoed a bill that would allow rape victims access to emergency contraceptive. The rational for this was that hospitals that are religious in nature would be forced to go against what they believe in, if the e.c. was distributed. I also heard of pharmacists that were refusing to fill scrips for birth control pills. Now, this angers me. I don’t believe that any other person in this world has the right to tell me what to do with my body. It’s my body, and if I want to prevent a pregnancy in it, guess what – I will. Smeggin’ religious right....grr.

Anyway, that’s my rant for the day.

Let’s see here, no more real development in the date area, though I’m getting more and more nervous as it gets closer.

I am hungry today. I can’t really recall the last time I was. I have had a case of the nerves since last week, and haven’t been eating too much. But I’m hungry today. I hope the caf is serving something good.

I wanna swim in the ocean...

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-09T04:04:01-05:00

On my cd player: the Stereophonic’s album ‘you gotta go there to come back.’ I wanna breeze and an open mind//I wanna swim in the ocean//Wanna take my time for me//All me Per a request – a recap of Vegas. Vegas was...nice. I had a good time, but nothing spectacular happened. I walked around a lot and got a little bit of sun, but nothing wild or amazing. I played the machines, didn’t win but didn’t lose big either. I went to see Zumanity, and that was awesome. I had a good time, and will go back again, but for a shorter time and with a companion. I think I’m coming down with a cold. I’m feeling a little icky and I have a runny nose. This is what I get for boasting that I didn’t get sick in winter at all. When will I learn to control my mouth? I am feeling better about tonight, though I’ve decided to wear trousers instead of a skirt. Presenting the ‘more’ version of myself seems a little silly. I hate it when I make mistakes. It does happen from time to time, but oh, it sucks when it does. Usually, when I make a mistake, it’s a big one. I can never do something little, like forgot to cross a t. Gah. Anyway.....

And I don't care if there's no tomorrow.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-12T04:04:41-05:00

On my cd player: Annie Lennox’s ‘diva’

And I don't care if there is no tomorrow//When I could die here in your arms//Even if the stars have made us blind//We're blind we're blind//So blind in love

One might think, that by the lyrics I’ve chosen to quote today, that my date on Saturday went better than it did. Not that it went bad, I’m just not going to see him again. It was a fine date, and makes me think that I might be able to find a straight man that I could date.

I feel very conflicted. I called Drea this morning and (let’s be honest with myself) wanted her to tell me that it was okay to not see him again. Not that I need approval or anything of that nature, but sometimes it’s good to get assurances that someone else agrees with what I’m doing. I felt vaguely out of sorts when she didn’t give me what I wanted.

I think there has to be some common interests, and he and I didn’t really have that. So it wasn’t a bad date, but it wasn’t a lot of ‘ooo, me too!’ I dunno, maybe I’m expecting too much, or maybe I’ve been corrupted by my previous relationships.

He was excited by the fact that the last person I made out with was a hot blonde dancer named Candy, which, I guess, made me feel like I was on display, or something.

I know a lot of this doesn’t make sense, but I’m hoping if I write it all down, it will get out of my head.

I was out sick yesterday. I went to bed Sunday morning around 12:30 and then woke up at 2 am with the strong need to vomit, so I did that. Then I vomited again every hour for the next four. I spent all of Sunday in bed and then called out yesterday. I haven’t been sick enough to be out of work in a while, so this was kind of a surprise. I’ve eaten today, a bit, but I still feel a little weird. It hurts to laugh, so I’m trying not to do that, but without much success.

I have discovered a large difference between men and women. Men will give you what you ask for, women will give you what they think you want. For example: when I answer the phone here at work, I say ‘may I have your last name please?’ A man will give it to me, regardless of if it’s his reservation. A woman will give you what she thinks you want, usually the last name of the reservation. No wonder we upset men....

Maybe I’m just doomed (insert GIR singing the doom song here) to only be interested in men who can’t/won’t return my affection. Gay men, men I sorta know from the ‘net, and other such unobtainables....

I missed yoga last night and on Sunday morning. I meant to call Kathleen, but I forgot.

Everything you do is irresistable...

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-14T12:04:16-05:00

On my cd player: the Cure’s ‘galore’

I have been thinking about fear. I’m fairly certain that it’s fear that keeps my dating status where it is. I’m afraid that things won’t work out, but I’m afraid that they will as well. I’ve come to a realization: I can’t stand to have someone have interest in me. If you have interest in me, then something is wrong with you and I certainly couldn’t have that in my life, now could I? The ultimate question is: how long will I let fear control things? The correct answer is: until. Until something comes along that is too good.

Drea said yesterday that she wouldn’t be able to be like this, to be falling for men who won’t ever have an interest in me the way that I want. I agree that it’s not the most ideal situation, but I’m not un-content enough about it to change. I know that if I get hurt, it’s because of my own foolishness. I can deal with that, for right now at least.

I’m not the kind of person who feels the need to be in a relationship to feel complete. I have good friends, a job that I like, hobbies to keep me occupied. If you had told me at 18 that I would say, at 26, that I would be okay without a relationship, I woulda told you that you were nuts. But I am okay. I’m not great, and there are times when I want companionship beyond the friendships that I have.

What I’d really like is a companion on demand. Someone that I like, find attractive and witty, but only there when I want him/her. Someone I can call and say ‘I want to go out, and then fool around, come over’ and then when it’s over, send him/her on his/her way. So more than a booty call, but less than an actual relationship that would require work, time, and effort.

There's always some reason...

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-19T10:04:29-05:00

On my cd player: the City of Angels soundtrack.

There’s always some reason//to feel not good enough

It’s hard to believe that April is halfway over. Time is a funny thing, to me at least. It seems like this year is flying by, but the days themselves are dragging along...

I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt tha t I was in the tattoo parlor, but I had no idea what I wanted to get. I wasn’t even sure where I wanted to get it. The funny thing is that I wasn’t talking to Cam, I was talking to this woman who works at the parlor. I was a little unsettled, as I couldn’t remember why I was there if I didn’t know what I want. So I left the parlor and then I woke up.

I haven’t heard from Jae in almost two weeks. I’m getting a little worried. It’s funny. My mom and I were driving the other day and she brought him up. I answered her question and then said nothing. She then said ‘Is something wrong? It’s almost like you don’t want me to talk about him. Did you guys have a fight?’ I said ‘No, I don’t want to talk about him, but we didn’t have a fight.’ I miss him like crazy.

He says all the right things....

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-21T05:04:04-05:00

On my cd player: Vertical Horizon’s ‘everything you want.’

He's everything you want//He's everything you need//He's everything inside of you//That you wish you could be//He says all the right things//At exactly the right time//But he means nothing to you//And you don't know why

Accents are funny things. I was talking to a woman who didn’t have one, until I learned that she was calling from Wisconsin. Then, it was all I could do to not mimic her speech patterns. I don’t mean to do things like that, but it just happens.

I am feeling lonely. I am tired of being alone, but I’m more afraid of the possible bad outcomes of pursuing a relationship. I know (at least in my head) that this is bullshit. You have to risk in order to gain. But for me, for now, the benefits aren’t enough to make me want to risk. Gah. I know that everything that happened in my past has made me the person that I am now, but sometimes, I wish I could change certain things. I am sure that if the right person came along, I would give up my fears and do whatever it took.

I think I’m coming down with a cold.

I really want to go dancing this weekend. I’m toying with the idea of going up to Denver, but I’ve kind of lost my taste for going out alone. I wish there were a good club down here.

Sometimes it rains inside my head....

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-22T05:04:25-05:00

On my cd player: the soundtrack to the Crow.

I have had this thought in my head for a little while. There is a scene in Fight Club when the Narrator has beat the shit out of Angel (played by a bleach blonde Jared Leto.) When asked why he did it, he said “I felt like destroying something beautiful.” I am feeling like that, though I don’t wish to permanently destroy, only injure for a short while. I have it in my head to break up a stable relationship.

There is this guy who works at the hotel who is utterly adorable. I know (from previous experience) that my attraction to him means that I have nothing in common with him and that in fact, he will embody traits that I find intolerable. I don’t know why my mind/body does this to me. If I’m attracted to someone, the chances are very good that we will have nothing in common. Someone I have eight million things in common with, I won’t find attractive. Where is the justice in that?

Sometimes, when I pick up the phone, I forget that I’m supposed to say something....

I am not sure what I’m going to do tonight. I might check out a new club that has just opened, maybe it will be cool. I’m not holding my breath though.

I often lie in my bed at night and think of all these millions of things that I want to write about, but never remember what they are. I can’t wait to get a computer at home. My mother is coming into some money, so that should happen sooner rather than later. I would love for her to think that we need a cable or DSL connection, but I’m not sure if she’d go for that. It would help to keep the phone line clear though, and I’m sure that would be a plus to her....

I thought I told you to meet me....

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-26T04:04:48-05:00

On my cd player: a collection of mixes from bands stemming from Joy Division. The comp is called ‘art of mix: ultra hot disc 2.’ The track playing is one of the few mixed of Blue Monday that I can stand.

I did something that I am slightly ashamed of on Saturday. I went out the club, saw Matt and his boys, and Daniel as well. I had a bit too much to drink and ended up hitting on someone that I shouldn’t have. I think it might be a good idea if I don’t go to the club for a bit, but I don’t think that will happen. I have a concern that I might be lusting after Matt too much. I think this may be some sort of transference thing, where I am missing Jae so much that I am finding someone to fill the role that he played, only I really shouldn’t. Maybe I’m thinking too much about this.

I was at Wal-mart this morning (buying Blade Trinity, woo hoo!!). The woman who was in line in front of me was a woman who worked at Wal-mart as well. She and the cashier were complaining that their stock prices were down. (I’m guessing that after a certain length of time working there, you have the option of buying stock or you are given stock.) After the woman left, the cashier told me that it was on CNN that the stock prices were down due to customer service ‘whatever that means.’ She then told me that people on my side could be nasty and they (the bigwigs) don’t know that. I then told her what happened to me on Sunday, how I’d been overcharged and no one really gave a fuck about it. My view is that I don’t go to Wal-mart if I want good customer service. I go to Wal-mart because I want low prices. If I want good customer service, I’m going to spend a few more bucks and go to Target. But I was blown away that the cashier would imply that they gave good customer service...

I can’t believe that May will be here on Sunday. I’m already busy and crazy here at work, it won’t get easier when summer gets here.

I am feeling reflective and nostalgic. It’s funny how things can change so much in one year, yet stay the same.

I don’t know if other people are like this, but I associate people with songs. Like I’m not able to listen to the Bloodhound Gang’s ‘the bad touch’ without thinking of Paul. This is sometimes a good thing, but sometimes it’s a bad thing. Like right now, I associate the new Gwen Stefani song with Matt, when I should really be thinking about Zach when I hear it. Though what a ‘hollaback girl’ is, I’m not really certain. But Matt looked really hot dancing to it....

I keep thinking how people say ‘oh, I’d give anything to see (insert name here) one more time...’ And I think how that would relate to Jae, but that’s bullshit. Once more would not be enough for me.

Be my illusion and I'll be your distraction....

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-28T05:04:55-05:00

On my cd player: Howie Day’s ‘stop all the world now.’ You said it yourself//You said I'm not ready//I’m telling myself//But it's not sinking in//Maybe I'm new at this//It is just your reaction?//Be my illusion and I'll be your distraction. I went to see Amityville Horror last night. Not too bad, though I was rooting for Ryan Reynolds’ character. I was also encouraging him to take off his shirt. :) He didn’t listen to me very often though. Ryan Reynolds is still hot, not as hot as Hannibal King mind you, but still hot. I had a little mini-breakdown whilst on the phone with Drea last night. I was firmly convinced (and still a little convinced) that I am going to die alone and spent most of the rest of my life alone. I have just returned from lunch, where the chili decided to attack and splat on my purty white shirt. Thanks a lot, chili. I’m feeling better, though I think I sound worse. I’ve not been sneezing or coughing as much. Someone in the office is wearing perfume that smells like bug killer. I just love the way that people will look right through you, almost as if you don’t exist, if you are wearing a nametag. I swear...the gall of some people.... I have a pseudo-date with Zach tonight. He has tickets to the opening of Singing in the Rain, and he thought of me. He says I know how to ‘dress for the occasion.’ Of course, this just puts all kinds of pressure on me. :) I’m pretty sure I know what I’m going to wear.

Scientists raised hell and smashed all their razors...

velvetTurtle — 2005-04-30T04:04:23-05:00

On my cd player: the Legendary Pink Dot’s album ‘the lovers’

Let’s see here...

I had a good time with Zach on Thursday. The guy that I met at my mother’s holiday party had the third lead in it, which was weird to see him. After the show we went to a little bar/café that I hadn’t been to before. That made the night. There weren’t very many people there, and everyone was so friendly that we ended up staying a lot later than we should’ve.

I fell yesterday while crossing the street and sprained my ankle. I am walking better than I was this morning, which is better than I was walking yesterday when I left the office. I am more embarrassed than in pain. Plus, everyone asks what happened, and I’ve had to tell the story a million times.

The weather is really crappy. I’m having a hard time thinking of tomorrow as May.

I am ready to go home. I have to do laundry and watch Prophecy tonight.

I haven’t really heard from Jae in over week. I got some forwards from him yesterday, so he’s still alive. That’s good for me.

Zach and I talked about going out tonight, but nothing’s really been firmed up. I guess I'll just wait to hear from him, and if I don’t, I'll just go to bed early. I had to skip yoga last night, but I think I'll be all right to go tomorrow.

And it's okay if you have go away...

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-02T06:05:00-05:00

On my cd player: Jason Mraz’ ‘waiting for my rocket to come.’ And it's okay if you have go away//Oh just remember the telephone works both ways//And if I never ever hear them ring//If nothing else I'll think the bells inside//Have finally found you someone else and that's okay//Cause I'll remember everything you sang Today is a good happy cheerful day. I had to skip yoga on Friday, but got to go buy ice packs and a yo-yo, so it almost evened out. :) I sat with the kids on Friday night so Drea could go out with the Boy. I’m such a good friend. Of course, bragging about it kinds detracts from it. I went out with Zach on Saturday night. He got a bit...oh, let’s be polite and say ‘rambunctious.’ I (from personal experience) know that drink can loosen your lips more than you might prefer, so I will, of course, forgive him for the things that he said. I saw Matt (insert melt-y stacy here.) How impossible would it be to not have a crush on a man who gives me a hug and says things like ‘how can I be as lucky to see you two Saturdays in a row.’? Veddy impossible, I assure you. I gave him my business card with instructions for him to call me randomly thoughout the week. I am turning to moosh just thinking about it. I am in a very silly good mood today. I am taking tomorrow morning off and going to yoga (hurrah), I get to go to yoga tonight and we’re going to be doing hand/headstands. I am getting better and know that with practice, I can hold it for as long as Kathleen would like. The weather is lousy today. Someone needs to tell the weather gods that May equals spring and snow is not part of spring weather.

Open up my eager eyes//‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside...

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-05T05:05:03-05:00

On my cd player: the Killer’s album. I understand that this band got their name from something that’s related to New Order, but I don’t know what....anyone, anyone?

I just can’t look its killing me//And taking control//Jealousy, turning saints into the sea//Swimming through sick lullabies//Choking on your alibis//But it’s just the price I pay//Destiny is calling me//Open up my eager eyes//‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

My ankle is still giving me a little trouble. It’s less swollen and less bruised than it was, even yesterday, but it is still a little twingey.

I really want to go dancing, but not down here. Gah, I’m whiny today.

I’ve been chained to my desk for most of the week, diving when the phone rings, hoping it’s Matt. I’m way too enamored with him.

I have leftover Chinese food for lunch and I am so hungry right now.

Woo hoo!! Star Wars opens in two weeks.

Oh go ahead and lie to me.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-08T06:05:08-05:00

On Josh's winAmp player: Frou Frou's 'hear me out.' I think I should pick up some of their albums....

Oh go ahead and lie to me//You could say anything//Small talk will be - just fine//Your voice is everything//We owe it to love//And it all depends on you

I have come to an awful, horrid realization: I’m much more in love with Matt than I should be. I know, I hear what some of you are saying: Duh, stace, you are just realizing this now? Well, since you’re telling me something that I need to hear, I’ll forgive the ‘stace.’ I look at every silver Mustang that I pass, wondering if it’s him. I dreamed about him last night. I am very much blaming Brad for my un-ability to love straight men. This is getting ridiculous.

I have been having large bouts of melancholy lately. I don’t know what’s going on with my head. I just want to listen to sad music on repeat for hours.

Things don’t really seem to have a point right now.

I miss Jae.

The End

It's alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown...

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-10T02:05:49-05:00

On my cd player: Frou Frou’s ‘details.’ Why did it take me so long to discover this group? Of course, they prolly isn’t doing anything good for my mood.....

so let go jump in oh well whatcha waiting for//it's alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown//so let go just get in oh it's so amazing here//it's alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown

There is a new collecting of Foxtrot comics, it’s called ‘Orlando Bloom ruined everything.’ I am amused.

I have decided to write a list of commandments for myself. These are to be little guidelines for me, things that I do too often, or not often enough; that should be done either more or less.

First – thou shall not be a judgmental bitch.

Second – thou shall try new things, but not be afraid to let them go if it’s not working out

That’s all I really have for now.

I’ve been thinking more about the minor breakdown I had with Drea a week or so ago. Will I die alone? Probably. Will I spend all of the rest of my life until my death alone? Probably not, unless some freak accident takes my life relatively soon. (Of course, that’s just asking for it, ainnit?) And by alone, I simply mean ‘without someone to have sex with.’ Cos I have plenty of love, just not sex.

I haven’t heard from Jae in a week or so. He knows I worry like nothing if I don’t hear from him. Grr, I swear, that boy.

I’m going to go see Kingdom of Heaven tonight with Brandy. I don’t really really care for the subject matter, but I'll watch Orli in just ‘bout anything....

And I’ve never woken up like this...

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-12T03:05:22-05:00

On my cd player: a New Order comp that my brudder made for me. The track is....touched by the hand of god. I love this song.

I never looked at you in a sexual way//In my life before//And I’ve never woken up like this//So desperately before

Oh yes, my third commandment: thou shall not develop feelings greater than a schoolgirl crush on anyone who cannot return said feelings.

I forgot my watch today, so I feel naked. It’s funny, I hadn’t worn a watch regularly in many years, and now it feels weird not to wear one.

I had the weirdest dreams last night.

Ohmigosh!! I just realized, that at this time next week, I'll be sitting in a movie theatre saying to myself ‘dang, I can’t wait till the movie starts!!’ I’m such a dork.

I’m worried about my cat. He wasn’t in when I got home last night, and he isn’t in the house now. He’s never done this before. Usually, he’ll come running when I call him, or if he hears my car pull up. I’m afraid that something has happened to him. I will be very upset if that is the case.

Now I have no hope anymore...

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-17T03:05:06-05:00

On my cd player: the new =\/\/=eezer album. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet.

One more time I have crossed the line.//Now you won’t be mine anymore.//One more dream vanished up in smoke.//Now I have no hope anymore.

Don’t let the quoted lyrics fool ya – my funk seems to have left me.

I am noticing straight (presumably) men again. I don’t understand how one moment you can see someone in a different light. All of a sudden, they have appeal. Not that I mind (too much), cos hey, lust is nice. But I just don’t get how one day can change things.

I’m wearing an envelope on my head. UPS envelopes make great hats. :)

I’m in a very pleasant mooooood.

I want to go shopping for shoes.

I’m going to dye my hair tonight.

I sometimes think that less people would be lonely if one person were willing to say something or anything. Unfortunately, I’m a little gun shy after the events with Aaron....

I'm okay alone but you got something I need......

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-18T04:05:36-05:00

On my cd player: the ep for Rasputina’s ‘Transylvanian Concubine.’ Some of these mixes are pretty good. I had the weirdest, most convoluted dreams last night. I dreamt about Orlando Bloom being at my work place, which was laid out like an airport, I dreamt my car was towed, except they took my plates and my antenna topper off my car and put them on a red car, and I dreamt that this overly pierced man stabbed me with needles. Needless to say, I woke up pretty much when my alarm went off. I keep noticing that I keep ending sentences with prepositions, but I can’t seem to find ways to not do that. In a little more than thirteen hours, I will be leaving my house to go to the theatre to see Star Wars. I’m a geek, but not nearly as much as these guys who have been camped at the theatre for almost a week. I’ve had my tickets for about two weeks, but I’m not going to the theatre until after Alias tonight. Hey, a girl has to have her priorities. :) Whelp, I’ve just discovered that the vaguely interesting guy here at the Hotel is not only happily married, his wife is pregnant. This is a good sign, despite the fact that’s he’s not available to me. It could be worse – he could be gay. I’m having an off day at work. I’ve misquoted a guest to the tune of $200 for four nights (in his favor, luckily) and tripped over the cutting board. Apparently, red hair dye causes your IQ to drop 10%.

So I’ll walk the plank and I’ll jump with a smile......

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-21T04:05:20-05:00

On my cd player: Ani’s ‘dilate’

so I’ll walk the plank and I’ll jump with a smile//if I’m gonna go down//I’m gonna do it with style//and you won't see me surrender//you won't hear me confess//'cuz you've left me with nothing//but I’ve worked with less

Happy Saturday! I just love when I take a day off and then half to spend the next three days catching up. Heh /end sarcasm.

Star Wars was....okay. It wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but I certainly think it could have been better. There were some things that I didn’t agree with but, hey, I’m not Lucas.

I think I’m going out with Zach tonight. I feel sort of bad, because I’d like to hang out with him, but I really want him along in case Matt doesn’t show, and then I have someone to talk to. Zach doesn’t really mind, and I’m fairly certain that he would let me know if he did...

And now, for qwizz thingys. Hey, it’s Saturday and I’ve finished an awful rooming list, what more do you want from me?

Heh, this was ‘borrowed’ from bananacreep. I almost kept spelling bananana, but then I didn’t....heh.

A: Age you got your first kiss: 12.
B: Band listening to right now: Frou Frou.
C: Crush: two – Matt and Orlando Bloom. I’m not sure which I am more likely to hook up with...

D: Dad's name: Greg
E: Easiest person to talk to: Drea

F: Favorite bands at the moment: New Order.
G: Gummy worms or Gummy bears: Um, worms, I guess.
H: Hometown: Colorado Springs.
I: Instruments: my voice and a pair of scissors.
J: Junior High: Emerson

K: Kids: I have cats.
L: Longest car ride ever: the drive from San Antonio to Springfield Illinois.

M: Mom's name: Ellen

N: Nicknames: staca, lulu, lucy, feather, stace.
O: One wish: a relationship with a straight boy.

P: Phobia: patterned carpets.
Q: Quote: ‘as Ben Franklin once said’ and ‘it’s better to have and not need.’

R: Reason to smile: Matt. Yes, I’m a dork. Bite me.

S: Last song you heard: Frou Frou’s ‘hear me out.’

T: Time you woke up today: 5:45 am is when I finally got out of bed.

U: Unknown fact about me: I'll try almost anything once.

V: Veggie you hate: Okra
X: X-rays you've had: loads. My ironic nickname as a child was ‘Grace.’
Y: Yummy food: crème brulee and Chick-Fil-A

Z: Zodiac Sign: Leo.

I want to stand and stare again....

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-23T04:05:45-05:00

On my cd player: Herro Kitty’s ‘meow mix.’ The track playing is Peter Gabriel’s ‘in your eyes.’ When I find ‘the one’, this will be our song. I’m such a cheese-ball.

Accepting all I’ve done and said//I want to stand and stare again//Til there’s nothing left out, oh//It remains there in your eyes//Whatever comes and goes//Oh it’s in your eyes

I finally saw Moulin Rouge! last night. I am now crushing hardcore on Ewan McGregor. He’s always been easy enough on the eyes, but that singing voice! Woosh!

I ended up going out with Zach on Saturday night, yay. But not seeing Matt, boo. It gave me and Zach time for a nice chat, seeing as how the music was so lame that I couldn’t be bothered to dance. Zach told me the sweetest thing, though. He said that the gay men that I do fall for tend to be more of the ‘straight-looking’ type. This was reassuring to me, for some reason. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he’s right. I don’t fall for flaming men. I just fall for the ones that I can’t have. He thinks I may have abandonment issues due to my parent’s divorce when I was younger and that my father wasn’t around much when I was a child. I can see how this could contribute to it, but I’m thinking it’s more along the lines of ex-hubby leaving me for another woman and then ex-boyfriend leaving me for another woman. I’m sure the fact that neither of them would admit that is a factor also. I guess I’m not wanting to fall for another person who will leave me for another woman.

I had an epiphany over the weekend. I have had the belief that I never really loved my ex-husband or my ex-boyfriend. It never occurred to me to think that maybe they never really loved me either, until this weekend. I don’t know what this says about me.

I dreamt that I was sleeping with Josh last night. I don’t know why I have weird dreams like this.

This man just came into the office and his cologne is making me sick. I don’t understand why people think they have to drown themselves in something that will make them smell ‘better.’ C’mon people, just take a shower. :) There is a woman here who wears perfume that smells like bug killer. Not appealing at all. Thank goodness I have this cologne sample from a magazine that I can sniff randomly.

I skipped yoga yesterday and I’m not going tonight either. I feel like I just don’t get as much done if there’s a sub.

I have to work today and tomorrow, but then I’m off on Wednesday. I have an appointment to have my oil changed and my brakes looked at. I hope I don’t have to get new brakes. I don’t really want to spend that much money on something I ‘need,’ I’d rather buy crap I don’t need. :) if I don’t have to have brake work done, I’m so going on a shopping spree.

I really want to go dancing. I’m half toying with the idea of going up to Denver. I used to be able to go to clubs alone but the idea no longer appeals to me. I want someone to hang out with, someone to mock people with.

There's something wrong you could say......

velvetTurtle — 2005-05-30T04:05:22-05:00

On my cd player: the alternative version of New Order’s ‘best of.’

I heard a George Strait song <"run"> at karaoke on Thursday. I have no desire to hear the original version, but I do want to cover it myself.

I had an....interesting weekend. I hung out with Drea for a little bit on Friday. I was actually at her house for more hours than we hung out, as I fell asleep a quarter of the way through the movie that we put on.

Saturday I went hiking with Brandy and then I went out with Zach. I was very happy to see Matt at the club, but very distressed to see another woman monopolizing his time. I haven’t felt this jealous in ages. I understand (at least in my head, for the most part) that Matt is sort of a substitute for Jae. I didn’t feel half of what I feel for Matt when Jae is around.

I’m thinking about going to visit my brother in England in November. My mom will loan me the money for my ticket and my calendar is clear for the time that I want to go. I think this may work.

I don't believe the words you sing sometimes...

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-04T04:06:03-05:00

On my cd player: Frou Frou’s ‘details’ I have no real content today. Save to say that I’m busy at work and I’m ready for winter.
You have a Purple Lightsaber. Purple is associated with wisdom, dignity,
independence, creativity, mystery, and magic.
Purple denotes high spirituality and religious
aspiration. Purple also represents Peacefulness
and Purification. It also has a sense of
intuitive understanding and a feeling of
intimacy with the world.

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla I stole this from NHLstarr87 01)What time are you starting this?: 9:40 02) Name?: Stacy 03) Date of birth?: August 4, 1978 04) Sex?: yes please! I mean: female 05) Height?: 5’ 2” or so 06) Eye color?: blue/grey/green 09) Where were you born?: Oklahoma 10) Have you ever failed a grade?: nope 11) If you have, what grade did you fail? 12) Do you have crush on someone?: yes 13) Do you have a bf/gf?: sorta 14) If so, what is their name: Jae 15) How long have you been together?: a year or so? 16) What are you wearing right now?: black pants, black shoes, pink shoes, and a turquoise blouse. 17) Would you have sex before marriage?: yes. It’s more the sex after marriage that I’m concerned about. 18) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: nope 20) Do you smoke?: nope 21) Do you drink?: yep 22) Are you ghetto?: nope 23) Are you a player?: I have been, but I’m not now. 24) What are your favorite colors?: purple 25) What is your favorite animal?: I like cats and turtles 26) Do you have any birthmarks?: yep, I have a series of three in the shape of a triangle on my neck, and a cute one on my left ring finger. 27) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: not so much 28) Who are your best friends?: Drea, the girls, Brad, Zach, Jae 29) Have you ever beat someone up?: not really 30) Who do you talk to most on the phone?: Drea or my mom 31) Have you ever been slapped?: I’m sure 32) Do you get online a lot?: not really 33) Are you shy or outgoing?: both, but more outgoing 34) Do you shower?: yes 35) Do you hate school?: not really 37) How easily do you trust people?: Pretty easily 38) Have you ever lied to your best friends?: yes 39) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: I don’t really have any secrets 40) Would you ever sky dive?: yes 41) Do you like to dance?: yes 68) Have you ever been out of state?: yes 69) Do you like to travel?: yes 70) Have you ever been expelled from school?: no 71) Have you ever been suspended from school?: no 71) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: eh... 72) Are you spoiled?: no 73) Are you a brat?: I can be 74) Have you ever been dumped?: duh 75) Have you ever gotten high?: a little 76) What's your favorite drink?: water and sweet iced tea 77) Do you like Snapple?: it’s aight 78) Do you drink a lot of water?: yes 79) What toothpaste do you use?: whatever I buy 80) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: nope 81) Do you have a curfew?: Uh, no. Not that I ever did anyway. 82) Who do you look up to?: people who are taller than me. 83) Are you a role model?: I hope not. 85) What name brand do you wear the most?: um, none. 87) What do you have pierced?: my ears and my belly 88) What do you want pierced?: I’d love my eyebrow or my nose, but I’m not able to have those. 89) Do you like taking pictures?: not really 90) Do you like getting your picture taken?: nope 91) Do you have a tan?: guh, yes. 92) Do you get annoyed easily?: heh, yes. 93) Have you ever started a rumor?: yep 94) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: sorta. My phone at work is only mine. 95) Do you have your own pool?: nope 96) Do you have any siblings?: yep 97) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: boxers 98) Have you ever been played?: yes 99) Have you ever played anyone?: yes 100) Do you get along with your parents?: yes 103) Have you ever ran away?: . yes 104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: no 105) Do you even have a job?: yes 106) Do you daydream a lot?: yes 107) Do you have a lot of exes?: not a lot. 108) Do you run your mouth?: yes 109) What do you want a tattoo of?: I’m thinking of something for my foot, but nothing has struck me yet. 110) What do you have a tattoo of?: Let’s see here: I have: a turtle, a dragonfly, a ladybug, a snail, a flower, a comet, a naked lady, an abstract art design, three butterflies, seven stars, a sun, a moon, the symbol for Leo, and the infinity symbol. Woosh. 111) What are your favorite flowers?: I love sterling roses, and lilies are beautiful too. 112) Have you ever been bitched out?: Yes. 113) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: Um, I bitched *about* people this week. 114) Are you rude?: I can be, but I never start it. 115) What was the last compliment you received?: ‘you rock.’ 116) Do you like getting dirty?: ew, no. 117) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: innie 120) Are you flexible?: thanks to yoga. 121) What is your heritage?: I’m a mutt. 122) What is your lucky number?: Don’t have one. 123) What does your hair look like right now?: It’s pulled back into a ponytail. 124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I try. 125) When was your last real heartbreak?: I guess the thing with Aaron, I guess. 126) Describe your looks?: I’m short, not a stick, I have a unique style, and I like the way I look. 127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color: purple would rock. 129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: yes, though I usually fall for the younger guys. 130) When was the last time you were drunk?: Last Saturday 131) When was the last time you went on a date? Um, April? 135) Have you ever had an eating disorder? no 136) Do you have one now?: no 137) How many rings until you answer the phone?: no more than three 138) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: not yet 139) If yes, when was the last time?: . 140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: I’ve been told I look like my mother, but I don’t really see it. 141) Do you cry a lot?: not a lot, but I’m not shy about crying. 142) Do you ever cry to get your way?: no 143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: Uh, I guess a leg? 144) What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: It really depends on who I am talking to. 145) Are you the romantic type?: I’m a sucker for romance, if that’s what you mean. 146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: nope 147) What do you like most about your body?: I love my legs and I love my hair. 148) What do you like least about your body?: I’m not so fond of my belly. 150) When was the last time you threw up?: right after my last date actually. 151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: I like men with dark hair, and I’m a sucker for a redheaded woman. 152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: They are black lace ups. 155) Is your best friend a virgin?: I hope not, she has kids. 158) What color are your underwear right now?: white with purple and blue flowers 159) What theme does your room have? “Orlando Bloom central” 160) What size shoe do you wear?: 7 161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: a watch and a necklace that has Jae’s two rings on it. 162) What is your screen name on AIM?: don’t have one 163) How are you feeling right now?: tired, a little sad, hungry, hopeful, happy. 164) When was the last time you were at a party?: last summer 165) Have you ever given a lap dance?: not yet. 166) What do you sleep in?: jammies, or nothing at all. Depends on the weather. 167) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: sure. 171) Would you marry for money?: yes 172) What do you drive?: a 2001 Toyota Corolla named ‘Emmy’ 173) Have you ever given or received roadhead?: Um, no. 174) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: Mama’s girl. 177) When was the last time you cried in school?: I don’t think I did. 179) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy?: sure 180) What time are you finishing this?: 10:50

Why does it always end up like this......

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-06T04:06:28-05:00

On my cd player: Tori’s ‘to Venus and back’

I saw Candy last night. And I’m faced with a question now: do feelings that are a result (heh, this came out of my fingers as ‘reslut’) of a chemical become somehow less real? Are they any less valid? I don’t know how I feel about her, save to know for certain that she is way hot and way friendly. And maybe I’m just lonely and am looking for meaning in things that don’t have any beyond what’s seen on the surface. Goodness knows that I do that very well.

I finally saw Team America World Police last night. Girl’s night ended up being ‘whole lotta people in Josh’s room watching movie.’ There were 11 people in Josh’s room and we were sprawled everywhere. I was amused by the movie.

I think I’m going back into the phase of ‘me wantee good lovin’.’ Or at least a good make out session. Damn my hormones.....

Send a signal that she's hanging all her hopes on the stars....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-08T04:06:05-05:00

On my cd player: Savage Garden’s debut album.

I am feeling ultra loved right now. That is a good feeling.

I was off yesterday, and spent the day running around, as usual. I got to go to yoga in the morning. The Tuesday morning class is more ‘basic’ as Kath likes to say, which means I get to do things that I don’t normally do, which means that I’m more fatigued at the end of class. I also got to play in a water fountain while hanging out with Drea when we were downtown.

I bought a cute little pair of wings yesterday too. They are blue and white and I think I’m going to wear them when we go up to Denver. Insert pause here for a very excited stacy. Woo hoo!! Gimme some of the Denvah love!! Okay, I’m done now. I also bought a top that I’m going to mangle and wear up as well.

I bought an MP3 player on Monday. Now I get to play the game called ‘find a way to load MP3s upon it.’ This is a fun game, it involves begging for computer time from friends. I don’t really need it until November though, so I’ve got time.

I am going to see a movie with my mother tonight. I hadn’t really planned for it, so I get to go to the theatre as ‘work stacy.’ That’s the stacy who dresses like an adult instead of like a sixteen year old girl.

I got a trim on Monday as well. Not that you can tell. I just had her chop half an inch off, which was all the ends had split since the last time I got my hair cut, which was last April. I guess it’s really to my advantage that I rarely do anything to my hair that would cause it serious damage. Besides dying it, I mean.

A live journal friend made me do this. Basically, list your 6 current favorite songs and then 6 people who have to do the same.

mine are:
1. Frou Frou’s ‘hear me out’
2. Gwen Stefani’s ‘hollaback girl’
3. The Killer’s ‘Mr. Brightside’
4. Peter Gabriel’s ‘in your eyes’
5. Stardust’s ‘music sounds better with you’
6. Kelly Clarkson’s ‘since you’ve been gone’

And now I’m cheating cos I don’t have six people to do the same soooo....the people I’d like to see do this are:

PirateSteve

Drea

Josh

And then....

01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.

And curse myself for being across the sea....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-10T05:06:00-05:00

On my cd player: some =\/\/=eezer comp. I’m not sure how this came into my possession...

I had a scary thing happen to me yesterday. I was stopped at a red light and there was a car next to me. The light turns green and we both go. He signals to get into my lane and does so. I have this thing about driving directly behind someone, so I signal to get into the other lane. As I do, the jerk gets back into the first lane. This continues down the road for about three miles. Finally, I get to the road I had to turn on and the jerk is in the far left lane and I’m turning right. I get over and then he cuts across the three lanes of traffic to follow me. He is right on my ass, flashing his lights at me and honking his horn. I am seriously freaked out by now and feel a huge relief when he turned down a side road.

I’m thinking now be the time for me to get a cell phone, even if it’s just prepaid and even if I don’t give out the number or anything like that.

I ended up going out with Zach last night. We’re thinking that the bartender on Thursdays undercharges him, while the bartender on Saturdays undercharges me. Not that I mind in either case.

I saw Thomas last night. He had cut off all of his hair and was wearing a horrid outfit. He was not so cute last night.

I am very excited for Denver tonight. I hope that Vinyl is as cool as the Church.

Despite last night’s strange events, I am still feeling very loved by the world in general. I think this deserves a little explanation. I have never (by any stretch) felt unloved, but I guess that this overpouring of love is strange. What I really mean is: I’m grateful to the universe, the world, and fate for the love and I shan’t take it for granted. Being loved is gooood.

Your IQ Is 105

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius

Your General Knowledge is Below Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I'm not sure who I'm looking for.... Searching

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-13T05:06:35-05:00

On my cd player: John Mayer’s ‘room for squares’

Searching all my days just to find you//I'm not sure who I'm looking for//I'll know it//When I see you

Yes, I know that John Mayer is sappy. That’s okay, I don’t care. :)

I had a fantastic weekend, despite things that could’ve caused it to be un-cool.

Friday night, me, Josh, and Drea went up to Vinyl. We had high hopes for the club, but I came away less than impressed. It seems there may be no cool place to dance in Denver anymore. :( But I had a great time despite that. Mocking people and things can be fun.

Saturday, I only left the house in the day to go eat lunch. I did laundry, watched movies (I cannot in any good conscience, recommend the movie Fear X), and took a nap for a bit. I’ve had a poem that I’ve had to give Tom for two weeks now and thought I’d take a chance to see if they were at the club. I was very pleased to see them show up not too long after I got there. Tom loved the poem and then scribbled one for me on a bar napkin. I heart Tom, he is such a doll....

Around 1:30, Matt and Tom look like they are about ready to fall over. I knew that Brent had come with them, so I said, ‘hey guys, if y’all wanna leave, I'll happily take Brent home.’ Matt was agreeable to this and commented that I could probably crash at Brent’s, if I wanted to. So, right around three, I convince Brent it’s time to leave. (note to self – never let Brent talk to men alone. Bad idea.) I took him home and then we crashed, but during the crashing, I talked to him a bit about Matt.

The general consensus is that I really need to get over Matt. Of course, that is much easier said than done and I don’t think it will really happen until Jae gets back.

Speaking of...I talked to Jae on Saturday.

Well, I've been afraid of changing....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-14T05:06:33-05:00

On my cd player: a comp I made a long time ago called ‘another wasted Saturday night.’ The track playing is Tori’s cover of ‘landslide.’

Well, I've been afraid of changing//'Cause I've built my life around you

I am a goon. And that’s really all I’m going to say on that subject for now.

I am needing to find wrapping paper with the baby Jesus on it for Brent’s birthday present.

I am having a good day again. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, as I went out with Zach. He needs to learn that ‘no, I don’t want anything to drink’ means ‘no, I don’t want anything to drink.’ Plus, since he is still sans car, I get to drive his happy ass down to Widefield whenever we go out. But that should change soon, I hope.

I only have two more days of work this week, woo hoo!! I am looking forward to seeing Batman. I’m toying with the idea of seeing if I could find someone who wanted to go with me, but I dunno.

The Q is having a disco ball on Saturday. I am not too fond of disco music, so I don’t know if I’m going to go. Plus, I need to stay in and save my money.

I am going crazy at work.....blah.

You haunt my dreams.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-16T05:06:52-05:00

On my cd player: Fired Up 2! (I guess it was just too cool for one....) The track playing is TelePopMusik’s ‘breathe.’ I really like this track.

You haunt my dreams//There’s nothing to do but believe

I woke up last night at 12:30, looked at the clock on my wall and thought it was 6. So I get up and start to get ready. But then I look at my alarm clock, which is digital and read 12:30. So I go back to bed. I think my sleep schedule is all mucked up.

I am going to see Batman tomorrow. Woo hoo!! I can’t believe it’s finally here, I thought June would never get here...

I think I’m getting/developing/realizing I have a crush on someone. Woo hoo for me. :)

My shoes are falling apart. I am going to try to mend them over the weekend, and if I can’t, I need to find another pair. I like these, and they go with pants and skirts both.

Josh and Leah are going to be at Drea’s for game tonight, so I am going to take advantage of the situation and borrow Drea’s computer to load up my MP3 player.

I am looking forward to a day of pretty much no obligations.

Um, I guess that’s all I really have for today....

I go through all this....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-18T01:06:18-05:00

Song that's stuck in my head: Bjork's hyperballad (it's the last one I heard in the car before I got here)

Nothing makes me feel more helpless and useless than someone I like and care for feeling pain that I can't do anything about. I am worried and concerned for someone I haven't met, but that doesn't stop me from being upset.

Gah. I hope you're okay Steve.

I feel I'm stumbling in the dark.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-19T04:06:26-05:00

Song that is stuck in my head: BT's 'somnabulist'

So little joy, so little joy//It's complicated//I feel I'm stumbling in the dark//Somnambulated//I feel my heart seeking the sparks//I'm praying for love//(Love love)//Praying for love.

There was a time when I doubted these lyrics. I doubted that love (in any form) could ever be enough. However, the universe has been good to me this year, and I'm feeling all kinds of love from all kinds of sources. And even though it may not be the romantic love that I think I want/deserve/have to have, it's still a very powerful feeling to know in my heart that I am in fact loved. I feel so grateful to be alive at moments like this.

My concern for Stephen is still present. I hope that he is okay. But I still feel helpless, not knowing what is going on with him, is he okay, is he not? I hope it's the first, and that he can feel better about whatever is causing him to be upset.

Out of the doubt fills my mind....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-20T05:06:47-05:00

On my cd player: Howie Day’s ‘stop all the world now.’

Even the best fall down sometimes//Even the wrong words seem to rhyme//Out of the doubt that fills my mind//I somehow find, you and I collide

I can deal with just about anything, as long as I know what I’m dealing with.

I had a nice long weekend.

Thursday, I went over to Drea’s, where I was supposed to start transferring MP3s to my MP3 player. Instead, me, Leah, and Drea helped the Boy assemble a vinyl banner for his upcoming con. Loads of fun, especially the mashing stuff.

Friday was awesome. I woke up early, watched a bit of TV until it was time to go see Batman Begins. It roxor’d my soxors. It was veddy good. (And PS – when did Cillian Murphy get hot?) After the movie, I picked up lunch at Chick-Fil-A and did my shopping at Wal-Mart.

Friday night I went out with Zach. We ended up spending a lot of time (and money) at Shuga’s. I like that place. It has a nice chill atmosphere, even though it seems like things are overpriced.

Saturday morning was spent at Drea’s mom’s birthday party and then I went home to make my costume for the disco ball. It came out very cute. I wore a white mini-skirt, a gold halter top, and a pair of strappy sandals. I was in loads of pain for most of the night, even though I looked pretty hot.

Sunday was spent getting not enough sleep and then over to Drea’s for Fiona’s birthday party. That was a good time.

Jae called on Saturday. It looks like he may be going up to Chicago. The Gay Games are going to be held there in 2006 and I might see if I could take maybe a long weekend. I’m hoping this doesn’t mean that Jae won’t be back in the Springs soon, cos I miss him.

I know there was a sub at yoga yesterday, so I think I’m going to skip tonight as well. I like the sub, but I feel I don’t learn as much or do as well if there is a sub. I’m an elitist yoga snob. I know. :)

I got to see Matt and Brent and Tom Saturday. I (as it’s well known) always like to see Matt. I am training (or trying to) him to be a better Leo, to say “I know” when being complimented. He wasn’t too fond of me taking a survey of random people, querying them about his hotness. Around 2:30, when I was tired of my hair, I let it down. Matt kept going on about how beautiful I was with my hair down and I kept rebuffing him. Then he said ‘see, you’re just like me.’

The previous paragraph lead to an interesting conversation with Drea yesterday. My thoughts were that I know the things that I am, and I know the things that I’m not. I have no problems accepting compliments about the things that I am. Had Matt said my hair looked great, or it made me look hot, or something like that, all he woulda heard was “I know.” But I know that I’m not beautiful. When I brought this up to Drea, she said (essentially) “You know the things that you are to you, but that doesn’t mean that it might not be true to Matt.” It’s for reasons like this that I love love love Drea.

I hope that Stephen is okay, and posts soon, so I stop worrying like a girl. If something happens to him, how can I meet him when I go to England in November?

On the radio on Friday, the DJ was postulating why people kept journals. I keep one to remind me of things. Things I don’t want to forget, things that I shouldn’t forget, or just random things.

I dreamt about Eric last night. I also dreamed about my inbox this morning. I think that is a huge sign that I spend too much time on MindSay.

I took this from FraggleFan cos it was cool.

Name 20 people you know.( Put in any order but not by best- worst)
1. Drea
2. Josh
3. Leah
4. Chiara
5. Sandra
6. Jessica
7. Jason
8. Brent
9. Tom
10. Daniel
11. other Daniel
12. Jae
13. Thomas
14. Russell
15. John
16. Ty
17. Matt
18. Brad
19. Zach
20. Brandy

Who is #8 going out with? No one, unless something dramatic has happened in the past 36 hours.
Is #9 a boy or a girl? A man
Would #11 and #12 date? No
How about #18 and #4? no
What grade is #17 in?   no grade
When was the last time you talked to #12?   Saturday, woo hoo!
What is #6's favorite band?   Metallica? Maybe?
Does #1 have any siblings? yep
Would you ever date #3?   Prolly not
Would you ever date #7? No, though I have made out with him
Is #16 single?   I’m not sure....
What's #15's last name?   Conroy
What's #10's middle name? I unno
What's #5's favorite thing to do? Crafty things
Would #14 and #19 make a good couple?   Oh dear god no.
What school does #20 go to? none
Tell me a random fact about #11? He apparently has a clean freak streak in him.
And #1: If we were to hook up, we already have an ‘our’ song.
And #3: She has great hair.
Have you ever had a crush on #15? nope
What's #4's favorite color?   red
Would you make out with #14? Nope, he’s too pretty for me.
Are #5 & #6 best friends?   Yes, sorta
Does #7 like #20?   I don’t think they know each other...
Does #8 like #19?   I’m not sure, I don’t think he dislikes him...
How did you meet #2?   At a club...
How did you meet #18?   Gah, in high school, a million years ago....
Does #10 have any pets? I don’t think so....
Is #12 older than you?   Older, but not by much...
Is # 17 the sexiest person alive or what? Oh my yes....

For every reason not to be here I can think of two....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-22T05:06:21-05:00

On my cd player: eh, some Depeche Mode greatest hits collection.

There's a thousand reasons//Why I should not spend my time with you//For every reason not to be here I can think of two//Keep me hanging on//Feeling nothing's wrong//Inside your heaven

Sweet!! I love it when I have to call someone back and they aren’t there, so I have to leave them a message.

I bought new shoes last night and I think they are a little small. My poor feetsies are hurting.

I am a hungry girl. It’s time for lunch.

I should go to the gym tonight, but I don’t know if I will.

The summer office party is this weekend, but I think that’s going to be all the going out I do, if I have my way. I have things to do. I need to clean out my closets and get rid of the clothes I don’t wear anymore. I also need to start sewing. I have two pieces I need to make before too much more time goes by.

I’ve realized that I think too much. My mind will not rest once it gets on a subject. Last night, I saw a shirt at the thrift store that had a picture of three girls on it, with their names and the words ‘best friends.’ I wonder which of the girls gave it away. And why? Was it because they were no longer friends, or was she just too ‘cool’ for the shirt? How could you ever be too cool for your friends?

Okay, that’s enough of that.....

Today’s post was brought to you by: tall shoes, the letter F and the number 8.

You get nasty blisters....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-23T06:06:02-05:00

On my cd player: a comp I made a while ago called ‘I still haven’t thought of a title yet.’ The track playing is a Pet Shop Boy’s cover of Blur’s ‘boys and girls.’ Zach wants me to go up to Denver with him on Sunday. Apparently it’s Denver’s Pride weekend. I don’t think I really want to go. I know this may come as a shock to some of the people that I know, but I’m not actually a lesbian. I only play one on TV. :) I saw a woman who used to be my friend yesterday. This is the woman who told me (and this is a direct quote): “I hate everything about you.” I saw her with her husband, who was not that much to look at, save for the fact that there was so much of him to look at. :) I was cheered up by seeing her, well for prolly not good reasons. It was gratifying to see someone who thought she was better than me doing poorly. I know, I know – I’m hellbound. When I told Zach what she said, and that it was the worst thing anyone had ever said to me, he said he thought it was fabulous. (It’s for reasons like these that I keep hanging out with Zach even though he occasionally gets on my nerves.) He said it was great that she allowed me to influence her that much. I bought two new pairs of black shoes yesterday. I have a pre-con today at 5, which meant that I got to sleep in a little bit, but I have to be here till 5:30 at the least, and maybe even later. After that, I will go home, change clothes and then out to Drea’s, where I will hopefully get some of my MP3 player loaded... All righty, my in-box is all cleaned out, I have no rooming lists to enter. I is one caught up girl. Now, to wait for five, and then off....

Come around to another time when you don’t have to run....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-25T11:06:54-05:00

On my MP3 player: Howie Day’s ‘she says.’

Yes, it is Saturday. Yes, I am at work. I am feeling lousy, like I’m coming down with a cold or something.

I have changed my mind and am going up to Denver tonight with Zach. In his words, tomorrow is going to be filled with ‘freeks and faggots. And you know you love both.’ Plus, after the past few days, I really want to let loose and forget about things for a while. I only hope the club doesn’t suck.

I wanted to go buy more Frou Frou shtuff last night, but couldn’t find anything. So I had to settle for a single for Delerium’s ‘silence.’ The way I feel about that song is (I gather) the way most people feel about religion.

I’ve looked over the arrivals for today, the ones I care about at least. Everything looks...fine. I’m thinking I should be able to get out of here relatively soon. I have to nap before this afternoon or I am going to be shit tonight.

My desk is a mess and I feel so far behind. I know that summer is bad, but (for some reason) the trend seems to be that the groups I have in late June kick my ass.

I learned some distressing news about Aaron. I am still of the belief that I am much more suited for him than she is...

Okay, greatest invention ever – MP3 players. How did I live without one?

Agenda for the rest of the day: go home, do some laundry, do my hair in a cute fashion, go to the office summer party, and then up to Denver. My goal is to have a drink in hand by 10:30. Wish me luck.

There’s dirt in my mouth from kissing who I should not dare....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-27T06:06:38-05:00

On my CD player: Jann Arden’s ‘living under June.’

Sometimes I feel like that...

I had a looooooong weekend, even though it was only two days. Saturday after I left work, I went home and tried to rest for the nightly activities. That didn’t work too well.

Our summer office party was that day, and that was good fun.

Denver was good. We went to a club that I’d never been to, and that was great. Matt, Tom, Brent, and Daniel were there, and since I always love to see them, I was a happy stacy. Around one, Zach decided to go back to the hotel. Well, I was not done and the boys told me they were going to another club and I was more than welcome to come along. I agreed to that, not knowing that they were going to be out until six that morning!! I was pooped around three, but had to wait until they were ready to go. In retrospect, I shoulda/coulda taken a cab...had I know where I was.

I get back to the hotel and finally roll into bed around 6:30. It was our plan to leave the hotel around 10, which was not the case. We checked out at 11:45 and then to the festival. It was loads of fun, the weather was great, the people were friendly, and I got a little bit of sun. My nose is eight shades pinker. :)

As I was discussing my night with Zach, I came to the realization that I had actually been at a rave. This led to an epiphany. I expect the people I care about, or that I am sure care about me, to only tell me things that are true. I’m not saying that I’m naïve or gullible, but I expect to be told the truth by people I consider friends. Zach is apparently the same way, a little bit.

I am going to yoga tonight, and it is going to kick my ass.

I’m thinking it might be just about time for me to get a cell phone.

I think it’s time for me to dye my hair again. I might go with a deeper red.

Your Leo Drinking Style

You love to drink and dance -- you're likely a fabulous dancer.

You're usually pretty a good drinker as well, losing your commanding dignity and turning kittenish.

Of course, you're quite aware you're darling -- Leos will be Leos, after all.

You generally know your limit, probably because you loathe losing self-control.

When you get over-refreshed, flirting will ensue -- and perhaps not with the person what brought you.

But you are not the type to break rules even when drunk, so others try to ignore your naughty behavior.

You'll just make up for it with a sheepish (and hung over) apology the next day.

Your Signature Cocktails

Leos like flashy drinks, be they complicated tropical concoctions festooned with umbrellas, like a Bahama mama or the more common strawberry daiquiri or mai tai. Indeed, you often have a taste for the fruity -- try a screwdriver, or add an extra cherry to the next Manhattan. Your sense of drama lends itself to a kir royale, of course.

Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies

Edward Norton, Bill Clinton, Madonna, Debra Messing, Martha Stewart, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Christian Slater, and Fred Durst.

What's Your Alcohoroscope?

Until later... doesn't always come....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-28T05:06:00-05:00

On my CD player: the Cure’s ‘greatest hits’

Yoga kicked my booty last night. Though it was good, of course, of course.

I’m in a silly mood today, I think.

I woke up with a tremendous headache. I feel hungover, even though I was a good girl and went to bed last night at 10:30. I think my body may still be trying to catch up from the weekend. I didn’t eat very much Sunday or yesterday.

This is my horoscope for today: “You love it when you meet someone and have a perspective-altering conversation. That's exactly what's going to happen today. If you're lucky, it'll happen with someone who's drop dead gorgeous.” I’m not really holding my breath.

I am way behind on things that I need to do for our birthday party.

Happy stacy – I just got off the phone with Jae. I’m trying to convince him that it would be super cool for him to come up here for our little Pride weekend. I don’t think he will, but I would love for that to happen.

Well, things are pretty lousy for a calendar girl....

velvetTurtle — 2005-06-29T05:06:09-05:00

On my CD player: Tori’s ‘strange little girls.’

Woo hoo!! I only have to work today, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, and then I only have to work a half day on Tuesday. How much does that rock?

This is my free will horoscope for the week: ‘Say goodbye to the ghost. It has hung around far too long. In the early days, its teachings were useful, but now your relationship is fueled mostly by habit. Besides, there's no value in continuing to pore over all the scenarios about what might have been. In order to banish this ghost, Leo, you don't need to be cruel or angry. Simply inform it that its work is finished, and you've both got to move on. For best results, perform a ritual that formally severs your tie. You could tie a string between two objects, one that represents you and one that symbolizes the ghost, then use scissors to cut the connection.’

And this is another horoscope that I received: ’Someone helps you give an old point of view a good shove, and -- amazingly -- you don't feel sad at all as it falls by the wayside. Thank them for helping you make room for something shiny and new.’

I think (or am going to interpret as such) that this means that I need to let go of the feelings I have regarding any new relationship. Not that it means that I need to go out searching for anything, but maybe I should be less judgmental (always a good goal for me.) about anything that might come my way.

I am feeling very good. I love summertime. It’s times like these that make me very grateful to be alive.

Pop quiz – is it better to have a crush on a gay man who is here, or a (presumably {please please please}) straight man who lives 4500 miles away?

I am going to try to see Bewitched tonight with Zach.

You're always there, you're in my head....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-02T03:07:02-05:00

On my MP3 player: BT’s ‘remember’ from the second Hackers soundtrack. (Or should that be ‘HaXors’?)

You're always there//you're in my head//still chasing skies//I need you//Oh, I miss you

I just love to be busy. Really, I do. I’d rather have a full productive day than a slow day that drags and drags. Luckily, I’m about to get super duper busy. We lost a coordinator yesterday, and her work load has to be divvied up between the two who remain. Right now, I have nine groups in August, and twenty (!!) in September. That’s okay, I can hang, and my checkbook will love the overtime.

My body is hating me right now. I think it’s cos I keep slacking and skipping the gym. I went to yoga on last night and I’m going on Tuesday too, so that’s good.

I am excited – I have to pay with Harry Potter in my next check, and that means it’s coming up soon!!

It’s now Saturday, and I am exhausted. I’ve done almost nothing but work and sleep for the past five days.

I finally saw the Machinist last night. Very well done, and not what I expected. I give it two thumbs up.

Tonight: more sleep, and maybe tidy up my room. There are shoes all over the place...

Ruminations...

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-03T09:07:18-05:00

Ruminations.... *Zach is amused/surprised by the fact that I can’t ‘render’ (translate my thoughts about really cool clothes into pictures on a page) *I am going to spend more time and effort on wrapping Brent’s present than I did getting it. *I can’t wait to wake up without an alarm. *I’d probably be less tired if I slept more. *I’m highly anticipating the new seasons of Lost and Alias. *I’d probably sleep more if I had less to do.

Woo hoo!!

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-03T11:07:48-05:00

Woo hoo! Crazy 40 in the hizzhouse....

I'm wiped and I’m wired but I guess it’s just as well....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-03T04:07:33-05:00

On my MP3 player: Ani’s ‘swan dive’

Things to do today: deal with this file that’s been sitting on my desk in a mess for the past four days, stop fixating on things, write a MadLib for the party, sleeeeeeep.

Hmmm...I just realized my birthday is one month from tomorrow. I might like something like this or maybe this or even this. I’m easy...but not cheap. :)

I ended up going out last night, even though I shoulda been a good girl and slept. In my defense, Zach made me do it. Really. He called and told me he was going out and then I said “Zach, are you telling me that if I don’t go to the club with, that you are going to stop being my friend?” To which he replied “yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” So I had to go. :D

Zach said something very amusing that is making me smile just thinking about it. He said he wanted to go dancing, and he would dance to his song ”lil bit”, my song ”Hollaback Girl”, and our song ”the Electric Slide”. I laughed so hard I thought I’d pee my pants.

I saw Brent last night, but no Matt. That’s good, cos I’m totally over him. Yes, totally.

I talked to Jae last night. Then he called back half an hour later to go ‘what’s that band that I like that you don’t like?’ And I say ‘Pearl Jam. And stop smoking meth.’ I hang up and my phone rings three minutes later, so I answer with ‘I don’t like Green Day either.’ I really miss him. It’s been four months since I’ve seen him.

I had to go to Wal-Mart last night cos I needed a few odds and ends, new windshield wiper blades for one. I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn’t scream in the store. There is just something about a large group of shouting people that makes me want to scream. It’s for reasons like this that I like to do my shopping late at night.

A few coworkers have questioned why I volunteered to work this weekend. “But the holiday...” is what I hear most. What they don’t understand is that this holiday, like so many others, really doesn’t mean anything to me. Ask me to work Hallowe’en, or my birthday, and the answer is no. But 4th of July or Easter, I’m so your man....

You Are 35% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it.

But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.

On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...

And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

Suppose I said: ‘you’re my saving grace’....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-04T03:07:36-05:00

On my MP3 player: John Mayer’s ‘not myself’

I am ess-ited. I only have to work a few more hours and then I get to leave. And then come back and do it all again tomorrow...guh.

Girl’s night was fun last night. We went to dinner at Jack Quinn’s, which I like, and then over to the old house for swimming.

I guess that’s all I’ve got, at least for now....it’s time for lunch and then I’m essentially out of her.

Questions without answers...

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-04T03:07:23-05:00

I took this from YellowSub01134....

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
» I died from natural causes:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Hair:
» Family:

WOULD YOU:
» Be my friend?:
» Keep a secret if I told you one?:
» Hold my hand?:
» Take a bullet for me?:
» Keep in touch?:
» Try and solve my problems?:
» Love me?:
» Date me?:

HAVE YOU EVER:
» Lied to make me feel better?:
» Wanted to kiss me?:
» Wanted to kill me?:
» Broke my heart?:
» Kept something important from me?:
» Thought I was unbearably annoying?:

And More-
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?

I don't believe that anybody feels//The way I do about you now

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-07T03:07:49-05:00

On my mp3 player - Ryan Adam's cover of Wonderwall. He took this horrid whiny song and made it something beautiful. Way to go.

Backbeat the word was on the street//That the fire in your heart is out//I'm sure you've heard it all before//But you never really had a doubt//I don't believe that anybody feels//The way I do about you now

I am not at work. Hurrah. I'm going to end up with something like 11 hours of overtime on this check, which rocks, cos I have birthday presents to buy.

Sometimes, I doubt the things I think. I sometimes think I have a grasp on how things are, but it usually ends up that I'm wrong.

I think I'm going to stop drinking so much. Not that I drink a lot, but when I do drink, I tend to get loose with money, and if I stopped that, I wouldn't have any qualms about getting a cell phone. I went up to the Q last night and spent $30. I am going to limit myself to buying me (and only me) two drinks a week. I can't wait for Jae to get home.

I went to see War of the Worlds this morning. It was an almost perfect movie, except for the ending. I don't know why Hollywood is disappointing me lately.

Tonight's activities include: laundry, sewing, and cleaning my room. Maybe even vaccuuming.

I wish I had telepathy...or knew the outcome of things to be.

I'm going to be a good girl and stay in this Saturday. My body is tired of go-go-going all the time.

Only 9 more days until Harry Potter.

Sometimes, I get tired of everything. I was going to write something else, but the truth is, sometimes I get sick of everything except for my cat, and that's only cos he can't talk.

I think I may have to dye my hair again, even if I don't really want to. I just have no desire to be a grey-haired-twenty-seven-year-old.

I think I need another vacation.

And that's enough of that for today.

Skating around the truth who I am....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-10T06:07:09-05:00

On my MP3 player: Tori's 'winter'

Letters that need to be written so that they get out of my head:

Dear ____,
Stop fucking with my mind. It's already screwed up enough on it's own. Thank you very much.
Love, stacy

Dear _____ and _____,
Yes, I am aware that I need to get over him. Having you both tell me when I'm not doing so well doesn't make it any easier. I will get over him when I'm good and ready. So fuck off.
Love, stacy

That is all for now.

I'm here at the House, Josh is nice enough to let me steal net usage from him. However, that won't be happening for much longer, as I just ordered a home computer. Woo hoo for coming into the digital age.

I did not have a good Friday. So much so that I think I'm done drinking for a while. And not just until the weekend or anything like that. I mean maybe for the rest of the year. Yeah, that sounds good.

We still haven't put out invitations for our birthday party. I think the lackluster response from last year kinda has us down in the dumps. Plus, with Chiara being gone, it doesn't really feel like our birthday.

I dyed my hair last night. Sorta. It's essentially the same color, but I won't be able to do anything with it for the next few days and I've got dye stains on my wrists.

I'm almost done with Drea's birthday present, and oh, am I glad.

I am hungry and don't know where Leah is.

This weekend is the Pride fest here. The theme at the Q is 'carnivale.' I don't know if I want to dress the theme, dress up otherwise, or just be 'comfy stacy.' I'm guessing I'll know by next Saturday.

Okay, all done....

I have simply wanted an object to crave....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-12T07:07:14-05:00

On my MP3 player: Alanis Morissette’s ‘uninvited’

This is part of what I wrote in my paper journal very early on Saturday morning. I rarely use it, and probably won’t use it at all once I get a computer at home.

Everyone has moments of self-doubt, of self-loathing. I usually get these only once or twice a year. However, since I only get them once or twice a year, they usually hit me pretty hard and I’m not really able to deal with them. The things that I was upset about on Friday night are still true today – I’m still three quarters in love with a gay man who is a substitute for another gay man, and crushing on a man who lives several thousand miles away. But for some reason, these things don’t bother me so much right now. I mean, yes, if things were different than this, I’d prolly be a little bit happier, but they aren’t so bad right now...

I went out last night, just for a minute. I saw Daniel and had an interesting exchange with him. It went something like this:

Me: Jae says hi.

Him: Jae? Jae who?

Me: stands in men’s bathroom, mouth agape.

Him: Oh, Jae.

I am having a really good day at work.

Weekend tally

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-18T06:07:22-05:00

Number of hours spent in Borders on Friday night, waiting for the new Harry Potter book: 1.75

Number of times I told myself that I couldn’t read the book while driving home: 8

Number of chapters I read before going to bed early Saturday morning: 2

Number of stores I went to later Saturday morning looking for something to wear for Saturday night: 7

Number of things I found for other people at those stores: 6

Number of birthday presents I still have to buy for my fellow Leos: 2 (I had thought one, but I forgot Matt)

Number of times I curled my hair for Saturday night: 2

Number of drinks I had at the club: 6 (but 4 of them were doubles, which could explain a lot of what happened)

Number of people I made out with: 1

Number of people I confessed my feelings for (either past or present): 3

Number of times I was jumped so that resulted in me falling: 1

Number of times I cried on Saturday: 1

Number of phone calls I made when I got home at 3:30 in the morning: 1

Hours of sleep I got on Sunday morning: 5

Hours I spent looking around for people I knew downtown on Sunday: 2

Number of protestors that amused me during that time: 5

Number of people who told me that yes, Jesus could cure my hangover: 1

Number of people I thought were ticked at me, for one reason or another: 3

Number who actually were: 0

Number of times I had to let someone know that I actually wasn’t a lesbian: 1

Number of phone numbers I got yesterday: 2

Number of illegal things I did yesterday: 1

Number of people who find it odd or funny that I don’t kill bugs, but instead set them free: 3

Number of people who noticed (and loved) my new hair color: 1 (but it was a good one.)

Number of blisters on my feet due to walking about in flip flops all day: 2

Number of new inside jokes created: 1

Percentage of my body that’s sunburned: 8

Number of minutes that I spent thinking about it being “burned” or “burnt”: 3

Number of people who hit my sunburn: 2

Number of people who were able to coax me to stop crying on Saturday, that everything was fine, that I should stay at the club, and that I was his girl and he hoped that would always be true: 1 (gee, guess who.)

Amount that Brent loved his birthday present: loads

Amount of love I have received over the past two days: loads

Amount that I have fallen for Matt: loads

Survey....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-20T02:07:11-05:00

Rudest Survey I Have Ever Come Across ***Caution***

Put a cross in the boxes of those that you would do with me.

[_] consider going out with me?
[_] kiss me?
[_] let me kiss you?
[_] watch a movie with me?
[_] let me take you out to dinner?
[_] let me drive you somewhere
[_] take a shower with me?
[_] be my bf/gf?
[_] have a fling with me?
[_] let me buy you a drink?
[_] take me home for the night?
[_] Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[_] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[_] give me a piggyback ride?
[_] Lock me in your room and take advantage of me?
[_] lick my cheek?
[_] dance with me?
[_] let me make you breakfast?
[_] help me with homework?
[_] tickle me to death?
[_] let me tickle you?
[_] stick up for me if i was being put down?
[_] play strip poker with me?
[_] say yes if i asked you out? ( even if you think i wouldnt )
[_] get wasted with me?
[_] greet me in public?
[_] hang out with me?
[_] bring me around your friends?

D0 Y0U...
[_] think im cute?
[_] think im hot?
[_] want to kiss me?
[_] want to cuddle wit me?
[_] want to hook up with me?
[_] want to have sex with me?

ARE WE...
[_] aquintences?
[_] friends?
[_] in a relationship?

AM i...
[_] smart?
[_] cute?
[_] funny?
[_] cool?
[_] loveable?
[_] adorable?
[_] compassionate?
[_] annoying?
[_] attractive?
[_] mean?
[_] odd?

HAVE Y0U EVER...
[_] thought about me?
[_] thought there might be an "us"?
[_] thought about hookin up with me?
[_] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[_] wished i were there?
[_] had a crush on me?
[_] idolized me?
[_] wanted my number?
[_] had a dream about me?
[_] been distracted by me?
[_] wanted to have sex with me?

ARE Y0U...
[_] done with this survey?
[_] happy you know me?
[_] mad at me?
[_] thinkin bout me?
[_] going to repost this so that i will return the favor

I dive deep but your melodies haunt me....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-21T04:07:47-05:00

On my MP3 player: William Topley’s ‘closer to you’ What’s this? An actual update? Don’t get too excited, will see how much of this I can write today....

My pseudo-date went well. This was the first time that I had more than five minutes alone with Matt, so I was kinda nervous. But I did learn things about Matt, and had a wonderful time, and hope to do it again soon. I can never get enough Matt time. It’s kinda like Jae time...

I did have one moment of freak out though (I know – only one!) After the movie, he walked me to my car, and we talked for a few minutes. As I was getting ready to leave, he said “I really want to apologize for what happened on Saturday night.” I’m confused and can’t think of anything that he would need to apologize for, and he couldn’t really remember anything either. So, it was left at him saying “if you remember something and it makes you upset, then know I’m sorry.” Love Matt.

He did bring up Zach though, questioning why Zach didn’t like him. My answer is, I don’t know. I know that Matt is awesome and I know Zach is awesome, but they just don’t get along. I only care when they are both in the same room (which prolly won’t happen very often anymore, for reasons on both sides) and have to pick who I want to spend my time with, and usually spend a lot of time running back and forth.

I have a strong desire to sing karaoke.

Ha, Grace strikes again. I just spilled soda on my desk. And on that note.....this should be wrapped up.

I've got a number of irrational fears, that I'd like to share with you...

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-21T08:07:20-05:00

On my MP3 player: =\/\/=eezer's 'falling for you'

I am writing this from the 'comfort' of my own home. I say 'comfort' cos damn, this chair hurts my ass.

I am the kind of girl that needs attention. Not that this is a bad thing. Not that I need attention all the time, but I need to know that things that I say are being heard and responded to, in one way or another. Not that it's a bad thing if I don't get this attention, it just means that I might not remember to remember if I don't get the attention. Not that any of this will make sense to anyone except for Drea....

I have ordered DSL and it can not come fast enough...dial up blows.

I am going to load up my MP3 player with some more shtuff and then go to Chick-Fil-A for fooood.

We've no time for later now...

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-22T11:07:23-05:00

On my MP3 player: Frou Frou's 'let go.'

More letters to not send:

Dear _____,

I think I may have hurt your feelings. If this is the case, then I'm sorry. What happened has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. Maybe if eight million things were different, then we could be more than we are. I wish that things had been different, and that we could've seen what we could've been. I hope you can understand this and that we can still be friends, cos I still think you're awesome. Unless I'm just worrying over nothing and I don't actually mean enough to you (in any way) to affect you. In which case, never mind.

To what could've been, if things had been otherwise - stacy

I had an awesome day today. I got a huge tip from a meeting planner that I thought had forgotten about me, I am (or was) caught up at work, so I left at 2, then went to the mall with Drea to go shopping. We were looking for an outfit for us four girls. We didn't find anything, though I bought a cute piece of lingerie that will be outerwear, and two new pieces of belly jewelry.

I can't stop gushing about Matt. I know it's getting sickening to those who have to hear it, but c'est la vie. I'll tire of him soon enough. Or would if he'd stop being such a sweetheart. It's like we have these little rituals, he'll say one thing, I'll say another, and so on. One such is that I'll compliment him (i.e. - in the movie, in reference to Cillian Murphy 'he's cute, but you - you're hot') and he'll say "such things you say." I think he may end up breaking my heart in the end...

I was supposed to go out with Zach tonight, but he neglected to be at home, so I came home myself and here I am. I will probably end up spending more time sitting in front of this machine than I had originally intended, but I've already justified to myself by telling myself that I shouldn't be here anyway. I'm very good at rationalizing things to myself.

Well, I think I am going to wrap this up and then go sew, something I've been putting off for sometime.

It's really hard to not end a sentence with a preposition.

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd...

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-23T03:07:05-05:00

On my MP3 player: Anna Nalick's 'breathe (2 a.m.)' also known as 'one of the hundred some odd songs that I just spent the past hour ripping to my player.' But I digress...

Here is a list of places I'd rather be:

Chicago - Bradley would be closing up his bar now and then we could go dance until the wee early hours of the morning at an afterhours club.

Marion (also in Illinois and more importantly - where Jae is) - it's Friday night, I'm sure we could find something to do, and then I could sleep late and make him take me for brekkie.

Somewhere where no one knows me - self explanatory, I think.

The Church - before it became lame.

A Club Med resort, preferably a beach in Mexico - also needs no explanation, I think.

Asleep in someone else's bed, who hopefully has a feather bed and down pillows - see above.

Things that I accomplished last night: three episodes of Alias from season two and most of a top is made. But if I had a nickel for everytime I had to re-do a zipper, I'd not have to worry so much about saving money for my vacation.

Things to accomplish today: get a massage (that will be easy, I think), laundry, shop, remove zipper and try not to scream at it as the fabric is destroyed. Hopefully receive a call from Matt or Brent that says 'hey, what are you doing? Nothing? Oh, you should come over here and kick Matt's ass in Simpson's trivia games.' A girl can hope, can't she?

You don't have to like me for who I am...

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-23T09:07:01-05:00

On my MP3 player: Ani's 'willing to fight'

I am feeling very restless right now. I want to go out and dance, but I don't want to go alone. I have left a message for Daniel to see if he wants to go, but I don't know how I'll feel if/when he calls.

I talked to Jae. I am getting sick of communicating with him by phone. I want him in this city, dammit! I don't think that's too much to ask.

I feel like doing something really out of character...which would mean doing something that normal people would do, I guess.

I feel the energy all around....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-24T10:07:13-05:00

On my mp3 player: Lindsay Lohan's 'Rumors.' I like this song. I also think that Lindsay Lohan was a little hottie, before she thought she needed to lose 20% of her body weight. Skeletons, for some reason, just aren't that sexy.

I am one tired girl. I was up pretty late and had things to do this morning so I'm awake now, even though I'd rather be asleep. I had an amazing night though, so I'm thinking that my aching legs and tired eyes are worth it.

I ended up going out last night, after I got ahold of Daniel. He was sans car, so I volunteered to go get him. I don't know what is about my gay boyfriends, but they have something against people being in their houses. I've been to Brent's place, but that's it.

The club was dead, but since Daniel had gotten crunk, I had fun anyway. I spent most of the night making out with him and now I'm not sure how I'm going to feel when I see him. Especially if things work out the way they should this morning - I'm supposed to go have brekkie with him, Matt, and Tom. This could be interesting.

Things I learned last night: Matt is a Mormon.

I should wrap this up, I want to go get this make-up off my face and this icky taste out of my mouth.

PS - Woo hoo!! Lance won, again. Yay yay yay.

I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-25T01:07:43-05:00

On my MP3 player: Three Doors Down's 'let me go.'

I am home from girl's night, I should be winding down to go to sleep, but the lure of the personal computer is just too strong.

We had a good night. Usually, girl's night also includes the Boy, as he is an honorary girl (he's going to kill me for putting that in print), but tonight was just me, Drea, and Leah. We spent the night preparing our outfits for our upcoming outing. I think it was Drea who came up with the idea of us going out in matching outfits and that will be the agenda for Friday. We got pretty sequined camisoles and matching jewelry and I'm crocheting scarfs for us to wear also. Our plan is to go hit a few clubs downtown and eventually end up at the Q. I like the Q on Friday nights precisely for the reason that none of the people I usually see will be there.

I thought I was going to see Tom and Matt today, but that fell apart for some reason. So I ended up watching a documentary on ice cream while dozing on my bed for the afternoon. At the end of the PBS special, I really wanted ice cream, so I picked up some Ben and Jerry's when we were at Wally World. Fortunately, when I want ice cream, I'm usually done wanting it after about five bites. So there is most of a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in the freezer at the house.

I had to go to work for a meeting this afternoon. This is almost always a pain because of the drive time involved in getting me there. It's about a twenty minute drive each way, and the meeting lasted half an hour. Luckily for me, I'll get paid for two hours for today and yesterday.

After work I ended up picking up Daniel and taking him out for food. We discussed a little bit of last night, and there was a little bit of a repeat of it as well. I'm torn between wanting more of him and trying to steer clear of it, knowing that it's only going to end in my heart being hurt. Again.

There is this guy at work who may be interested in me. Unfortunately, I have no clue how to deal with boys who like girls, so I'm clueless. I was talking with him today and it was on the tip of my tongue to say 'hey, we should hang out sometime' but the last time I did that, it ended in disaster. Plus, I would like someone to try to get with *me*, instead of me always doing the chasing.

I'm a little worried about Leah. She seems to think that her life is incomplete without a boyfriend. My personal opinion is that having someone in your life is really a bonus, not a requirement. I view it as dessert after a meal - not something you have to have, but it's good if you've got it. I think she really needs to be happy with herself before she can expect anyone else to be.

As my birthday approaches, (eleven days to be exact) I am feeling a little bit older, but not really much wiser. As a child, I always thought that adults had the answers to the questions and I waited for the day to arrive when *poof* I had that knowledge. I'm fairly certain that day will never arrive.

I think I may be too much of an attention whore. Look at me, a little bit of touch from Daniel, and now I really can't stop thinking about it.

Time for bed. Hopefully, I will have nice dreams.

But it left a mark on me that you're not seeing...

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-26T12:07:19-05:00

On my MP3 player: Aimee Mann's 'I should've known.' This song always makes me think of Bradley.

I have had a good day, for a Monday. I didn't have too much work left undone at the end of the day, though what is not done is kind of a pain and may take me a bit in the morning. I left at four, though I'm thinking tomorrow is going to be a longer day.

I finished one of our scarves for Friday, and I'll finish the others by, well by Thursday now. I get to go to a sleepover on Thursday night. :)

Okay, it's time for bed so I can get up and do this all again.

I hung out with Daniel again tonight. I swear, I'm seeing more of that boy than may be good for me. We ended up at my house, which is really rare, I'm pretty sure only Josh can get to my house, and only he and Jae have seen my room. So, I spent two hours not really watching a movie, but instead enjoying the cuddling I was receiving. I've said it before, and I know I'll say it again: I'm a whore for touch. I'll take it, and like it. :)

And I don't know what it is about me, that I just can't keep still....

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-26T11:07:20-05:00

On my MP3 player: Ani's "sorry I am"

I think I've used that quote before, but it seems to fit often.

I am multi-tasking, something I am quite adept at doing. I am thinking about the things that I have to do, in the short period of time that I have to do them. I am thinking about how I can't believe that I used to think that dial-up was something good. Though I do still love the sound of a modem connecting.

I felt very pretty today at work. I don't know why - nothing has really changed, but I rarely feel pretty. Not that I feel ugly most of the time, I just don't usually feel pretty.

I am playing the 'get to know you' game with Daniel over AIM now.

It's raining now, and has been for most of the day. This summer is a drastic change from last year, when it rained every day in July.

My fingers are hurting. I think I've been a little too much work with my hands in the recent past. I wish I could take a break, but with work and the like, it's prolly gonna happen.

Lust is a horrid horrid thing.

I'm not like the girls that you've known...

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-27T11:07:58-05:00

On my MP3 player: Tori's 'sleeps with butterflies'

I know that I over-analyze situations. My fear is that I'm not analyzing this thing with Daniel enough. I treat him almost like a boyfriend. I'm thinking of him at odd hours, I feel free to call him whenever. This is going to break my heart, I think.

I am writing this from my home, where DSL has finally been established. Massive props to goober !! You roxor my soxors.

I got singled out at a precon today. The client chose to publically recognize me with a speech and a bottle of champagne. I know that I turned eight shades of red. Not fun for me. I don't mind being in the public eye, but only if I am the one who put it there, y'know?

I have the feeling that instant messaging is going to be the death of me.

pWn!!

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-28T07:07:22-05:00

Batman
Congratulations! You scored a super 69%!

Cool, calm and powerful. Whilst your actual super abilities may not be anything too dazzling, you have earnt the respect of both friends and enemies in response to your amazing fighting skills, strategic combat and experience. Luckily you have access to the greens which can fund all your majorly cool gadgets, vehicles and weapons! Also, you're reluctant but still accepting to the idea of having a teammate/side-kick, which just makes everything a whole lotta fun, doesn't it now! On the down side, you've probably suffered some sort of trauma at a young age (that's why we don't talk to the old man near the swings, kids). Similar to the Wolverine, your past is a base for your current motivation, undertaking some kind of personal vow in search of justice. All in all though, you're one tough nut. There's not a lot of people who have the minerals to go up against you, and you're experienced enough not to get cocky and let the little things like never finding happiness get you down!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 74% on Heropoints

Link: The Which SUPER HERO are you Test written by crayzee69 on Ok Cupid

Why do you see right through me?

velvetTurtle — 2005-07-30T03:07:20-05:00

On my MP3 player: Kasey Chamber's 'not pretty enough.'

I spent last night at Daniel's. We didn't do too much, watched a little tv, ate a little food, watched a little of Constantine until I crashed at 9:45. Guh, I'm getting old. I do have to admit that I have missed sleeping with someone. We didn't do much more that cuddle and kiss occasionally. It was very comforting to wake in the middle of the night (as I am so wont to do) and know that someone else was in the bed with me. It was also nice that every time I did wake, he was touching me in some manner. I am such a sucker for touch.

More letters:

Dear _____,
Please don't be too nice to me. I am so crazy/hungry for affection that this could end poorly for both of us.
love stacy

Dear _____,
I don't get it - do you want me or not??
confusedly yours, stacy

I have just gotten home from the big girl's night out/club hopping thing. I did not drive one lick (save from the gym to the house and then the house to home) which was a welcome relief. Sometimes, I get sick of driving...I had some fun tonight, even though I shoulda had more. We went to the UG, where I sang Baby Got Back. It had been so long since I sang it, but I think it went really well.

I should be asleep, instead of sitting here at this computer. Will I ever learn? THe chances are no...

Another rumination...

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-01T04:08:01-05:00

I'm thinking it's wise to not post replies to an entry at 2:30 in the morning. Especially if this is the third time you've been up in the middle of the night.

I'm much more cautious online than I am in real life.

Everyday we've all been led astray...

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-03T09:08:09-05:00

On my MP3 player: Real Life's 'send me an angel'

I've not written forever, so this should be an actual proper entry.

The weekend and this week (so far....)
Friday was awesome. Nothing is cooler than three cool girls dressed alike out with a big tall guy. The clubs themselves weren't very cool, but we had so much fun that they became cool. We went to the UG and I sang 'baby got back' which I hadn't done in months and months, and I kicked ass at it!

Saturday was our party. I got two purses and loads of love. Then Daniel and I went out to the club and I saw the other Daniel, Matt, Brent, and Tom. So basically, it was like all the people I loved (save for Jae*tear* ) were under one roof. It pWned. Then I went to spend the night again with Daniel.

Sunday was great. I went to yoga, then to see 'must love dogs' with Brandy. It wasn't a life changing movie or anything like that, but I love John Cusack, and I'll see him in just about anything. Then I went home and was in bed by eight. Roxor.

Monday I went to yoga, the first time I'd gone all the days I shoulda in a while. I hurt, but it's always worth it.

Tuesday...I had Daniel over for dinner and then we went to his house to watch a movie. He had a surprise for me: new sheets and a pillow for me. I don't know if he is trying to make me fall for him, but damn, he's just about there.

Today I had to have my car door's handle repaired and that was great. Now I get to open the car door from the inside and don't have to be all ghetto.

This is the free will horoscope for Leo for this week: Please speak the following series of declarations at least once a day in the coming week: "I want to drink in the brilliance of someone's beautiful eyes today. I want to dream of the kind of intimacy I will someday be worthy of. I want to learn to enjoy everything that I do and everything that happens to me, even if it's not what I expected or thought I needed. I want the end of every story to be quickly followed by the beginning of the next story. I want to go home to a home I have never known."

Sometimes, they are good, but sometimes the horoscopes are amazing. This one has left me going 'huh' (in the very best way.)

I'm trying to not think about this situation with Daniel. I'm trying to just think 'hey, this is love, I shouldn't be thinking too much about where it comes from. It just is.' I'm not sure how well I can do this, but I am certainly going to try it.

I have a few things to do at home and then I am going to go out with Daniel again. I think that Zachary is mad at me, cos he just called and wanted me to go see strippers with him (male strippers - ew.) But I'm sorry, I'm not the kind of girl who just sits and waits for plans to be made - I got out and make 'em.

Hmmm....I guess that's all I really have....this wasn't so long after all.....

Best birthday ever

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-05T12:08:46-05:00

Best....birthday....ever.

A scurvey....

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-05T10:08:45-05:00

What do you really think of me?

Drop your defenses and come into my arms...

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-08T06:08:35-05:00

On my MP3 player: Missy Higgin’s ‘I’m all for believing’

Apparently, Missy Higgins is opening for William Topley on Saturday. I just realized this over the weekend.

My birthday was awesome because I had just as many people wishing me happy birthday as I did last year, but I actually knew them all this year; they weren’t random strangers that I encountered due to having my wallet stolen. Plus, I got lots of love, and you can never have too much of that (at least I can’t.)

I recently lost an online friend. Or I should say that he has chosen to sever contact from the online community that I know him from. I will miss him. He was funny and often made me feel special. I had thought (for a while at least) that we might have been something more.

That has always been my curse – seeing into things that aren’t there. I tend to read into things, to convince myself that what I’m being presented with is in fact what I want/need. This has never worked out to my benefit. Though I am young, maybe it will someday.

I was at Daniel’s when I wrote most of this (I know, I know, really, I do know.) I felt the need to write, so I did that for a few minutes while Super Troopers was playing and he kept kind of peeking at what I was writing. He questioned the ‘I know, I know’ and I told him I’d tell him what I meant by that when he asked me two of the three questions that he can’t ask me yet.

I am trying to remind myself that sex does not equal love, and that ‘not sex’ does not equal ‘not love.’

If it turns out that what I took on Saturday *was* cut with meth, then there is no way that my association with meth will go any further than the jokes that Zachary and I make about our addiction to it.

We have determined the theme for next year’s Hallowe’en costumes (which I find ironic seeing as how I’m not sure what I’m going to be *this* year.) Next year though, we are going as characters from Jem and the Holograms. :) I want to be Kimber in the worst way.

Daniel and I went to see the Dukes of Hazzard yesterday. The best part was the cameo with the guys from Super Troopers (which is why I brought it for Daniel to watch.)

I paid $2.24 for gas yesterday. Sometimes, being an adult sucks.

Note to self: be very happy you are no longer a teenager.

I just got off the phone with Jae, and now I’m a worried stacy. Apparently, he’s not doing well, and is thinking that he has to go back into the hospital for surgery in the next few days. I am back to the worrying phase again. I didn’t realize how much I really didn’t like this feeling until I have it again. Seriously, what am I going to do?

Am I just fooling myself...

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-09T01:08:14-05:00

On my MP3 player: Patrick Swayze's 'she's like the wind.' If I stop to think about it, Dirty Dancing prolly screwed up my ideas of love...

I know, it's 11 o'clock, why aren't I asleep? Well, I just got home from hanging out with Zachary, where we had a very lovely evening; and I had an entry floating around in my head.

I do not like to define myself. There are very few absolutes about me: I'm a woman (sure) and that's really about all I'll always own up to being.

I don't like to limit myself, or limit others, by saying "I am always ____, or I am always ____." The most I can usually say is "I'm most often not _____." But that could change too, given a particular situation.

I guess what I'm trying to say (and can't formulate very well) is this: this is stacy, subject to change.

Hold your breath and count to ten, fall apart and start again...

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-12T08:08:33-05:00

On my MP3 player: Placebo's 'english summer rain'

My new obsession.

Sometimes, I don't know what he wants or expects from me. Wait, scratch that. *Most* times, I don't know what he wants or expects from me. Consequently, I hold back for fear of going too far. Holding back is my specialty.

I want to get a new tattoo. As soon as I decide what's going on my left foot, I'm going to get two at once. I love having a tattooist. :)

I am now listening to Jeff Buckley's version of 'hallelujah.' This song is beautiful.

I tend to answer the phone in amusing ways. For instance, the phone just rang, so I picked it up and said 'stacy's house of really really really good meth. How can I help you?' And the woman replies "Ellen?" (my mother) Shyeah, cos my mother would really answer the phone like that....

I don't really have anything imperative to write...just that I'm tired of a lot things and don't really know what to do about it.

My horoscope for the day (one of them at least....)

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-13T10:08:25-05:00

Just when you thought there were absolutely no surprises left in store for you, a friend goes and announces something shocking on the agenda -- and that they want you to accompany them. Admit it -- you're intrigued.

Thank you, random horoscope man. Now I'm all freaked out.

Does the thunder sing a song there too?

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-14T07:08:47-05:00

On *my* WinAmp player: William Topley's 'someone else.'

I had a conversation with Daniel last night. Or at least, I thought I did, maybe I dreamt it. He can't remember it.
It went something like this:
Daniel: Are you going to break my heart?
Me: No
D: Why are you worried about me breaking yours then?
M: It's different.
D: Different how?
M: I'm emotionally vested in you.
D: Maybe I'm emotionally vested in you, only you don't think I am.
(or something like that) The only part I really really remember is the first part.

Now, did I make this up? And if so, what does it all mean?

I'm off to girl's night, where we will finish watching the episodes of Jem that we started last week. Hopefully, someone other than me will be driving tonight, cos I'm tired of hearing my brakes squeal.

Oh yeah, I almost got in a fight at the club last night. Heh. More on that later....

Blah blah blah....

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-19T08:08:12-05:00

in the last 24 hours have you?
1. Had sex: with myself, yes
2. Bought something: yes, gas, at $2.55 a gallon!!!!!
3. Gotten sick: nope
4. Sang: yep
5. Been kissed: nope
6. Ate something: yep
7. Felt stupid: yep
8. Talked to an ex: yep
9. Missed someone: yep
10. Hugged someone: nope
LAST PERSON WHO........
1. Slept in your bed: me
2. Saw you cry: Drea, prolly
3. Made you cry: I unno
4. You went to the movies with: Zachary
5. You went to the mall with: Drea
HAVE U EVER......
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: yes
2. Got in a fight with your pet: no
3. Been to California: no
4. Been to Mexico: yes
5. Been to China: not yet
6. Been to Canada: not yet
7. Been to Europe: yep
8. Wished you were the opposite sex: not really

But time has changed nothing at all.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-19T08:08:06-05:00

On my WinAmp player: Missy Higgins' 'ten days'

But time has changed nothing at all//You're still the only one that feels like home.//I've tried cutting the ropes and//I let you go but you're still the only one//That feels like home.

I am in a...strange mood I guess. It hit me today that one of the signs of depression is that you don't enjoy doing the things you once did. (I had to re-write that sentence so it didn't end in a preposition.) It's not that I don't enjoy doing them, it's just that it's so hard for me to do them. Like tonight, I should be in yoga, more than likely on my head against the wall. Instead, for the second Friday in a row, I'm skipping yoga. Why? I don't really know. I just find it so easy to allow myself to make excuses for me. I know that it will make things hard on Sunday (or Monday) when I go next. But this still doesn't stop me from slacking. Should I be worried about me?

Another thing that may make me worry: I want to get crunk tomorrow night. I want to drink until I throw up and then go home with Daniel and crash until 11:30 on Sunday. Will I do this? Maybe. I shouldn't, but I just might.

I spend most of my time recently being confused by Daniel. Is it wrong to act like a girlfriend if I'm being treated like one? I know that I'm playing with fire, and that what I'm doing is going to get me hurt, and then I will have no one to blame but myself, but I can't help myself - I like the attention, my body craves it. I have been without for so long, that it would be hard to go back to spending all of my nights alone.

My 'Dreassignment' (a recently named object) will be to have 'a talk' with him if things go further than they have. That's the thing though - they don't go that far. Wednesday night was spent playing 'strip Monopoly' (which I lost, even though he was down to his boxers first.) We spent the rest of the night lounging in underwear. But no funny stuff (unless you count the kisses and compliments when I'm half asleep.)

Well, I should go and finish the outfit that I'm going to wear out tomorrow, which will cause Daniel to tell me how hot I am, and will cause me frustration...on second thought, maybe I should just go.

There ain’t no one gonna listen...

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-20T03:08:08-05:00

On my MP3 player: Scissor Sisters ‘filthy gorgeous.’ I like this track. You gotta keep your shit together//With your feet on the ground//There ain't no one gonna listen//If you haven't made a sound I haven’t talked to Jae in almost two weeks. I sent him an e-mail this morning, but to be honest, I haven’t called him cos I’m afraid of what he’d say. Daniel brought him up the other day, and I think he was a little put off when I said I didn’t want to talk about him. Daniel hasn’t been around long enough to know that Jae is pretty much off limits unless I bring him up, and then he’s only allowed for a few minutes. I really want to get crazy-crazy- crazy- crazy-drunk tonight, but I’m not sure if that is going to happen. I really feel like crying my little eyes out, and why, I just don’t know. Guh. I had other things that I needed to write about, but I just can’t remember what they were.... But for something fun....

Your Summer Ride is a Beetle Convertible

Fun, funky, and a little bit euro. You love your summers to be full of style and sun!

What's Your Summer Ride?

And the forgetting defines me....

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-22T10:08:00-05:00

On my WinAmp player: Ani's 'dilate.'

I forget every time//and the forgetting defines me.

Current mood: pissed off. Why the fuck do I constantly let other people's lives make a difference in what I'm going to do with *my* life? Answer: because even though I put on this face that says I'm a strong confident woman, what I really am is a scared little girl who craves approval and attention.

Guh.

I am sitting at this computer, jumping every time the phone rings, hoping it's him saying 'so sorry that our plans for a lovely afternoon fell through, please come over and I'll make everything better.' Instead, it's my mother's fucking son, or his stupid wife, trying to get to her. C'mon - if you haven't gotten through, please, fucking give up.

I know it seems that I curse a lot, but 'onestly, I don't. But when I use the fuck word, that's fairly serious. To me, at least.

I want him to wait on me. Dammit.

Qwizz...

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-27T02:08:37-05:00

1. What is your occupation? Data entry monkey. 2. What color is your underwear? I’m wearing my Supergirl undies. I need the strength. :) 3. What are you listening to right now? D-12’s ‘my band’ and the keys clacking 4. What was the last thing you ate? Mmmm...chick-fil-a breakfast platter with chicken. 5. Do you wish on stars? yep 6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? One of those cool tie-dyed ones. 7. How is the weather right now? According to weather.com, 78 and cloudy. Sounds nice. 8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Drea. 9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I actually stole it from someone on Drea’s friends list. 10. Favorite drink? Aquafina water, good sweet tea. 11. Favorite sport to watch? Um...I’m not too big on watching sports. 12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, as a matter of fact, but I’m not sure if anyone has noticed. 13. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Nope, I paid (what an eighteen-year-old I thought of as a lot of ) money to see 20/20. 14. Favorite TV show? I love the Simpsons, Red Dwarf, Alias. 15. Favorite month? October. 16. Favorite superhero’s power? I’ve always been jealous of flyers. 17. What was the last movie you went to see? (checks magical tin of ticket goodness) Skeleton Key. It was fairly lame. 18. Favorite day of the year? Hmmm...I love Hallowe’en and the day of our birthday party 19. What do you do to vent anger? I usually write things that I regret later. 20. What was your favorite toy as a child? I loved playing dress up, and played with Barbies if I couldn’t find a real person to play with. 21. Fall or Spring? Both, but fall more so. 22. Hugs or kisses? A good soft kiss is almost always nice, but I certainly won’t say no to a Sandra hug. 23. Cherry or Blueberry? Neither, strawberry. 24. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yessireebob. Calls are nice too. 25. Who is most likely to respond? Umm.... 26. Who is least likely to respond? Umm.... 27. Living arrangements? My mother and me share our living space with six cats. 28. When was the last time you cried? I think I got teary-eyed at a movie trailer not too long ago, but I think the last time I really bawled was when I saw Matt last. 29. What is on the floor of your closet? Two buckets of clothes and a container of purses. I really have too much shit. 30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Bradley 31. What did you do last night? After work I went to Wally World for groceries, then went to Sonic for dinner, then home where I dyed my hair and did laundry, whilst watching episodes of Six Feet Under as well as the best of Jimmy Fallon. 32. Favorite smell? Freshly cut grass and the air when it’s just about to rain. 33. What inspires you? Things I see around me, my friends, my family. 34. What are you afraid of? Well, I have a fear of being unlovable, and of dying alone. 35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheeeese. 36. Favorite car? A mini Cooper 37. Favorite dog breed? I’m not a dog girl, I’m a cat girl. Though not of the kind that Josh likes. 38. Number of keys on your key ring? Two, with an equal number of keychains. 39. How many years at your current job? Four and a half. I’m kinda freaked out about that. 40. Favorite day of the week? Well, Fridays, I guess. 41. How many states have you lived in? Five, but I’ve also lived in three countries besides the US. Does that get me any brownie points?

I see you and I'm so perplexed....

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-28T12:08:54-05:00

On my WinAmp player: Ani's 'untouchable face.' I think it may be an Ani kinda day.

Whelp, I think he's finally pissed me off enough. Good for me. :)

I am tired. I went out last night and consequently didn't get enough sleep. I didn't see Matt (boo) but I did look awesomely adorable (yay.)

I have to go over to Daniel's place today to get my stuff. I think that O-Town said it best: 'the hardest part of breaking up *is* getting back your stuff.' :)

I've said my goal in '06 will be to 'not fall for any gay men' but I think I'm going to change that to 'not fall for any looooser men.'

It bugged me how he lied about stupid little things. I don't like dishonesty anyway, but then to lie about stupid things is well, just stupid. If you're going to lie, make it about big things: "I wasn't cheating on you, he just does my taxes, and we needed to get some things cleared up." not "Yeah....I have a car, it's just not here." After being lied to about stupid things, I started to wonder if anything he said was true. And now I know it wasn't. Maybe his name isn't even Daniel.....

It also bugged me how disrespectful of me and my things he was. If I ask someone to stop doing that directly affects my body or my property, and they don't, that is going to piss me off.
But I will be good.

I should go back to bed....

Just let my love throw a spark....

velvetTurtle — 2005-08-31T11:08:51-05:00

On my iTunes player: Mandy Moore's cover of 'have a little faith in me.' I first heard Jewel do this song, but I'm not sure if it is hers really. This cover's okay.

I'm feeling sick. I really hate confrontation, and that's almost what I'm in the middle of right now.

This whole situation with Daniel has me questioning both my values system and my worth. I think, 'how could he discard me so easily?' And then I think 'how could I discard him so easily?' Drea says I shouldn't think that way, that I'm beautiful and wonderful and all that jazz. But that still doesn't change the fact that I'm back to sleeping alone. I can't help but think that this would've been prolonged for a bit if he had used a different tone of voice when he realized it was me. But!! It was bound to be over soon.

I got two new tattoos yesterday. A pretty vine now graces the top of my left foot and the word 'truth' is on my right wrist. New tattoos are strange. I catch a glimpse of them as I'm going about my day, and I'm startled. What is that on my wrist, I think, but then I remember. Four people thought the one on my wrist was fake. Shyeah, as if. :)

Today would've been my seventh wedding anniversary, just the time when he woulda started to feel that itch. My husband was always ahead of the curve.

In other news, I may be feeling better than I have been in a while....

I just don't care!!

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-02T11:09:19-05:00

I don't care what others say: men with guns and chick's names are hawt!! The only way he could be hotter is if he had on eyeliner.

Ahem. We return you to your regularly scheduled nothing-ness.

Ohmigowsh....

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-04T03:09:38-05:00

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velvetTurtle — 2005-09-05T03:09:20-05:00

On my MP3 player: Julee Cruise’s ‘rockin’ back inside my heart.’ This song is lovely, but always invites images of Leland Palmer into my head.

“Dear diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.” I’m struggling to remember why I was so resistant to watching Firefly. Had I known there would be lines like this, I’da been all over it.

I’ve been toying with the idea of calling Daniel. I mentioned this to Zachary who replied ‘why’ and when I couldn’t come up with an answer that satisfied me, I decided I shouldn’t call him. I would like to be friendly, if not friends. It’s just that what we were doing was not good for me, emotionally, physically, or financially. I’ve been stupid too many times, it’s just getting old.

As my right wrist is healing, I’m thinking about getting something on the left one as well: the word ‘calm.’ My right wrist will then remind me what is most important and my left will remind me of how to be.

I’m just counting the hours until 3:30.....c’mon!!!

Don't ever say you've tried for the last time....

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-07T02:09:43-05:00

On my WindowsMediaPlayer (tm, I'm certain): Missy Higgin's 'don't ever'

A new day has just begun, for us here in the state of Colorado at least. I have just gotten home, from a lovely night with Zachary. I should be in bed, mindlessly flipping between my four tv channels. Instead, I felt a need to write. I was feeling poetic.

It's raining now. The smell of the rain and the feel of the wind make me so grateful to be alive. I sometimes take for granted how good it is (most of the time anyway) to be alive.

I just wrote the previous line, but now I feel the need to wax about my state of being. I don't know why I'm not asleep (or haven't been asleep before 11:30 for the past few weeks.) I don't know how to say what's wrong except to say that everything is wrong, or simply, that nothing feels right.

Tomorrow is Jae's birthday. He will be...29. Goodness. I haven't spoken to him in just over a month. Our last conversation (which may be our *last* conversation) filled me with dread and fear. I am afraid, for the first time in months, of losing him.

It feels like the summer has ended. Labor day is the un-official end of summer at the hotel (though you wouldn't know it with my work load for September - I'm twice as busy as I was in August.) I feel like this summer has just flown by. I didn't visit any amusement parks and worked so much that the little tan I got at PrideFest has faded.

I guess I just feel like my whole life is passing by in the same manner.

I should go to bed, even if I don't go to sleep. It's time I found out what comes on after Home Improvement.

My 'free will horoscope'

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-07T02:09:21-05:00

You are becoming very relaxed. All tension is flowing out of you. Your worries are dissolving. With each breath, your body feels a growing sense of peace and well-being. Your mind is expanding naturally, allowing you to experience a harmonious attunement with life. In response, deep sources of practical intelligence are welling up into your awareness, filling you with good ideas about your long-term financial future. Soon you will begin writing down a ten-step master plan that will go a long way toward making you into a money magnet in the next 18 months.

*
SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Plant orchids on a strip-mined hill.
For 24 hours, imagine in great detail that you have a guardian angel.
Sing the first song you ever heard.
See how far you can spit a mouthful of beer.
Make believe you are the ocean king or thunder queen.
Improvise a fresh bedtime story for someone you love.
Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler costume and play a bagpipe as badly as possible.
Watch TV with your third eye.
Sip holy water blessed by a smart teenage girl.
Bear in mind that you are the Chosen One, and so is everyone else.

The world won't wait, so I better shake....

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-14T11:09:05-05:00

On my MP3 player: Ryan Adam's "New York, New York"

And love don't play any games with me//Anymore like she did before//The world won't wait, so I better shake//That thing right out there through the door

I am glad that I am at work already. Today is the kind of day where I would get a speeding ticket. I'm feeling really impatient, and both times I've received tickets, it was because of impatience.

I saw Matt, Tom, and Brent for the first time on Saturday since before my birthday. It was (as always) fantastically amazing to see them. I got lots of love from Matt and Brent, and verification on my feelings about Daniel from all three. Not that I needed reassurances that what I was doing is right, but it's still nice to have. Especially from Tom.

I ended up taking Zachary home around 1:30, but then hoofing it back to the club, hoping with all my might that my boys would still be at the club. And yay, they were. :) I stayed up too late, dancing with Brent, and, after Matt and Tom left; at Perkins with Brent. By the time we got to his house, it was 4:30, and I was like 'you gonna let me crash at your place or what?' He agreed of course, so I spent the next five and half hours asleep with Brent.

At Perkins, I realized that since it was past midnight, it was then September 11. So we toasted with our food to ‘the human spirit.’ We got to talking a little bit about that day, and that led to Katrina. Brent is from Louisiana, and it was then that the tragedy became tangible to me. To see Brent painfully tell me that it was gone, and I’d never seen it, hurt my heart.

In other news, I’m thinking that I should totally be crushing on Brent rather than Matt.

I have gone to the gym four out of the past six days now. Three yoga classes and twenty minutes or so of swimming. I’ve come to a realization: while my mind may be content to be slothful and lazy, my body loves to be in action. I hurt after Friday night’s yoga class, a little less after Sunday’s, but was going further than I have in a while in Mondays class. I guess I hadn’t realized how much I liked being in motion.

I need to shower before bed and make sure my hair is mostly dry, or I will be a frightful sight in the morning.

Huh....

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-17T01:09:56-05:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|	16%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	44%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I have decided.

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-17T01:09:45-05:00

I have decided: it's time for me to live in the 21st century. I'm getting a cell phone dammit.

stolen survey, are there any other kind

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-23T11:09:29-05:00

Shtolen from Anachronist

1) Do I know you?

2) How long have you been on Mindsay?

3) Why do you post on Mindsay?

4) What could you do within the next day that would improve your life?

5) Who will you see tomorrow?

6) What is the most important phone call for you that has not yet arrived?

7) Who do you hope to see tomorrow?

8) If one wish could be granted what would it be? (no recursion)

9) What is your current elevation?

10) Animal, mineral or vegetable?

Another survey.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-23T11:09:25-05:00

This came from LimitBreak basics… * name: Stacy Diane * height: 5’ 2” or so, but I feel taller * shoe size: 7 * hair: just below my shoulders, it’s currently dyed a reddish brown. I have great hair, if I do say so myself. * eyes: two. I mean: blue/grey/green. * siblings: two, an older brother and a younger sister * hometown: I was born in Oklahoma, but I consider Colorado Springs home. * favorite place: this is kind of vague, so I can make my answer vague too, eh? Hmmm....favorite place...in bed is nice, at a club with my friends is nice, outside is almost always good. * favorite soda: Orangina...mmmm...nummy. * game system: I’m an old school girl – give me an 8 or 16 bit Nintendo and I’m happy. * favorite food: I can almost always eat at Chick-Fil-A. * favorite book: the Time-Traveler’s Wife is my new favorite * favorite car: that I have access to: Rebber. Of all: a mini Cooper * favorite animal: a liger...I mean: cats. * water brand: Aquafina * favorite burger place: Y’know, I don’t really care for burger places * favorite hobby: crocheting, maybe? * favorite friends: Drea, Josh, Leah, Sandra, Matt, Brent, Jae * bar or club: well, it used to be the Church, but that’s kinda changed. I’d have to say the Q for now, cos it’s really the only one I go to anymore. * favorite show: Red Dwarf, Scrubs * gold or silver: silver * favorite shirt: Ummm...that’s random. My favorite shirt (for right now) is the new black one that I just ripped the shit out of. * favorite sport: love. It’s an indoor sport, innit? :D * favorite alcohol: vodka is good. Tequila is baaaaad. * favorite fruit: strawberries * favorite song: right now: Gwen Stefani’s ‘hollaback girl.’ Yes, I know that I hate her, I don’t care. * ketchup or salsa: both, just not together. * favorite milkshake: strawberry * steak or lobster: steak, but mostly neither * favorite color: purple * favorite weather: a sunny day with slight wind * favorite state: denial Do you… * have a crush on someone: yes * wish you could live somewhere else: usually no, but right now: yes. * think about suicide: I have. * believe in online dating: I’d usually say no, but may have to change that answer. * think others find you attractive: oh yeh, gay men love me. * want more piercings: yes * like cleaning: no * like roller coasters: yes * write in cursive or print: both, in combination. You... * last talked to: a guest * last thought of: PirateSteve, to be honest. * last showered: this morning * last cut your nails: a few weeks ago * last did laundry: Saturday * last hugged a tree: I don’t think I ever have.... for or against… * long distant relationships: Normally, I’d say against. * killing people: Hmmm...for, in some cases. * teenage smoking: against * driving drunk: against * gay/lesbian relationships: for have you… * ever cried over a guy: yep * ever been in a fist fight: nope * ever been arrested: yep * ever had a friend die: nope, and I’d like to keep it like that for a little longer... * ever dated a cousin: no * ever used a gun: nope * ever finished a puzzle: yes * ever had surgery: yes * ever got beat up: no * ever hated someone: yes * ever made a huge mistake: duh. * ever tried any drugs: yes * ever jogged a mile: no * ever played w/ someone’s feelings: yes * ever had feelings for someone young: yes what… * shoes do you wear: whatever goes with my outfit of the day. * are you scared of: dying alone, having sex again. * do you sleep in: sometimes jammies, sometimes nothing * did you eat for lunch: a breaded pork cutlet, some pasta, and some cranberry sauce * is love: ooo...this is a tricky one....love is (as far as I can tell): caring more about someone else’s happiness above your own. number… * of times I have had my heart broken?: loads, more than I’d care to think about. * of hearts I have broken?: probably more than I know about.. * of girls I have kissed?: Um...five, maybe? * of boys I have kissed?: Um, twenty, maybe? * of guys/girls you've rejected?: Um, 8? * of drugs you taken: legal: loads, illegal: one * of accidents you been in: none * of people you lead on? None, on a regular basis * of people you broke up with?: a few do you think you are… * pretty: yes * funny: yes * hot: sometimes. * friendly: yes * ugly: I can be * loveable: yes * caring: yep * dorky: yep * cocky: I can be * girly: yep * boyish: sometimes * smart: yes * pimp: heh, only when I’m forced to be. * angel: rarely * gangster: oh wait, sometimes. * god: no favorite… * five letter word: holla? Money? * comedian: the guy who said ‘ripped like Jesus’ * candy: Ferrero Rochers. * cartoon: Batman * cereal: fruity pebbles * chewing gum: none * day of week: Fridays * least fave day: Tuesdays? * jell-o flavor: strawberry * summer/winter: summer * trampolines or swimming pools: ooo!! Both, together. person who last… * slept in your bed: me * person whose bed you last slept in: Brent * saw you cry: Um....Kathleen, at Star Wars? * made you cry: Jae, but not due to anything he did. * you went to the movies with: Zach * yelled at you: Um....I can’t remember the last time I was yelled at.... * sent you an email: a client have you ever… * said "I love you" and meant it?: yep * gone out in public in your pajamas?: yep * kept a secret from everyone?: nope * cried during a movie?: oh yes. * ever at anytime owned new kids on the block?: I still have stuff. * planned your week based on the TV Guide?: no * been on stage?: yes * been to New York?: yes * been to California?: not yet * been to Florida? Not yet * Hawaii?: not yet * China?: not yet * Canada?: not yet * Europe?: yes * what time is it now?: 3:07 pm * apples or bananas?: both, but not together * blue or red?: blue * walmart or target?: both * spring or fall?: both * what are you gonna do after you finish this?: wait for 4 o’clock. * what was the last meal you ate?: lunch * are you bored?: meh * last noise you heard?: Skinny Puppy’s too dark park * last smell you sniffed?: Uh....it smelled like Chinese food outside.... * last time you went out of state/province?: the end of March. friendship/love… * do you believe in love at first sight?: no * do you want children one day & if so, how many?: maybe, two. * most important thing to you in a friendship is?: understanding. random stuff… * criminal record?: yep * do you speak any other languages?: not fluently * name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: my cat, my sewing machine, my purse collection, my squishy pillow * piercings and where?: four in my left ear, two in my right, and my naval * worst feeling in the world?: either rejection or unrequited lust...not sure. * who do you love: me, Josh, Drea, Jae, my mom, my kitty, my brother. your… * nickname(s): Staca, feather, love, and Jae calls me Cobra, but I will only answer to that from him * initials: SDW * how old do you look? : people tend to guess me as being younger * how old do you act?: sometimes 16, sometimes 60 * glasses/contacts?: none * braces: nope * do you have any pets?: yep * What makes you embarrassed?: I’m so rarely embarrassed, that I can’t really say.... * what upsets you?: dead animals in the road, when good things happen to bad people or when bad things happen to good people * what makes you happy? Being bare-legged and barefoot on a lovely summer day, my hair touching my neck, the feel of a kitty who is happy to see me, good food, hearing BT in the club, gooey thoughts....

I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe....

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-28T05:09:01-05:00

On my MP3 player: Sia’s ‘breathe me’ Ouch I have lost myself again//Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,//Yeah I think that I might break//I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe Holy shnikes, I just read those lyrics and got chills up and down my spine and tears in my eyes. Caution: this entry contains random rants and ramblings. If you were looking for a nice, cheerful entry, perhaps you should move along. One of my friends doesn’t like my mother (come to think of it, she doesn’t really like one of my other friends either.) This wouldn’t bug me so much, save for the fact that she hasn’t spent more than five minutes with either of them. I know that my mom and friend X can be a little bit much to bear, but please give ‘em a chance before you decide you don’t like ‘em. So I feel like I have to censor myself a bit, if I want to talk to her and talk about my mother or friend X. And I hate to censor myself. I have a huge bruise on my left bicep. It looks like someone punched me good and hard. Only what really happened is Matt thought he could pick me up and carry me inside on Saturday night, and instead dropped me on the bench. I landed on my back and arm (somehow.) Luckily, my back isn’t hurting and the bruise just *looks* bad. I saw Candie on Sunday. Girl’s night consisted of eight girls, an honorary girl, and Russell. We ended up playing truth or dare and having a good time. Towards the end of the night, Sandra, Leah, and I ended up on puddin’, with me in between the two of them. But since puddin’ is huge, there was a space between me and Leah. Candie decided she wanted to be on puddin’ too, so she slipped in between me and Leah. (My stomach is going funny writing this.) When we got to the dare which was ‘take off or put on a bra on it’s owner’, Candie had sat up and I was lightly touching her back. She misconstrued my meaning and said ‘no, I am wearing a bra,’ to which my reply was ‘no no, I’m just loving you.’ Which caused her to then lie in my arms. Which caused me to have heart palpitations. Candie is having a party sometime in October. Her girlfriend is moving into town and Candie is having the party to introduce her to the rest of the group. I don’t want to go, cos I already feel frumpy enough without meeting someone who has been deemed hot by gay men. When I do see Candie, I am often left feeling conflicted (as I feel now.) Zach pissed me off/angered/upset me a lot on Saturday. I was at his house, waiting for him to do laundry so we could go back to my house, when my cell phone rang. Nummy, Matt. So I talk to Matt, who told me they were going out and he would prolly see me. I hang up a happy stacy and go back in the house. I say ‘now I have to look pretty, Matt’s gonna be there.’ To which Zach replied “you know he’s never going to fall in love with you and have sex with you, don’t you?” Which lead to shouting, pacing, and finally crying by stacy. Yes, I know he will never fill-in-the-blank-with-whatever-emotion-it-is-I-feel-for-him me. I know this. But fuck off, I can’t just turn off whatever this is just cos it’s stupid. Sorry. I’m not really really like that. England is sorry for the pictures taken of her at Abu Gharib. Yeah, I’d be sorry too. /end bitter sarcasm. I got to spend some “alone time” with Matt on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I love those times. Okay, end of ranting/rambling.

Truth, dare, double dare, promise, repeat, or circle jerk.

velvetTurtle — 2005-09-28T11:09:55-05:00

Blognapped from joedatsme

Ask me four questions. Any four, no matter how personal, private or random.
I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
In turn, you post this message in your own journal (if you have not already) and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.

Lists...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-01T01:10:51-05:00

Things that make me happy:

*Jayne Cobb unzipping his jacket and saying ‘let’s be bad guys.’

*running into someone I barely know at the gym, but having him tell me how cute I looked last week.

*when random guest says I’ve been really nice

*the tv show ‘scrubs’

*that this list is easier to fill than the ‘sad’ or ‘angry’ list

*voicemails from Matt. Mmmmm....Matt.

*my hair

*vocally scrapping with Zach

Things that make me sad:

*the realization that everything is going to die

*this zit in between my eyebrows

*that I can remember commercial jingles, but not my sister’s birthday

Things that make me aaaaangry:

*that jackass in front of me in his huge SUV who wanted to drive really slow when I was behind him, but then speed up so’s that I can’t pass him. Ass.

Things most people don’t think of putting on their ~~George Foreman~~ Orlando Bloom grills:

*broccoli (but they should!! It’s soooo goood.)

Will you tend evergreen love without end....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-02T04:10:44-05:00

On my MP3 player: the Weekend Players 'into the sun'

It is a lazy Sunday day. Lazy cos I skipped yoga, with the rationalization that I'm going to go on Tuesday morning.

I went out with Zach last night. We went to Eden, which was really crowded, and then the Q, where we saw Jeffy. I like seeing Jeffy, though I don't like him the way he was last night - more tipsy than he should be. I think he's lost too much weight, but it may have just been his outfit.

I have most of my stuff for my Hallowe'en costume. Now I just have to make the bugger.

I have to do laundry, which I don't mind, but the time it takes bugs me.

I had a dream about Brent last night. It was odd.

Oh! And I got a new dress. It's cute.

I thought you'd never be unkind....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-03T07:10:44-05:00

Song that's stuck in my head: Murk's 'some lovin'

Guh, stacy is one tired girl. I got new shoes, and while they are comfy, they're still new and hurt my feetsies a little bit.

I am getting ready to go to yoga, but wanted to write a little bit about today.

The weather is lovely here, it's very warm for October. I am going out with Zach tonight but I think I'll have to wear long pants.

I am feeling ultra loved by Matt right now.

I hate looking for things I can't find.

Okay, must get dressed.....

Just move it to the music its on...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-04T09:10:44-05:00

Song that's stuck in my head: Fitty Cent's 'outta control'

My fear is that when I do see Jae again, I won't recognize him.

I hate when baseball is on instead of House.

My mom is lying on the floor, spouting crazy talk. Pray for me. Or on me. Whatever.

I need to find another white stuffed dog to gut. The one I have is too small.

Feelings.....no... more than........fee...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-05T11:10:56-05:00

No song tonight, too tired to search for anything....

I am feeling -
rich: I got two tips today.
dumb: I just spelled 'two' as 'too.'
happy: I randomly saw Brent today and we are going to hang out tomorrow.
hungry: I want chick-fil-a.
anxious: what's going to happen on Lost next week?
pleased: Zach and I are going to see Serenity on Sunday.
curious: search four more times, huh?
horny: damn Jayne is hawt.
tired: I should go to bed.

I'm itchy, I wish you would come...scratch me...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-06T05:10:29-05:00

On my MP3 player: Gwen Stefani’s ‘bubblepop electric’

I am losing focus on work, so I needed a break for a minute.

I have a hole in my sweater. This does not bother me, as I was realized this morning that it was too short and I should get rid of it anyway.

It is cold outside. I’m glad that I didn’t have plans to swim tonight, otherwise my poor head would be cold when I’m out with Brent tonight.

I’m in a wunderbar mood today.

Note to self...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-07T10:10:06-05:00

Note to self: drinking three shots of vodka and then four shots of schnapps does not make for a good morning.

Thanks self, I'll try to keep that in mind....

Druken poetry rocks!

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-07T04:10:15-05:00

Your credit cards hold you hostage...

Like I wish I could.

Your gel holds your hair,

And my hands long to do the same.

I see your face before me,

And I want to keep it still.

With the weather ever-changing,

I wonder if I will.

-for Brent

You’ll read this in the morning

And wonder what it means.

And I'll tell you now:

These words were in my mouth,

Craving to be free.

Always struggling, squirming, hoping

Never taking shape

But now –

The pen flowed, almost against my will

And took form.

Ever loving you still.

So take from this

And always keep it dear

Keep me dear.

Ever...everything is bullshit.

The things that keep us from singing, dancing,

Laughing at inappropriate times.

Cast it all aside.

Let it go.

It doesn’t matter anyway

When we learn from another’s hair toss, another’s revelation

It means that we have been touched.

But in a good way.

Like sun kisses in my hair - - -

And the breath on my neck.

I hope you feel that way soon.

All written October 06, 2005

Meh....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-08T01:10:42-05:00

I'm at work today, not really doing anything more than waiting for it to be time to leave.

I will hopefully see Matt tonight.

I had a really good time with Brent on Thursday. I ended up spending the night at his house. When I sleep with someone, I tend to cuddle with him/her, even if my waking intentions aren't sexual. So I cuddle with Brent. While we were asleep, or I was half-asleep, he took my arm that was around him and then curled his own around it. I felt loved.

Dear asshole...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-08T06:10:29-05:00

Dear asshole, who gave me the bird and called me a 'bitch' after I honked at him for cutting me off:

You shoulda pushed me down and spit on me, and then called me a bitch. It woulda had a lot more affect.

I mean: you hurt me!! Take it back!!

Signed, the blonde in the white Toyota and yellow-lensed-sunglasses.

Operation, that's my motivation....o... a game we all can play.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-09T02:10:56-05:00

Operation: get over Matthew has commenced.

So far, I haven't thought about him for a total of twenty minutes today. Gooooooo meee!

I'm...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-10T11:10:19-05:00

I'm prettier than her, how did that happen?

Yay for me.

Questions.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-11T10:10:07-05:00

1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed

Now, without further ado, my questions, courtesy of windsy :

1. What is your favourate "classical" song? I don't care much for too much classical music, and not that I would know the names of any of them. I do like musical scores though, like from Dragonheart. That score always brings tears to my eyes.

2. What is the meaning of your name? My user ID is the name of a restaurant in California. I found it whilst looking for things on eBay. I love turtles and like velvet, so I adopted it as my own.

3. What would you do if you suddenly went bankrupt and had to live in a cardboard box? I would like to say that I would be noble and fight my way back into 'society' but that would be a lie. I would almost certainly resign myself to my failure, take up drug use, and bitch about the way things used to be. Only no one would listen to me because I would be the crazy drug addicted cat lady who lived in a cardboard box.

4. You seem to have the same problem of falling for gay men as my friend does/did. Do you have any advice for her? I don't, only because I am struggling to get over one right now. The only way I will be over him for certain is if I stop hanging out with him. But that's not really an option, because I love spending time with him and I love the way he makes me feel.

5. Have you accomplished everything you thought you would by this point in time in your life? Ohmideergawd no. I don't know exactly where I thought I'd be at 27, but it certainly wasn't divorced and still living with my mother. But don't take that the wrong way, I love my life (mostly). There are things I would change, but for the most part, it's pretty good.

I need....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-12T09:10:13-05:00

I am feeling crafty but in need of Elmer's glue.

I have most of the shtuff for my Hallowe'en costume, but it's a matter of getting everything together.

Questions....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-13T06:10:10-05:00

Questions from araefaela

1. Have you ever dyed your hair, or is it dyed now, and what colours have you tried so far? (that was random) I have been dying my hair since I was 16. I’ve gone red (tried just about every shade available), blonde, brown, and black (once.) I am blonde right now, and it’s just about time to do it again. I think I'll stay with blonde for a bit.

2. Do ya love to dress up and be pretty, or is comfort the way to go? I’m fairly selective about my clothing – it’ll get picked off the rack cos it’s pretty, but only kept if it’s comfy too. I have a few items of clothing that are uncomfortable (my dancing shoes for one) but I only notice how much pain they cause *after* I take them off.

3. Have you ever pretended to be someone you're not? (I'm sure we've all been there) If so, why did you do it and what did you try to be? Oh yes. One memorable time, my best friend Brad and I pretended to be a girl and her idiot brother. We did this to have a little bit of fun and to test our acting abilities. I often find myself speaking in assumed accents, often without thinking about it.

4. What's your dream job? I would love to be a fashion designer. I’ve been toying with taking classes, but haven’t done anything with it yet. I love to make clothes.

5. Have your friends ever brought up something embarrassing about you (eg. a certain song you liked) in a group, what was it and do you get easily embarrassed at all? (you don't seem to be the shy type.) I am not easily embarrassed at all, and when it does happen, it’s usually only for a few minutes and then the moment passes.

Sleep.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-14T12:10:56-05:00

Now is the time on Sprockets when I got to bed.

Correction: now is the time on Sprockets when I fall asleep to South Park.

gah

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-18T12:10:01-05:00

Things that I hate: 'boi' or 'grrrl.'

Seriously: take a spoon and ram it down my throat.

/end rant.

stuff....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-20T03:10:12-05:00

This came from Terpsichore

1. Three step husband plan aside, do you think you'll honestly ever remarry for love?

To be honest, I didn’t think (at the time anyway) that I hadn’t gotten married the first time for love. Stupid little nineteen year old me thought that it was love, and didn’t stop to think ‘hey, he’s leaving wife number one for me, what makes me think he won’t leave me for someone “better.”’ Of course, now I’m twenty seven and cynical.

I don’t feel a burning desire to get remarried, but that’s not to say that if the right person came along that I wouldn’t. I hope that I remarry for love.

2. What would you do to change the dynamic between yourself and the friends you feel take advantage of you?

Ooo....good question. I would love it if people were able to take a look at themselves from someone else’s perspective, so they could see how they (and their actions) appeared. That being impossible, I’m sure if I spoke up more and said ‘this bugs me. Stop it.’ However, I don’t really care for confrontation, and I’m sure if I said anything, Person X would be like ‘Ohmigod, I didn’t know that bothered you so much! I will stop doing it, effective immediately!’ And then they would relapse after a short time, which would frustrate me even more, and then I would eventually go postal and kill everyone. No no, the ‘stuffing it’ is much healthier. :)

3. Could you forgive someone for cheating on you?

I can forgive just about anything, so I will say yes, but I'll only forgive once.

4. How would you know if you fell in love with someone?

According to the Matrix, being the one is just like being in love – no one can tell you, you just know. I’m hoping that I'll know.

I think it’ll be like things aren’t real until I’ve shared them with the person I think I love. I think it’ll be when I want to share everything with him/her and have him/her share everything with me. And he/she would be able to order for me in a restaurant, and have it be just right.

Feh, I’m a sappy romantic.

5. What is the absolute cutest outfit you have ever worn/envisioned?

I think this may the hardest question. I don’t know if could say any one outfit was the absolute cutest. I don’t have any thing that I wear if I’m feeling down, or anything like that. I used to have a pair of ‘lucky’ underwear, but they wore out (prolly cos I wore them so much.) I did look really cute on Saturday though (eat your heart out Sarah!!! Mwah ha ha ha ha!!)

And this was inspired by divyneactress

20 years ago I:

- was in second grade, but can’t remember my teacher’s name

- was living in a house that I later found out was the only house that was *not* a crack house

- had a pink room

10 years ago I:

- had just started my senior year of high school

- was rehearsing for my role as Officer Brophy in Arsenic and Old Lace

- still dated straight boys

5 years ago I:

- was working as a hostess

- was crushing hardcore on Paul

- didn’t drink as much as I do now

3 years ago I:

- was having sex

- hadn’t ever done drugs

- was still not sure how I felt about Drea

1 year ago I:

- wasn’t worried about Jae.

- still had a younger brother

- had darker hair

Yesterday I:

- watched Lost

- made a skirt

- realized that man, MacGyver gets a lot of action

Today I:

- didn’t win the $340 million Powerball jackpot

- left a message for Brent

- will go to wally world

Tomorrow I:

- will go to yoga

- will eat at Yakitori

- will be happy it’s Friday

Danielle

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-23T02:10:02-05:00

So she says: "when people are trying to be nice to you, it's not nice to be a bitch."

And I think: "huh, so last week when you were ignoring me, and the time you blew me off last month, what was that?"

But what I say was: "that's really nice. You should embroider that on a pillow."

And then we stopped talking.

Survey.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-23T05:10:22-05:00

Swiped from sarahjmp

1)My mother once: haggled a young boy down to $8 (US) for four bracelets in Mexico.

2) Never in my life: have I had a relationship where I was completely honest. Go me.

3) When I was five: I left my brand new shoes in a taxi.

4) High School was: fun sometimes, hellish at others. I wish I could do it again, knowing then what I know now.

5) I will never forget: that things aren’t always as they seem, and that what I think may be bad for me, will be good; and what I think may be good, will be bad.

6) I once met: a woman who couldn’t get my name right, no matter what.

7) There's this person I know who: can brighten my day just by ringing my phone.

8) Once, at a bar: I made out with a guy I had just met. No, wait, that wasn’t just once. Um, once, at a bar: I was carded.

9) By noon I'm usually: waiting for the rest of the day to be over.

10) Last night I: went to two different bars and didn’t have a good time at either. Though I was impressed by Jeffy’s beadwork.

11) If I only had: someone to cuddle with on a regular basis.

12) Next time I go to church/temple: someone will be dead.

13) Terri Schiavo: shouldn’t have made as big as news-splash as she did.

14) I like: little baby ducks, old pickup trucks, and pre-cons. No, wait, that’s my pre-con song. I like: warm clear nights, riding in convertibles, and when people call me back. Or call me first.

15) When I turn my head left, I see: a cd shelf.

16) When I turn my head right, I see: the door to my room.

17) You know I'm lying when: it sounds like I am. I don’t lie very convincingly.

18) In grade school: I moved several different times.

19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I’d demand royalty payments.

20) By this time next year I: want to have had sex with someone.

21) A better name for me would be: Grouch

22) I have a hard time understanding: how people can be so gosh darned mean.

23) If I ever go back to school I'll: study fashion design.

24) You know I like you if: the conversation doesn’t flow at all.

25) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my mother.

26) I hope that: people stop asking me what’s wrong, and what can they do to fix it. And that my Firefly boxset arrives soon!!

27) Take my advice: it’s better to have and not need than need and not have.

28) My ideal breakfast is: strong hot tea, and a croissant with Nutella. Nummy.

29) A song I love, but do not have is: um, none. I think I’ve got just about everything that I love.

30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you visit the DAV. Good thrift shopping.

31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: what are things the Dutch have?

32) Why won't anyone: say what they mean and mean what they say?

33) If you spend the night at my house: you prolly won’t have anywhere to sleep. Sorry ‘bout that.

34) I'd stop my wedding: if Orlando Bloom asked me to. :)

35) The world could do without: politicians.

36) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: cause the death of an animal.

37) My favorite blonde is: Candie.

38) Paper clips are more useful than: your uvula.

40) And by the way: your hair looks awesome.

41) The last time I was drunk: I waxed poetic about the beauty of men versus women, dropped my purse, cried about dropping my purse, and told Zach I hated him.

42) My grandmother always: sent me five dollars for my birthday.

Hmm....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-24T02:10:23-05:00

Sometimes, we act the way we act around certain people because it's what they expect of us.

And we don't even mean to do it....

I’m listening to you breathing in and breathing out...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-25T05:10:18-05:00

On my MP3 player: Sia’s ’don’t bring me down’ Beautiful song. I need to find more of this woman’s stuff....

Faint light of dawn//I'm listening to you breathing in and breathing out//Needing nothing//You're honey dipped//You are beautiful, floating clouds, soft world//I can't feel...

I don’t understand why I get more responses on my little throwaway entries than the ones I spend time on. Such is life...

Hallowe’en weekend approaches. I have definite plans for Friday but I think my plans for Saturday have fallen through.

I’m guessing that Matt is blowing me off. Which is better than blowing me up. Ha ha. Seriously though, I’d much rather prefer something from him that says “I’m really busy and won’t be able to ____.’ Instead of the nothing which allows my mind to race.

Speaking of a racing mind, this is something I wrote on Saturday night: “I climbed up this huge mountain and instead of being the other side of the mountain, it was a cliff. And then I jumped.” Jeffy found this a bit disturbing.

I am going on vacation in two weeks and two days. I cannot wait. After I get back from England, I still have the whole week before I go back to work. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.

Hmm...McCalls’ patterns are on sale at Hobby Lobby this week. I like to stock up when they are only a dollar.

I was hit on by a lesbian last week (and not in a good way at all.) I was smacked on the top of my head by Candie’s girlfriend (I wonder if she knows I’d like to steal her girlfriend...) Now I have this scab on the top of my head, and it’s awful, cos I can never leave things like that alone. I scratched it open yesterday and I’m trying not to do the same thing today.

Just cos it was so weird....or was it???

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-26T12:10:51-05:00

My angst tastes like...

Lemon
Find your angst's flavor

Survey sez....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-26T12:10:46-05:00

Blognapped from thefallenangel

01. Your name plus "y"?
stacyy - more stacy like than you could ever imagine. :)

02. Two feelings at the moment?
a.) itchy
b.) cold

03. What are you listening to right now?
the computer make noises and the Simpsons

04. A part of a song lyric that's in your mind right now?
"I'm itchy, I wish you would come...scratch me."

05. Describe where you are right now?
I'm in a chair in my living room, which is in my house, which is in Colorado Springs, which is in Colorado, which is in the United States, which is in the northern hemisphere, which is in the world, which is in the galaxy, which is in the universe.

07. What are you craving to have right now?
My bed and warmth.

08. Any unforgettable childhood memory?
I picked a rose from some guys yard and he followed me home and talked to my mother. Turns out he'd been trying to grow the rose for years.

09. A not-so-good childhood memory?
I was sexually molested when I was seven, I think.

10. What are your nicknames?
Feather, Staca, Stace, and Jae (and only Jae) calls me Cobra. When he calls me.

11. Your three plans for tomorrow?
Work, visit Drea, buy patterns

12. Your three plans for today?
Sleep, sleep, sleep. (It's late.)

13. Are you thinking of someone right now?
Yep.

14. Do you party?
Sure.

15. Do you like twins?
I'd better. :)

16. Fill in the blank: "I am..."
whatever you say I am.

17. Say something in six words to the person who sent this to you?
I swiped this from you, thanks. :)

19. Mary has her little lamb. What would you have:
A salad would be good right now.

20. Say anything you like to whoever is reading your answers:
My eyes are up here. Thanks. :)

21. Are you feeling hungry?
Nope, bit thirsty though.

22. Who do you miss right now?
Jae. And Jae. And Jae.

23. Last friend you saw ?
Ohmigosh, I saw just 'bout the whole gang on Saturday. And got to spend loads of time with John. Woo hoo for me!!

24. Are you in love?
Dear god no.

25. What do you like doing late at night?
Sleeping. Or trying to sleep.

26. if you were in a farm what would you do?
Gather eggs.

27. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A vetrinarian (that doesn't look correct, but feh...)

28. Last gift?
My mother bought me a fizzy thing for my bath.

29. Did you like it?
Yep.

30. Do you play an accordion?
Nope.

Potato

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-26T12:10:20-05:00

I got a potatooooo. Please, help it travel... Yes, I'm a dork. I don't care.

Not sayin’ that you weren’t worth the fall...

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-27T04:10:39-05:00

On my MP3 player: Tori’s ‘crazy’

Not sayin' not charmed at all//Not sayin' that you weren't worth the fall//And I was alone when//I knew it was real//Down the canyon//when I knew I had come

I was going to write a rant about abortion here, but that felt not right, so I deleted it. Let’s just say that no one has the right to tell me what I can or can’t do with my body, and I don’t have the right to tell anyone else what she can or can’t do. I know that there may be a time when I feel that an abortion would be the only option for me and I would certainly prefer to have the option.

I saw the movie ‘stay’ on Tuesday and it was frickin’ amazing!! I was expecting a thriller, but was pleasantly surprised to see a very cerebral movie.

I have decided to revamp my Hallowe’en costume. After seeing what Drea is going to wear, I decided I didn’t want to be a cute-sy girl after all. So I’m going to be a modernized-punk-geisha type thing. I bought a pattern for a wrap top, and it’s going to be made from this very obnoxious fluorescent pink material. (Light bulb!! I bet it’s blacklight reactive. Score!) I get to make the top tonight, it shouldn’t take too long. I’m going to wear a black skirt with it, though I’m not sure if I’m going to wear a long one that I have, or a short one that I'll have to make.

I am one tired girl today. I’ve been staying up later than usual, but today, I got up when my alarm went off – at 5:30. I haven’t been up this early in aaaaages.

I decided to call Brent last night to go ‘hey, is Matt dead or anything?’ And his smart ass answer was (of course) “yeh, didn’t I tell you?” and then “nah, he had to go to Utah. I told you that.” And then we go back and forth eight times: ‘no you didn’t.’ ‘yes I did.’ But basically, Matt was *not* blowing me off, he was just in another state and the plans to hang out this Saturday are still on. Yay.

I have to get more fabric tonight and maybe shop for accessories also.

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, cat vomit is *not* good for a modem.

Stolen.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-31T10:10:03-05:00

Swiped from: greenwind

Post the following:
1. one secret: I'm terrified of having sex again.
2. one lie: I am so over Matt
3. one truth: I had an awesome time on Saturday.
4. one pet peeve: people who don't use their turn signal!!
5. one passion: yoga
6. one great thing: the thing Drea told me tonight.

Cos I swear, out there ain't where you outta be....

velvetTurtle — 2005-10-31T10:10:12-05:00

On my MP3 player: George Strait's 'run.' I want to cover this song....

Woosh, what a weekend. We ended up going to the Church on Friday night. It was me, Drea, Josh, Danielle, Chiara, and Russ. I rode up with Russ (and was so thankful I didn't have to drive. It gets so boring sometimes!!) and we talked about drugs the whole ride up. The Church was amazing, the downstairs DJ is back, so we might go back up there somewhat regularly. Apparently, they are letting in 18 and up now, which is good cos Danielle can go along too.

Saturday night was spent hanging out with Brent, Matt, and Tom. We went to this club called Traxx in Denver and then to an after-hours club. I had an amazing night. We crashed at Tom's for five or six hours and then headed back to the Springs.

As I spend more time with Brent, I realize more and more that it really should be him that I'm lusting over. And this weekend really didn't do anything to change that opinion.

All of a sudden, I am not feeling well. I have a headache (which could stem from the fact that my hair is piled on my head), my stomach hurts, and I've got a bit of nausea. I hope I'm not coming down with anything.

Only eleven days until I go on my vacay. Hooray!! When I get back, Russell is throwing a party. November is going to pass so fast!!

Now, I'm feeling lonely. Hooray for me. I don't know why I torture myself....

44%

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-02T02:11:09-05:00

Swiped from divyneactress

Start with 100%, and take away 1% for everything you've done/that's happened to you on this list. Put the number you are left with in the subject line EXAMPLE... if you did ONE thing you would put 99%

Smoked. (stupid me, listening to Matt!!)
Drank alcohol.
Cried when someone died.
Been drunk.
Had sex.
Been to a concert.
Given a handjob/gotten a handjob.
Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.
Given anal sex/gotten anal sex
Been verbally sexually harassed.
Verbally sexually harassed somebody.
Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Been to prom.
Cried at school.
Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
Went streaking.
Given a lap dance.
Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
Kissed a stranger.
Hugged a stranger.
Went scuba diving.
Driven a car.
Gotten an x-ray.
Gotten hit by a car.
Had a party.
Done drugs.
Played strip poker.
Got paid to strip for someone.
Ran away from home.
Broken a bone.
Eaten sushi.
Bought porn.
Watched porn.
Made porn.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
Been in love.
Frenched kissed.
Laughed so hard you cried.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Laughed yourself to sleep.
Stabbed yourself.
Shot a gun.
Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
Watched an animal die.
Watched a person die.
Had sex and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
Pranked somebody.
Put somebody in the hospital.
Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
Kissed somebody of the same sex.
Dressed punk.
Dressed goth.
Dressed preppy.
Been to a motocross race.
Avoided somebody.
Been stalked.
Stalked someone.
Met a celebrity.
Played an instrument.
Ridden a horse.
Cut yourself.
Bungee jumped.
Ding dong ditched somebody.
Been to a wild party.
Got caught stealing something.
Kicked a guy in the balls.
Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
Went out with your friend's crush.
Got arrested.
Been pregnant.
Babysat.
Been to another country.
Had an encounter with a ghost.
Donated your hair to cancer patients.
Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.
Sat on your ass all day.
Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
Had a job.
Gotten cut from a sports team.
Been called a whore.
Danced like a whore.
Been mistaken for a celebrity.
Been in a car accident.
Been told you have beautiful eyes.
Been told you have beautiful hair.
Raped somebody.
Been raped.
Danced in the rain.
Been rejected.
Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
Punched someone/slapped

Blah blah blah....

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-09T11:11:34-05:00

Why, no, I've never had any original ideas. I stole this one from causticveracity

1) Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2) I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you
3)I will then say what medieval/fantasy occupation you would fit in.
4)I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5)I will tell you my first memory of you.
6) IlI tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8)If I do this for you, you must post this on your mindsay.

Random...

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-10T08:11:39-05:00

Things that will always turn me off: smoke? - Daily.

I miss Jae more than I ever thought I could miss anyone. Ever.

My ears hurt. But piercings are good.

In 24 hours, I will be on a plane!! Woo hoo!!

Don't you hate it when you remember that you forgot something, but not what you forgot?

And the question of the hour: *are* friends electric?

Kiss slut....

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-11T11:11:54-05:00

Stolen from andthen

I've kissed someone...

on the cheek.
on the lips.
on their hands or fingers.
in my room.
in their room.
of the same sex.

of the opposite sex.
younger than me.
older than me.
with jet black hair.
with curly hair.
with blonde hair & blue eyes.
with flaming red hair.
with straight hair.
smaller/shorter than me.
bigger/taller than me.
with a lip ring.
who was drunk.
who was high.
who I had just met.
who was homosexual.
who I didn't really want to kiss.
on a holiday.
who was going out with someone close to me

who had been/is in jail.
in a graveyard.
at a show/concert.
at a club.
at the beach.
in a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water.
who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with.
with dyed hair.
with a shaved head.
who was/is my good friend.
who was/is in a band.
who has tattoos.
who is of a completely different race than me.
in the rain.
in another continent besides where I was born.
with an accent.
on a boat.
in a car/taxi/bus.
on a plane.
at the circus/carnival.
with a missing body part.
in the movies.
eskimo style

Hmm...I seem to be a kiss slut......

Boys....

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-15T03:11:08-05:00

Boys in Mancester = cute
Boys in Reading = cute
Boys in London = ???
New Madonna album = good (for the most part)
Weather in England = suxor
Missing my friends = suxor
Sleep = good.

W()()t....

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-18T03:11:39-05:00

I'm going to see Harry Potter. I think this is one of the most exciting things I'm doing whilst in England.

Though seeing the Hacienda did put me in a frame of mind to invent time travel....

A happy satcy is a sleepy satcy.......

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-20T04:11:55-05:00

Things that make for a happy stacy:
-being in the same area code as most of my friends
-being toasted offa three drinks
-looking up and seeing Matt, Brent, and Tom
-Tom telling me he loved his gift
-singing (randomly) {and off key, I'm sure} to Matt 'don't you wish you girlfriend was hot like me??' And him replying 'you are my girlfriend, and you are hot.'
-smelling like who-knows-which random boy, but he smells delish
-fooling that cop so he didn't pull me over
-sleeping in my bed, with my covers
-being home

A sleepy (yet awake satcy) is a saaaaaaaaaaaaad satcy.......

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-20T09:11:11-05:00

Things that suxor:
-being awake after going to bed at 3:00 with the hopes of sleeping till at least 11
-losing an earring, and not being able to find it
-the desire to shave my head again
-spilling hot tea on the computer desk (esp. after lecturing my mother about her coffee habits around it.)

Blah.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-20T10:11:58-05:00

I really need to stop re-loading my "my eBay" page, just to see if I'm still winning this auction. If I win it, I win it. If not, so be it.

Off to look for my earring.....

Bleh....

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-21T01:11:30-05:00

I swiped this from kaia. I think I've already done it, but who cares. I'm just wasting time anyways. :)
1) My mother: has left the house for a bit......
2) Never in my life: have I had a child (and oh, I don't want to neither.)
3) When I was five: we lived in Turkey. That may have been the year I left my brand new shoes in the taxi.
4) High School was/is: a booooore.
5) I will never forget: the thing with Gary.
6) I once met: someone who I now miss more than I thought I ever would/could.
7) There's this person I know who: is pregnant.
8) Once, at a bar: a *straight* man bought me a drink.
9) By noon I'm usually: ready for a nap and ready to be done with work
10) Last night I: was in bed by nine o'clock
11) If I only had: a brain. Seriously: evidence that Jae is okay.
12) Next time I go to church/temple: I will be dancing up a storm. The Church is a nightclub. :)
13) Terri Schiavo: received too much media attention.
14) I like: little baby ducks, old pick up trucks, and pre-cons.
15) When I turn my head left, I see: a cd case.
16) When I turn my head right, I see: a chair.
17) You know I'm lying when: it sounds like I am. I don't lie very well.
18) In grade school: I changed schools four times.
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I would be the comic relief.
20) By this time next year I: will be a little older, maybe a little wiser, and maybe a little sadder.
21) A better name for me would be: staca.
22) I have a hard time understanding: why I'm so smeggin' cold all the time!!
23) If I ever go back to school I'll:study fashion design.
24) You know I like you if: I can't talk to you. If we're having great conversations when we first meet, then there is no hope for us.
25) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my mother, prolly.
26) I hope that: Jae is okay.
27) Take my advice: it's better to have and not need than need and not have.
28) My ideal breakfast is: hmmm....this is a hard one. Two eggs, over easy; turkey bacon; toast; well done hash browns; freshly squozen orange juice; and strong, hot, sweet Darjeeling tea.
29) A song I love, but do not have is: this remix of A Perfect Circle's '3 Libras'
30) If you visit my hometown: you'll be tired of seeing mountains too.
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: almost (but not quite) rhyme.
32) Why won't anyone: pleeeze think of the children!!
33) If you spend the night at my house: you might not sleep very comfortably, cos I've only got a twin bed.
34) I'd stop my wedding: if I learned something very bad about my intended.
35) The world could do without: policiticians. And SUVs.
36) I'd rather lick the belly of a roach than: pull my own teeth.
37) My favorite is: warmth.
38) Paper clips are more useful than: post its.
40) And by the way: I'm getting a little hungry.
41)The last time I was drunk: Tom thought I was rolling. And Matt called me his girlfriend.
42) My grandmother always: sent me five dollars for my birthday. For a ten year old, that was a fortune.

Today.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-23T06:11:59-05:00

I have so much I have to do today, I'm not sure where to begin....

Turkey day

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-24T01:11:35-05:00

Zee turkey is in zee oven....now all vee have to do is vait....

Food....good......

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-24T03:11:37-05:00

Six hours total cooking time, two loads of dishes during the process, and fifty bucks spent acquiring the food.

So how come it only takes fifteen minutes to eat?

A stuffed and satisfied stacy.

Why'd you sing with me at all?

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-26T01:11:23-05:00

Song that's stuck in my head: Damien Rice's 'delicate.' Hmm...I wonder if this has anything to do with my current mood...

So why do you fill my sorrow//With the words you've borrowed//From the only place you've know//And why do you sing Hallelujah//If it means nothing to you//Why do you sing with me at all?

Have you ever been in room full of people, most of whom love you and all of whom like you; yet still feel utterly alone? That's how I felt tonight. There was a party type dinner at John's house tonight and there were a load of people there, including Michael, whom I haven't seen since the party where I met Candie (at least I think it's been that long.) I had thought for a while (some time ago) that he and I would be good together, but that never panned out. I still sorta have that feeling now. Though maybe I'm just lonely and would like someone to cuddle with during movies....

I saw 'Rent' on Wednesday with Brent. He and I tend to sing the things we're doing anyway, but the movie made me turn to him and say 'you need to write us a song to sing while we're in public, like our theme song.' Cos while I can sing, Brent is much more musically talented than me. He has a keyboard and a guitar in his bedroom, whereas I only have a sewing machine.

I went to Wally World after leaving John's house. I had made a little oath with myself to not buy anything today, but our sink is stopped up, and I needed Drano. I felt an urge to call someone, though most of options didn't appeal to me. I really wanted to call Jae, but that would be just like calling myself or writing something here, cos I'd only get his machine anyway. I am fairly certain that I'm never going to see him or talk to him again. And that sucks. But I ended up calling Zachary, and that was a great move.

I've bitched enough for one day. G'night.

no subject

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-26T04:11:03-05:00

I stole this from mikejones07

1. When showering, do you start the water and then get in or get in and start the water? Start the water and then get in. Otherwise, it's cold when I get in, and that's not good.
2. Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle? Nope.
3. Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essence commercial? Oh my dear god no.
4. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Yep, though for getting clean, it's not the best option.
5. Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings? Nope
6. Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower? That's actually how I do it. I find that if I brusha brusha when I'm dressed, I'll spill toothpaste on me. And then I'll have to change clothes...
7. Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot? I've dropped bottles on my feets, and that hurts worse than soap.
8. How old do you look? When people guess my age, they usually say 24.
9. How old do you act? Thirty sometimes, thirteen at other times.
10. What's the last song you sang? Some Blink 182 song.
11 Does every family have a crazy uncle or is it just mine? I have a crazy grandmother, and I did have a crazy father-in-law.
12. Have you ever smuggled something into America? Nope. Though I guess they thought I was trying to when I flew into the States this past week...
13. Does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more attractive? Oooo yes.
14. Do you live in a city with a good sports team? Um, maybe. I don't really care.
15. Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag? Yep.
16. Have you ever had sex in a tent? I almost did, but then we didn't.
17. What about in a boat? nope
18. Have you ever dated a Goth? No
20. Can you fix your own car? Hah That's high-larious I mean: no.
21. Would you kill George W. Bush yourself if you were GUARANTEED to get away with it? There's no way I can answer this question, who knows who could be reading this??
22. Should guys wear pink? If they want to.
23. Do you snore? Maybe, the cats don’t complain though, so I can’t say for certain...
24. Are you a lover or a fighter? Both. I’d fight for something I love.
25. What’s your worst fear? I have a few. The one at the top of the list is that I will dial Jae’s number and it will be disconnected.
26. As a kid, were you a lego maniac? Can’t say that I was...
27. What do you think of ‘reality’ tv? It bothers me. I can’t believe it’s so popular.
28. Do you chew on straws? Oh yes.
29. Were you a cute baby? I think so.
30. How is the single life for you? Lonely. And thanks for bringing it up again.
31. What color is your keyboard? Black.
32. Do you sing in the shower? I sing *everywhere.*
33. Have you ever bungee jumped? Not yet, but I will some
34. Any secret talents? Nope, I’m open about my talents.
35. What’s your ideal vacation spot? A warm sandy beach is about all I need.
36. Is Jay Leno funny? Um, no.
37. Can you swim? Yes, but I wouldn’t want to have to rely on my swimming abilities to survive.
38. Have you seen the movie ‘Donnie Darko?’ Yeah, I thought it was lame.
39. Do you care about the ozone? Not as much as I could. I don’t use products with CFCs in them though...
40. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Three. Duh.
41. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Yep.
42. Where did this question go? Uh.....I unno.
43. Are you an only child? Oooo boy, I wish. Well, not really. But no, I’m not.
44. Do you prefer a manual or electric pencil sharpener? Manual.
45. What’s your stand on hunting? I don’t think it should be lawful.
46. Do you like your handwriting? Somewhat.
47. What are you allergic to? Codeine.
48. When was the last time you said ‘I love you’? Last night, to Zach.
49. Is Elvis still alive? Nope.
50. Do you cry at weddings? Yes. Yes I do.
51. How do you like your eggs? Scrambled sometimes, over easy at others
52. Are blondes dumb? Sometimes, but less so than they are accused of.
53. What time is it? 2:24 in the p.m.
54. Do you have a nickname? Yep, staca, feather, stacy-mouse, my mother calls me Lucy, Matt calls me girl, Brent calls me bitch, and Jae calls me cobra.
55. Is McDonald’s disgusting? Usually, though I have eaten there a bit since the McRib has been back. Mmmm...McRib....
56. When was the last time you were in a car? When I got home last night.
57. Do you prefer baths or showers? Both. Baths for relaxing and getting warm and showers for getting clean.
58. Are you afraid of the dark? Sometimes.
59. What are you addicted to? Nothing, really.
60. Crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Creamy, made with honey roasted peanuts.
61. Can you crack your neck? Yep
62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Not in this millenium.
63. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? None, yet.
64. Is drug free the way to be? Nope
65. Are you a heavy sleeper? Nope, but I can fall asleep just about anywhere. I fell asleep at a rave once.
66. What color are your eyes? Blue/grey/green
67. Last inside joke? Me: Do you have the transporter? Brent: yeah, it’s right here. Me: gimme drink.
68. Do you like your life? More than most people, I’m guessing.
69. What’s better, yes or no? Yes, usually.
70. Are you psychic? No
71. Have you read ‘catcher in the rye’? Yes. I thought it was lame.
72. Do you play any instruments? I sing.
73. Have you ever stolen anything? I’m sure I have.
74. Can you snowboard? Nope, though Brent did say that I should go up with them if they go this year. Maybe...
75. Do you like camping? Eh, not really.
76. Do you snort when you laugh? Sometimes, if it’s really really funny.
77. Do you believe in magic? Not really.
78. Are dogs man’s best friend? Well, I can always count on my cats to make me feel better...
79. Do you believe in divorce? I’d sure better.
80. Can you do the moonwalk? No.
81. Do you make a lot of mistakes? Not really, but when I do, it’s usually a doozy.
82. Is it cold outside today? Not cold, more like chilly.
83. What’s the last thing you ate? I had some leftovers.
84. Do you wear nail polish? Rarely.
85. What’s the most annoying tv commercial? I don’t really care much for commercials at all, but I can’t think of one that I really dislike right now.
86. Do you shop at American Eagle? Nope.
87. Do ‘they’ say I love you in front of ‘their’ friends? Um...no?
88. What’s the weirdest place you’ve done something sexual? Work.
89. What color are your underwear? *peeks* white and red. A Supergirl motif.
90. What are you going to do with the rest of your day? Hang out, wait for Zach to call, go out, have fun. Come home, sleep.

You

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-26T06:11:30-05:00

I still think about you sometimes

And wonder what we might have been.

Meh.......

velvetTurtle — 2005-11-26T06:11:31-05:00

I swiped this from dravenxluverrr (though I re-typed it so it wasn't it all caps...)

If you had me alone....locked up in your room for twenty-four hours, and I had to do whatever you wanted, what would it be?

Post this on your blog. You might be surprised with the responses you get. They could make you laugh or smile. If you don't repost this, you are a coward who is afraid to see who actually likes you....

She senses you are lonely but still she can't be sure...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-06T05:12:40-05:00

On my MP3 player: Sia’s ‘sweet potato’

It’s only been like eight years since I’ve put something of value and depth here...

Let’s see...my trip to England was nice, though I had no idea how expensive or cold it was there. I am glad to be home, even though it snowed a lot over this past weekend.

I have decided almost 100% to *not* have children.

I am in the middle of writing an entry about Jae. It is proving to be harder than I thought it would be.

My holiday shopping list:

~~Drea~~

Josh

Chiara

~~Leah~~

Sandra

Jess

Brad

Zach

~~Mom~~

Greg

Xtna

Luna

Anna

Matt

Brent

Tom

Kath

~~Brandy~~

Yes, it may seem odd to get something for the boyfriend of the man you are crushing on, but I’ve never been one to do things by the book.

I have to remind myself that not every Asian man I see is Jae, and not every white Sephia is Jae’s. I think this is good to remember, especially since it was around this time last year that he came back into my life. Albeit for a short, and very emotion filled, time. I really didn’t think that he would mean as much to me as he does. I wasn’t expecting it. And it makes me sad that he’s not around.

I don't need much to keep me warm...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-07T04:12:50-05:00

On my MP3 player: Tori’s ‘cloud on my tongue.’ Alas, the quote from today’s song is the exact opposite of how I am. I am not a fan of winter. I don’t like to be cold, and I don’t like to be bundled up enough to be warm. I don’t like the heavy feeling of coats and feeling like I can’t move properly. I am always ready for spring two days after the first snowfall. Another thing that bugs me about winter: driving. I learned to drive in snow in Iceland, so I feel absolutely fine doing so. It’s everyone else that scares the hell out of me. And c’mon people!! Take the extra three minutes and clean the snow from your car, don’t just use the wipers to get the windshield!! And don’t forget to clean the headlights too!! Okay, /end rant. Hmm...it looks like Club Vinyl is having a lingerie party on the 30th of December. Drea expressed interest in that and I’m always a fan of dressing up in underclothes and going out. The cover is five bucks, which is certainly do-able, but the question remains if I want to make the drive.... I am almost done holiday shopping. Hooray. I am a bit late this year, I usually like to be done by the first of December. Sometimes, I am taken aback by the amount of information that people share with complete strangers. I just got off the phone with a woman who was inquiring about rates and then tells me her daughter just died. Now, I don’t have kids (and prolly never will) but I can’t see thinking about a vacation if my kid has just died. Was she trying to illicit sympathy from me? Did she think I would lower the rate if I found out her child just passed? I’m sorry, but no. This is a business, in the business of making a profit. I have recently verified my PayPal account. Since that time, I have received an average of two spoof e-mails a week regarding the account. In my job, the time period I’m working on is up to three months in the future. This isn’t usually a problem, until the last month or so of the year. My fingers just don’t like to type the new year. Ah well, only sixteen more days of dealing with it. This year has flown by so fast.

Survey........

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-07T05:12:52-05:00

Describe Your
Wallet – it’s dark denim with red flowers, vines, and smaller flowers. It’s chock full of stuff I’m sure I don’t need.
Hairbrush – paddle brush, square shaped, full of hair.

Toothbrush – green. It’s new, so it feels weird.

Jewelry Worn Daily – Jae’s rings on a ribbon around my neck, something in my belly, and an earring in my newest piercing.

Face wash – the wal-mart version of Neutrogena’s (sp?) oil free face wash
Coffee Cup – it’s a huge purple thing with an alligator on it.

Sunglasses – the ones I’ve been wearing lately look like they are upside down and have yellow lenses. Verrry cute.

Underwear – today’s are flower patterned.

Shoes – today’s are black platforms that have no traction and collect static. I really should find a new pair of shoes.
Favorite Shirt – hmmm...I don’t know if I have a favorite shirt.

Favorite Pants - these new grey pants I bought at DAV. I think they came from Target originally. They look really cute and fit well too.

CD In Stereo Right Now – uh, a mix thing that I made.
Tattoos – a turtle, a dragonfly, a ladybug, a snail, a comet with a rainbow tail, a huge flower, a naked woman, a series of three stars, a series of four stars, three separate butterflies, a flowered vine, the infinity symbol, a sun and moon, the word truth on my wrist, and the Leo symbol.

Piercings – four in my left ear, three in my right, and my belly.

What You Are Wearing Now – red turtleneck and black pants. I’m work stacy right now.
Hair – a bit below my shoulders, currently dyed a reddish brown.
Height – 5’ 2” ish. Though ‘most all my shoes have a lift on them, so I don’t feel that short.
Live With – mother and cats.

When was the last time you ...
Smiled – right now!!

Laughed – uh, this morning, at someone’s name.
Cried – I’ve been randomly crying for the past coupla days.

Danced – Friday. Though not to my heart’s content. I’ve realized that I can only dance to techno for a few minutes, but I really prefer other music.
Were Sarcastic – duh, like right now.

Had A Nightmare – last night. I dreamt I was going to Virginia to adopt a child, and it was snowing hard. All I had on was a short sleeved t-shirt, long jammie pants, and my crocs. I didn’t even have a wallet.

What was the.....
Last Book You Read – I’m in the middle of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. For the 83^rd time. :)
Last Movie You Saw – “Can’t Hardly Wait.”
Last Thing You Had To Drink – water

Last Thing You Had To Eat – some weird Korean cookie/cracker thing.

Body
Do You Look Like Any Celebrities – Brad said once that I looked like Scarlett Johannsen. I think he’s totally high, but I'll take it none the less. Oh, and an older woman once told me I look like Tori Amos.
What Do You Like Most About Your Body – I have fabulous legs and great hair.
And Least – I’m short.
How Many Fillings Do You Have – three or four.
Do You Think You Are Good-Looking well better then some but i wouldnt vote for myself for most attractive...unlike someone i know! lol Jess!

Fashion
Do You Wear A Watch – nope

How Many Coats And Jackets Do You Own – a bunch. Too many.

Favorite Pants Color – black. It goes with everything.......
Most expensive Item Of Clothing – Does a purse count? If so, my Gucci purse which was a gift from Jae.

Describe Your Style In One Word - unique

Your Friends
Do Your Friends Know You? Yeah
Are There Traits In You That Are Universally Liked? I am fairly generous, I think; and that’s well liked, eh?
How Many People Do You Tell Everything To? Mostly just Drea.

Music/Television/Books
Favorite Band Ever – New Order

Type of Music Most Listened To – I'll listen to most everything.
Type Never Listened To – hardcore rap
Favorite Book? – HP and the POA and “The Time-Traveler’s Wife.”

General Questions
Sunny or Rainy Day – both

Do You Consider Yourself Lucky – you make your own luck. :)

Do You Feel Pity For People Who Commit Suicide – um...sure?

Choose One Word To Describe How You Most Often Feel - spazzy
Do You Own Plaid Clothing – I think a pair of jammie pants.

Is There More Than One Zipper On Your Pants – uh, no.
Do You Have Braces - nope
Does Your Hairstyle Exceed A Height Of Three Inches – not today.
Do You Have A Favorite Brand Of Hair Dye – I like Nice ‘N Easy
Do You Own A Bandana - yep

Are You Amused By Safety Pins – I think amused takes it a bit far. I do catch myself playing with them.
Have You Ever Used Duct Tape As A Sewing Substitute – why, when the sewing is so much more efficient?

Do You Like Candles - yes
Do You Believe In Love – not really
Do You Believe In Soul Mates - no
Do You Believe In Love At First Sight – no. Lust at first sight though.

What Do You Want Done With Your Body When You Die – cremation please
What Are You Gonna Do When You Get Older – uh, be older....

How many Songs Do You Have On Your Computer – 150 or so
What Band Are You Listening To – I can hear......Howie Day playing on Michelle’s stereo

Look Out Your Window... Tell Me What You See – I have no window!! Thanks for taunting me!!!
If You Could Have Any Animal For A Pet – a kitten that never grows up.
What Is The Longest You Ever Stayed Up – 24 hours.

Habits/Beliefs
Are You Disgruntled – sometimes, but then, who isn’t?
Are You An Anarchist? - no
Do You Smoke Cigarettes? – ew, no.
Are You A Vegetarian? - no

Have You Ever Slept In An Alley Or Park - nope
Do You Wash Your Hair Less Than Once A Week - nope

Have You Ever Gone A Week Without A Shower? - nope

Age - 27

Birthday – August 4

Sign - Leo
Location – Colorado Springs
Natural Hair Color - blonde

Current Hair Color – reddish brown

Eye Color – blue/grey/green

Favorite:

Word - sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Animal - cat
Flower – lilies are purty

Number - 2012
Color - purple
Day - Saturday
Month - October

Song – right now: Madonna’s ‘get together’
Movie – Equilibrium, Dark City, and The Island

Food – most of it’s good

Season - spring

Veggie – taters. Y’know – mash ‘em, boil ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew?
Television Show – I try never to miss Lost, NCIS or House.
Store – Wal-Mart for prices, Target for service, and DAV for all around shtuff.

This/That
Me/You - us
Coke/Pepsi - Pepsi
Day/Night - Night
CD/Cassette - CD
DVD/VHS - DVD
Jeans/Khakis - neither
Car/Truck - car
Tall/Short - tall
’NSync/BSB – neither. NKOTB :)

New theme.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-07T10:12:36-05:00

New theme.

I don't care much for winter, but I do so love a Tori quote..........

Ridicule breathes a sigh...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-08T05:12:59-05:00

You abandoned me//How I suffer//Ridicule breathes a sigh//You abandoned me//Lost forever//Hush, can you hear.....

On my MP3 player: Portishead’s ‘pedestal.’ Massive props to callmeroger for suggesting that I look into Portishead....

R-E-S-P-E-C-T....what is it all about? How far can you disrespect someone’s request and then still claim to be ‘respecting’ it? What if, for instance, my mother asked me to not drink in her house and I did, but only if she wasn’t there? Could I still claim to be ‘respecting’ her? What if, for instance, I asked my mother to not have her son at our house while I was there, but she did anyway? Could she still claim to be ‘respecting’ me? Yes, I think the answer in both cases is ‘no’ also, however, only one of these situations happened last night.

On another, similar note – yes, he is her son (and only her son.) He has no relation to me. I can’t stand people who say ‘isn’t he your brother?’ The answer to that is also ‘no.’ I actually hope he dies, slowly, painfully, but soon.

Okay done with that.

I have three disks of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on their way to me. I am going to have a nice little Buffy-a-thon on Friday/Saturday.

I'm your future, I'm tomorrow, I'm the end...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-09T05:12:51-05:00

On my MP3 player: David Bowie’s ‘telling lies.’

Another work week is ending. As I get older, the time goes faster and faster....or so it seems.

I got more sleep than I usually do last night. I fell asleep before the ending of ‘without a trace’ so I don’t know how it ended. Not that it really matters, that was the first time I’d watched that show in a year or so.

Stupid thing I witnessed lately: at a fast food establishment that I won’t name, the gentleman behind me handed his credit card to the woman working the counter, saying ‘the card is broken, so you’ll have to type the numbers in manually.’ She held the card in her hand, angling it this way and that until she could see the numbers to punch them in. Which she did. Reading the numbers aloud as she did so. I was of half a mind to suggest that she might not want to do that, but then when the cardholder didn’t, I didn’t either.

I am going to yoga tonight, for the first time in a week. I find that it’s really easy for me to slack during the winter. I hate being cold, so I'll take any excuse to slack.

Hooray, almost time to go!!

Aaron...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-09T05:12:02-05:00

He used to say this word....and it always sent chills up my spine.

I can't (for the life of me!!) recall what that word was.

I wonder if he remembers.......

Why...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-10T06:12:26-05:00

Why oh why did no one tell me that David Boreanaz was so hot? Why did I have to waste time *not* watching Buffy when it was on?

A converted Buffy-phile.........

Sometimes....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-11T02:12:50-05:00

Sometimes, I get tired of being reliable. I wish I could fuck things up and have people...well, not cleaning up after me, but helping me clean up or, at the very least, telling me what to do to fix things.

Sometimes, I wish I had someone that I could call and would immediately drop everything he/she was doing to be with me and take care of my needs.

Ah fuck, I often wish that.

I'm off to wash my hair. And hopefully be less maudlin.

Jae...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-12T03:12:15-05:00

I met Jae a little over two years ago, at a bar that I had been to in a while. I had only gone that night because a friend was bartending and called a group of us to say he had won a bar tab and we should come drinkin’ on him. I was the only one who took him up on the offer.

In the past, I had visited that bar often, but hadn’t in a while. I don’t mind going out alone, but that bar wasn’t one that I visited alone.

So here I am, sitting at the bar, drinking cranberry juice with a lime twist, paying a bit of attention to the show, but paying more attention to my friend John the bartender. All of a sudden, a man sits down next to me and John says to me: “I’d like you to meet my good friend Jae.” So the rest of the night is spent chatting with this man. A good time, but I will be honest when I say that I didn’t think anything of it. I had no clue this man would become so important to me.

Flash to the following week – I’m at the bar again (guh, I sound like a lush, but I assure you that’s not true.) I pass him and say ‘hey, didn’t I have a long in-depth conversation with you last week?’

One thing led to another and I went home that night with his number. I called him a few days later and we made arrangements to hang out.

I rarely click with people right away, but he came to mean a lot to me in a very short time. We spent New Year’s Eve together that first year and talked almost every night on the phone, usually for about an hour.

I took to calling him my boyfriend because a: he took me out to dinner and we didn’t have sex and b: I could always honestly say “I’m not sure my boyfriend would like that” if some skeezy guy tried to pick me up.

A few months after we started hanging out, he tells me that he’s been offered a position as the CFO of a company that is headquartered in Chicago, with a salary of something like $300,000 a year. I jokingly tell him he should take me along, I could be his house-maiden, he could pay me $45,000 a year and I would do the cooking and shop most of the day. The reason I’m not there now is he wanted to finish his PhD and the company didn’t want to wait the extra few months that would take.

At the birthday party that year, he told me he’d taken a position with an oil company and had to leave the country for six months, maybe a year. Okay, I say, no problem. And then he’s gone.

When he’s gone, I send him e-mails every so often, y’know ‘hey, how are ya?’

December of that year, I’m at the bar with Zach, when all of a sudden – there he is. I’m surprised and excited and overwhelmed. We all three sit and have a drink, and I’m not paying much attention to Zach. Especially when Jae tells me he has cancer and his doctor’s given him not much more than a few months to live. Okay, I say, big problem.

We spent that Christmas together, as well as New Year’s (with him telling me that if he was still around next year, we’d ring in the new year in New York), and I was his cheesy Valentine.

I went to Chicago at the end of February, when he was leaving the state for a medical facility in Illinois. Since then, I’ve received e-mails and phone calls. He used to call every Saturday night at 6 p.m.

The last time I talked to Jae was right after my birthday, at the beginning of August. He told me that he wasn’t feeling well, and was going back into the hospital at the end of the week. Nothing since then.

I still have his cell number, which hasn’t been answered in ages. I call it once or twice a week ‘hey, how are you, it snowed here, you’d love it, I’m in hell, love you, miss you.’ My fear is that one day, I'll call this number, and I will get an automated message that tells me that this number has been disconnected.

I miss him more than I thought I’d ever miss anyone.

Is something wrong with me...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-12T04:12:15-05:00

On my MP3 player: Dramarama’s ‘anything anything’

Is something wrong with me?//Is something wrong with you?//I really wish I knew wish I knew wish I knew!

You may remember this song from “Nightmare on Elm Street III.” But you probably don’t.

Completely un-hypothetical question of the day: how sad is it to come in second place for your mother’s affections to someone who has spent the majority of his life in ‘the system?’

Completely honest and sad sad sad answer: very sad.

My mother equates someone calling for me on the house phone to her son stealing from me. These are both things that neither of us could control. Yes, I hear what you’re saying ‘but stacy, these things are somewhat similar, but very drastically different!!’ Yes, I know, but my mother does have a point – her having to reach over and answer the phone is exactly the same as me living in fear that all my materiel possessions will be stolen. She’s right and I’m so so wrong.

If I could afford it, I would so move out of her house. Her son is the only source of discord in our otherwise harmonious lives. But she still picks him over me.

I burned the inside of my cheek on my dinner a few nights ago. It still hurts and I can’t chew on that side. It makes eating vaguely problematic.

I slept like crap last night. I kept waking up and then didn’t when my alarm went off.

Bleh.

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-13T08:12:23-05:00

I am coming down with a cold. Lousy boss....with lousy kids.

Achey-ly yours,
stacy

Bleh....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-14T08:12:42-05:00

I came home early from work today.

I think the thing I hate most about being sick is the slowness that develops in my head. I looked at that first sentence for two minutes before deciding it was written properly.

I'm now searching (in vain I think) for an afghan pattern for a holiday gift.

When you hear tempation call....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-15T03:12:22-05:00

On my MP3 player: Martika’s ‘toy soldiers.’

Hmm...I wonder why google is throwing up advertisements for bras?

I have convinced my mother (I hope) to spend Christmas day with her son. If all goes according to my plan (imagine me laughing evil-ly with my hands clasped in front of me) I will spend the day vegged out in front of the tv watching the complete Firefly series followed by Serenity. That would make me a happy stacy.

Brad will be here next week, hooray.

I hate being sick because I seem stupid during my illness.

I have decided to have turkey chili for my holiday meal. It’s gonna be gooooood eating.

My free will horoscope for the week:

Kiss the back of your hand and remember a moment in childhood when you felt the perfect joy of being at home in the world. Give a gift to a river, lake, or ocean. Treasure the unique shape and contours of your beautiful face. For just 48 hours, be inflamed with the hypothesis that your soul will live forever. Imagine that your place of power is where the tree joins the earth. Playfully lower your expectations all the way down to the bottom, and tune in to the shattering sweetness of life exactly as it is. Put yourself under the protection of the raw elements. Write an epic three-page autobiography while sitting in the pitch dark. Seize the power to create magic that has always seemed impossible before.

Conclusion........

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-16T01:12:35-05:00

I've come to the conclusion that I don't really care for Christmas at all.

Today I will....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-17T12:12:17-05:00

Today's agenda:
*Eight more episodes of Buffy
*Finish laundry
*Crochet like mad-woman
*Wash hair

*Try tattooedjen 's recipe for breaded french fries
*Maybe go out and see Matt and Brent. Maybe
*Sleep

stacy's top nine things she hates about winter....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-18T03:12:18-05:00

Ala David Letterman....

9. It always last three times as long as the other seasons.

8. Not having anyone to cuddle with in bed.

7. Snow. ‘Nuff said.

6. I can never get warm enough.

5. Hot chocolate never stays hot for long.

4. The idiot SUV drivers who drive like there is no snow on the road.

3. The idiot in front of me who couldn’t take the extra minute to clean off his back window.

2. Being bundled up – I hate feeling penned in.

1. Cold yoga mat!

Yesterday.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-18T03:12:04-05:00

Update on yesterday's agenda:

I did:

*laundry

*crocheted like mad-woman

*finished Buffy eps (and damn, am I tired of the evil Angel storyline. Hurry up and cure him already so I can stop bawling like a baby when he comes on screen!!)

*went out (did not see Matt or Brent though.)

What I'd give for a kis....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-19T04:12:40-05:00

On my MP3 player: Ivan Neville’s ‘why can’t I fall in love?’

So many people//come walking by//looking so happy//while all I do is cry//I just want to be//with somebody too//what I’d give for a kiss//what am I gonna do

I dreamed about Jae last night. I dreamed he had a bowl haircut. I’ve had an idea in my head to call his cell one last time and say good-bye. I don’t think I’m ever going to see him again, but I’m not certain I can let go of him either.

There is a sub a yoga tonight. I’m going to skip class, go home and gather up stuff to return to wally world, and then go back home and crawl into bed. I’m still not feeling up to par and I could use a night to rest.

My mother was so excited about the holiday gift that she got me that she wanted me to open it right away. So of course, I said sure. She got me a Conair temporary hair colorer!! I was so excited. I can’t wait to use it.

This exchange took place between me and Jess last night:

Jess: You’re lucky I put up with you.

Me: You don’t put up with me I’m perfect.

During my rant about my lack of love life last night, it has been decided that I need to advertise the fact that I do yoga more. In jest, I replied ‘so, I should wear t-shirts stating that fact or what?’ The answer was yes, so now I’m thinking up slogans to have put on a t-shirt. So far, I’ve got ‘ask me about my down dog’ and that’s it.

I still have a cold, or whatever this thing is. I don’t feel as bad as I did last week, though I sound worse. Anyone care for a virus? :)

Potatooooo

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-20T11:12:12-05:00

I just got up this very minute. Anyway....please move my potato. It's a friendly sort.... Off to yoga...and then to work.

Narnia...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-20T09:12:16-05:00

I've just come home from seeing Narnia. As I sat through the credits and saw that Rupert Everett voiced Mr. Fox, a lightbulb went off. I knew I found that fox hot. I've had a thing for foxes since Disney's 'Robin Hood.' Tra la la....off to eat din din and watch House.

Dear Santa....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-21T01:12:10-05:00

Dear Santa, Or whatever invisible ever-watching mythical figure may be reading this. I have been....well, I've not been great, but I certainly haven't been spying on any fellow Americans this year; so we'll say I've been good this year. I would like to ask for the following items for this holiday season: *A boy. One who doesn't smoke is crucial, but if you can have him smell nummy, have a British accent, and resemble David Boreanaz that would be just fine with me. *My kitty to stay around a little longer. I know there's no good time to have a pet die, but seriously, the holidays suck enough without having that there too. *A job for my mother. Not a great one, just one. One that she can have for a while, cos I really don't like worrying about money. *To see Jae again. I'm not going to lie and say 'just fifteen minutes, is all I ask, really,' cos you and I both know better. But fifteen minutes would be a good head start. *New brakes for my car. (and last, but certainly not least)*More friendliness for humanity in general. Thanks loads, and I promise to leave *something* out for you.... stacy

Lesbian Jew...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-21T01:12:07-05:00

I found this at chitose 's blog. It amused me because, just last week, I was commanded to come out of the Jewish closet....
Okay, so pick the first letter in your first name...

A-Beautiful
B-Ugly
C-Pretty
D-Jewish
E-Sexy
F-Hot
G-Boyish
H-Preppy
I-Girly
J-Gothic
K-Punky
L-Popular
M-Geeky
N-Nerdy
O-Retarded
P-Gay
Q-Lesbian
R-Gorgeous
S-Lesbian
T-Emo
U-Christian
V-Wonderful
W-Slutty
X-Bitchy
Y-Under-appreciated
Z-Over-appreciated

Now the first letter in your last name...... repost with your new name

A-Smoker
B- crack whore
C-Bitch
D-Obsesser
E-Girl
F-Retard
G-Slut
H-Babe
I-Geek
J-Goth
K-Nerd
L-Motherfucker
M-Prep
N-Punk
O-Beauty Queen
P-Princess
Q-Queen
R-Boy
S- alchoholic
T-Fucker
U-Asshole
V-Jackass
W-Jew
X-Scaredy-cat
Y-Coward
Z-Chocoholic

Haiku

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-21T07:12:15-05:00

Beauty thy name is
Known to those who watch tv
Neil Patrick Harris

Bleh

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-22T06:12:31-05:00

Sometimes, it's not even worth getting out of bed.

Tonight.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-23T05:12:03-05:00

I get to party with Zach *and* Brad tonight.

W()()t.

Anatomy of an illness...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-24T06:12:44-05:00

*cough*

*cough*

*cough*

*groan*

repeat

Plans for today.....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-25T11:12:39-05:00

All righty.....

The turkey chili is made, and sitting in the fridge, waiting to be heated up for my late lunch/early dinner/whenver I wanna eat meal. I've got eps of Firefly in the DVD player, and Serenity just waiting to jump out of it's case. I'm going to work on my blanket while watching it, may tidy up a bit.

Then, when I finish that, it's off to Brad's house for gooey desserts and to whup his ass in Scrabble.

For now - strawberry and cream cheese toaster strudel.

And the quiet of an empty house.

This is gonna be the best holiday ever!

Ice cream

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-25T03:12:06-05:00

I am trying to make ice cream.

I don't know if it will work.

Futher updates as events warrent.

Ice cream update

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-26T10:12:08-05:00

The ice cream was....uh...creamy, but not too icy.

I think I put too many 'goodies' in it.

I shoulda stuck with the plain vanilla first.

I'm off to the mechanic, to see if they can tell me what's wrong with my car. I hope she makes it there.

It's stuck in my head!!

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-26T05:12:16-05:00

Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?

You tide me over....

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-27T03:12:47-05:00

On my MP3 player: Rob Thomas’ ‘ever the same’

You may need me there//To carry all your weight//But you're no burden I assure//You tide me over//With a warmth I'll not forget//But I can only give you love

Even though I’m not that fond of the holiday season itself, this past weekend was very enjoyable, despite things that did go wrong.

Friday night was spent with Zach and Brad. We went out the club, I got a cuppla drinks in me, spent some time on the dance floor, had my heart broken when I found out that *another* boy I had a crush on in high school is now gay. (Side note – sigh, why does this keep happening?)

Saturday was spent running around more than I wanted to, and then having my car’s ‘check engine light’ come on. I watched some episodes of Firefly (not the whole series, and not even the episodes that I really, really like )

Sunday was for sleeping in, more Firefly, a bit of the movie, and then more panic when my car had a ‘hard start.’ I phoned Brad in panic, and he came and got me and then took me to his ‘rents house. We had dinner, which was good, but I was happier with my turkey chili; then games with his parents. Brad’s father beat us all in Scrabble, but I took names in Boggle. I’m fairly good at seeing patterns in things. Sometimes more than I’d like, but what can you do.

Monday was ‘take car to mechanic in panic’ day, which I celebrated with gusto. The mechanic couldn’t find any reason for the check engine light to be illuminated and suggested I get my battery cleaned and serviced, as that was probably the cause for my ‘hard start.’

After I got home, I finally got to watch Buffy episodes. Hooray for Angel no longer being evil, though the demented-no-memory-but-no-shirt-having-either Angel isn’t much better. :)

As it was Brad’s last night in town, I wanted to do something with him. He, Zach, and I ended up going out for a couple of hours, and I had my first ever mojito. It was a good time, lots of ‘do you remember that time when...’ stories, and all of us reminiscing about when we met. I do so love my boys.

When driving home, Zach made the comment that even though I’m very upset at my mother’s son, he knew that, as a good person, I would help him if his life or the life of his (hypothetical) child was in danger. But the answer is ‘no.’ I wouldn’t help him. I actually look forward to his death, as it would put an end to my worrying.

Whelp, my mother has raised my rent, from $150 to $200 a month. Her logic being ‘well, you’d spend more anywhere else.’ My point on that subject is that I wouldn’t worry about my property being stolen anywhere else and I’d also have more privacy. I do understand that I’ve got a fairly good deal, but I also have a very small space, the room is prolly no more than 12 x 12, which isn’t that large, considering I have enough stuff to fill a studio apartment. I’m also pissed off because she’s still smoking and can’t/won’t stop, so I’m now basically paying for her cigarettes. The raise that I received in October had let me feel safe again about money, but now the little cushion I had or was going to have is being slowly siphoned away. Guh. I hate money. Really I do.

Hmm...apparently Ms. Rowling will be writing the final Harry Potter book in this upcoming year. I have finished re-reading book three and have started on four. I was highly upset at the end of six, and said I was boycotting seven. We’ll see how I feel at the second reading.

I have been given a task for the upcoming year – get more dicks in 2006. I have been instructed to be pro-active in this venture. So, at least once a month, I have to go out to a straight bar and talk to new people.

I don’t know what (if anything) I’m going to do for New Year’s Eve. I think John is having a party of some kind, but it really doesn’t feel like the new year without Jae around.

My horoscope

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-28T05:12:02-05:00

My horoscope keeps lying to me. It keeps saying I'm going to meet someone with a lovely accent. Tain't happened yet.

My dream...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-29T02:12:52-05:00

Last night, I dreamt that I was madly in love with Hugh Laurie's character House.

And even better, that he was madly in love with me.

104

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-29T02:12:25-05:00

Supposedly if you've seen over 70, you have no life. Number the ones you've seen. Put your score in header and repost.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Section 1: 8/10

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Young Frankenstien
( ) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Saw
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
Section 2: 4/10

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
( ) American Pie the Wedding
(x) Harry Potter
Section 3: 6/10

(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Donnie Darko
( ) Lilo & Stitch
Section 4: 6/10

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) Thirteen Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
Section 5: 6/10

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
Section 6: 2/10

( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) the Terminal
( ) the Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
Section 7: 3/10

( ) The Ring 2
( ) Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies (H&K go to white castle)
(x) Practical magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
Section 8: 5/10

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Coach Carter
( ) Bad Boys
Section 9: 5/10

( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Se7en
(x) Oceans eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Identity
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
Section 10: 5/10

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' daughter
(x) Maid in manhattan
(x) Frailty
Section 11: 6/10

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
(x) Calendar girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
Section 12: 7/10

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) The Hot Chick
Section 13:7/10

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
Section 14: 6/10

(x) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(x) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(x)Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi...
( ) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
Section 15: 8/10

(x) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
(x) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs
(x) Blue Velvet
( ) Sound of Music
( ) Parent Trap 1
( ) Parent Trap 2
( ) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator
Section 16: 4/10

(x) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x) The Silence of the Lambs
(x) Sleepy Hollow
(x) I Heart Huckabees
(x) 24 Hour Party People
( ) Blood In Blood Out
(x) The Virgin Suicides
Section 17: 7/10

(x) Legally blonde 1
(x) Legally blonde 2
(x) Pretty woman
(x) Mean girls
(x) Terminator 2
(x) Terminator 3
(x) Waynes world
(x) Waynes world 2
(x) Blade
( ) Spongebob squarepants the movie
Section 18: 9/10

Woo hoo!!

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-30T09:12:24-05:00

Things I'm going to get paid to do today:
*go grocery shopping
*go to DAV
*go to the mall and hopefully find the Orlando Bloom calendar that I want
*get my mother's ear pierced (maybe)
*eat lunch
*do laundry

I love vacation days

2005: a year in review

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-30T05:12:20-05:00

In 2005 I:
*slept with Brent
*saw Brad in his hometown
*had my first online crush
*lost someone close to me
*went to Las Vegas for the first time
*visited England
*discovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly
*made a new friend
*got three tattoos

In 2005, I did not:
*get a speeding ticket
*move into a new house
*get a new job
*have sex

Not a bad year, all in all. Here's to a lovely 2006.

Today

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-31T04:12:07-05:00

Today was a good day. I found something I thought I lost and a perfect stranger complimented my hair.

...

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-31T05:12:57-05:00

I sometimes wonder if I'm thought of fondly.

Resolutions

velvetTurtle — 2005-12-31T05:12:46-05:00

In 2006 I will:
*stop drinking sodas
*make an effort to have sex with someone other than me
*give up meat for Lent (yes, yes, even though I'm not Catholic)
*go to the gym and do stuff *other* than yoga

Party to ring in the new year....

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-01T06:01:39-05:00

The party was a lot more fun than I thought it would be.

Some lines from the festivities:
John - Oh, I am *so* the girlfriend!
Gregory - What is that you're stuck on? Is that the ground?
Kay - Damn Danielle, that's a lot of boobs!

Oh. And.

I met someone.

He said he is smitten with me.

So this is what desire feels like. I'd almost forgotten.

Off to bed, where I will hopefully have nice dreams.

2006 is off to a wonderful start

Where's the hooood at (to be sung to the tune of Karma Chameleon)

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-02T09:01:29-05:00

I am feeling very happy about being me right now.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to get out of the house at 5 am on Wednesday though.

2006

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-03T02:01:41-05:00

I know it's a little early to be saying this, but 2006 is so totally the best year ever.

Just a thought

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-03T10:01:31-05:00

When I was married, those many many years ago (hey, it was last century!!), we had a computer that had a 6x cd burner. You had to walk carefully when something was being burned, for fear of jostling it, or something.

Flash forward to 2006. My cd-rw drive just burnt a disk at 22.5x. And I'm bitching cos it took two minutes.

Just a thought.

Ow.

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-04T05:01:41-05:00

I hurt my finger.

I'm feeling whiny.

Lust

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-04T09:01:32-05:00

I am feeling high quantities of lust. What a good feeling.

It's reasons like this that I heart Zach....

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-05T12:01:12-05:00

This is a verbatim conversation I just had with Zach:
Him: I saw I had a missed call from you...
Me: Yeah, I just wanted to gush.
Him: About what?
Me: Well, I just got this new amazing haircolor and it toned and highlighted my hair.
Him: Really?
Me: No. I have a date this weekend.
Him: With who?
Me: The haircolor salesman. Duh.

Ten random things....

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-05T05:01:19-05:00

rkr tagged me to do this, so....

I’ve dyed my hair for so long that I can’t even remember it’s natural color.
I consider myself a fairly good driver, but I have no patience on the road.
I prefer to see female strippers rather than male.
I took one semester of belly dance, but still find myself unconsciously doing the moves.
I sometimes forget how many tattoos I have.
I love to cook, even though I rarely get to do it.
By the time I was twenty, I’d lived in four different countries.
I hate to write longhand.
I’m not fond of the way I photograph. I think this is due to the fact that I’m always in motion.
I write poetry, though I rarely share it with anyone.

Today....

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-06T03:01:34-05:00

A lesbian told me I was cute today.

Fear

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-06T10:01:11-05:00

I'm not sure if I'm more afraid of this working out, or of it not working out.

My heart is telling me one thing, my body is screaming another.

Why can't life just be simple?

Today

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-07T11:01:56-05:00

Today's agenda:
*finish baking lasagne
*watch more Buffy (this is sorta a Saturday staple)
*get ready for date
*have dinner, be witty at table
*go see scary movie
*get lucky

I've got a full day. :)

Ahem....

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-08T10:01:49-05:00

I am typing this from the comfort (sorta, it's a sticky vinyl chair) of Gregory's house.

W()()t.

I am a pleased and happy and gooey stacy.

I will have loads to talk about at girl's night tonight.

We can't breathe when we come around.....

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-09T04:01:35-05:00

On my MP3 player: Bush’s ‘mouth.’

What’s this, what’s this? An actual entry that’s more than a few lines long? Yes, yes.

I have this feeling that I’m going to turn into one of those gushing high school girls whose blog entries consist only of moaning and carrying on about her boyfriend. Not that I mind that entirely, at least not now.

Anyway, I’m at work now. I’m not sure if I can work five days in a row, after two weeks of only working three days. I'll make it through, but getting back into the swing of things is just a pain.

My cough is almost finally gone. I can sing for a few minutes without feeling like I’m hacking up a lung. This is a good thing.

I think I finally have the inspiration needed to make my ‘songs to have sex to’ comp.

Buffy

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-10T11:01:34-05:00

I don't know if I'm liking this new 'college insecure Buffy.'

You're somebody I can believe in......

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-11T01:01:10-05:00

On my MP3 player: Electronic’s ‘disappointed.’

Listen, as you call my name//Just one syllable said, then spoken once again//From the sound of your voice, the promise you make//You're somebody I can believe in//Someone who won't leave me feeling...

Zach and I went to see Brokeback Mountain last night. It was so sad. Bradley warned me, but I didn’t think it was going to be that bad. I just don’t want to end up like that. I don’t want to have a chance to be happy, but be too afraid to take it.

*shakes head* But I can’t think about that.....it really is too sad.

stacy is one tired girl today. I was up late and then up early today. I think I may hang out with Gregory tonight *crosses fingers* but that prolly won’t end as late as last night’s festivities.

I am also a hungry girl. But I don’t know what I want to eat.

I am feeling very proud of myself. Even though I want to spend more and more time with Gregory, I’m not just sitting at home waiting on him. I’m hanging out with my friends too.

Survey

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-11T04:01:46-05:00

I stole this from star1464

1. One of your scars, how did you get it? I have a scar across my pointer finger on my right hand. I got this from a bicycle accident when I was ten or so. They thought I’d have to have stitches, but that’s one of the few times I didn’t.

2. What is on the walls in your room? I have several Orlando Bloom posters, a Gillian Anderson calendar, an autographed picture of Cyndi Lauper, and a few pieces of artwork. It’s fairly busy.

3. What does your cell phone look like? It’s silver and fits in the palm of my hand and has a make up mirror on it. I like things that are cute.

4. What music do you listen to? I am very eclectic in my musical tastes. My MP3 player has New Order, Tori Amos, Ani, William Topley, some rap, some techno, and one country song.

5. Do you know what time you were born? Yep, 5:34 in the am.

6. What do you want more than anything right now? To see Jae.

7. What do you miss? Recess, summer vacations, and Jae.

8. Do you get claustrophobic? A little bit. I’m not really fond of elevators and crowds make me a bit sick too.

9. Do you get scared in the dark? I’ve been known to. But I’ve been scared in the light too.

10. Who is the last person to make you cry? Gregory, but in a good way. The last thing that made me cry was Brokeback Mountain. I’m getting a bit teary thinking about it now.

11. What is your favorite cologne/perfume? I love the smell of Gap’s grass and Healing Waters perfect calm on me, and I love men who smell like something from Armani.

12. What kind of hair/eye color do you like on the opposite sex? I’ve always been fond of boys with dark hair and dark eyes.

13. Coffee or energy drinks? I drink red bull, but only if it’s mixed with tuaca. I don’t do coffee though.

14. What is your favorite pizza topping? I love pineapple on pizza. Especially if it’s cold. Nummy.

15. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? Umm...I want something warm and soup like.

16. Who is the last person you made mad? Some random man...guh.

17. Do you speak another language? I can count to five and insult you in Turkish. I speak a bit of German, but less than I understand. I also understand English, which is not to be confused with American.

18. What was the first gift someone ever gave you? Um...life?

19. Do you like anybody? Um....yes.

20. Favorite clothing brand? Well, I like the stuff at Old Navy, but I'll never buy it new. I just wear whatever feels good.

21. What is your dream car? A baby blue convertible new Beetle, and a more metallic blue Cooper

22. Would you fall in love with someone knowing that the person is leaving? If I could choose who I fell in love with maybe, but since that isn’t an option: yes.

23. What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you? I’ve always been fond of paying attention to the little things and then surprising him/her at a later date.

24. Say a number from one to a hundred.

25. Blondes or brunettes? Um, redheads actually.

26. What is the number you call most often? Prolly Zach.

27. What annoys you most? When people don’t answer the questions presented, people who don’t use their turn signal, and when annoying songs get stuck in my head.

28. Have you ever been out of the US? Yep.

29. First job? At McDonalds, as counter monkey.

30. Ever made a prank call? Yep.

31. What were you doing before you filled this out? I’m taking calls, waiting for lunch.

32. If you could get plastic surgery, what would it be? I wouldn’t get it.

33. What do you get the most compliments about? My clothing and accessories.

34. What would you do if alcohol became illegal? Stop drinking.

35. What do you want for your birthday? Gah. I dunno. I never know. I always find these cute clothes, but no one ever buys them for me. :(

36. How many kids do you want? None. But if I do have kids, I'll have two.

37. Were you named after anyone? Nope.

38. Do you wish on stars? Yep, and always the same wish.

39. Which finger(s) is/are your favorite? Um...none.

40. When did you last cry? Last night.

41. Do you like your handwriting? It does the job.

42. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey. Mmm...turkey.

43. Any bad habits? I have no patience, I tend to fall for gay men, and I have no indoor voice.

44. What is the most embarrassing cd you have? None, I’m over being embarrassed about my musical tastes.

45. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I’m not sure. I can be a lot to handle sometimes.

46. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yeah. I can not keep a secret to save my life.

47. Do looks matter? Yep.

48. How do you release anger? Making aggravated noises and getting it outta my system.

49. Where is your second home? The house.

50. Do you trust people easily? Yep.

51. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies. I’m all about the dress up.

52. How many numbers are in your cell phone? 35, I think. I call maybe 10 of them on a regular basis.

53. Do you use sarcasm? Well, duuuuh.

54. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Um, see question on claustrophobia.

55. What are your nicknames? Staca, Stacy-bear, Feather, and Jae calls me Cobra.

56. Do you untie your shoes before you take them off? Usually.

57. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? I love coffee and you can’t go wrong with orange sherbet.

58. What is your favorite color? Purple and light urple. (heh)

59. How many wisdom teeth do you have? None

60. What are you listening to right now? The sound of typing, and Monica singing the ‘Charles in Charge’ theme.

61. Last thing you ate? A bag of Doritos. I want lunch right now!!!!!

62. Last person you talked to on the phone? Random guest.

63. Favorite drink? Water, sweet tea

64. Favorite zodiac sign? Mine, cos Leos are just soooo cool.

65. What is your favorite sport? Love. It’s an indoor sport, innit?

66. What is your hair color? Blonde

67. And eye color? Blue/grey/green (I always say.)

68. Do you wear glasses? Nope, I had LASIK shortly after I turned 18.

69. Siblings? An older brother and a younger sister

70. Favorite month? April, May, and October

71. Do you like sushi? Nope

72. Last thing you watched? Videos at the club

73. Favorite day of the year? Hallowe’en and my birthday are both nice

74. Are you too shy to ask someone out? No.

75. Summer or winter? Neither. Spring.

76. Kisses or hugs? Both. In abundance, please.

77. Relationships or one night stands? Relationships.

78. What book are you reading? I’m in the middle of the 4^th Harry Potter book and Wicked.

Time

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-12T06:01:13-05:00

I have a long entry to write, but not the time to write it....

Gah!!!

Rant

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-12T08:01:41-05:00

My rant.

I have recently learned that, if I wanted to have my tubes tied, I would be hard pressed to find a doctor who would do that. This is because of two things: my age and the fact that I have no children. This pisses me off.

I can get pregnant six times a year and abort each one. I can have three kids, no matter if I can't take care of them. But I can't stop myself from becoming pregnant permanently.

This is fucked up. It's my body, I can do whatever the fuck I want to it.

/end rant

Happy birthday.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-13T08:01:32-05:00

Happy birthday, Orlando Bloom!!

Internal alarm clock..

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-14T08:01:48-05:00

If I need to get up at a time that is later than when I have to get up for work, I can tell myself: "you need to be up by 7" and it'll almost always happen. However, it's like my body wants to make doubly sure I'm up when I need to be - so I'll wake up half an hour to forty five minutes earlier than I said.

But I don't learn to say "you need to be up by 7:30." I think those extra syllables would confuse my brain.

Well, at least it gives me an opportunity to get a jump start on my laundry. WEEEEEEEEeee!!!

Further reflections...

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-14T08:01:42-05:00

I think my boyfriend thinks I'm a closet lesbian. I mentioned this to Zach and he replied "that's cos you infer it."

Hmmm....

Today.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-14T08:01:07-05:00

Today I have to:
*get an oil change
*do laundry
*eat food (I'm hungry now!)
*make a skirt to wear tonight
*dye a few items
*see Gregory
*try to determine what's making him so __________ (whatever he is being right now.)
*sleeeeep

Tired

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-14T11:01:40-05:00

I am tired. Of fighting for things. That never work out.

I don't care what Zach thinks. If this doesn't, I so quit.

Stolen surveeee

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-14T02:01:15-05:00

I swiped this from redhat , but she's pretty cool, I don't think she'll mind....

50 of the most random things you probably never needed to know about someone. REPOST WITH YOUR ANSWERS.

1. Your name spelled backwards?
Ycats. I like it, and will answer to it.

2. Last incoming call on your phone?
That I took, Zach. Otherwise, Gregory.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
pics of me at Zach's holiday party.

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
The Warehouse

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Sometime in the summer, I think.

7. How many kids do you want?
None

8. Type of music you dislike most?
I don't really care for the newly manufactured boy bands.

10. Do you have cable?
Nope, and I'm just fine with that.

11. Ever have a crush on someone that is at least 10 years older then you?
My ex-husband is ten years older than me, and the guy I'm dating now is too.

12. Ever made a prank phone call?
Yeah, but I'm not very good at them.

13. Closest friend?
Drea

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Both. But sky diving first.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled?
I think Germany and England are in the same longitude. Or is it latitude?

16. Do you have a garden?
No.

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
Pearls before swine. I also like Get Fuzzy and Calvin and Hobbes.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
I can fake the first verse, but it's a really hard song to sing..

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Baths at night, showers in the morning

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
Brokeback Mountain

21. Favorite pizza toppings?
Pineapple

22.Chips or Popcorn?
Popcorn, but only if it's kettle corn.

24. What did ur last text message in your inbox say?
i'm at diamond debs, fyi.

26. Orange Juice or apple?
White cranberry/strawberry.

27. Who were the last people you went out to dinner with?
I last went out to dinner with....the girls, I guess.

28. What did the last text message that u sent say?
not mad, love you too. (I ain't smert enough to text.)

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Um, never I think..

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yep..

32. Are you a good cook?
I think I am.

33. Do you know how to pump gas?
I would hope so.

35. Sprite or 7-Up ?
Ginger ale

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
Nope

37. Last thing you ate?
Some beef soup and bread.

38. Ever thrown up in public place?
Yep. I bet there's still a huge stain there too.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?
True love.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope.

41. Can ex's be just friends?
Sometimes.

42. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My ex-boyfriend's father.

44. Who was the last person who you called?
Gregory.

46. What was the name of your first pet?
I can't remember....

47. Who was the second to last person to call you?
Um, Matt left me a message when I was at yoga.

48. Is there anything going on this weekend?
Um, I dunno.

49. What are you doing tonight?
I'm hanging out with Gregory, talking. I hope.

50. What do you think about most?
Work, more work, friends, sex, good sex, hope.

Tra la la......

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-15T10:01:40-05:00

I am feeling: sore, wet, hungry, and sticky.

What a good morning.

a pome

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-16T05:01:15-05:00

Hope is a Thing With Feathers

Hope is a thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings a tune without words
And never stops at all.

And sweetest, in the gale, is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That keeps so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea
Yet, never, in extremity
It ask a crumb of me.

Zion

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-16T07:01:20-05:00

Zion? Oh, that's my pants. If the war were over tomorrow, that's where the party would be....

Milestone coming up....

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-16T10:01:33-05:00

Oooo....the next post is number 500.

I'd better make it count.

Anyone willing to bet that I won't?
:D

Entry 500

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-17T07:01:35-05:00

I was going to make this one of those "quick updates" post, but then I remembered it was number 500, so maybe I should make it a little more in depth.

I often times curse my emotions. When I feel something, I go all the way, no need to sugarcoat anything. I guess I don't believe in doing things halfway.

I'm not sure how many more "ooey gooey" posts there're gonna be....and that makes me feel a lot of things. Sadness and fear to name a few.

Well, it's not the monumental post it coulda been, but not too bad for 500. I'm going back to bed, where I hope my dreams aren't going to be about pain and loss.

A piece of artwork

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-17T10:01:27-05:00

The quote from my introduction (for now at least) comes from a piece of art that I found in a thrift store. Somebody made this, it's dated and timed, but I have no other clues as to it's origin.

The full quote reads: "to rejoice in the freedom which I bestow upon you to be yourself: unrestricted, brazen, soft, lovely, YOURSELF."

I often forget that it's hanging on my wall, as I do with most of the art I have, but this grabbed my eye again today.

When I first saw it, I didn't want to pay the asking price for it (I think it was six dollars.) When I came back the next week and saw it was still there, I knew it was meant to be mine.

Gregory asked me if I believe in fate, and I said no. I can't let something as huge as that have control over my life over big things. But art is another matter.

2006...still best year ever

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-17T05:01:17-05:00

It seems as though 2006 is going to be a year of firsts for me.

Things I've done in 2006 that I'd never done before:

*bikini wax

*painted someone else's toes

*been vocal about who I am and what I'll do for someone else

This entry was about to get a wee bit too kinky for my location......

Five minute dance break!!

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-18T11:01:02-05:00

OMG. I totally just almost mucked up my posting record....

Luckily, I remembered that I hadn't posted.

I'm feeling very....relaxed at this moment. Save for the fact that I will be up and going again in less than eight hours.

Whooodathunkit?

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-19T07:01:35-05:00

Huh. Who knew - hot kinky sex *doesn't* have to leave me feeling sore, raw, and unsatisfied.

You learn something new every day.

Work

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-20T10:01:05-05:00

I'm feeling better. My boss didn't even blink at my 'meltdown.' It's good to be trusted.

Question of the...day/night...

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-21T02:01:50-05:00

Do I go to bed actually disappointed, or just thinking I woulda been?

And the answer is......actually disappointed.

Much better.

/end sarcasm

Guh

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-21T11:01:51-05:00

I'm not saying I want him to slap a ring on my finger and declare himself eternally mine.

But is wanting to know that we are travelling on the same road, even if it's at different speeds, too much to ask?

Guh.

Something borrowed, something blue.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-21T01:01:09-05:00

1.Your Full Name: --->

2. Age & Birthday: --->

3. Favorite Color? --->

4. Favorite Movie: --->

5. Favorite Song: --->

6. Favorite Band: --->

7. Most Embarassing Moment: --->

8. Are you a virgin? --->

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Are we friends? --->

2. Do you have a crush on me/are you attracted to me? --->

3. Would you kiss me? --->

6. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I asked you? --->

8. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you: --->

9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? --->

10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before? --->

11. have you heard any rumors of me lately? ---> 1

2. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me? --->

13. Do you think I'm a good person? --->

14. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)? --->

15. Do you think I'm attractive? --->

16. Are there ever times when you want to call me but don't? --->

17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they don't involve you? --->

18. If you could change anything about me, would you? what would it be? --->

19. What is your favorite thing about me? physically and personality wise? --->

20.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? --->

21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

Things.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-22T11:01:25-05:00

When things are tenous - I feel like my world is spinning so fast that it's going to fly apart.

*but*

When things are wonderful, it makes me think there won't be anymore tenous times.

*but*

I know that one's a lie.

Surprises

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-24T08:01:27-05:00

I got a call from Jae last night.

Compliment

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-24T08:01:12-05:00

I got an amazing compliment on Sunday - I was in the locker room at the gym and had all my yoga stuff - mat, block, water, and bandana for my hair. One of the women who is sometimes in class came up to me and said "what do you need a block for? Miss 'can reach everywhere.' It's an insult to the rest of us."

It's nice to hear that my practice is noticed by somebody who I'm not sleeping with.

It made for a very happy stacy.

Good

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-25T04:01:37-05:00

I am feeling very good about myself right now.

Must....

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-25T10:01:21-05:00

Must find my red fishnets....or maybe go buy new ones.

Must feel cute for Friday night.

Must return to room and watch Buffy epsiodes.

Soda

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-26T01:01:44-05:00

I am drinking a soda. I have failed in my resolution for the new year.

Oh well. Tomorrah is anotha day.

Though, on second thought, I am having good sex, so maybe that makes up for it.

OMG

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-26T07:01:21-05:00

OMG. Buffy and I have the same pajamas. They look like this.

I am such a goober.

MeMe

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-26T07:01:07-05:00

supermom2005 tagged me for this....

1. Hum a jingle to which you know all the words. LOUDER!! Now write it down so we call all sing along:
Hot dogs.....armor hot dogs. What kind of kids eat armor hot dogs?? Fat kids, sissy kids, kids who climb on rocks. Tall kids, (something) kids, even kids with chicken pox love hot dogs, armor hot dogs. The dogs kids love to biiiiiiiiiite.

2. As a kid, you played a board game over and over, and you cheated!! Which one was it?
Um, no cheating, at least not at board games.

3. What was that song, you know, the one you sang the wrong words to? What shoulda the words been?
Well, the Smith's song 'how soon is now?' I always thought a shyness was some sort of English estate....

4. What embarrassing childhood story do your parents love to bring up, just to mess with you for their own amusement?
My parents love to tell the story of the one time I was making some dish, but didn't have a recipe. When asked how I knew what I was doing, I said 'instinct.' They still love to bring that up......silly parents.

Stolen surrrrvaaaay.

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-28T10:01:05-05:00

I swiped this from piratesteve2000

100 things

1) fifth grade teacher's name: Mr. Lowell. He was a very cool man who looked like Christopher Lloyd. He used to hold end of quarter parties at his house and we'd watch movies and eat junk food if our grades were good enough.

2) Last words you said: Blah blah meh meh rent.....

3) Last song you sang: Um, whatever's on my MP3 player. I think it's a cover of New Order's 'love vigilante.'

4) Last person you hugged: Drea

5) Last time you cried: Um....some random time when I was driving. I was listening to an Eminen song.

6) Last time you said I don't remember: I don't remember (this was Steve's answer, and it's mine too...)

7) Last thing you ate: a mild Slim Jim.....I tend to crave protein after dancing.

8) What color is the floor in your room: blue

9) What color socks are you wearing: none. I have nekkie toes.

10) What's under you bed right now: several calendars and my Simpson's monopoly game.

11) What time did you wake up today: 8:15 for good....

12) Current taste: icky need to brush my teeth.

13) Current hair color: reddish brown. It's gonna be time to dye it again soon.

14) Current favorite band: New Order

15) Current annoyance: My feet are aching from dancing and wearing my boots.

16) Current thing you want to eat: Ooooo....lots of food. Turkey bacon and juice would be great.

17) Current desktop background: A cool picture of Gillian Anderson.

18) Current worry: None, really.

19) Current hate: None, really.

20) Current favorite article of clothing: my new Hello Kitty hoodie. Which is funny cos I never wear it, I don't want it to get messed up.

21) Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: Shoulders are nice, and eyes are good too. Veddy expressive......

22) Last CD that you listened to: the one that's stuck in my cd player in my car.

23) Favorite place to be: right this moment: curled up in Gregory's bed, with no other place to be.

24) Least favorite place: work sometimes.

25) Time you wake up in the morning?: I'm almost always up by 8.

26) Time you get home from school?: I don't go to school.

27) Favorite color: purple

28) Do you believe in an afterlife: yes.

29) Do you believe in God?: not the Christian idea of god.

30) Current favorite word/saying: Hmm....well there are things I say a lot, but I don't know if I have a favorite....

31) Favorite book: the Time-Traveller's Wife.

32) Favorite season: fall and then spring.

33) what is on your bed at the moment?: two pillows, two blankets and a cat (maybe)

35) Where do you want to go for college?: I want to study fashion design, but there's nowhere around here that I could do that.

36) What do you want to be when you grow up?: Happy, and a fashion designer. :)

37) How many kids do you want: Aggh. None.

HAVE YOU EVER...

38) Been really really drunk?: yes

39) Said "I love you" and meant it?: yes

40) Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird.etc?: not really.

41) Been to New York: I've passed through the airport.

42) Been to Florida: nope

43) Been to California: nope

44) Been to Hawaii: nope

45) Been to Mexico: yes

46) Been to China: no

47) Been to France: nope

48) Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: nope

49) Have you ever made out with anyone who didn't speak ANY english: dear god no.

54) Worst feeling in the world: helplessness.

55) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning: 'how much longer can I sleep?'

56) How many rings before you answer the phone: as few as possible. I can't stand the sound of a ringing phone.

59) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: nope, real ones.

60-68 died

68) What are you most scared of?: dying alone and being hit on the head.

69) How do you want to die?: peacefully in my sleep.

70) Who is the last person that you called?: Josh, I think.

71) Where do you want to get married: if I do get married again, I'd like an outdoor ceremony near water.

72) If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?: I'd be more patient.

73) Who do you hate?: Um, no one I can write here. :)

74) Been in a swimming pool?: Not this year.

75) Are you timely or always late: Early, almost to a fault.

76) Do you have pets?: Yep

77) Do you like being around people?: Sometimes.

78) Best feeling in the world?: waking up and stretching and bumping my feet against another's.

79) Are you for world peace: um, what kind of question is that? Who will say no to that?

80) Are you a health freak: I love yoga, and love how it makes me feel, so prolly.

81) Do you have a "Type" of person you always go for?: Heh. Usually the answer to this would be 'gay.'

84) Ever afraid you'll never get married: Nope, been there, done that.

85) Do you want to get married: This is a tricky one. I've been married before, so that's that. I'm not opposed to spending the rest of my life with a proper someone, but I'm not sitting here thinking 'ohmigod, I'm 27. In three more years I'll be 30 and if I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I'll die. I'll simply die!!'

86) Do you want kids? Nope

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU..

87) cried: no

88) Bought Something: Yep. Food, gas, and velvet thigh-hi stockings.

89) Gotten Sick: yes.

90) Sang: Yep

91) Said I Love You: yep

92) Wanted To Talk to someone: Ohmigod yes.

93) Met Someone New: Nope

95) Talked To Someone: yes

96) Had A Serious Talk: well, is a talk about swallowing semen serious? It felt serious.

97) Missed Someone: yes

98) Hugged Someone: Yes

99) Yelled at someone: Nope

100) did you have a dream about some one last night: I only got five hours of sleep. Not enough time to rest, let alone dream.

Yawn......

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-29T09:01:05-05:00

Yawn, I slept like crap last night. I was worrying about boyfriend, I think.

Stolen survey........h... it's too early for real content........

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-29T09:01:48-05:00

Swiped from yourspunkmire

I AM: whatever you say I am, if I wasn't then why would I say I am? .
I WANT: to be warmer.
I HAVE: a cat on my lap.
I WISH: it were summer. I hate the cold.
I HATE: having the sniffles.

I MISS: Jae.
I FEAR: dying alone.
I HEAR: the shower running.
I SEARCH: for things other people don't have.
I WONDER: when I'll talk to Gregory today.
I REGRET: that thing with Gary.
I ACHE: in my back, just a bit..
I ALWAYS: am me, and not apologetic for it.
I AM NOT: going to be what you think I am.
I DANCE: any time I get the chance, and sometimes when I don't. :)
I SING: even when I don't mean to.
I CRY: at Eminem songs. And at commericals.
I WRITE: bad poetry, that I occasionally share.
I LOSE: at Monopoly to Josh.
I CONFUSE: night from day sometimes.
I NEED: warmth.
I SHOULD: go to school.

DO YOU's/HAVE YOU's:
You keep a diary: yes.
You have a secret journal: no.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: no..
You bite your fingernails: no.
Take a shower everyday: usually.
Have a(any) crush(es): aren't those usually secret and unreturned? If so, than no.
Think you know you've been in love: no.
Been hurt: yes.
Want to get married: been there, done that.
Have any tattoos/where?: yes. Loads, see previous entries for locations. :)
Piercing/where?: four in my left ear, three in my right, and my belly. I'm toying with the idea of piercing my nipple, but I dunno....
Think you're a health freak: I wouldn't say freak.
Get along with your parents: usually.

Favorite...
NUMBER: I've been going with 8 or 83 recently.
COLOR: purple, though you might think it's pink, given that I wear a lot of it.
DAY: Saturday, I get to have a lie-in.
MONTH: May and October.
SONG: Tori's 'crazy' is up there, as is New Order's 'true faith.'

FOOD: honey balsamic chicken from the Macaroni Grill, though I can only eat it once a month or so.
SPORT: yoga. And love, it's an indoor sport, innit?
DRINK: water and sweet tea from Chick-Fil-A..
VEGGIE: potatoes in any form and broccoli.
FRUIT: strawberries.
FAST FOOD: Chick-Fil-A.

In the last 24 hours have you:
CRIED? A lil bit, maybe.
HELPED SOMEONE? I'm sure I did, it's just the kind of girl I am.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? yep, groceries..
GOTTEN SICK? Nope.
GONE TO THE MOVIES? Nope..
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? Nope.
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? Yep.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? Nope.
MISSED SOMEONE? Yes.
HUGGED SOMEONE? Nope.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? Yep..
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? Nope.

Would you ever...
1. Eat a bug? Sure.
2. Bungee jump? Yes.
3. Hang glide? Yes.
4. Would you cheat on your bf/gf? I techinally have.
5. Have sex with someone you don't love? Yes.
6. Kiss someone of the same sex? Yes.
7. Parachute from a plane? Yes.
8. Walk on hot coals? No.
9. Go out with someone for his or her looks? There'd have to be more to it.
10. For their reputation? No.
11. Be a vegetarian? Yes.
12. Wear plaid with stripes? Ew, no.
13. IM a stranger? No.
14. Sing karaoke? Yes. And I must again soon.
15. Get drunk? Yes.
16. Shoplift? No.
17. Run a red light? I have.
18. Dye your hair blue? Yes.
19. Be on Survivor? No.
20. Wear makeup in public? Um, yes?
21. NOT wear makeup in public? Yes.
22. Make someone cry? I'm sure I will.
23. Kick a baby? No.
24. Date someone more than ten years older than you? Ahem. I'd better.
25. Stay up all through the night? Yes.

Have you:
1.Fallen for your best friend? Yes.
2.Made out with a friend? Yes.
3.Been rejected? Duh..
4.Been in love? I don't think so.
5.Used someone? Yes.
6.Been used? Yes.
7.Been cool? I don't really care, so I don't really know.
8.Done something you regret? Duh.

who was the last person...
9.You touched? Drea, prolly..
10.You talked to? My mother.
11.You hugged? Drea.
12.You IMed? Gregory..
13.You kissed? Gregory.
14.You had sex with? I sense pattern here: Gregory.
15.You yelled at? Um, I don't recall the last time I yelled.
16.You laughed with? Ellie, Drea, and Josh.
17.Who broke your heart? Gary.
18.Who told you they loved you? Drea.

Do you...
19. Color your hair? Yes.

20.Have tattoos? Yes.
21.Have piercings? Yes.
22.Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes.
23.Own a webcam? No.
24.Own a thong? Yes.
25.Ever get off the computer? Yes, I even get off while I'm on the computer.....

Have you/do you/are you...
26. Stolen anything? Yes.
27. Schizophrenic? No.
28. Are you obsessive? A lil bit.
29. Panic? Sometimes.

More questions...
30. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? I'm going to be ultra lame and say curled up in Gregory's bed.
31. What facial feature do you like most about your boyfriend/girlfriend? His eyes and his rare smile.
32. Would you vote for a woman president? I wouldn't not vote for her just because she's a woman, but I wouldn't vote for her just because she is either.
33. Would you marry for money? Yup, that's my second marriage.
34. Have you had braces? No.
35. Do you pluck your eyebrows? I've had them waxed.
36. Do you like mustaches? No.
37. When did you last have a hickey? I've got a teeny one right now.
38. By who? Gregory.
39. Who do you want to kiss? Gregory.

40. If you could get stuck with anyone in a closet who would it be? MacGyver. He could get us out it.

Marilyn Monroe

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-29T10:01:54-05:00

I love this picture of Marilyn Monroe. In my wildest dreams, I'd never be able to pull off this look.

Today's agenda.

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-30T06:01:42-05:00

*shower
*dress
*re-French braid hair
*work (for many hours)
*go over to Gregory's
*dinner
*watch Equilibrium
*have great cookies for dessert

Today

velvetTurtle — 2006-01-31T12:01:59-05:00

I shoulda stayed in bed today.

Thoughts and the thinker who thinks them.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-01T09:02:26-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that I do think too much. However, I never think too much about the things I should be thinking too much about. I always think too much about, say, things like this post, or where people are going when they are driving next to me.

I never think about my future and the things I need to be doing to ensure that it's filled with more pleasure than pain.

Smells

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-02T08:02:22-05:00

There is something in my room that smells really good. It smells vaguely familiar, but I can't place the scent. I'd like more of my things to smell like this.

Maybe.

I am.....

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-03T08:02:20-05:00

I am tired of being the responsible one. I'm tired of feeling disrespected and unappreciated. I'm tired of being reliable. I'm tired of always saying yes when asked for favors. I'm tired of taking care of things.

I need a break.

Feh

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-03T10:02:46-05:00

I quit. I give up. Nothing's good enough for anybody else.

Satuday

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-04T02:02:08-05:00

Agenda for the remainder of the day:
*food
*laundry
*more food
*less self destruction (maybe)
*make bed

Orgasms

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-05T03:02:36-05:00

Orgasms are so much better if they come from someone else.

That's my deep thought of the day.

Confused

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-06T07:02:17-05:00

My body rarely lets me sleep in. "Sleeping in" on the weekend usually means that I get up at 7:30 instead of 6, and without an alarm.

That being said, why was I able to sleep twelve (yes, twelve!!) hours at Gregory's house on Saturday/Sunday?

PS - why do my fingers always want to add an 'r' to the end of twelver?

D'oh!

Gonna, shonna, wanna....

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-07T01:02:15-05:00

I was going to write a nice long pointed entry. But I lost my steam.

Oh well.

Whine

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-08T02:02:06-05:00

My body aches and all I do is whine. :)

Haircut

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-08T09:02:46-05:00

I got a haircut today. I'm not sure yet how I feel about it cos I haven't done anything with it.

I do know that I'm not too fond of the woman who cut it. She had blunt fingers and kept ramming them into my skull; and sharp fingernails that she kept poking into my skin. I still have a headache.

Tired

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-09T01:02:20-05:00

I am feeling sex-hausted. :)

Random......

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-10T12:02:32-05:00

*I hate it when I think of something clever or perfect but don't write it down, thinking 'oh, I'll surely remember this.' And then forget it.

*I'm totally liking my new haircut.

A peom

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-11T10:02:29-05:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

sick

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-13T03:02:37-05:00

Well, it's a good thing I *didn't* spend the night at Gregory's and that I don't have to work in the morning.

My body is rebelling about something.

Yuck.

Hmmm.....

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-13T05:02:56-05:00

Hmmmm, everyone else is doing this, so I thought I would too....

Valentine's Day.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-14T03:02:28-05:00

I want my boyfriend to be better, so I can get some lovin'.....

Words

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-15T01:02:23-05:00

Ever notice how if you look at word enough, it ceases to be a word?

I've had this happen with:

Skull

Church

Stitch

I wonder if there is a way to predict when it will strike next.....

Thoughts and feelings

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-15T03:02:04-05:00

If I think something, a feeling; I'll say it, and then it'll come true. That's why I try not to think.

I hate....

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-16T12:02:04-05:00

I hate when someone sends me an e-mail and then leaves me a voicemail saying "Yeah, I just sent you an e-mail."

Today is a great day.....

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-17T12:02:51-05:00

Today is a great day. I found my Hello Kitty hat (mine has red detailing though.) I've just got home from the mechanics, where having my car's brakes repaired only cost me $220, when I was totally expecting it to cost me almost $400. I'm not at work today.

And, I have a wonderful date for tonight, followed by episodes of Family Guy, and a sleepover with Gregory.

Happy happy, joy joy!!!!

Random quizzy

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-17T01:02:44-05:00

Stolen from misterghoulie, who stole it from tatooedjen

100 Yes's or 100 No's

You are NOT allowed to explain anything.

ONLY answer "yes" or "no"

1. Slept naked? Yes

2. Taken a shower with someone? Yes

3. Made Out with a member of the same sex? Yes

4. Drove a car? Yes

5. Stole anything? Yes

6. Ever been in love? No

7. Been dumped? Yes

8. Stole money from a friend/family member? No

9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? No

10. Been in a fist fight? No

11. Snuck out of your/someones house? Yes

12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes

13. Been arrested? Yes

14. Hugged a stranger? Yes

15. Met up with a stranger of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes

16. Left your house with out telling your parents? Yes

17. Had a crush on your neighbor? No

18. Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes

19. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? Yes

20. Lost a friend? Yes

21. Been on a plane? Yes

22. Been to an island? Yes

23. Slept in until 3? No

24. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes

25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes

26. Made a snow angel? Yes

27. Played dress up? Yes

28. Cheated while playing a game? Yes

29. Been lonely? Yes

30. Kissed more than 4 people in one night? Yes

31. Been to a club? Yes

32. Felt an earthquake? No

33. Touched a snake? No

34. Ran a red light? Yes

35. Been suspended from school? No

36. Had detention? No

37. Been in a car accident? Yes

38. Hated the way you look? Yes

39. Made yourself throw up? Yes

40. Crawled through a window? No

41. Been lost? Yes

42. Been to the opposite side of the country? Yes

43. Felt like dying? Yes

44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes

46. Sang karaoke? Yes

47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes

48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? No

49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

50. Kissed in the rain? No

51. Sang in the shower? Yes

52. Made love in a park? No

53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes

54. Glued your hand to something? No

55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No

56. Ever gone to school partially naked? No

57. Been a cheerleader? No

59. Didn't take a shower for a week? No

60. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? No

61. Played chicken? No

62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No

63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yes

64. Broken a bone? No

65. Been easily amused? Yes

66. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes

67. Mooned/flashed someone? Yes

68. Cheated on a test? Yes

69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes

71. Done something dumb while drunk? Yes

73. Blacked out from drinking? No

74. Played a prank on someone? Yes

75. Gone to a late night movie? Yes

76. Made love to anything not human? No

77. Failed a class? No

78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No

79. Smoked pot? Yes

80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? Yes

81. Celebrate the 4th of July? Yes

82. Thrown strange objects? Yes

84. Thought about running away? Yes

85. Ran away? Yes

86. Got a piercing? Yes

87. Cut your own hair? Yes

89. Made a parent cry? Yes

90. Cried over someone? Yes

91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? Yes

92. Dated someone more than once? Yes

93. Had/Have a dog? No

94. Have an iPod? No

95. Smoked a cigarette? Yes

96. Been in a band? No

97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No

98. Broken a CD? Yes

99. Shot a gun? No
100. Wanted someone but could never have them? Yes.

My boyfriend....

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-17T11:02:11-05:00

It's official: I'm dating a sex god.

Yay for me.

Huh

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-17T11:02:04-05:00

I feel like I'm rolling, without having taken any X. This guy is amazing.

Things that make me happy:

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-18T11:02:51-05:00

Things that make me happy:
*waking up at Gregory's and not having to rush *anywhere*, yoga, work, or home.
*falling back asleep after being awake for an hour
*being cooked for
*random shopping-ness planned
*Gregory

Joy

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-18T02:02:31-05:00

I am now dressed for the day. I love not having to be anywhere at any time.

Lots and lots of nothin'.....

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-19T11:02:20-05:00

I went out last night and saw Matt, Tom, and Brent. I hadn't seen them in almost two months. It was fantastic seeing them.

I am tired of my mother not having a job, or being able to keep one she gets, and then being ultra bitchy about her situation, but not doing anything about it.

I had a dream about yoga last night. It was really weird.

I am now searching for an original version of a CD, not a remastered rereleased version of it. Wish me luck

I am ready for spring/summer to be here. I want warm weather so I can wear skirts and flip flops and thusly make my boyfriend lust over me.

In other news, I'm certain I'm falling in love with him. Go me. :)

Stupid federal holiday....

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-20T03:02:50-05:00

Stupid federal holiday means I won't get any netflix movies till Thursday at least.

If I have to work, everyone else should too.

Not as grumpy as she sounds, stacy

It's funny......

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-20T05:02:57-05:00

It's funny. Now that I feel more secure in my relationship with Gregory, there isn't this burning need to know when I'm going to see him next.

Maybe that's what love is - security.

How to confuse your credit card company.

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-21T10:02:55-05:00

Me: I'd like to reduce my credit limit please.

Credit Card Rep (CCR): Wha wha wha??? You want to reduce your credit limit??!!??

Me: Yes.

CCR: But you understand you'd then have less credit??!!??!!

Me: Yes.

CCR: But...but...but, then you'd have less credit!!!!

Me: Yes.

CCR: (doubtfully) Okaaaay, I'll reduce your limit.....

Love, an essay.

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-22T04:02:24-05:00

An essay.

What is love? Poets over the ages have defined love in flowery terms, and movies from today’s age have done the same. I, however, have a harder time defining love.

I am not sure if I’ve ever been in love. I’ve been married to one man and engaged to another, but looking back at both relationships, I don’t know if what I felt was love. I surely thought it was at the time, but now I have my doubts.

I have no problems expressing love to my friends. I'll say it at the end of phone calls, no big deal. However, I am very hesitant to say it to Gregory, simply because I think it may be true. I’m not sure if I want him to have that kind of power over me yet. And yes, knowing someone loves you gives you power (even if it’s only a bit) over him/her.

I am able to define love in a friendship sense. Love is what allows me to call Zachary at 11:30 at night when I’ve just left a party and feel alone. Love is what causes me call Drea when I’m on the way to her house to see if she needs anything. Romantic love is something else though, I think.

Is it love that causes me to check my phone every two minutes to see if Gregory has texted me back, or is that just worry? Is it love that makes it possible for him to want to go grocery shopping with me, or is that just boredom? Is it because I (maybe) love him that the sex between us is so good? Is it love that makes me want to work things out instead of chucking the budding relationship?

Is it love if I’m not afraid to share my sometimes-embarrassing cd collection with him? Is it love that makes me paint my toenails? Is it love that makes him call me to have lunch with him, even though he’s eaten recently? Is it love that makes me worry about him?

Is love just a collection of little things that we do, to make the other person happy? Or can it all be chalked up to deep affection? And what’s the difference between affection and love?

I am not afraid to be myself around Gregory, to cry if I feel like it, or laugh if I feel like it. Should love leave me feeling raw or hurt or little, as what I thought love was has in the past? I hope not. I hope that love makes me feel like anything is possible, like everything is do-able. I hope that love makes me feel alive.

I often think “I love you” when Gregory and I are hanging out, doing nothing. I squelch myself from saying it. I know though, that there will come a time when I’m not even meaning to say it, and it’ll come out. But I want to be cautious with what we have, and not spoil it by rushing too fast. I want things to be right with us.

I hope that I will know for certain what love is before I die.

Nothing

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-23T04:02:38-05:00

Yeah, nothing of consequence here. Move along.....

Horoscope for today

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-23T10:02:10-05:00

This is my horoscope for today:

Learn from old memories rather than dwelling on them. There's a divine lesson to be learned in all your encounters if only you're willing to pay attention to the truth of what happened. Get your ego out of the way.

I sometimes like to keep them, especially if I think they are especially relevant, as this one seems to be.

Right now.

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-24T02:02:58-05:00

I am feeling horny. It so needs to be eight o'clock tonight.

An open letter to men of the world.

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-25T11:02:35-05:00

Dear men,

Women take things differently. Be cautious of what you say.

Right now

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-26T06:02:37-05:00

Right now, I am feeling: hungry, cried-out, good, pretty, cold, and happy. Not too bad for a day's work.

My project

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-26T06:02:01-05:00

Now that I actually have someone to have sex with to 'songs to have sex to' I actually have to make the bugger.

Things that make me happy:

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-26T06:02:42-05:00

Conversations like this one:

Me: so, come summer, do you sleep with the windows wide open or still use the fan?
Gregory: you'll just have to find out

Especially if said conversations take place early in the morning, in bed.

Something borrowed, something blue........

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-26T07:02:20-05:00

I stole this from bluejaysdead
my name:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name:

How long have you known me:

When is the last time that we saw each other:

Do I smoke:

Do I drink:

Do I curse:

When is my birthday:

What was your first impression of upon meeting me:

Color of my eyes:

Do I have any siblings:

What's one of my favorite things to do:

Am I funny:

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:

What's my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

Do I have any special talents:

Would you consider me a friend/good friend:

Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what):
Have you ever seen me cry:

Are my parents still together:

Have you ever hugged me:

Do you miss me:

What is my favorite food:

Have you ever had a crush on me:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

What's your favorite memory of me:

What is my worst habit:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island:

Joy

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-27T12:02:22-05:00

Aw, joy.

Today's agenda

velvetTurtle — 2006-02-28T10:02:53-05:00

Today's agenda:

*work

*make phone calls

*enter rooming list

*get ready for nice date

*pick up Gregory

*dinner and witty conversation

*sleep alone

Not that I mind the last bit, mind you - "we have all the time in the world", as he said....

Happy Lent!

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-01T12:03:10-05:00

Happy Lent!

I am giving up pork this year.

Even though I'm not Catholic.

Ugh.

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-02T09:03:03-05:00

I had really fucked up dreams last night.

I think I need some quality alone me time.

Lent

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-03T11:03:42-05:00

I have no willpower - two days into Lent, and I already mucked up.

Good thing I'm not Catholic.

right now

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-03T08:03:13-05:00

Right now, it seems a perfectly acceptable idea to curl up into a little teeny ball, pull the covers over my head and sleep until May.

However, the way my life usually works, I prolly won't get to sleep until 8 am Saturday morning.

Sometimes...most times, it sucks being responsible.

w()()T

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-04T10:03:16-05:00

I have just finished making a cd that I've been talking about making for over two years: songs to have sex to.

Goooo me!!

This

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-05T11:03:07-05:00

I could seriously get used to this.

I wonder if that's a good thing or not.

Awww........

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-06T12:03:15-05:00

Aw, I do love him. Good for me.

Harry Potter

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-07T07:03:50-05:00

I finished the sixth Harry Potter book last night, for only the second time since it was published.

Stupid Rowling.

Things I hate.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-08T11:03:24-05:00

Things I hate:

*people who send e-mails with the content in the subject line. Only in the subject line

*companies that have phone numbers as words but don't also tell you what the number is

*smelly people

For some reason.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-09T09:03:12-05:00

For some reason, I thought the circumference of a circle was twice it's diamater. Now I can't stop thinking 'what is the proper formula to determine the circumference of a circle if you only know it's radius or diameter?' Stupid brain.....stop thinking.

Lazy

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-10T03:03:58-05:00

I am feeling lazy. Too lazy to write about what I was going to write about. I'll feel better come spring

Is it May yet?

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-11T09:03:55-05:00

Is it May yet? Or at least mid-to-late April?

I'm tired of the cold. Tired of being bundled up. Tired of the sun setting early. Tired.

But not really as bitter as I sound - I hung out with Jae last night. :)

Yawn.

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-12T08:03:23-05:00

Yawn. My cat woke me up waaaay too early. But it looks like it might be a nice day, and I've got loads of stuff to do.

Tired

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-13T07:03:24-05:00

I am tired, but veddy happy stacy.

I am feeling antsy...

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-14T03:03:29-05:00

I'm feeling antsy, like there's something in my life I should be planning for, or looking foward to. But there isn't.....I think.

Netflix

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-14T05:03:23-05:00

I am not happy with Netflix lately....

Gregory

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-15T10:03:57-05:00

Yesterday, Gregory and I were at his place – he had invited me over for tea. Out of nowhere, he says “I was daydreaming about what it would be like if you and I lived together.....”

It makes me smile just to type it.

Gulp.......

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-16T12:03:03-05:00

Gulp. Arrangements have been made for Gregory, his mother, and I to have lunch on Sunday. Gulp.

Hooray!!

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-17T02:03:18-05:00

Hooray!! It's Friday. I'm going to hang out with Gregory tonight and not do anything tomorrow night. I'm feeling a little thinly spread......

Today

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-18T10:03:23-05:00

Today's agenda:
*go home
*pick up Mom and take her to lunch
*drive waaay up north
*laundry
*finish my skirt
*worry about tomorrow

Wal-mart sucks

velvetTurtle — 2006-03-18T06:03:05-05:00

Wal-mart sucks. Take my word on this.

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staca the deft's MindSay Blog

This space for rent.

03/19 - As everything I need, is denied me....

Though lately, I can't blame you....

04/21/04 - I'm so tired of being alone....

04/26/04 - There's a hole in the cup...

04/27/04 - For your own good....

04/30/04 - You think everything's okay....

Something borrowed, something blue.....

So don't make me say it.......

But stop acting like a child....

But I'm as free as a bird....

I know she's out there waiting....

Tattoos

Music sounds better with you....

I can't control my brain...

All we do is circle it.....

Ain’t nobody right in this world I’d rather see....

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls....

There's a battle ahead....

Three times three is thirty-three

I'm bored, sue me.

I keep thinking someday I will make this all up to you....

I see a vision that would bring me luck...

And it's hard for me to take a stand....

Wish I had you back now....

I guess I'm kinda lost in space....

Bored, schmored......

Look at your life before you start on mine....

And maybe I could live forever....

Then I'm sure that that makes sense.....

Tee hee...

And their wishes all come true....

I am such a dork.....

Yeah, I'm lame....

On the oak tree, I hope we feel like this forever...

We are ourselves, despite ourselves....

I must be, the Bahamas are islands.

It's raining, I can see it outside...Woo hoo!!

Nothing I do is good enough for you...I’ve been a

The more I give to you, the more I die.....I come along

This is actually somewhat accurate....

The people thought they were just being rewarded....

Illusions rule the mind your soul is never gonna end...

In the sky just for you....On my cd p

Promises me I'm as safe as houses....

I'm a big dorky loser.

There's something wrong you could say...

And then pack up your eyes and run away....

All I have is all you gave to me....

Wow, this is like, so true....

How are you so burned when you're barely on fire?

Summer days can lead to the bad times....

So she says.....

I haven’t time to sympathize....

Baby come and get it on....

Weeee...

I'm aware what the rules are....

Okay, I'm not really sure what this means, save for the fact that I am horny....

The wisdom of the fool won't set you free....

I will happily be called by this......

My superhero identity would be 'easily-amused girl.'

I worry, I throw my fears around....

Now there will always be some grit in my fist...

Forget what you told me, it's what didn't get said....

Stuff that I can't do else where....

I'm bored, prove your love.

Drea, will you be joining me soon?

Damn right, it's better than yours....

So true, so be 'ware....

So I run or I fight and I crawl...

So easily amused I am....

frazzle, fraggle, frammle, frapple

You don't really want anymore from me....

Sometimes, these things are so right on, it's scary....

You've got me almost melting away....

She don't even ask what time it is anymore...

*plop*

Awww...

If I were her I'd paint my body...

plop

This is just so beeped up....